need advice

[DEDE]

hi every one well I am really confused because I was with this guy and we broke because he would rather hang out with his friends out breaking the law. And after about 4months of us being broken up. Well i decided I would give him a call on his birthday.But come to find out he went to jail. And about a week ago I wrote him a letter and before he got my letter he had written his mother. Asking her to ask me if I was going to be around when her gets out. Because when we first had broken up I wrote him asking to try to work things out. But he didnt want to then. He said in the letter that he was bull headed and now he in jail for 1 year and asking me if we could try to work things out when he gets out. But i dont know if i could belive him . what do all you think please. I dont know if i should just see when he gets out and just keep goingon with my life. and just sees what happens.

 

hope to hear from you love always dede

[Tony T]

There is nothing so satisfying as trying to work things out with a guy who could pull a gun on you.

 

So he would rather hang out with his friends breaking the law? You could join his gang and hang out and break the law with him when he gets out of jail. Some wonderful and liminated criminals of the past who were couples did very well together. (Bonnie, Ma Barker, etc.) This would be a great life for you and it would be so exciting, never knowing when the law would catch up and give chase, try to shoot you down, etc. You would also never know if one of your victims would grab a gun and blast you away. It would be a very exciting life with this guy, never knowing when you would be arrested or when your life would end. I get a great sense that he would love you to join in his lifestyle.

 

If you can't wait for him to get out of jail, there are services where you can write prisoners who will soon be out on parole. Most murderers are in for life or on death row, but you would have robbers, rapists, arsonists, some real clean cut computer hackers, etc. to choose from.

 

Calling them on their birthday is sure to win their hearts!!!

 

To have a healthy relationship, there has to be trust. The fact that this jailbird, who hasn't seen a woman in a long time, has written your mother to see if you would be available to him upon his release, tells me he is loyal to the bone. It would be so wonderful for you to welcome him with open arms and give him the love he has gone without while in prison...well, at least with a female.

 

There are millions of women throughout the world who would love to be in your shoes. However, if you ever decide you would like to have a relationship with a law-abiding, educated, loving, kind, considerate, thoughtful, communicative, unselfish, caring man who could give you a very dull but normal life in which you would not have to keep running from the law, post another querie here and we can all help.

 

If you would like a man who could be the father of your children and be there for them to teach them morals, ethics, discipline, love, kindness, etc., and be home most of the time with them rather than on death row, give us a post.

 

Your post reminded me of the plight of a lady who is now in jail in Tampa, Florida. She was convicted as accessory to murder of three law enforcement officers. Her beloved boyfriend, James Earl Carr, 29, with whom she was living, shot her six-year-old boy in the head and killed him, killed the two Tampa police detectives who came to arrest him. He then shot and killed a Florida Highway Patrolman who tried to apprehend him during a chase on Interstate 275 north of Tampa. He was finally killed by a SWAT Team inside a convenience store in Pasco County, Florida after the clerk hostage made her getaway.

 

DEDE, I really don't mean to make light of your plight. I don't think you've given this a lot of thought. I hope you will seek help for yourself and find you have the value and worth to deserve a lot better life than this chump could ever offer you. This post is written with tears pouring.

 

If after careful consideration, if you still have a sincere desire to be with a law-breaking jailbird, the only advice I can offer is don't pick a guy who can't make a clean run for it!!!

[Trisha]

Hi dede,

 

I have a few friends in jail and a couple others who've been out for about 3 years, so I'm not going to judge this guy based on being in prison.

 

But mainly, here's the problem: if you had relationship problems before he went to jail, chances are those will still be there when he gets out. And if you get involved again, it'll be good for a few weeks and then go back to the same old stuff. Believe me, I've seen it happen.

 

We learn how to relate to other people in relationships early on. Him wanting to be with his friends rather than be with you was disrespecting you, and I think you know that, since you broke up. If you let him into your ilfe again, it'll be a sign of your weakness and he'll take even more advantage of you.

 

Move on, honey. Change your phone number and move on.

[Dottie]

Actually, I am finding it difficult to believe you are having difficulty in making a decision. First of all you say:

 

"I am really confused because I was with this guy and we broke because he would rather hang out with his friends out breaking the law."

 

Now that is a sure sign of intelligence on your behalf. No real, HONEST, trusting relationship can be based upon a couple where one (or both) parters would rather be out breaking the law with their buddies than to be together nurturing a loving, caring, sharing relationship.

 

Then you write:

 

"And after about 4months of us being broken up. Well i decided I would give him a call on his birthday.But come to find out he went to jail."

 

Now, that is a sure sign of what a future with this guy holds in store for you. Do you know what revisitism means? It means that most likely it will happen again and again and again (him going to jail). If that is what you want your life to be like, that is your business. But I can assure you, each time it gets worse and worse and more than likely you will also become involed in his illegal activity as he will pull you down with him. So, if you want to end up sharing time in the clinker .... if that is your idea of "togetherness" (even though you would be in separate prisons), well honey then go for it.

 

Then you write:

 

"And about a week ago I wrote him a letter and before he got my letter he had written his mother. Asking her to ask me if I was going to be around when her gets out."

 

Gee Whizz! He did not want anything to do with you before he went in prison, but now all of a sudden, he is asking Mommy if YOU will be willing to wait for him. Listen good here: Prison is a lonely place ... a very different kind of lifestyle. Of course he is thinking about you rather than his buddies at this point. But, once he gets out, the story will change I guarantee you. His pals will hook up with him again and they will go right back to their old habits of breaking the law. Pals are like that ... they use manipulation and peer pressure to get their buddies to involve themselves with each other and follow one another back into a life of crime ... and back to prison. Again the word "revisitism" comes into play as he goes back to jail again and again ... his buddies, too if their luck runs out.

 

Sister, get away from this man ... run ... run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. The ONLY reason I can come up with that you may even be entertaining the thought of "taking back" this LOSER is that he must be great in bed or something. Well, others are, too!

 

Tear up his phone number, lose his address, this man never existed! Think more highly of yourself so that you realize you deserve far better that this jerk. Move on! Find a good, kind, dear, loving man that is worthy of you ... not this convict who really couldn't care less about you unless he is in the process of spending time behind bars.

 

Move forward and upward! Good luck!