Fight Last Night...

[karenina21]

I've known my husband for eight years; we've been married for six months. During the time I have known him we have hit a few rough spots. I have an anxiety/depression problem which I've gotten help with in the past. It makes me feel angry and so I yell a lot. I've been on medication for this before and need to go back on it. Meanwhile, every so often my husband will act quiet or out of sorts but won't talk to me if I ask what's wrong. And/or, he won't want to have sex or be intimate at all. So, I start to get angry when after I ask what's wrong, he doesn't tell me. So I start to self-doubt and think he doesn't want me because I've gained weight, or I'm a nag, etc. Then he snaps. But sometimes he'll just explode out of noplace even if I haven't done anything to nag him.

 

Last night, we got into a fight over his odd attitude. He said he was going to get us ice cream but didn't come back for 45 minutes when the shop is next door. So I called his cell phone a few times wonering if he'd gone to Timbuktu. He didn't answer the phone so I threw mine out of frustration. That's when he walked in and said he'd been home for half an hour and his phone was on silent. That made me really angry that he didn't even tell me he'd come home so I made some rude comments.

 

Well, that set him off. He ended up breaking one of our dining room chairs, smashed a decoration on the wall in half, shattered a lamp, bent a sign over my office door, and punched and splintered a kitchen cabinet. He took the biggest knife from the knife block, wildly stabbed at the kitchen counter, and screamed over and over "I want a divorce!" He took a vase of flowers he gave me last week, accused me of telling him he doesn't care, and threw the vase in the kitchen sink, smashing it to smithereens. He took a card he gave me, lit it on fire and tossed it into the sink mess, let it burn, then turned the water on it and put it out. The whole time he was screaming obsecnities at me, yelling that I only cared about myself and that I wanted him to f*ck me, and saying he wanted to kill himself. He said he was going to hurt me as much as I'd hurt him over the past few hours. I tried to reason with him to say that wasn't true that I thought he didn't care, and that I never said that, but that he'd been acting strange lately. He kept yelling he doesn't care about anything and just wants to kill himself. He went into the bathroom and opened a vial of diazepram (muscle relaxer) and put the whole bottle into his mouth and began to chew it. I yelled at him to spit it out and eventually he did but I don't know how much he ingested. When he finally calmed down enough he took the broken chair out to the dumpster, threw out the lamp shards and cleaned the sink. Then he kept telling me he wanted to just go to sleep in the living room and to leave him alone. So I got the cat, and she was okay, and went into the bedroom away from him.

 

I then went into the bathroom, totally beside myself, and began to cry really hard, I couldn't help it. He knocked on the door with ice cream in his hand. He looked at me, I was a snot-nosed crying mess, and said "I'm having some ice cream." But, he was still acting the same flat wierd distant way he'd been acting. He made a point of letting me see that he was eating both kinds of ice cream he bought.

 

I finally fell asleep around 2 a.m. and woke up again at 7 a.m. to the sound of heavy vomiting. He was throwing up in the toilet and bathtub, looked like his meal from last night and it was really dark vomit. I told him I'd clean it up, don't worry about it but maybe he shouldn't go to work. He ignored me, said he had to be at a customer site at 9:30. He then proceeded to throw up again. There are no cleaning agents in the house since he threatened to kill himself with whatever he could find so I put all the cleaning agents down the toilet and also all the pills in the house and hid the knives. So there's nothing to clean the vomit with, I have to go get something. It's still sitting there as I type this, I need to do something about it.

 

He got dressed and left for work without so much as a goodbye. I don't know what to do. I don't know where we go from here. This isn't the first time something like this has happened where he feels I nagged him too much or something. Like I said, sometimes I've said absolutely nothing and he's done stuff like this. He trashed our old apartment too by throwing a jar of spaghetti sauce, sticking a knife in a cabinet and kicked in the racks on the dishwasher.

 

The Christmas before this one, a few days before, he trashed the living room and threw the tree out the window and smashed all the ornaments. I knew he was depressed because he didn't have much money. But nowadays, we have enough money and we're making good headway in life so I just don't get it.

 

Can someone please help me. Is it my fault because I have a nagging, anxiety/depression disorder that makes me angry, so is it my fault he acted like this, because I asked what was wrong? What do I do? I can't just bury this under the rug and pretend like nothing happened. I don't know if he was just trying scare tactics or not with the taking of the pills and also he told me he had hoped I'd go to my mother's last night, because he "had it all planned out" that he was going to take the drugs to "get myself numbed up" so he could "slit my throat and not feel the pain." I cannot get that image out of my head. My poor cat, she's okay but she just stayed with me while I cried. I don't know what to do.

[mark982]

leaving would be a good idea.you both have some "issues" that need worked on. but his tirades have me alittle worried about your safety.

[Xodius]

All I can think of is, you aren't the only one with a personality disorder (Anxiety / Depression).

 

He doesn't want to kill himself because of you... but because of how he is handling his stress. He seems to be in a very fragile place right now... I don't know what to tell you other than that the fights I have with my wife are so juvenile in comparison to this. I'm so sorry its come to this... and that it has in the past.

 

The only thing I can tell you is to go and buy a book called "the love dare" its at walmart or barnes and noble. Its a book of 40 days of dares that has something that you do everyday to show your love for him. Stick to it and and the end of the 40 days, if nothing has changed, the only thing that can help at that point is divine intervention.

[manugeorge]

This is NOT normal behavior, please call a help crisis hotline. Something you should have done the very first time this happened. Most people don't respond to nagging this way. They certainly don't express anger or depression this way either.

 

You may think he is just crying wolf but then the next time may just be the cincher. Throwing things, breaking stuff , threatening suicide by chewing pills, all because he is angry is the way a 2 year old will respond to annoyance, not the way a functioning adult acts.

 

Please talk to a professional about this and get help. Even if he doesn't kill himself, this is still not the way to live. It doesn't matter if he only throws tantrums once a year, ONCE is one too many.