Sick of trying...

[A4DDL]

After a long recovery from a divorce. I just started to feel better emotionally and try to start dating again. Friends have told me about Match.com, Chemistry.com and Eharmony.com I took nice pics (nothing too sexy) I don't want to attract the wrong kind of men. Wrote a witty profile and hoped for the best. Well, long story short!!!! all I get are trolls. I'm not a perfect 10 either but I'm cute and have a personality and I keep attracting those I have no attraction to. I may sound shallow but I need to feel some kind of initial physical/looks attraction. Hey men do the same...what's wrong with being picky???? on the street I only get these losers that whistle and blow little kisses and disgusting remarks and propositions. I'm soo sick of it:mad:...what's wrong with me??? I seriously envision and long and lonely rest of my life (loveless), 'cause I refuse to just have one nighters just for the sake of having a warm body next to me from time to time without a real attraction, chemistry and love. I'm soo sad right now:( Am I alone in this?? I really feel like giving up all together, but I don't want to be the bitter bitch everybody hates to have around.

HELP!!!!!!

[purgatori]

I guess this is the sort of reaction that the girls on OKCupid and such have when I contact them, so on behalf of the "trolls" you mentioned, sorry!

[ianandris]

Cheer up, A4. Things will go your way I can totally relate, though. I've been trying the internet route lately, and, frankly, it's been nothing but a disappointment (Just recently got stood up for a date to the annual military ball. It was a second date.). Lots of being ignored (apparently, I'm part of that troll contingent you're moaning about ), a few less than stellar experiences, etc. Online dating is a total crapshoot. (That said, as a woman, if you took the initiative in messaging guys with interesting profiles, you'd probably have a much more positive experience than you've reported so far.)

 

I don't do the one night stand thing, either, as tempting as it is to have someone there at least once in a while. In fact, I'm still holding out for marriage/love. It's been a looong 26 years lol. But I know what you mean. Sometimes, it just feels like you're never, ever gonna meet someone, you know?

 

So you know what I did?

 

I gave up.

 

It's not unlike when you're frustrated by a project at work or school that's caused you nothing but grief. In my experience, the best way to handle that project, to make progress again, is to put it on hold temporarily and go do something productive or relaxing or whatever to get my mind off of it for a while. I've found that once I've simmered down, cleared my head, whatever, the answers just come easily, seemingly out of nowhere.

 

Take a breather. Let things play out. Go eat ice cream or run or paint, shoot photos, become a famous author or whatever it is that comforts you, makes you feel good about life, that commands your attentions.

 

When you come back to it, you'll have a better perspective on the situation. The answers will come, and, maybe, just maybe, so will that person who'll make you feel special, feel loved. He might just drop into your lap.

 

Best thing to do right now is take a breath.

 

And you are definitely not alone. *hugs*

[A4DDL]

:)Awww..thanks for your comment... you have such a great smile...you're definitely not like the "trolls" I was reffering to.. I don't want to be misunderstood here:confused:. It's just that I guess online dating is not my bag. So sorry..you were stood up,I think that's so awful.....whatever happened to a polite excuse??? s*#t happens!!!, at least a text or a call that "I won't be there" is the least a human being can do for another. Personally..I feel online dating contributes to how depersonalized we've become from human emotions:mad: even though I'm a huge fan of technology..but it too can sometimes dehumanize us. I've been stood up too, it's an awful feeling I could never do that to someone..I think honesty hurts less than just being up front and it's a better route.

You're advise is well received...I have dedicated the last year to relaxing and just finding my passions and persuing hobbies as well as enjoying my own company as an individual so I definitely know myself better and what I want or rather what I "DON'T" want..if that makes sense??? Friends are a big help...Unfortunately I'm a romantic, loyal, loving and passionate woman, so I seek the same in a man, and that seems to be a dying breed Oh well, I guess after all I gotta do like my what my favorite movie line says.... "Keep breathing... Tomorrow the sun will rise, who knows what the tide might bring";)

Cheers and thanks...

[D-Lish]

I totally gave up on the online dating/dating in general.

I haven't checked my plenty of fish account in about a month.

It's just been one dud after another and I've decided to take a break.

 

Nothing wrong with taking a break and finding some perspective every once and a while.

 

I actually don't care if I meet someone or not at this stage in my life.

Dating is so much work!

[A4DDL]

I guess this is the sort of reaction that the girls on OKCupid and such have when I contact them, so on behalf of the "trolls" you mentioned, sorry!

NOOO. Please don't take it personal... I meant that my type don't respond..but I guess you probably feel the same I do...then, on behalf of the ones you would want to hear from, who don't respond...I'm sorry too!!

[A4DDL]

I totally gave up on the online dating/dating in general.

I haven't checked my plenty of fish account in about a month.

It's just been one dud after another and I've decided to take a break.

 

Nothing wrong with taking a break and finding some perspective every once and a while.

 

I actually don't care if I meet someone or not at this stage in my life.

Dating is so much work!

I agree... dating is such crap!!!! I feel like I'm on an interview most of the time. some of my acquaintances have such a good time doing it. I don't see it. I guess I'm not as shallow.. or hip??? whatever!!!!! I'm sticking to traveling, hobbies and 'good' friends.

Someday.... I hope 'cause I really am a romantic :-( and it sucks

[D-Lish]

I went through a period after my divorce whenI thought it was fun and interesting. I met a more than a fair share of cool guys... but I met a lot of morons as well.

 

I think when dating ceases to be fun, it's time to take a break from it for a while. That's why I am backing off. I think I'm going to take my profile down as well. It's not fun anymore- it's more of a pain in the butt.

[Disillusioned]

All of you summed it up pretty well. That's why I no longer go in for the online dating thing, because I'd like a serious relationship, but it seems like everyone else just wants to play games until they're in their 80s. Maybe all the other men are just lechers and the women are mean-spirited, I don't know.

 

I won't tell you exactly what this thing is I'm working on right now, but it's not online dating... in fact, it's something no one has done before. It's supposed to cut to the chase, with no middleman. It's not expensive either. If it works, I'll tell you all about it... but if it doesn't work, well then I guess I really will save up $7K for one of those customade life size dolls like that guy had in Lars and the Real Girl.

[A4DDL]

All of you summed it up pretty well. That's why I no longer go in for the online dating thing, because I'd like a serious relationship, but it seems like everyone else just wants to play games until they're in their 80s. Maybe all the other men are just lechers and the women are mean-spirited, I don't know.

 

I won't tell you exactly what this thing is I'm working on right now, but it's not online dating... in fact, it's something no one has done before. It's supposed to cut to the chase, with no middleman. It's not expensive either. If it works, I'll tell you all about it... but if it doesn't work, well then I guess I really will save up $7K for one of those customade life size dolls like that guy had in Lars and the Real Girl.

I loved that movie.. as sick as it may seem to some....at least Lars was happy!!!! and the friends who cared about Lars, understood him. It was so endearing.. and I totally got the character..his quirks, his inadequacies, loveability and humanity at the same time. I wish I had that kind of cash...and if I didn't like traveling so much!!!!..Otherwise, I'd get me one of those man-dolls!!!!! ;-) LOL ;-)

[Disillusioned]

I loved that movie.. as sick as it may seem to some....at least Lars was happy!!!! and the friends who cared about Lars, understood him. It was so endearing.. and I totally got the character..his quirks, his inadequacies, loveability and humanity at the same time. I wish I had that kind of cash...and if I didn't like traveling so much!!!!..Otherwise, I'd get me one of those man-dolls!!!!! ;-) LOL ;-)

 

You can find them at realdoll.com... apparently their male "Charlie" doll is out of production, but the Realdoll folks say they'll bring out a re-designed male doll any day now. But be prepared to shell out $8K for him.

 

BTW there's another forum which is all singles... but the men are mostly oafs and the women are spiteful. I joked around with them and made up this story that I had a female Realdoll. You should have heard how angry and jealous those women got!

[Awesome84]

Yep. I can totally relate. After I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years when I was 24, I met a guy that I really liked and we started dating. 4 months later he broke my heart. After that... it's been downhill from there. All I ever meet are guys that I don't have any attraction to. And the one's that I do have attraction to... I find that they are already taken. Other guys that I have dated have also turned out to be jerks. I've been single for about 5 years now and I have given up. And because I've been hurt so much... I have become REALLY picky when it comes to guys. At first it was fun being single. Now I just long for someone I can spend my life with... but not just a warm body... someone that I'm actually into.

 

One of my guy friends actually suggested that I should marry a guy that is more into me than I am into him.... but I think that is ridiculous. You only live once. Why should someone be with someone they don't really like that much!

 

I feel your pain girl... I feel your pain!!!

 

Oh yea... and about the internet dating. I tried that once but I met alot of jerks on there too so it's no different than going out and meeting people. Then I had one guy that would NEVER leave me alone!!!

[Nikki Sahagin]

I think probably the 'problem' people in this situation have (and it's really NOT a problem) is that they are picky and have standards. Don't you have at least 1 friend who ALWAYS has a boyfriend/girlfriend? They do so because having someone is not difficult....but having someone who actually MEANS something to you is. I think the more mature you are, the higher the standards you have and the more you know what you want, the harder it becomes. I have NEVER liked dating, never enjoyed it. I think i'm just too 'intense' for the frivolities of dating. Just like you OP, I am very passionate, loyal etc, but I think most people seem at least to have the attention spans of gnats. They are afraid of serious relationships, afraid of love, when I think love is really the only thing to live for.

[Brady_to_Moss]

I tried dating for the past year...had no takers what so ever...so i gave up. I am 20 and have plenty of time to meet someone, its just i am very mature for my age and i am looking for a perfect girl and that is proablly my main problem. I dont do one night stands, infact still a virgin at 20 and never been in a relationship. Most girls my age annoy the crap out of me. Always full of drama and worried about tanning more that anything...the non important things in life. Most of the girls i have had intrest in go for the bad boys for some reason. If they want to be treated like ****, fine by me.

 

I am a loyal and passionate guy. Maybe thats why i dont get girls or dates. Most guys i know only care about sex and arnt passionate or loyal at all and yet they seem to get realtionships with these beautiful women. I could care less about sex. I sometimes dont get life and maybe i never will.

[ianandris]

Dude, that sounds a ton like me.

[Zeta4PhiSius]

Dudes I third that one...that totally sounds like me. Except I'm an artist, musician, computer nerd, and going to college for a degree and still that doesn't impress.

 

Yeah. Very frustrating.

[A4DDL]

Dudes I third that one...that totally sounds like me. Except I'm an artist, musician, computer nerd, and going to college for a degree and still that doesn't impress.

 

Yeah. Very frustrating.

It does impress that you could hold out and that you think sex is worth getting to know the other person first,GOOD POINT,exactly...... who we want,

YET.....what we want doesn't do it for some .. yet it does for others, and vice-versa AHHHHHHH!! HELP!!! As far as the yourger men here.. it's sad but some women don't see celibacy as a such a positive thing b/c they think.. once you've had sex for the first time (possibly) with them, you'll become so hooked and spycho you would never let them breath. It's sad but some guys do that, so a few women, get a bit freaked out. Do not tell them you are virgins, just hold back a bit..it's painful yet so close to pleasure. it may be worth it and they may just think you are in control and not them.

HAHHHH!!

[Zeta4PhiSius]

A4DDL- That's what every lady says but I went through a hellishly painful experience where the lady friend-zoned me when I expressed romantic interest after getting to know her. It's 7 months now since it happened and I'm still trying to get over the hurt, pain, and anger - I was that deeply in love with her. It's clear that women don't think that way (even though they complain about male chauvinistic pigs that think about sex all the time rather than focusing on the relationship. So I focused on the relationship and it backfired big time even though that's what you - and every woman I've ever known - says they want.

 

I'm never doing the friendship thing again with any woman who I have a romantic interest in.

[ianandris]

Amen, Zeta. Building friendships with girls you're interested in with the hope that someday they'll see you as relationship material is a fast track to nowhere. If you can't get anywhere right away (I mean chemistry, not sex, btw.), it's not worth wasting your time. The idea of friends first may work once in a while, but in my experience it's definitely the exception rather than the rule.

 

I really don't think girls dig chauvinistic pig types. They just want men to be men, is all. Those chauvinistic types, for all their flaws, at least have that much pegged. They aren't afraid of asserting their masculinity in every obnoxius, overbearing way they can think of. At the end of the day, women would much rather be with a man who's a flaming douche bag than a pushover/milk sop who's the nicest guy in the world. If you can be a man who is also a gentleman, well, you're set and it's only a matter of time before you find someone (generally speaking).

 

One last thing: being an artist/musician/computer nerd/degree seeker doesn't create interest. All it does is establish that you have interests (important, but, oddly, not always essential.). What you need to do is BE interesting. I've found that the ability to easily hold engaging, funny conversation/ the ability to build repore is MUCH more valuable in the dating world than anything you might actually be doing with your life.

 

I do see what A4 is saying, though. Virginity just isn't a selling point with men. It's not very alpha maleish. It IS a point of interest, however, after you get to know the person and it's been established that you aren't a creep and you're really not going to have sex with them unless you get married. I've found that some girls, if they're intrigued by the fact, tend to make it a personal quest to try to get you in the sack (which, makes for interesting times, )

[Zeta4PhiSius]

iandris - I know. I'm also interesting with my own quirks/sense of humor, etc. (which women have said they find interesting, BTW).

 

I don't know...maybe luck just hasn't worked in my favor yet and that's the only dumb variable that has to be there for me to succeed.

[ianandris]

*shrug* hell if i know. lady luck can be a real bitch sometimes, though.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I tried dating for the past year...had no takers what so ever...so i gave up. I am 20 and have plenty of time to meet someone, its just i am very mature for my age and i am looking for a perfect girl and that is proablly my main problem. I dont do one night stands, infact still a virgin at 20 and never been in a relationship. Most girls my age annoy the crap out of me. Always full of drama and worried about tanning more that anything...the non important things in life. Most of the girls i have had intrest in go for the bad boys for some reason. If they want to be treated like ****, fine by me.

 

I am a loyal and passionate guy. Maybe thats why i dont get girls or dates. Most guys i know only care about sex and arnt passionate or loyal at all and yet they seem to get realtionships with these beautiful women. I could care less about sex. I sometimes dont get life and maybe i never will.

 

wow you 2 are both like me! If I was single I would definately be interested in guys like you! I still think men and women like the concept of changing a person or a chase. They don't like something too 'easy'. They want a person who they can slowly CONVINCE to get married, convince to have children, etc, not someone who wants that immediately. You 2 are good guys...don't change!

[FleshNBones]

wow you 2 are both like me! If I was single I would definately be interested in guys like you! I still think men and women like the concept of changing a person or a chase. They don't like something too 'easy'. They want a person who they can slowly CONVINCE to get married, convince to have children, etc, not someone who wants that immediately. You 2 are good guys...don't change!

There is no reward for being a good guy. In fact, most women would rather punish them.

[Brady_to_Moss]

wow you 2 are both like me! If I was single I would definately be interested in guys like you! I still think men and women like the concept of changing a person or a chase. They don't like something too 'easy'. They want a person who they can slowly CONVINCE to get married, convince to have children, etc, not someone who wants that immediately. You 2 are good guys...don't change!

 

 

Oh dont worry, i wont be changing anytime soon.Unless i am 30 and have never had a girl...then i will have to change

[teachrmn]

I have read through this thread and found some things that I can relate too. First of all I think the whole online dating thing is a joke. I agree with the statement that most of us have become dehumanizing. Look at Facebook, myspace ect...I've heard stories where a person in a relationship will check there significant other's facebook account to see who they have been contacting...sad isn't it? And if you read half of the ads on these online dating sites, what do most women/men say "looking for Mr./ Mrs. Right" R u kidding me? No wonder some of these relationships fail.

If u read some of the post I have written in the past you'll see that I don't meet most women's standards. I am 5'4 and Hearing Impaired. Yes I struggle. But I have found the qualities that I have which are warmth, good listener, smart, funny, intellegent and outgoing. You know I used to get worked up about the dating scene and have found that I was miserable. I had to decide "do I want to miserable and dwell on the negatives or do I want to enjoy myself" I decided to do that later. I am now taking time to join clubs, get involve in community events, learn ASL ect. This is what makes me happy. Hell I have gone kayaking, sailing, taken bike/camping trips on the Applacian trail, read tons of books and gotten myself in better shape. I know men in relationships that haven't even left there home state. I am approaching my 35th b-day. Even though I have no one in my life, I have made a choice to make the best of life and enjoy.

 

As far as the friendship with women go, be a friend but don't have any expectations of every going anywhere. If she invites you out for a beer. Go, have fun, listen to what she has to say, I have learned alot from some female friends that I have about relationships. But I just don't expect anything anymore. I finally I've learned that all of these things that I am doing, makes me a more rounded/interesting person which is a great attraction to people. Yes I do get lonely sometimes, hell I haven't had sex in over a year....but if I am occupied with enjoying myself, then I guess it won't be on my mind so much will it?