The never-ending "Thing"

[yellowgreenlight]

I've noticed that it becomes tiresome to read LONG stories, so I'll try to condense this the best that I can.

 

Last winter, one of my best friends introduced me to her boyfriend's brother, who is my age. We were at a small gathering with a few other people, and really ended up hitting it off...and hooked up later that night. (yes, alcohol was involved....but no sex!!)

The next morning he asked me for my number, and we started talking on the phone every night after that....for about 1 1/2 weeks. We were all on winter break from college, and eventually had to go back to school. We went on a date the night before he left, and it was great. My friend kept telling me that he was telling her bf (his brother) how much he liked me.

 

We really, really liked each other...but the fact that our schools were 3 hours apart put a damper on things....and we decided that a long distance relationship was a bad idea.

Then, the trouble started.......a few days after we got back to school, my friend told me that he'd started hanging out with his ex again. she even saw them kiss.

Long story short, they got back together...and I got shafted.

We kind of drifted apart during spring and summer of last year, talking only so often. He still asked my friend about me quite often, but never went any further than that.

 

In the fall, I revealed that I was considering transferring to the school they all went to (him, his brother [friends bf], AND my friend] b/c it was closer to home.

he had stopped talking to his ex over the summer, b/c she wouldnt date him....and cheated on him the entire 2 years they had dated. not a great girl.

when he found out my plans, he started asking about me more often, but still never really did anything significant. we never talk on the phone, only text occasionally.

 

he started talking to me more often, showing more interest, around november. he even came with my friend to visit my school, claiming he had "friends" there, but literally spent the entire weekend with me.

we started talking more after that, and but he was still very hot/cold. ive never been confident about anything....but, i at least knew that he wasnt interested in his ex anymore; he actually hated her.

he pretty much just spent the entire fall semester hooking up with random nasty girls....never having sex with them, probably just trying to get his self-esteem back? who knows.

 

he called me at one point in dec, while somewhat drunk (i wasnt), and asked me out...saying i was the "girl for him." and then proceeded to make our relationship "official" right then and there on facebook....so cheesy, i know.

well, the next morning he called me and cancelled it, which i totally agreed with, and we decided to wait until we were at the same school, in january.

i found out that same day (from my friend) that he spent that whole night telling her bf how i was the "best girl he's ever been with" and he was stupid for "****ing up his chances."

 

ever since then, its been totally off/on. we've gotten into multiple fights b/c he thinks that i want to "jump into things too fast," and he doesnt. he keeps telling me that he just wants to be friends, and he doesnt want a relationship right now, but he NEVER hangs out with me. we sometimes hook up when we're drunk, but thats pretty infrequent.

the last thing that happened was last weekend....i was at a party at his house with my friend, and he literally ignored me all night (which he does ALL the time).

he kept walking away from me, and honestly didnt seem to care that i was there. i had a few too many drinks, and accidentally (but not really, b/c i thought he was cute) kissed a guy that i'd seen there a few times before.

 

well, he got PISSED and wouldnt talk to me....really blew up. eventually talked to me the next day on the phone, said that he still didnt want to be exclusive, and that he was just mad b/c i kissed someone else "while he was by me." i swear he wasnt anywhere near me, but whatever.

he said it was going to be awkward between us for a while, but he still wanted to be friends, didnt hate me, def still wanted to hang out with me, and that we should just "see where things go."

a couple days later, i just got completely fed up, realizing that he would probably always treat me badly and never commit.... and texted him saying things were never going to work out between us.

 

he never answered me.

 

last night, i found out that his ex-gf was at his house with him & his buddies.....and they'd been drinking all day.

i texted him and asked him if he was getting back together with her or what, and he asked me what i was talking about.

 

sorry that this ended up wayyyy longer than i expected, but ive come to a dead-end. my friends dont even know what to say anymore, so i could really use a neutral perspective.

we're finally able to pursue things b/c the "distance-factor" has been eliminated, but why are things still as crappy?

i just want to know what someone else thinks. should i give up? could his self-esteem and trust just be shot from his last "relationship" (they were basically long-term FB) or does he just not like me?

he told his brother a few weeks ago that theres "something about me that he just cannot get over," but then WHY wont he date me!?!?

 

please help

[lammie]

A bit of same situation here but slight different scenario (see my thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t181466/). It always seems to me that i'm always either his substitute girlfriend or friend -- when he's off with the ex, we "hang out" (platonic dates i called them), now most of his friends are in relationships, he's spend more time with me. We both don't want a relationship, he's messed up, he knows i've liked him for a long time, we're just going to give this "friend" thing a go. There are problems with the plain friendship side, if he doesn't make the effort like he said he would, then i'm out. I can't tolerate a bad friend.

 

What are YOU looking for? If you're looking for someone to commit, it prolly won't be him. If he continues to treat you badly, can you deal with it? No, no one deserves to be treated badly, point it out to him that it upsets you. if it doesn't change then you either have to face that fact or the friendship/relationship is not really worth it, is it?