Cherished Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 Yeah, exactly. Hey OP, I think you are being too judgmental. She is saying she wants to take things easy and you should just be thanking your lucky stars that you have a woman who could possibly want to go out with you. Now don't blow this with all your sexist rhetoric and turn her off, now that you've got a live one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bells Posted March 16, 2009 Author Share Posted March 16, 2009 In her profile,f or her "first date" she says she LOVES surprises and wants a person to be creative. I'm thinking that's a bit much for a first time meeting I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
boxing123 Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Yes, especially for a woman who wants to be "friends first", and does not have much time for dating. Maybe since she wants to be friends first she can plan it and pay half? Isn't that what friends do? Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Yes, especially for a woman who wants to be "friends first", and does not have much time for dating. Maybe since she wants to be friends first she can plan it and pay half? Isn't that what friends do? Chip, meet Shoulder. I think Bell should go out with this girl and take it from there, instead of trying to preanalyse her motives. Go out, enjoy yourself and have fun. How hard is that? Once he's there, if things click, he could offer to pay for the whole date. If not, yeah, split the bill. In my experience, that's what men do. If a men splits the bill on me, I read it as him not being interested and yes, I definitely put him in the friends category. If he insist on paying, I read it as him being interested and it keeps my interest up. Simple. And not some big conspiracy to get worked up about. Link to post Share on other sites
boxing123 Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 A. She wants to be friends B. She stated she does not have time to date. C. She expects something great to be planned. Sounds like a total waste of time to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bells Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 Well, I went to ask he out for this weekend, she goes. "We'll have to see how this week turns out, a lot of irons in the fire." I hear this time and time again, ambiguous answers about their plans. "I'll have to see what I have going on this week" or "It depend depends on how this week is going to turn out." etc etc. Sounds like she likes wasting mens time online too. She gives me her number and I already getting the blow off. I think she gave the ol, "Just because I'm on a dating site, doesn't mean I'm looking" contradictory speech just so she could come up with excuses like this. I remember in my initial email to her, I made some joke about her living in a rural area and how hard it is to find a date in her town...and she responds with, "OH, lol....and I thought it was because how busy I was!" Already incorporating her "busy" lifestyle into her joke back. But hey, she said she liked my wit when I contacted her. Link to post Share on other sites
boxing123 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Yes, I saw that coming... She might be A. Dating others, waiting to see if they ask her out B. Not that interested. C. Emotionally unavailable, so she makes herself very busy D. Very busy, cannot handle work/business and a life outside of it. No matter which, it seems to be a waste of time. If you date her, and ask her out too often (Maybe twice a week) chances are she will label you "clingy" and be turned of. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bells Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 Yes, I saw that coming... She might be A. Dating others, waiting to see if they ask her out B. Not that interested. C. Emotionally unavailable, so she makes herself very busy D. Very busy, cannot handle work/business and a life outside of it. No matter which, it seems to be a waste of time. If you date her, and ask her out too often (Maybe twice a week) chances are she will label you "clingy" and be turned of. Yeah asking her out twice a week would be "too clingy" for her. In a sense, she has no excuse 1. She's Single 2. She has NO kids (so there's definitely no excuse) 3. She lives in a rural boring area where most everyone is taken or get married at the age of 18 because, well, there's nothing else to do but get married and have kids (Which is probably alien to her living in "Green Acres" land) She lives in an area where there's really nothing to do, what's funny is she owns a horse business, rides and can't stand country music. lol Unfortunately, the major theme in that area for bars is well, country bars/clubs. There's irony for you. She's probably the only 45 year old single woman in the area that's a Roswell siting when it comes to single women. lol Link to post Share on other sites
boxing123 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I dated a similar girl whom was younger.. Always busy busy busy.. Finally I told her "Look, you do not have kids, you live alone, how are you so busy?" Then she told me a laundry list of horrible things that happened to her, and it made sense. She was making herself busy so she would not have to cope with real life. She also seemed to have a bit of a drinking problem which also made sense. At 45, perhaps your woman was burned, her parents just died, she got dumped over and over, was beaten, who knows. I would just let her be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bells Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 I dated a similar girl whom was younger.. Always busy busy busy.. Finally I told her "Look, you do not have kids, you live alone, how are you so busy?" Then she told me a laundry list of horrible things that happened to her, and it made sense. She was making herself busy so she would not have to cope with real life. She also seemed to have a bit of a drinking problem which also made sense. At 45, perhaps your woman was burned, her parents just died, she got dumped over and over, was beaten, who knows. I would just let her be. Right, and if you ask her, "Why do you have to make yourself busy for? Then you sound like a bum that isn't ambitious lol Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 OP, she just likes having attention from men (ad on dating site) to remind her she's still desirable and to fill in the tiny blanks in her perceived important life. It's likely a psychological path you'll wish to avoid. Link to post Share on other sites
LovieDove24 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 To reply to your original post Bells, I'd say she sounds highly defensive straight out the gate. The way that she said "Cant a woman date without being on the prowl?!" Yipes. Not sure what thats all about. Other than that I'd say that what some of the other posters put on here is correct: she sounds like a healthy individual who has a busy life and is not looking for something overly serious. The defensiveness, I'm not quite understanding but let me say it is possible to be on a dating site but not really actively looking. If thats what someone is doing its more like a "Let me just put myself out there a bit and see what happens." And I do think Carhills statement rings true a bit. She may just enjoy the attention shes getting from men... Link to post Share on other sites
Shygirl15 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 OP, she just likes having attention from men (ad on dating site) to remind her she's still desirable and to fill in the tiny blanks in her perceived important life. It's likely a psychological path you'll wish to avoid. Very likely. Link to post Share on other sites
cat-power Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 she owns a horse business, rides l That's your explanation right there...horses are 24/7...I have 3 of my own ! (and still single at 37!) Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Perhaps, for a woman, but I can tell you my best friend for many years owned 3, showed one of them (actually, rather competed in barrel racing) and still had time to be married, raise his kids, ride a Harley, race open wheel dirt cars and hang out with me and his other male friends. He taught me how to ride and take proper care of livestock. Great guy. Too bad diabetes got him Simply put, if the woman is 24/7 into horses and the relevant business, she has no business advertising herself as available for dating. Last time I went to a horse show (well, it was Rodeo Houston), there were plenty of single men available and willing to mingle Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bells Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 Perhaps, for a woman, but I can tell you my best friend for many years owned 3, showed one of them (actually, rather competed in barrel racing) and still had time to be married, raise his kids, ride a Harley, race open wheel dirt cars and hang out with me and his other male friends. He taught me how to ride and take proper care of livestock. Great guy. Too bad diabetes got him Simply put, if the woman is 24/7 into horses and the relevant business, she has no business advertising herself as available for dating. Last time I went to a horse show (well, it was Rodeo Houston), there were plenty of single men available and willing to mingle Well, she also has a property investment biz..they help people save their credit when they fall behindon on the mortgage payments by negotiating a settlement with a lender...etc...etcd. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Why are you excusing her behavior? Link to post Share on other sites
boxing123 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I dated a girl with 4 cars,a job, 8 horses, 2 homes, and 4 dogs.. She also cooked for me 3 times a day, tivod the world cup, and was free every single night.. When women say they are "busy" it makes me laugh.. Some women can balance life, some women just want to appear to be busy. Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 It's very simple really. They aren't interested in you so they say they are very busy. End of story. Be happy they are not stringing you along and go on to find someone who does like and appreciate you. They are out there. Guys, come on, you've never told a woman you're really busy when you just aren't very interested?? Men do this too. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Exactly. OP, when you find such a diamond in the rough (the woman with balance), don't let go of her Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Guys, come on, you've never told a woman you're really busy when you just aren't very interested?? Men do this too. I'm sure men do it, but I never have. If I am truly busy (client obligations stacked up), I say exactly that and offer an alternative combined with "I'm really looking forward to seeing you". Well, at least that's what I did when I was single If I'm not interested, I don't engage or say so politely. I also would only share my phone number with (or ask for hers) a person whom I *was* interested in, at the stage the OP is at. This was back when I was working 12-16 hours a day building my business. Still had time for friends and dating though. Interesting how that works Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bells Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 It's very simple really. They aren't interested in you so they say they are very busy. End of story. Be happy they are not stringing you along and go on to find someone who does like and appreciate you. They are out there. Guys, come on, you've never told a woman you're really busy when you just aren't very interested?? Men do this too. She already strung me along by giving her her digits lol Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 It's very simple really. They aren't interested in you so they say they are very busy. End of story. Be happy they are not stringing you along and go on to find someone who does like and appreciate you. They are out there. Guys, come on, you've never told a woman you're really busy when you just aren't very interested?? Men do this too. I stopped reading right here.. this is exactly what I was thinking.. to Bells: trust me, if she was interested.. she would make time for you.. Like Cherry said.. be happy that she didn't used you for a few dinners and dump you afterwards.. It's probably just a polite way to say.. leave me alone, I am not interested.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bells Posted March 21, 2009 Author Share Posted March 21, 2009 I stopped reading right here.. this is exactly what I was thinking.. to Bells: trust me, if she was interested.. she would make time for you.. Like Cherry said.. be happy that she didn't used you for a few dinners and dump you afterwards.. It's probably just a polite way to say.. leave me alone, I am not interested.. Funny, she agrees to going out with me, she gives me her number (which SHOULD indicate interest) and I to call her up to make arrangements, she doesn't return it. I send her an email a couple days after, it's "read" but not responded to. So thus, she's a game player. If she wasn't interested she probably should not have responded (which is what happens most of the time), OR even had given me her number. Which means she likes to play games or lead men on. Link to post Share on other sites
Cherished Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 I think however she would have handled the situation (rebuffing your request for a date), you would have found her to be in the wrong. It's not easy to reject someone, the person rejected feels badly. The best way to handle it is to move on and not dwell about every little detail of how she rejected you and how that makes her bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts