cjag03 Posted October 9, 2003 Share Posted October 9, 2003 I recently got engeged to my fiance. I lve her more than i thought i could ever love someone. Everything in our relationship is perfect except for one thing. She stil keeps in touch with her exes on the phone and wants to invite them (2) to our wedding next year. I get so jealous and it drives me craazy to think that they have seen her the way i do (intimately). I have talked to her about it and she tells me that they are just friends and that i have no reson to be jealous but it still drives me crazy. what should i do to overcome this. Link to post Share on other sites
Clancy Posted October 9, 2003 Share Posted October 9, 2003 I think it is very insensitive of your fiancee to insist on having two ex-boyfriends at your wedding when she knows how it makes you feel. It's your wedding too and you have a right to have it be one of the happiest days of your life. If she insists on her right to invite these guys I would start backing away from her and reconsider the marriage because this is only the beginning of the very serious trouble you will be having with this girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cjag03 Posted October 9, 2003 Author Share Posted October 9, 2003 Is it wrong for me to feel this way? Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 9, 2003 Share Posted October 9, 2003 feelings or emotions are neither right nor wrong, good nor bad. It's actions that fall in those realms. Talk to her, explaining a little more carefully why you are uncomfortable with her inviting her former lovers to y'alls wedding. Maybe explaining to her that you prefer to keep the past in the past -- and that includes old significant others -- will help her understand a little better. I think it's rather tacky of her to invite them, but maybe she's trying to prove something to them, like "showing" them just how good she's got it getting married to you, or something. I also think that Clancy's got a good point. If she's comfortable being friends with old boyfriends, but refuses to consider your feelings, it's only going to get a lot worse if (A) you don't resolve your feelings of jealousy or (B) she doesn't downplay her relationship with them. It's one thing to have a friend of the opposite sex that you're close to, and you introduce your spouse/fiance to that person so that BOTH of you can enjoy the friendship, but another thing to still keep up with old boyfriends AND expect your beloved to accept those relationships without feeling threatened. Talk to her, many times if need be, until she gets the idea that this is something that bothers you greatly. Hopefully, you'll be able to reach a compromise before it comes time to send out wedding invites. Link to post Share on other sites
Goatsbreath Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 Does your girlfriend have any insecurity issues. Sometimes people drag thier X's around with them as some type of insurance. She could very well love you to death and not want anything to do with these other guys- thats why they are X's. The thing is, she likes for you to know they are still hanging around incase you decide to step out of line and hurt her. This may be some form of control she feels the need to use. Link to post Share on other sites
Nostalghia Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 Originally posted by Goatsbreath Does your girlfriend have any insecurity issues. Sometimes people drag thier X's around with them as some type of insurance. She could very well love you to death and not want anything to do with these other guys- thats why they are X's. The thing is, she likes for you to know they are still hanging around incase you decide to step out of line and hurt her. This may be some form of control she feels the need to use. I'm sorry but that is the lamest reason to have these 2 dorks at his OWN wedding. If she wants insurance, then she should Get Met .... eitherwise she deserves to be dumped at the altar! I have an idea ... bring the hottest ex you ever dated to the wedding as well. Insist that she becomes one of the bridesmaids. We'll see how wifey reacts to this idea and hopefully exposes your idiocy for even suggestion these 2 morons show up to a wedding! LOL - why on gods green earth would these 2 even show up?! Just goes to show what kind of people she hangs with ... you sure you want to marry this woman? Link to post Share on other sites
bryanp Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 I would think long and hard about whether you should be engaged to this woman. This is a huge red flag. She is amazingly insensitive to you by requesting to invite two of her former boyfriends whe has had sex with her to come to the wedding. I think it says a great deal about the lack of respect she has for you. Unfortunately there is a bigger problem and that is you said she stays in contact with these former boyfriends by phone and so forth. It seems she has not let these guys out of her life but rather they are still a part of her life. Are you willing to marry a woman who still maintains close communications with her former boyfriends.? This is a sign of immaturity and a good bet that this could lead to a premature end of your marriage in the future. Is it fair to say that after you are married and when you get into some sort of argument she may contact her old boyfriends for support and comfort? The bottom line is that this again is a huge red flag. She has not let go of her former lovers and I think you would be making a mistake to marry a person like this at this time. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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