Does it REALLY get better?

[laine]

I found this site for ther same reason as everyone else, I`m lost. i even had the front to offer advice. Like I know what i`m talking about.

Here`s my story.

After being hurt for the last time i made a decison not to let another man close again, to me that ment I plan to die alone. No sex, kids etc.

So 8 years later, I met this guy at work, who asked me out, I know I`d been out of the dating scene for a long time, but even I did`nt see it coming, i went into shock, so I did`nt give him an answer straignt way.

With our shifts and everyhing I never saw him for a few week, but he still came back for an answer.

I did`nt want to hurt his feelings so I said yes, even though all my instints scream no ( I found out he was 13 yrs younger)

He waited another 2 weeks before we went out and I found i really liked him, he went at my pace understanding how unsure of things I was, and that i wanted to keep it quite at work. I even made mustakes with him my friends were giving me advice on how NOT to keep messing up.

Things were going really well, until we had our first real argument over somthing really stupid. He had to cancel our date because he had to work and as I was understanding he felt that I did`nt care, then after saying some hurtful things, bringing up the age thing and more he finished it.

No one likes rejection, but i thought F*** it and got on with my life it`s not like it was the first time.

The first time I saw him at work, he came to see if i was OK. As i`m not very comfortable at work I really could`nt talk to him, So I rang him the following day (BIG mistake!!!!).

I told him I understood that why he ended it but he did not need to bring up what I`d told him about my past, the age thing, and the rest.

The man denied every thing and bascially accused me of lying as he did`nt remember saying any of hurtful things I said he did.

I thought whats the point of aguring the point, it was`nt going to get me anywhere so I said OK.

That was it, he hit the roof. He told me he always hated it when I said OK, when he gave me a reason why he was late, did`nt ring when he said he would, it always made him feel that I never belived him. I told him that ovsiously he did`nt know me as well as he thouht beause is if i thought he was lying, I would call him a liar, I am NOT weak or submisive.

He directed so much negigative towards me, i was so shocked I took it on board, and went through, the self doubting thing, the not sleeping and the not eating thing (i lost 22lb) in 1 1/2 weeks.

I cried for over a week, I even thought about not being on earth any more do you understand?

That was over 2 months ago, my friends have been so supportive I still thank GOD for them. I still see him at work, were now he avoids me like I`ve got some sort of diease or something, but sometimes I`d catch him watching me, I must admit I am looking a hell of better than when I was with him, and I feel that he wants to talk to me, but he`s not man engough to.

I tranfered to a diffrent building yesterday, all his department came and said goodbye, except him, which really hurt.

Everyone thinks I`m over him. That I`ve accepted that It`s over. But I have`nt I still love him and miss him so much, I still hurt.

I know he`s got an important exam coming up should I text him or e-mail him just to wish him luck, or do I leave him to it?

Even as I`m writing this my eyes are filling up.

Does it get easier in time?

[Clancy]

Well yes it does get easier with time. I'm sorry you are feeling so low. It sounds like perhaps you found out some of the things that make this young man not so attractive. Even though it hurts now perhaps you are better off having found out sooner than later. It sounds like you have friends you can rely on for support and that counts for a lot. Please don't write off all men because of a few bad ones. When you feel better try getting into dating again and expect to go through a couple more losers before finding someone special. Good luck.