We have been together for so long, would I be doing the right thing?

[Redheadchik]

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My boyfriend (well ex right now) and I have been together for 3 years. He is my best friend, and I do love him but....lately I have been sooooo confused on what my true feelings are about him. My problem is, he tells me all the time how much he wants to be back together and that he is so IN LOVE with me that he gets a nice feeling everytime he sees me. Im not sure if I feel exactly the same?

Of course I love him with all my heart. We have been fighting a lot lately. Well we always have little tiffs and we get mad at eachother, but it is really bugging me lately. We are broken up, but not really.I miss him when we are apart, but I dont think I share the exact same feelings as he does. People tell me that, that's how relationships are supposed to be? That usually one person likes the other more. Is this true?

Sometimes I think I want to date other people cause we are only 20 years old. But then I'm not sure if I want to rissk losing him forever. Before we ever got together, he liked me and kept trying to be with me for a year!! No guy will ever love me like he does. He's such a great guy, but why do i have doubts? Why can't I just fall IN LOVE? Or am I? IM SOOOO CONFUSED. Please help.

[GIZMO]

I think that maybe you should date other people.. If you do not feel you are in LOVE with him, then it is not fair to either one of you to sta together. You know what I mean..

 

If you and him are meant for one another you will find your way back to him, but don't stay because you are scared no one will ever love you the way he does.. That is not the case..

[Again]

Get out and meet new people, but - be careful while you are doing this. This is what I am so worried about my love, is her going out one night with some of her sorority friends and doing something she shouldn't.

 

As long as you know you are careful about who you are around, he should have no problem.

 

You may just need to ease up on the contact, then get back together later on when you both are "on your feet" again. This seems like it would bring some fun/variety back into your relationship . . . meaning that you would both grow in a way, plus have a few stories to tell eachother.

[novascade]

life is a journy we live and learn

3years is but a skip in time

it's wether you enjoy them or not

the road it's alway bumby

[jalexy]

definatly move on! if you dont share the same feelings, move on. especially since you need more dating experience! move on and be happy...take care of yourself first!

[Al]

I know exactly how you are feeling right now. Of course you are going to miss someone that you spent 3 years of your life with and of course you are still going to have feelings for this person but that doesn't mean you should stay in a relationship with that person. I dated a guy for 5 years and when we broke up I thought it was the end of the world. He broke up with me b/c he was wondering what else was out there. We had dated since we were juniors in high school. Towards the end of our relationship, we fought a lot and things were just...different between us. We admitted that we did miss spending time with each other and still cared for each other but we knew that wasn't enough to keep the relationship going long term. Now 2 years later, we both are in different relationships and I think it was the best thing that has ever happened to me. My relationship with my new boyfriend is better than I ever dreamed a relationship could be and I know my ex is happy with his current girlfriend as well. We are still friends but realize that we are better off that way than in a relationship. It may take some time to get to that point but I think taking time apart will do you both some good especially being only 20 years old. The old saying goes that if it was meant to be, it'll be and believe me even though I hated hearing it, I know now that it is true. But don't stay in this relationship if either one of you has doubts about it. It'll only make things worse in the long run. My ex and I broke up probably 6 months after it should have happened and didn't talk for a very long time. Luckily now we can be friends again and I would rather have him as a friend than nothing at all. People's feelings will only get hurt worse if this is dragged out. I not only speak for myself but all my friends who have had long term relationships that didn't work out.

[hopeinternational]

I think you owe it to yourself to try out in another relationship. I'm not saying that you move from one to another like shopping around, but if you just have one relationship, you're not going to have a very good perspective or understanding of what you really want.

[Redheadchik]

Thank you all for replying. Im feeling a litle bit better about what my true feelings are. Now its just getting over thinking that "no one will love me like he does" and that "I dont want to break his heart" feeling. But thank you for your advice and it has really helped me. Havent made a decision yet, but Im getting there. Still a little confused.

[Redheadchik]

Hey,

I just wanted to update you on the matter. Me and my ex got back together after a looong talk. See the whole reason that everything went sour in the relationship is that he lied about being a virgin for 3 years!! I had a hard time getting over it. I still dont have all my trust back for him. That will take time. Well the reason I decided to give it another chance is that I do care about him sooo much, but also because i cant STAND the thought of him even going on a date with another girl. He is my best friend and it would just be so weird without him. I dont know if this is the right choice but I am taking it day by day. I keep praying about it and if God shows me a BIG sign that I am not supposed to be with him then I will know. We dont really fight about things, its just that he keeps saying that he doesnt feel I am in it 100%. This whole thing is just driving me crazy.

Thanks for listening,

me

[UCFKevin]

Well......you ARENT in it 100%, are you? You aren't in love with him.

 

I think if one person is in love and the other isn't, the relationship's a lie and it's doomed. You're only hurting him and it's disrespectful.

 

I wouldn't want to be in a onesided relationship. It's not fair.

[furby19]

you need to listen to your heart. i think you are only back with him because you don't want to see him with anyone else. just like kevin said "that is so unfreaking fair and selfish." i think you need to give it some time. i like kevin, think you are only going to break his heart in the end. look deep inside yourself, pleeease do before you heart this guy!!!

[Redheadchik]

But I do love him. I enjoy spending time with him.

[novascade]

You both might be mad at one another,

because your trying to change one another,

are the fight verbal or fiscal?