I'm sick of being angry all the time, and I don't know what to think of him???

[Girasole]

I'm not sure if I am still in love with my best friend. He's hurt me and I am so pissed off at him that all I can see are the bad memories... and I know guys who are much more caring than he is.

 

I used to love him, though. Fulano and I live in different countries... he lives in Mexico, and I live in the US but I have plans of returning to Mexico (for reasons not related to him).

 

He broke up with his girlfriend of two years in November. I had been jonesing for a long time, while he was in this relationship with the girl who is now his ex. He built his world around her, and it made me crazy jealous to watch him love and be romantic with another girl.

 

I didn't know about the girl who is now his ex because I went without a scrap of news from Fulano (not his real name) for months. This is his MO: He'll be my best friend, spend a good time talking to me online or on the phone, but then he drops me, shuts me out, and I find out he has a girlfriend... he'll continue to shut me out until they break up. Then he gets another girlfriend and shuts me out all over again.

 

In November, he wrote me and told me that "Fulana and I broke up, and I know you care about me a lot, we can try a relationship, but I can't wait. Tell me when you're returning to Mexico, I want you to come down here instead of going to Spain, because I need a partner that I can live my life with and share experiences together."

 

I'm going to Spain later this year, and I began planning it back when Fulano was dating this other girlfriend. I'm going there to study and I'll be qualified to get work down in Mexico (I'm not going down there for him, like I said, for other reasons). If I had returned to Mexico when he wrote me, then I wouldn't have the $$$ to go to Spain, wouldn't be qualified for a job in Mexico and would have only been able to stay a few days and would have no means of returning to school. I wanted to see Fulano, but I couldn't.

 

I wrote him, and then several months passed, without a scrap of news from him. Then earlier this week, I saw on his Facebook page that he has a new girlfriend. Maybe I'm an evil witch, but I am just so full of rage and hatred for the girl who took him who is "so deeply in love and so happy" that at night I dream of torturing her. I can't control what I dream, and this is making me crazy.

 

I'm scared that I'm becoming evil... but I have so much rage and anger towards this whore that I could just explode. Don't accuse me of being puerile... I'm 29 and I have had my heart broken time and again, and i don't know what it's like to love someone who loves me back. I am really a loving person but all the pain and anger are making me bad.

 

It makes me crazy to think of this whore getting joy from him, because of the injustice of it all. It makes me jealous that she's getting joy from him, because I want so badly to share my life and thought that I was gonna get a second chance at happiness. I mean no offense to American white guys... but all my life, I've had my heart set on a Spanish-speaking latino. Fulano was my best friend for years... and I'm a college graduate now. I would like to have a boyfriend, husband and family, but I don't know how I can have another chance.

 

Once you're out of college, how many opportunities do you get to meet people? I met Fulano my last year of college, have my heart set on a latino and feel like Fulano may be my last chance at having a mate of my very own.

 

I'm like Eponine from Les Miserables, I've always been the lonely one. It's always me: I meet a boy I like, love him, only to wind up shut out and watch him love and bring joy to some other lucky girl. I have all this love in my heart and I dream of having a love of my own but sooner I have to realize that it's just a dream. I always love someone who winds up with "the other woman."

 

I'm digressing, I know.

Thanks

 

 

Anyway, this friend acted like he really liked me, and then I find out there's another woman. He wrote me and hinted that I sacrifice my trip to Spain to be with him, and he didn't care about me enough to wait for me.

 

I'm still going to Spain this year, but I'm terrified to go now (I oftern do things I'm terrified to do, and fear doesn't deter me... I'm a coward, I know) because I will eventually have to leave and go look for work. I'm not sure I even want to go back to Mexico now. Too many bad memories.

 

Why did he act like he cared about me so much? Why did he ask me to sacrifice my trip and lead me on?

 

Why is it always me? I'm never the girlfriend, I'm always the one who just gets thrown away.

[You'reasian]

I mean no offense to American white guys... but all my life, I've had my heart set on a Spanish-speaking latino. Why is it always me? I'm never the girlfriend, I'm always the one who just gets thrown away.

 

If you have to ask, you don't know

 

Are you acclimated to Latin culture? You need to tune in a little more, especially to male-female roles, expectations and relationships...

[Els]

I'm sorry, but I'm going to be harsh here.

 

Why are you angry at HER?! How is it her fault, that you label her a whore? Do you think for one instant that that boy (yes, boy, his actions are certainly not those of a man) even told her about you? Don't you think your hatred is directed at the wrong person? If she was out of his life, he'd have another woman in his arms the next moment. Not you.

 

Why? Not because of any fault of yours, but simply because he's too immature to wait, and because he doesn't care about YOU. You're simply something he can put on the back burner and turn to in between girlfriends, IF you can get yourself there. If you can't, well, move on to the next fish in the pond.

 

Do you really WANT to be with someone like this? Just because he's latino?

[Joyvke]

He seems like someone who can't be alone and jumps from one girl to another, but can't "wait" for you so to say. To me it seems he's not interested to have a real relation, but does like to keep you as some back-up. Drop him, get another friend who doesn't pull off that crap. I'm sure there's plenty of latino guys you want to date.

[Lucky_One]

I'm sorry, but I'm going to be harsh here.

 

Why are you angry at HER?! How is it her fault, that you label her a whore? Do you think for one instant that that boy (yes, boy, his actions are certainly not those of a man) even told her about you? Don't you think your hatred is directed at the wrong person? If she was out of his life, he'd have another woman in his arms the next moment. Not you.

 

Why? Not because of any fault of yours, but simply because he's too immature to wait, and because he doesn't care about YOU. You're simply something he can put on the back burner and turn to in between girlfriends, IF you can get yourself there. If you can't, well, move on to the next fish in the pond.

 

Do you really WANT to be with someone like this? Just because he's latino?

 

Ditto.

 

This guy sounds like a twat to me, regardless of who or what he is dating. You call him your best friend, but he treats you like a throwaway acquaintance that he really doesn't care about. I bet if someone asked him who his best friends are, you wouldn't be in the Top 5. No one ignores a person who is truly a best friend.

[Girasole]

I LIVED in Mexico for a year. There are cultural differences... I get that. It's not that I don't appreciate that you're trying to help me... I just feel I should clarify that.

 

Some things are universal... for example, if you love someone, then you wait for them. I understand that relationships are different in other cultures... but honestly he should have known that what he did would hurt ayone's feelings.

[Lucky_One]

You love him so you are waiting.

 

It is pretty clear that he doesn't love you, though.

 

Have you EVER had a long-term, faithful and healthy adult relationship with him at any time?

[Girasole]

I'm not trying to be mean, but I should also clarify that for people who haven't lived in latin culture, there are a lot of myths that turn out not to be true. I don't want to offend anyone, but there is this notion or myth that all latinos are cheaters... That's just an example. Since I lived in latin culture, I think... how can an entire race of people be bad. They can't. My point is, that a lot of people havent lived there and they've just heard the myths.

 

I don't want him just because he's latino, but realistically, when will I get another chance with anyone? Once you've graduated from college, what opportunity do you have to meet people?

[Girasole]

I'm not even sure that I love him anymore. Imagine how I'm feeling about myself, though (BAD)... because I have this effect on men. This is supposed to be a caring community so please don't tell me I'm inferior because I'm feeling that way right now.

[Girasole]

It makes me feel jealous that he loves another girl, because whether I love him or not, this is someone I was close to for a long time. It makes me feel worthless, or inferior to the other girl (believe me, she's a whore)

[Lucky_One]

But did you ever have a romantic relationship with him?

 

And sorry - I can't believe the word of a vindictive jealous girl who calls another woman a whore, when you don't know her at all.

[Joyvke]

No one is saying he's a cheater, or that he does this because of his culture. He does it cause he is him. If he really liked you and loved you as you love him, he would WAIT for you, but he doesn't. He jumps from one relation into the next one.

 

He's hurt me and I am so pissed off at him that all I can see are the bad memories... and I know guys who are much more caring than he is.

 

Best friends don't hurt eachother like this. Think about it.

[Girasole]

Lucky One, you don't know me, and you don't know ANYTHING about this girl.

 

You don't have to answer my question, but you have no right to attack my character.

 

I know something ABOUT her, which I'm not going to divulge, but I know more than you, to be blunt.

[Girasole]

Look Lucky One, I don't appreciate these attacks on my character.

 

This is supposed to be a caring community, and you don't know me from Adam, and have no right to call me vindictive and jealous. You would probably feel pretty damn bad if someone threw you away like garbage and loved and cherished someone else.

 

I've been through a lot of pain, and I've never had a loving relationship, in all my 29 years, and I'm a very loving person. It's kind of arrogant that you assume you know all about me, and I know nothing about the other girl, who is in fact a whore.

 

You can sit on your high horse all day, but you would feel the same way I'm feeling, I PROMISE.

 

I'm not a girl, I'm a woman and I have all this love in my heart only to have it stomped on. You can make **** up about me all day but you don't know me, and it would be arrogant for you to do it.

[Girasole]

Imagine you're me. Before you attack me again, which you will, because the internet is full of judgemental people... imagine that you're me, and you are being attacked and judged by complete strangers... and that some other girl is being cherished and loved with someone's whole heart... and that everyone defends her and ignores your pain.

 

I really don't give a damn what you think about me, I just think you're arrogant.

[Els]

Okay, regardless of what you know about this girl, the problem evidently isn't her. You can drag a horse to water but you can't make it drink. He is evidently NOT interested in you as anything more than a fallback girl, if he is reciprocating her advances. You said it yourself, this isn't the first girl he's done this to you with!

 

He is not your best friend or interested in you if he has the gall to shut you out everytime he has a gf, then only talk to you when he's broken up, and do it repeatedly. He is not your best friend or interested in you if he hooks up with another girl because you can't come to see him immediately for valid reasons. She is not the problem. You are not the problem. You are not inferior. He is.

 

I know it's hard, we don't choose whom we fall for but... you really have to try to not invest so much of yourself in him. Are you so very sure you want his heart in the first place? Infatuation overlooks all flaws at the beginning, but they will surface. Can't you see what's so very wrong about the way he's treating you? It's not that you don't deserve his heart, he doesn't deserve yours.

[Girasole]

Um thanks Elswyth. That's nice that you're helping me. I need to pull myself together but it hurts so bad.

 

I mean a difference in the culture is that people aren't direct down there, and I adjusted to that. I'm not direct to the point of being harsh, but if I hate someone, i will tell them to their face, "I hate you." I don't say "I love you" or make someone think I care about them, unless I mean it.

 

I've heard that he does that to nearly all his friends. He gets a girlfriend and then ignores them... I think he just keeps people hanging on just so he'll have someone to tide him over whenever he doesn't have a girlfriend.

 

I need to get over this but I am so mad. All my life, I've struggled with my temper and I have a bad one... thanks though for helping.

[Els]

You're very welcome.

 

Are you still mad at the girl? Or hopefully you've shifted your anger where it belongs - him? That should help you get over it a bit.

[Lucky_One]

I need to get over this but I am so mad. All my life, I've struggled with my temper and I have a bad one... thanks though for helping.

 

No way. REALLY??

[Lucky_One]

And now that you have ranted and gotten all of that out of the way.

 

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A ROMANTIC, HEALTHY, HONEST, OPEN AND MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS GUY IN THE PAST?

[Girasole]

It's NOT a culture thing! Did you even read my post??

 

I NEVER, EVER said that Mexicans act like that. How dare you accuse me of being a racist.

 

Rollercoaster, this is supposed to be a caring community, and you're telling me how worthless I am. You're telling me he doesn't care about me, basically you're telling me I'm not special, I'm worthless, and that doesn't help me.

[Girasole]

You're very welcome.

 

Are you still mad at the girl? Or hopefully you've shifted your anger where it belongs - him? That should help you get over it a bit.

 

Well, Elswyth, you seem to be the only nice person on here... so let me clarify that I'm not defending this guy. The way he's behaving has nothing to do with the culture. A lot of people misunderstood my posts.

 

Thanks, at least you seem like a nice person (unlike some people who apparently can't read and seem to think this is a forum to make character attacks).

 

I am very angry with my friend, and I feel like I should be. I've never known anyone, latin or otherwise, to behave the way he did. I don't know how to deal with my anger, but I'm VERY upset with him.

[Girasole]

Rollercoaster, I realize this is the internet and full of people like you, and frankly I don't care what you think about me... but telling me I'm worthless... this is a forum where people are supposed to HELP. You're acting like an illiterate child who doesn't know how to read. Grow up.

 

I don't appreciate the way that you took my comment out of context. I NEVER said that this is typical latino guy behavior. You've distorted that.

 

Grow up, and learn how to read. Nobody forced you to ask my damn question.

[Rollercoasterr]

For crying out loud, do you really think that it's worth posting twice(or 3 or 4 times as you've done earlier on) about the same little rant you're doing? You have repeatedly referenced about culture and crap in your posts. And you yourself are so heart set on a latino that it doesn't matter how badly he treats you. And I NEVER anywhere said that you were worthless. You show me one single line of my post where I called you worthless personally and I'll bake you a friggin' cookie. I said he didn't care about you, and obviously he doesn't, or he'd be with you. He would have waited for you.

 

I also did NOT call you a racist. I said that you kept mentioning culture like we're supposed to give a damn about where he's from, or that they act differently. He's a human being, he's going to act like a human being. If you love someone, no matter where you come from, you LOVE them. This guy doesn't LOVE you. If he did, you wouldn't be on this forum right now ranting and raving about the big bad internet people.

 

And I don't think you can talk about being illiterate when your post is full of typos, misspellings, and bad wording. You're not an english teacher so stop acting like one. I didn't 'ASK' your damn question. I ANSWERED it.

 

You are acting like a child, my dear. You come to a forum to ask for advice. Well you've gotten it. What do you want us to do? Give you some candy and cry for you? Most of us wont do that. You've put yourself into this situation. You keep defending him for his ways. You keep ALLOWING him to hurt you the way that he does.

 

Now, please. If you have anything else to say put it into ONE post, instead of spreading it out over 3 or 4. I realize that you might be a little mad because the big bad internet people are being mean to you and telling you like it is, but that's no reason for you to run a tantrum.

 

You're special. Everyone is special in their own way. And there's a person out there for everyone. This guy is not the person for you. You need to accept that and move on. He's not the only latino fish in the sea. But for goodness sakes, you need to learn how to take some criticism. I'm not at all convinced that you didn't scare this guy away by acting to him like you are to us right now.

[Lucky_One]

And now that you have ranted and gotten all of that out of the way.

 

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A ROMANTIC, HEALTHY, HONEST, OPEN AND MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS GUY IN THE PAST?

 

Worthy question of a repeat.

 

And a serious question - have you ever had any sort of counseling for anger management? Your thread title of "being sick of being angry all the time" seems accurate, and I can see where this sort of internal rage must be exhausting and frustrating to carry all the time.