My family dislikes my boyfreind and is spiting me for it

[kinbari23]

I have an issue where I'm being torn between my family and my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I are the same age , 23. My boyfriend is someone who turned his life around just to be with me.His past was not a good one as he was a former gang member. When he met me three years ago , he changed completely, repented for his sins and is living a normal life. He's extremely smart (the only one in his family to go to college) and very caring towards me. When I introduced him to my family (who are black) there was an instant tension cause not only his past they looked at but the fact that he belongs to another race (east indian). My sister actually went up to him and cursed him out while he just stood there without replying.They believe that people from the east indian race are money grabbers and would take everything away from you that you own.

Now here's where things became interesting. I work and have just recently started going to evening university. The problem is I live about an hour and half away from my my classes while he just lives about two streets away from there.So we decided it was better for me to stay by him the days that I have class and go home the days that I don't as travelling that late hour in the night is not safe where my classes are located.Also as my job location is about five miuntes away from there so it's very convenient to me in every way -I save money, time, and energy. My family on the other hand does not see it that way and find that I should come home the days that I have classes, yet none of them are willing to pick me up from class or advise me of an alternative.When I return home they don't speak to me and any food that i bought they rather have it rot on the kitchen counter than to use it or put it away in the fridge.

To add to that my father was out of the country for a couple days and my sister's new car shut down on one of the days I stayed by my boyfriend. She did not call or say a word to me to inform me about what was happening. Instead she called up one of the most expensive wreckers in the country to collect her car and take it to a very expensive mechanic.It was only upon realisation that she did not have enough money to pay for the repairs she decides to call me when I was at work and demand use of my credit card or my atm card. I told her I could not give her my credit card and that my atm card did not have the amount she wanted on it.I explained that i could help her out the day after as I was going to be paid or if not I could have requested time off to go to the bank but instead she hung up on me.I don't know how she ended up getting the money but a few days after that my father returned and started giving me the cold shoulder.Up to this very morning , i was not feeling well and decided to take a day off from work. I explained that to my father who completely disregarded me and turned the tv volume on max just to spite me. I find it so ironic that my father of all people would behave like that because he was an immigrant and experienced scorn from members of my (now deceased ) mother's family.I don't understand where all this spite and hate is coming from my family whom I love very with all my heart.It is very depressing .

[Eve]

I would say that at age 23 you are old enough to make your own decisions and realistically should not be living at home. Getting a bit of distance from family members may help them to see you as an adult. Although, they do seem rather wrapped up in themselves and so will probably not notice!

 

The race thing is just silly. If they are not willing to get to know this young man for his own worth then .. I dont know what you can do other than go with what you feel is the right things to do.

 

Maybe try and find a nice flat near to the University you attend? Probably sharing the flat with another student could work whilst you see how the relationship develops. I always think it wise not to throw yourself entirely into any relationship unless you are both entirely on the same page and simply 'know' that you are right for each other....

 

Regards,

Eve xx

[I'm Joe]

As we all know there are 2 sides to every coin... going only on what you say however.

 

Your family seems pretty racist...your family is black? Do they not know that blacks are at the center of 90% of all racist stereotypes in america? If I started dating you I know several members of my extended family that would make some sort of slavery or other comment and then never speak to me again. They must know how silly that is.

 

Your 23.... if you clearly judge that your family is being completely unreasonable you need to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and make your own decisions. Just hope that when they see you have a successful relationship and career they will come back to their senses.

[signedin2008]

Let me get this straight. Your boyfriend is Indian (from India) and you're black, right? If so, don't you have a big problem from his family too? With his family, it's not only race, but also religion. Many Indians can't even marry each other even though they can almost pass as brother and sister, due to different sub-group, caste, etc.

 

Is your family having problem with him ONLY because of his race, or is there more, such as concerns about his character (due to past behavior), conducts, manners, etc.?