Ex boyfriend lied and cheated, I broke up with him, he won't talk to me

[Desirableny07]

This is a really sad situation, and I am in need for some good advice, because my heart is breaking like all of you who have been through it. Please take the time to read, woman to woman, I need you girls (and guys if you want!) Here's the situation. I broke up with my ex about a month ago. We were in a long distance relationship by about an hour and a half, and I would go there every weekend, he would never come to see me. He has a child, and has her on Saturdays, so that is why I would save him the trip. When we started dating, he was about 6 months out of a 5 year relationship where she was apparently very bad to him and cheated on him while he was away for basic training (Army Reserves). Him and I had met at a wedding last summer, I was the maid of honor, he was the best man. He had said that he was ready for a mature relationship with a good girl who would respect him (which was me). Things were great for the first few months, and the long distance was fine.

 

Little by little, I started feeling like something was going on. I one day snooped in his phone because of this feeling, and there was a text to a girl he never mentioned saying "So when can I take you out?" He denied the whole thing as being anything serious, saying he loved me and blah blah blah. To make the story short, I believed him every time something sketchy would happen, even down to a condom in his car that I found. I believed his sorry excuse for that too. The last straw, after all that I've sacrificed and done for him, was I found out he was going to the strip club after work and lying to me about it, telling me he went home after work and went to bed. I know he was getting lap dances and talking to strippers. I broke up with him because I couldn't take the lies anymore. He told me he would never go again and loved me more than anything and wanted to marry me. But I knew he was lying, I couldn't take it anymore, so I left for good.

 

It's been a month now and he hasn't contacted me at all. I found out too that he asked a girl for sex while we were still together. I just keep finding these things out. I guess what breaks my heart is that he hasn't apologized or even tried to get me back. It's been a while now and he acts like he doesn't care, probably off sleeping with girls and getting drunk. His best friend doesn't even talk to him anymore after what he did to me...he has no one. Now his ex is being all nice to him and sending him pictures of their past on his myspace page. She is a bad person, and she has a boyfriend that she lives with (she is the mother of my ex's daughter). I get scared that he is going to go back to her, disregard all that I've done for him and all the chances I gave him. I will feel like the biggest piece of scum knowing that I meant nothing to him. He told me he loved me so much and not to leave him and that he wanted us to get married and have kids. I am very lost.

 

I gave him everything guys. I traveled, I cooked for him and cleaned his house while he sat back and had his cake and ate it too. I loved his child and treated her like gold, I supported all that he did and never told him he couldn't do something. I was amazing to him, something the ex was not. Will he ever realize his mistakes? I was the type of girl he wanted, he got me, and then he lies and cheats? I will never take him back, I just want to know he realizes he gave up the best thing he'll ever have. Please, I need your help. I'm very depressed.

[Phateless]

If you broke up with him he's smart for not talking to you. If you break up with someone, keeping in touch afterward is only causing drama. If you ACTUALLY want to move on, then go no contact and build up a new life for yourself.

[Lucky_One]

You broke up with him for very good reasons.

 

There is not a single good reason for you to get back together with him.

 

Please don't lessen yourself and your worth for this guy. He clearly does not want the same kind of relationship with you that you want with him. Get a good support group of friends who will keep you from contacting him and who will remind you of what a capital L LOSER he is!

[Phateless]

You broke up with him for very good reasons.

 

There is not a single good reason for you to get back together with him.

 

Please don't lessen yourself and your worth for this guy. He clearly does not want the same kind of relationship with you that you want with him. Get a good support group of friends who will keep you from contacting him and who will remind you of what a capital L LOSER he is!

 

If you constantly keep in touch with your ex right after a breakup you're just being a drama queen and immature. You ended it and you know he's bad for you so pretend he doesn't exist for at least a year.

 

If you ever want to move on with your life, quit holding yourself back by arguing with him after the fact. What could your motivation for that possibly be??

[Desirableny07]

I haven't contacted him, it's been a month, and I will never have a desire to contact him. I do not want any more drama, and that is exactly why I broke it off because I knew I didn't deserve that kind of treatment. All I am saying is that it would be nice to know/think that he actually could acknowledge what I've done for him and what a good girl I was, but at the same time it's breaking my heart more by giving myself this false hope that he will ever admit his actions were terrible. That's the closure I want.

[hollisterbaby]

i understand that u want to talk 2 him.u prolly still love him and theres nuttin wrong wit that.hopefully 1 day hell realize all the great things u have done 4 him.then he should apoligize and thank u 4 all u did 4 him.

[PandaStillLovesBunny]

He's not worth it. Why waste your emotions, your thoughts, on this bag of trash? You're worth more than that. You don't need to be admired by this loser.

[Phateless]

I haven't contacted him, it's been a month, and I will never have a desire to contact him. I do not want any more drama, and that is exactly why I broke it off because I knew I didn't deserve that kind of treatment. All I am saying is that it would be nice to know/think that he actually could acknowledge what I've done for him and what a good girl I was, but at the same time it's breaking my heart more by giving myself this false hope that he will ever admit his actions were terrible. That's the closure I want.

 

This is the hardest part - accepting that he will never give you that, and that's the reason you shouldn't be with him. You have to move past caring about the validation of hearing him tell you he's sorry.

 

I know it's hard, and it's only been a month, and believe me, I've been through it, but you have to just suck it up and decide that he's no longer your problem, and take comfort in that.

 

I think realizing I didn't have to deal with my ex's BS anymore was when I truly felt happy that it was over.

[carhill]

It's been a month now and he hasn't contacted me at all.

 

Here, let me give you a {{{{Desirableny07}}}}

 

See that quote above? You may not think so but that's the good news. The bad news is, just when you think you've healed, he'll call.

 

Hang around here and gather strength and support. There are good men out there. Never forget that. We have the same kind of problems that you do. It's nice to know one is not alone

[Bleeve]

Well, he doesn't deserve someone as good as you. He is a fool to give up something thats myself would die for.

He is obviously not ready for a comitted relationship so keep looking and you will find someone that will appreciate you and not lie and cheat.

[Desirableny07]

Thank you very much, all of this input really means a lot to me. It's very appreciated and is bringing smiles to my face.