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Did my husband have sex @ the strip clubs?


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beachlover1969

My husband works out of state alot and at first I found 50 plus porn mags and dvds and player in his truck. I investigated and he finally admitted to going to totally nude strip clubs in every state he worked in and that he never had oral sex or intercourse with anyone, but that he did get hand jobs. Also, that one girl came to his room and he just "rubbed her back", fully clothed and had kissed a couple other women and that one stripper that he went to see every night for a week gave him a partial blowjob in the parking lot, but stopped when they were interupted. He will not admit to having sex, but swears he didn't have sex with anyone. I DON'T BUY IT FOR A MINUTE. I have never been to a strip club, someone please tell me what they think.

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no i dont think he did ... by your descripton, he sounds like a pretty decent, faithful person...

 

just because he a had a partial blowjob, you are going to extend that to think he did something unfaithful? please, use your reason. everyone gets partial blowjobs from the whore's at strip bars, it doesnt mean we are cheating though.

 

or maybe you are onto something here ... hmmm

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JetCityWoman

It sounds like he is admitting his wrong doings but is he coming completly clean with you about everything?

A BJ to me is still sex. He got off with someone else not you.

Does he love you and want to keep you?

Can you live with what he has done?

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beachlover1969

I don't understand, because I'm told I am beautiful and sexy by other men all the time. Why does he have the desire to look at these strippers?

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Untouchable_Fire
I don't understand, because I'm told I am beautiful and sexy by other men all the time. Why does he have the desire to look at these strippers?

 

Sounds like a sex addict.

 

Sorry but it has nothing to do with how attractive you are.

 

It can have something to do with how you act though! Some guys need a freak in the bedroom to be happy.

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What does it matter whether they had intercourse? What he did was cheat.

 

If my hypothetical gf/wife did something like this, I'd kick her a$$ to the curb.

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beachlover1969

I still love him and he provides a good life for us and I've told him it's not the fact of him having intercourse or oral, it's the fact of being 100% honest so I can trust him and we can move on, but do I want to move on with a man that would have sex with a stripper, I guess that's what I need to ask myself!

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no i dont think he did ... by your descripton, he sounds like a pretty decent, faithful person...

 

just because he a had a partial blowjob, you are going to extend that to think he did something unfaithful? please, use your reason. everyone gets partial blowjobs from the whore's at strip bars, it doesnt mean we are cheating though.

 

or maybe you are onto something here ... hmmm

 

 

A blowjob isn't cheating? :confused: I am really glad that my SO is not like that. If he ever came to me and told me he had a partial blow job from a whore at the strip bar (as you put it) I would never talk to him again.

 

Any form of sexual contact with someone besides me is cheating. How can you think say its not?

 

To the OP you really have no way of ever knowing what really happened. It depends how much you want to trust your husband if you want to believe him or not. I hope everything works out with you.

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I have mixed feelings about this.

 

He's possibly compartmentalized the strip/porn and you. Different circuits, one addictive/compulsive, the other not. It's unlikely it has anything to do with you. He's probably always done that kind of thing. Quite difficult to generate sufficient motivation to break it, even with appropriate counseling and care. And most systems just fail. Repression leads to sudden breakout and crash. Even worse.

 

Most addictions are like this. I kind of fight one, and it's like that. If I surrender and accept, then I can drive the addiction and it's really pretty easy. I make the choices easily. But get distracted and start repressing, I'm screwed. The addiction doesn't go away. Just loses power with choices every day.

 

I suppose the hubby could argue "it wasn't really sex." I wouldn't buy that. I would put BJ by stripper in parking lot one step above BJ by crack whore. I'd put it well below the occasional professional escort (generally very careful). And well below banging one of your friends on the side.

 

Seems there are issues that come up and drive him while he's on the road. You can work with him on those issues, ignore, or get rid of him. I squirmed like a cornered rabbit in the "work with" area, but we eventually got through. I suggest that first. Ignore is just going to spin you up, unless you really can accept it. Getting rid of is difficult and might not be required.

 

Might look into http://www.sexualcontrol.com/ He's good.

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MichelleS1983

Jeez, this guy acts like a horny hormonal teenager. Talk about thinking with your genitals..jeez.

 

I wouldn't touch him with a 10 foot pole - god only knows what he's picked up.

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A blowjob isn't cheating? :confused: I am really glad that my SO is not like that. If he ever came to me and told me he had a partial blow job from a whore at the strip bar (as you put it) I would never talk to him again.

 

Any form of sexual contact with someone besides me is cheating. How can you think say its not?

 

To the OP you really have no way of ever knowing what really happened. It depends how much you want to trust your husband if you want to believe him or not. I hope everything works out with you.

 

im sorry you didnt catch my sarcasm ...

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Yep he cheated.

 

He did the whole shebang with more than one chick.. Obviously sank his meat wand all the way into some greedy cash hungry snatch.

 

Who can say why he does it. Men are built to spread their seed, you could be the most beautiful woman in the world and he would still want to. Some men can restrain themselves, other men can't.

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gwynieatpain

He cheated. Does it matter if he had a BJ or what? He knew that it was going to hurt you and your relationship with him yet he did it anyway.

 

I do appreciate that guys admit their wrongs. But in a negative perspective, Im not sure that if you tolerate such behavior the first time, they would keep trying you the seond time the third time and see for how far they can go further.

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blondesmiler

So whats your definition of sex, because to me handjobs and blowjobs all come under the title of "sex"........so does it matter if he had full blown intercourse?

 

He has cheated on you with what he has done, plain and simple.

 

Sorry you say he is being 100% honest, where exactly, cause when does getting kicks from another women behind your wifes back show honesty.....if he had said BTW love I will be getting a hand job tonight from someone I pick up at a stripjoint, then he would be being upfront and honest but he did it behind your back, sneaking. He only admitted it cause you confronted him about it.

 

Sorry I think your being nuts too accept this behaviour in the manner that you are and saying you can trust him 100% when clearly all indicators with what he has done show you that you cannot.

 

He did it once, he will have no issues in doing it again, he will just be more cafeful.

 

Your a good looking women, go out and find yourself someone else.

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blondesmiler

btw - from his recent actions, yes I think he probably has had sex, because his actions show he isn't trustworthy.

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RecordProducer
that he never had oral sex or intercourse with anyone, but that he did get hand jobs.
People very often admit their sins partially. Not intercourse, but hand jobs. Not oral sex, but partial oral sex.

 

Apparently he paid for the hand jobs and the (partial) oral sex, as well as for the girl who came to his room. So how much did she charge him for "rubbing her back"?

 

He said he never said oral sex, but then he admitted having "partial" oral sex, until they were interrupted. Frankly, I think all of it is BS, but even if I believe him, note that he said he didn't, then admitted he did have oral sex. Being interrupted doesn't make anything partial when it comes to cheating. It only means it lasted 2 minutes instead of 5. Like you care about whether he came in her mouth. How about YOU getting hand jobs and partial oral sex?

 

He is your husband and he is spending your mutual money on strippers. Obviously he visits these clubs every night. Frankly, I am sick just reading about this man; I can't possibly imagine having him as a husband. Are you cheating on him? Because you don't seem too concerned or jealous. ;)

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smarterthanbefore

What the he!! is a partial blowjob. There is no such thing. Here's the facts, your husband had inappropriate interactions with other women of a sexual nature. A partial blowjob is still a blowjob. A handjob is still sex. So what are you going to do about it. Chances are his partial blowjob and handjobs were really full sweaty, wild sex with these woman. He is gaslighting you to make the blow easy for himself. Do not confuse it, he is not trying to spare your feelings. If he cared about your feelings, none of this would have happened and you would not be on this forum asking this question. So now you know you were disrespected and cheated on, what are you gonna do?

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  • 3 weeks later...
behappydontworry

I am very sorry to hear that you had to go through all of this. I think that it was good of your husband to come clean about what he did, but he should have known it would hurt you if he did those things. He violated your relationship and is most definitely not loyal or trust worthy any longer. I think by not telling you about it the first time, it is lying to you. The first lie is the most difficult, and each one after that gets easier and easier. The first thing I would do is get tested for STDs. I think that you might never really be able to trust what he says, whether or not he did or did not have "sex." However, I believe that oral sex, lying, touching other women in an inappropriate way, etc. are enough to not think twice about the next steps toward your future together. Best of luck to you.

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samsungxoxo

Seriously why does it really matter if he had intercourse or not, he still cheated and only confessed when confronted about it else would be even bother telling you???

 

But yea you don't sound that much concern about it which means that you may have kind of know what your husband worked as. Anyways no you don't deserve that kind of scumbag. Now from that point ask yourself whether you wanna work that out or not because it appears that he will just get better in lying.

 

And yes do get tested for STD's. You can still catch one from blowjobs/handjobs, whatsoever he calls it.

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If he's visiting them why would he stop at just a back rub, from what I know you pay by the hour and it's not cheap. It's up to you to believe what you want, keep pushing him and you might get honest answers. He's already gotten sexual favours from girls what stopped him from getting more?

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I still love him and he provides a good life for us and I've told him it's not the fact of him having intercourse or oral, it's the fact of being 100% honest so I can trust him and we can move on, but do I want to move on with a man that would have sex with a stripper, I guess that's what I need to ask myself!

 

 

OK.. if I understand right..

 

You love him.

He fools around with other women every time he gets.

You don't mind him having sex with all those women AS LONG AS he's being honest about it..

Well.. in that case, just tell him to tell you every time.. then all should be fine in your M.. :D

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