Is it just not going to happen?-Plz help me...

[LoveyDovey]

I know this is really long but if you have time, plz read it:)

 

I will try to make this quick even though there is alot to explain to fully understand it. Just some quick info about me I am 21 and a senior in college havent' had sex or a bf. I am just really selfconsious which unfortuneately really holds me back.

 

Okay so I have liked this guy chad for about 4 years. He first started liking me when I was in tenth grade in High school ( he was a year older) and I did like him. We started haningout never alone (cause i'm a baby) and he would be all cutesy to me and I kinda just never responded but wanted to so badly so it never worked out and he ended up liking someon else. It was no biggy I got over it and stopped thinking about him. He ended up not going out with that girl but eventually found someone else and went out with her for about a year and half. That girl was my sisters good friend.

 

While they were gogin out she said to my sister I feel liek chad like dana because he always talks so highly of her, and I also have dreams about them going out....For the period of time he was with her we honestly never spoke and I didn't think about him.... so after I graduated hs I had a party when my parents were away he came and we talked alot. someon threw up in my house he cleaned it up without even telling me it happened, and he ended up spending the night ( he tried hooking up with me -just kissing) but i wouldn't...only because I was scared of doing something wrong....he called me the nexy day and was so cool he offered to come by and pick up all the garabage from the party and dump it so my parents wouldn't know, I said don't worry about I can just do it. He didn't call again and then I didnt' see him until thanksgiving break of xmas year, He acte dso into me we were having such good conversation then my friend got into a fight with her bf so i had to leave and never got to finsih talking to him.....

 

so then xmas break came He acutally called me everyday! I kinda wouldn't go every time but then I started to go sometimes it was alone but most of the time it wasn't( his friends were telling me that they thought he liked me) we were at another party that break and the song jesse's girl came on and he sang to me she chad's girl ....I thought it was soc ute but really didn't say anything- we again never hooked up. When i wnt back to school we talked a bit online but never on the phone he asked me to visit him at school but I never went....

 

then spring break came and he started calling me again and I met him at a party... It was the first time I had seen any of my friends in while so I was being social talking to everyone( maybe his friends alittle too much- I got the impression he was pissed that I wasn't giving him full attention) so we really ended up not tlaking that night. He didn't call me after that,. Then there was a party I was there he was there we really didn't talk that much he ended up hooking up with another girl ( just for hooking up). I was kinda upset but at the same time understood because I really wasn't putting out and know he didnt' owe me anything.

 

We didn't talk the rest of spring break and I didnt see him until school ended the first time I saw him he was was so cool he kept putting his arms around me and was acting alittle bit jealous when other guys were hitting on me......a few weeks later I went on a vacation with 5 of his close guy friends and 5 of my close girl friends ( he didn't go) I had such a blast with his friends...ended up having really strong feelings for one of his friends.....we of course never hooked up but everyone knew there was something going on. I stopped thinking about him for that period of time and liked this guy josh.

 

When I first got back form vacation and saw him at aprty he was acting so wierd I asked him if he was mad at me or soemthign? and he was no no and gave me like 5 kissing on my cheek... for the next month we really didnt talk and I didnt' see him. The little crush with josh ended and I saw chad finally at a party and he was beign so cool again He ende up driving me home and we hooked up for the first time just alittle...he didn't call me the next day and he was cool to me when i saw him but nothing ever happened.

 

So that fall I came home one weekend to visit my family and just figured I'd give him a call I did we hang out, and it was great not awkward at all just talked and whatever....The next time i came home was like a few weeks and I didn t call him but he knew I was home, so then he had his friend call me from his house to see what i was doing and if I would meet up with them later. I did ( with some of my frinds) my frinds wanted to leave I ended up staying because I wanted to hang out with him. I ende up going back to his house with him and a few of his buddies and we just hung around drinking and talking and it wa really fun.

 

A few weeks later I came home again and this time he called me and we were tying to make plans for my girls friends to meet up wth him and his guy friends......That night I was drinking( so I was just pretty buzzed) but it was such a good night. We were together alot and beign very flirty. After the party him a few of his friends and my best friend came back to my house adn we just hangin around. He was kind of all over me but I didn't mind because I really liked him....My friend pulled me into the ther room and was liek chad was telling his friends he is thinking about you being his girlfriend...It made me soo happy. later that night he was sitting on the couch and he pulled me over to him to kiss me...well I guess I let my guard down alittle because we ended up making out... I was willing to do more and when i asked him what he wanted he was liek nothign I just want to be with you:) we both fell asleep massaging eachothers feet.. It was the best night I had....we had so much fun giggling and just being together.

 

He called me the nexy day..I don't know why I didnt' call him back then i saw him that night he was acitng alittle wierd and distant. I was maybe alittle flirty with other guys (only because I didnt want to scare him off). So we only talked alittle that night. So then I called him that next night and we hung out alone watching a movie and hooked up again ( taking it alittle further). I went back to school and we didnt' talk for a bit. I decided to call him when my friends were over and while i was on the phone with him onne of my friens screamed in the background are ooooh is that your boyfriend!!!! - I was so pissed and embarassed because that wasn't true and I know he heard. He got alittle wierd and we didnt' talk for a bit. I saw him at a few parties and he was really polite to me ...but not the same as he was. I didn't understand what happened??!!!......

 

So I got really upset and tried to avoid him for a really long time. It ended up to be about 6 months ( and I thought about him everyday). I saw him at a party and we talked alittle not that much...to my surprise he ended up calling me a few days later to hang out- I said no....but then saw him a few days later at another party. It was a good night he was flirty again and I went back to his house and we hooked up just alittle. After we were done he wanted me to sleep over to cuddle but I said I wnated to go home...so he took me home. He was like call me later- I didn't and then I didn't see him for a long time becaus I went back to school. Talked to hima few times through online nothing great.

 

So I wanted to avoid seeing him again-so I didn't seem him this time for 10 months because I had spent the semester abroad in Italy ( where I still thought about him all the time) When I got home he saw me onlie and imed me right away saying how much he missed me and wanted to hang out and asked me to go with him to pick up pet food, i said no...he was liek fine well call me when you want to do something. I was liek okay so two weeks went by like this him being so sweet to me online I never called him - but I didn't understand why he couldn't call me.

 

He ran into my dad and was like tell dana to call me what is she doing, blah, blah, blah. I never did through frieends we made plans to have our friends meet up with his friends- so I ended seeing him for the first time in sooo long this past june. It went well- he kept coming over to me and eing flirty and just talking. I was talking to these other guys for alittle bit ( and he got mad only saying somethign to one of hs buddies). that night a few of us went back to a mutual friends house.

 

He was acting so cutesy infront of everyone as if we were together. He asked me to leave with him and go to the beach with him to watch the sunrise ( my first thought was like okay I know what that means, and I didn't want to hook up with him because the last time he didnt' call me) so I said no.... then a bit later he tried to kiss me and I turned my cheek and walked away(don't know why I did).......he asked me later that night if I wanted to go wakeboarding with him and his friends (meaning the next day) in front of everyone...and I don't know why I was like yeah.....okay whatever, and got out of the car and shut the door.

 

He didn't call me the next day but called one of my friends to see if we wanted to go, she had soemthing to do and said no......so the next time I saw him was when I had a party. He showed up later after work, I wasn't drinking that much( because it was my house). He again was so cool that night. At the end of the night there was only me, him, and two of his friends left. So he was driving them home becaus he wasn't drinking. He had just gotten a puppy and asked me if i wanted to go with him to see the dog and bring the dog back to my house to meet my dog....so I said yes we went and got his dog brought him to the beach and played wit him there, then brought him back to my house and played with both dogs, and then just me and him played basketball and just hung out until about 8 am the nexy day... he didn't try to hook up but there was defintely flirting and feelings there.

 

So he called me that same evening to hang out leaving me a voicemail (cause I didn't pick up because I was just nervous) but he went to his friends house where you can see my house and he saw that I was home and just didnt pick up.....but when i called him bacak like 5 hours later I told him that I hadn't been home( but I think he knew that I was lying)...so he never called me again....

The night of my party I had borrowed his friends beer pong table and it got left at my house so 3 weeks after my party- I got home from work one day and he was at my house ( i was mortified) because I looked discusting. He was outside talking to my mom. Just because i was embarassed I was very cold to him.....and I know he got that vibe because he told one of his friend I was mean to him....so he took the beer pong table for his friend and left.

 

I was so upset about it because I knew I was worng and I called him a few days later and he never called me back. Then I wrote him an email a few weeks ago and ( I don't knwo whether he got it or not) and he didn't write me back. .....and so I haven't talked to him. Did I compeletely blow my chances? If I had to take a guess I would say that he thinks I am jsut never goign to change and it snot going to go anywhere so he might as well just stop trying???? but what do you gusy think, any advice please!!!!!! I am not going to see him until xmas break but what do I do when i do see him?

 

I really apologize for how long this is......

Thanks!!!

[VASH THE STAMPEDE]

WOW ,that was long.To me he sounded really interested in ,but you might have ruined.Why are you selfconcious?

I personally don't blame the guy for not calling back.

If he strongly likes you ,you'll probably get another chance.So i would worry about it too much.

[LoveyDovey]

Thank you so much for replying- I know that was a really long and probably boring post. you must be a really caring person....I really didn't think anyone was going to.

I don't know why I am self conscious I truly hate being like this. I only get selfconscious and shy when I"m with a guy that I like...if its someone that I look at as a friend then I am fine......Do you think I really need to work my ass off? I think he is just fed up though....but the reason I'm soo not responsive is because in the past he has called me alot but this past summer he didn't so it makes me think that if he really was interested he would.... or because that one time when I did call him from school he completely kinda stopped talking to me after that. So I guess I'm just scared of getting rejected from someone who is the ideal guy for me ........If this was you could a girl do to get you to start thinking about her again and think she has changed? I think I am ready to....

thanks again

[clia]

No offense, but you've got a lot of ground to make up. You've been blowing this guy off and giving him the cold shoulder for four years. I really don't blame him for being fed up (if that's what he is).

 

I only get selfconscious and shy when I"m with a guy that I like...

 

Everyone is like this!

 

I think you need to think long and hard about what you want out of this relationship. Are you going to end up blowing him off again? If so, don't bother doing anything. If you are, indeed, ready to start something with him, then be very friendly and nice to him. No flirting with other guys, no ignoring him, etc. Maybe even tell him everything you just told us so he understands your position.

 

I think you should call him again before Christmas break. That's a long time off.

[LoveyDovey]

Hey,

You're right I think I owe him alot, and I really apprecaite your honesty.....The only reason I flirt with other guys is because ( and it might sound immature) I just don't want to be one of those clingy girls that annoy guys.

I have thought about this happening between us for so long. I like every aspect about him. He is one of the few guys I am attracted to and I love his personality. Every guy I meet I compare to him.....I think I'm totally going to have to kiss is ass though and really prove it to him. But if that means things working out with us then its worth it- I just hope he hasn't lost all feelings for me

[LoveyDovey]

But why do you think he blew me off the times that he did....and sometimes I get so nervous when I'm around him that I don't talk! Its just that my gut feeling keeps telling me that I am going to end up with him whether its now or in 5 years...do you think that's a gut feeling or me just not letting go?