lyad Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Recently I found a lost school sweetheart of mine, someone who I loved deeply and have loved all my life. I never forgot her in spite of the passage of time. For a variety of circumstances we could not be together then. Now, after 30+ years of not having had any kind of contact with her, I have found her again. I have been married for 19 years now, soon to be 20. The contact we have re-established (at a distance, she is in Puerto Rico and I am in Atlanta, GA) has re-kindled those feelings. She had also married and divorced 15 years ago. She was the woman of my dreams, all my life. Even though I am happily married (not without the turmoils that all couples live through), I am having very strong feelings for my school sweetheart. She is happy to know about me, to re-establish contact with me. She is the woman I always loved, it's like unfinished business for me. Having found her again has been like a blast of fresh air. She is feeling the same way(she is 50 and I am 49 soon to be 50 in August). Has anyone ever loved one woman all of their lives, always remembering her, always wondering where she went? What do I do? I am torn. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 What makes you think you've loved her all these years? Sounds like you have fond memories but "love"? Link to post Share on other sites
pkn06002 Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 I am with Reggie on this, do you "know" this woman? You know the 30 year ago version of her but you don't know the TODAY her. You want to throw away your marriage on someone you have not seen in 30 years????? If you are that unhappy with your marriage go get MC and see if you can "fix" the marriage before you start a journey you don't want to take. Only if you cannot "fix" things then divorce you wife and chase the dream. If she really is the "one" then she will be there when you are done with your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
lostsoulmate Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Recently I found a lost school sweetheart of mine, someone who I loved deeply and have loved all my life. I never forgot her in spite of the passage of time. For a variety of circumstances we could not be together then... She had also married and divorced 15 years ago. She was the woman of my dreams, all my life. Even though I am happily married (not without the turmoils that all couples live through), I am having very strong feelings for my school sweetheart. She is happy to know about me, to re-establish contact with me. She is the woman I always loved, it's like unfinished business for me. Having found her again has been like a blast of fresh air. She is feeling the same way(she is 50 and I am 49 soon to be 50 in August). Has anyone ever loved one woman all of their lives, always remembering her, always wondering where she went? What do I do? I am torn. First, let me tell you I am a cheater. If you want your marriage to work. RUN AWAY from the OW. It doesn't sound like the two of you could ever be friends, because of the way you feel for her. I say it again, unless you are willing to possibly lose you wife forever, RUN AWAY FROM THE OW!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lyad Posted March 16, 2009 Author Share Posted March 16, 2009 How do I explain then not being able to sleep for three days straight after talking to her on the phone, receiving one email from her, not being able to stop thinking about her? How do I explain this? Am I sick? What is the matter with me? Link to post Share on other sites
pkn06002 Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 What you want justification to cheat??? OK I give you permission go and cheat. See how that works out for you. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Yes that is what brought me to loveshack. Fortunately i did not see him or act on my feelings. I knew from the first conversation (that we had had in 25 years) that my feelings were still too strong to start up any kind of friendship. Some people you just can never be friends with. I ran as fast as I could and didn't give him my email address, cell phone number or anything else that would make it easy for us to keep in touch. That was 2 years ago and I still think of him every day. However, I wouldn't do anything to hurt my husband because I know if I lost him I will have lost everything. Link to post Share on other sites
lostsoulmate Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 How do I explain then not being able to sleep for three days straight after talking to her on the phone, receiving one email from her, not being able to stop thinking about her? How do I explain this? Am I sick? What is the matter with me? Lyad, You don't have to try and explain it. I am in your shoes. My OM and I kind of always stayed in touch through the years. His best friend was married to mine so it was usually second hand hellos, and how you doings. Anyway, I understand how you feel. It's that deep down lustful/joyful feeling. Or when you can't speak to her, it feels like your breast plate and backbone touch, right? You are not sick. There is nothing the matter with you. You have strong feelings toward another person. Nothing wrong with that. Now, let me be frank. IF YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE, STOP TALKING TO THIS OTHER WOMAN. If you and your OW has feelings this strong now, it will only be worse if you continue to talk to each other. And if you meet someday, how do you know you could control yourself with that undeniable feeling you have for her? I couldn't. I never thought I would cheat. I never thought I would be where I am right now. But I am, because I couldn't control how I felt around my OM. I am only human, and we make mistakes. DON'T MAKE A MISTAKE YOU CAN SEE COMING!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 How do I explain then not being able to sleep for three days straight after talking to her on the phone, receiving one email from her, not being able to stop thinking about her? How do I explain this? Am I sick? What is the matter with me? You don't sound sick, just naive. Is you marriage in rough shape? Are you bored or fighting a lot? Have you hit mid-life? We get so bombarded these days with the messagethat life is supposed to be "all that". One starts thinking he/she is missing out on something if life is mundane. But, mundane is what life is and it can be enjoyable. I really think that you are not thinking clearly if you feel you love someone you have not seen in years based on a couple communications. You must admit, it sounds puerile. If a friend told you this, wouldn't you think he was a fool? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Now, after 30+ years of not having had any kind of contact with her, I have found her again. I have been married for 19 years now, soon to be 20. The contact we have re-established (at a distance, she is in Puerto Rico and I am in Atlanta, GA) has re-kindled those feelings. You went looking and now you're in a mess of emotions. Who contacted who first? You or her? Anyway, you're basing this on feelings you once shared with her from MANY years ago. She's changed, you've changed and all of this is based on selfish and in the moment recapturing and memories. That is NOT real life, let alone a real friendship. Continue down this road your life will be ruined, let alone your wife and childrens as well. My advice is, say goodbye to your past flame and focus on the woman you married. Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Wow you have let the genie out of the bottle! I think you are idealizing your past relationship and fantasizing about it.....which as you probably know is very unheathly for your marriage. From what I have read about this type of situation your feelings are not unusual as re-connecting with someone who shares a history with you can be very powerful. I think honesty is the best policy here. Be open and tell your wife what has been going on and deal with it together as a couple. I'm sure your wife will help you stop contact with the OW. Its also a good idea to discuss your relationship and any problems you may both have. Why not re-connect and invest in your marriage instead of some fantasy with the OW? Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAtLast Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 You need to think about what made you go looking for her. Because that is what really happened, right? (If you misplaced her and then found her again, my apologies). Why were you in the position of looking for someone from your past? That is what you need to examine. As other's have pointed out, you've opened Pandora's box. It is easy to get your head turned by someone that is "new" and exciting. But, bottom line (and I WAS a cheater, so no judgement here, just experience) if you love you wife, stop all contact with this woman. If you do not love your wife, file for a divorce. At the end of the day, honestly, you can't have both. It is not fair to either woman. Link to post Share on other sites
RomanticBride Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 Two words, my dearie-- Marry Her!!!!!! I kid you not. You will forever live to regret it if you do not. Think Phantom of the Opera here. Link to post Share on other sites
Heroic Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 What you have is a fantasy.... It will be amazing for about a year.... Then one day you will wake up....her farts won't smell like perfume...she will be just another woman...not magical, just human like all the rest. You will have given up a little piece of your soul, your integrity to be with her. You will have diminished yourself to have a relationship not better than the one you are in. If she was truely meant for you she wouldn't have left in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Recently I found a lost school sweetheart of mine, someone who I loved deeply and have loved all my life. I never forgot her in spite of the passage of time. For a variety of circumstances we could not be together then. Now, after 30+ years of not having had any kind of contact with her, I have found her again. I have been married for 19 years now, soon to be 20. The contact we have re-established (at a distance, she is in Puerto Rico and I am in Atlanta, GA) has re-kindled those feelings. She had also married and divorced 15 years ago. She was the woman of my dreams, all my life. Even though I am happily married (not without the turmoils that all couples live through), I am having very strong feelings for my school sweetheart. She is happy to know about me, to re-establish contact with me. She is the woman I always loved, it's like unfinished business for me. Having found her again has been like a blast of fresh air. She is feeling the same way(she is 50 and I am 49 soon to be 50 in August). Has anyone ever loved one woman all of their lives, always remembering her, always wondering where she went? What do I do? I am torn. What to do? Obviously your wife is insignificant to you because you didn't even give her the courtesy of a mention. This isn't knee-jerk. Divorce her and set her free. Its clear you went looking for this other woman, you don't respect or love your wife, and you feel this is the woman of your dreams and have unfinished business. So get a divorce, accept the fact that your wife will get half the marital assets...suck it up and set your wife free. Link to post Share on other sites
beyondsad Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 My heart aches reading these posts. My H hooked up with and old dear friend and it lasted 3-4 months. When I found out (she told me) my world was shattered. He thought that was what HE wanted two marriages shattered kids hurt etc and then realized it was for nothing. What he had at home MEMORIES, faithful wife, plans of growing old together really was what he wanted after all. I gave him aanother chance but the anguish he feels ffrom what hes done will be with him forever. Don't do it if you love your wife . It is probably only infatuation. Link to post Share on other sites
Heroic Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 I had to revisit this thread. My first love, who I chased after for years after we dated tried getting back in my life a mere 2 weeks before I got married to my wife. I chased her for well over 10 years. I went to her wedding as a guest. The groom looked enough like me to be related. She broke away from her recieving line to talk with me for 30 minutes, disrupting the entire wedding. All her sisters danced with me and told me to be patient, to wait just a year or two and she would wise up, that she always compares all her boyfriends to me. I craved that woman like a drowning man craves air. Two short weeks before my wedding she called my mother and boldy told her that, she finally realized that she always loved me and that she had divorced her husband to be with me. It was far too little far to late. She still saw me as the boy I was when I was 16 but we had both moved on, become other people. I had met a woman who loved me and fully embraced that. I thank G_D every day that I wasn't deluded by my past infatuations and blinded to the wonderful woman who came into my life. Fortunately for me the fantasy had died berfore that phone call. She was no longer the 16 year old beauty queen she was a middle aged woman who had kids with an abusive husband who had rejected me for years so she could be the party girl and center of attention. Years ago we shared some magical times, I still remember our first kiss, I remember the way she smelled and I remember how my heart raced at the sight of her, but that was then and it is the past. Your not 16 anymore and no matter how magic those times were there is no way to recapture them. Think about the magic that brought you to your wife together and build on all those moments. We often forget the wonders that have been laid out in our lives because we are accustomed to our mate being there. Embrace her and your shared times and you will find that the fantasy of the past is dwarfed by the reality of the present. How could high school romance in any way compare to the epic adventure of having children and sharing 20 years together? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lyad Posted April 16, 2009 Author Share Posted April 16, 2009 To all of you who responded to this thread, thank you. I have come to my senses and realized that I was swimming in 'shark infested' waters. I have put an end to this encounter. Someone in this thread mentioned that I 'did not love or respect' my wife because I did not even give her the courtesy of a mention when I first started this thread. This is so far from the truth. Because I love my wife so much is that I have become 'rational' about this entire ordeal. It is true that I have genuine feelings for my 'school sweetheart', but 30+ years have passed and I will NOT risk losing my family over a 'mirage'. Thank you again for slamming me with a 2" x 4" on the side of my head. God I needed that!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lyad Posted April 16, 2009 Author Share Posted April 16, 2009 I had to revisit this thread. My first love, who I chased after for years after we dated tried getting back in my life a mere 2 weeks before I got married to my wife. I chased her for well over 10 years. I went to her wedding as a guest. The groom looked enough like me to be related. She broke away from her recieving line to talk with me for 30 minutes, disrupting the entire wedding. All her sisters danced with me and told me to be patient, to wait just a year or two and she would wise up, that she always compares all her boyfriends to me. I craved that woman like a drowning man craves air. Two short weeks before my wedding she called my mother and boldy told her that, she finally realized that she always loved me and that she had divorced her husband to be with me. It was far too little far to late. She still saw me as the boy I was when I was 16 but we had both moved on, become other people. I had met a woman who loved me and fully embraced that. I thank G_D every day that I wasn't deluded by my past infatuations and blinded to the wonderful woman who came into my life. Fortunately for me the fantasy had died berfore that phone call. She was no longer the 16 year old beauty queen she was a middle aged woman who had kids with an abusive husband who had rejected me for years so she could be the party girl and center of attention. Years ago we shared some magical times, I still remember our first kiss, I remember the way she smelled and I remember how my heart raced at the sight of her, but that was then and it is the past. Your not 16 anymore and no matter how magic those times were there is no way to recapture them. Think about the magic that brought you to your wife together and build on all those moments. We often forget the wonders that have been laid out in our lives because we are accustomed to our mate being there. Embrace her and your shared times and you will find that the fantasy of the past is dwarfed by the reality of the present. How could high school romance in any way compare to the epic adventure of having children and sharing 20 years together? Thank you heroic. I am running away from this as fast as I can and in doing so, I FEEL FREE, like a heavy burden has come off my shoulders. I am relieved. Thank you and all of the other members that posted their responses for sharing your experiences with me. God bless Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Man, with all the self-inflicted injuries I see all the time on these boards, I can't tell you enough how glad I am to see that you made the right decision. But. If you aren't already doing so, you're probably going to want to do some heavy self-examination to figure out what left you vulnerable to this sort of thing in the first place, because you sure as hell don't want to go through it again. Counseling may even be in order, but that's your call. Anyways, major kudos for doing the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 There me dozens of threads on here that start with some version of: Re-found my true love after being married 20 years. There should be a whole forum just for that. Normal, kind, intelligent people - basically happily married but not 100% fulfilled in middle age - suddenly re-connect with their soul mates totally accidentally on purpose. I am one of the most empathetic people on here, I know this. And this scenario is SO ridiculous - there simply is no advice. This is right up there with losing your partner to a virtual reality game. You woke up!! Welcome back . Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 i love this result. i also wanted to say that the memories are something that can never be taken away from us. just because we can't be with someone doesn't mean we aren't capable of continuing to love them. i still love someone dearly from my childhood. we are both divorced after 20 years being married to others. it will never work out. we are too far away from each other and have our own set of priorities where we were each planted in our youth. that's ok. i know he loves me - he knows i love him. it doesn't mean we need to be together. once in a great while we catch up by email now. that is enough for both of us as we move through our daily lives being happy where we are. Link to post Share on other sites
Olderbyfar Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 Recently I found a lost school sweetheart of mine, someone who I loved deeply and have loved all my life. I never forgot her in spite of the passage of time. For a variety of circumstances we could not be together then. Now, after 30+ years of not having had any kind of contact with her, I have found her again. I have been married for 19 years now, soon to be 20. The contact we have re-established (at a distance, she is in Puerto Rico and I am in Atlanta, GA) has re-kindled those feelings. She had also married and divorced 15 years ago. She was the woman of my dreams, all my life. Even though I am happily married (not without the turmoils that all couples live through), I am having very strong feelings for my school sweetheart. She is happy to know about me, to re-establish contact with me. She is the woman I always loved, it's like unfinished business for me. Having found her again has been like a blast of fresh air. She is feeling the same way(she is 50 and I am 49 soon to be 50 in August). Has anyone ever loved one woman all of their lives, always remembering her, always wondering where she went? What do I do? I am torn. Were you ever an item in school? Or was the "love" one-sided.Think about that. I still have fond memories of a HS sweetheart, but that is as far as it goes. I suppose if I met my HS gf, we'd talk, maybe catch a meal & catch up. Say it was great, but I have to be heading home. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 How do I explain then not being able to sleep for three days straight after talking to her on the phone, receiving one email from her, not being able to stop thinking about her? How do I explain this? Am I sick? What is the matter with me? Lyad, you don't have to explain your situation to me. I've lived your story, and sadly (believe me sadly) there is a possibility that I may live it as long as I live. You are a bit ahead of me as your "OW" is a single gal. That makes your situation at once more possible and at least equally dangerous to your current life. You might take a look at my thread, "Bought a New House Today, the Adventure Begins" still current, and started over a year ago. At worst you are looking at massive chaos. At best? Only you can dream of the outcome.<br><br> I wish you luck, really... Buckle your seatbelt, there's rough weather ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
Jade 02 Posted April 22, 2009 Share Posted April 22, 2009 Recently I found a lost school sweetheart of mine, someone who I loved deeply and have loved all my life. I never forgot her in spite of the passage of time. For a variety of circumstances we could not be together then. Now, after 30+ years of not having had any kind of contact with her, I have found her again. I have been married for 19 years now, soon to be 20. The contact we have re-established (at a distance, she is in Puerto Rico and I am in Atlanta, GA) has re-kindled those feelings. She had also married and divorced 15 years ago. She was the woman of my dreams, all my life. Even though I am happily married (not without the turmoils that all couples live through), I am having very strong feelings for my school sweetheart. She is happy to know about me, to re-establish contact with me. She is the woman I always loved, it's like unfinished business for me. Having found her again has been like a blast of fresh air. She is feeling the same way(she is 50 and I am 49 soon to be 50 in August). Has anyone ever loved one woman all of their lives, always remembering her, always wondering where she went? What do I do? I am torn. Hi lyad I am in the same boat as you right now! Right down to the 30 years ago,cept I,m married female. Married to a drunk for 4 years but been with him 15 years(his drinking progressed as we were married),so left me lonley,and pist,and all that. well a few months ago I found my Ex,s sister(I was with Ex for 4 years almost)and that was 30 years ago. This is weird same thing as you. I did not hide or sneak,I was very honest with now hubby,and the Ex,and still I messed up my head over this,cuz I dont want hubby if he continues to be drunk daily,and Ex is in a bad marraige,and is waiting for me to say the words COME ON DOWN(he lives up north from me). So now I'm just taking a day at a time,and letting things roll. Hubbys still drinking but not that much,but I know he is soon to bust. So I am out to make me happy, sorry someone will get hurt,but I;m tired of drunks. Make yourself happy,but really be honest with wife,talk to her about this,you havent done anything wrong IMO. I talk to my hubby about this daily,cuz it's on my mind now that EX and I talk often. We are not rushing things either(Ex,and I). So make a good decion for yourself,Well if you have kids together,that to me is a whole new issue,then your family comes first. Link to post Share on other sites
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