The "Talk" (queue ominous music)

[WTRanger]

First let me set some guidelines for this. This is based on meeting a new friend, say within 6-8 months of first meeting them. This isn't related to the "close friend" situation of whom you've know for years. You two get along famously and you (at least one of you) has hit a gray area where you are not sure whether to pursue a friendship or a relationship with this person. You realize that you do indeed have feelings for this friend and proceed to tell them (or try to kiss them or get drunk and have sex) that you think the two of you would make a great couple if you were to try dating. The talk or kiss or post-sex didn't go as planned (do they ever go as planned?) but it didn't go bad either. If anything, it left an even bigger gray area. One more detail, the person being told the feelings obviously knows you have been harboring feelings for them so this isn't a huge surprise but it is a surprise none the less. You two agree that you need to talk about what happened, but the person being told the feelings always freaks out when the topic comes up and runs away.

 

So, in your opinions... What's harder? To be the friend telling the feelings or the friend being told the feelings? They both seem hard, but as the one telling your feelings I think you have much more to lose because you are the one putting it all out there. On the flip side, the one being told the feelings gets immediately put on the spot, which isn't a fun place to be either.

[lammie]

I have never been in the "being told" situation so i can't say for that. I'm currently in the "told my feelings" position, the "telling" is hard enough despite the good or bad outcome it's a brave thing to do. We never had the post-"stuff happened" talk (sexual incidents got involved), so the pink elephant with "stuff" is still in the house, we're trying to be "friends" but we never talked about how we proceed with that neither. I don't want to scare him away with the "talk" about either topics and found myself in a very grey area, first not okay with but now slowly accepting.

 

I think being the one with the feelings is harder because feelings just don't go away and whenever you see that person you still have feelings for them. I have been asked out by an acquiescence (whom i just met less than 2 months, we never hang out or anything we only see each other at parties or such so not even friends), but i'm not interested, when i see him again, i play it cool and the message is clear. I'm very black and white.

 

I think the trouble is that, when the "being told" says just want to be "friends" but action says otherwise, whether because his who-ha below is thinking or he's confused about his feelings i don't know, that's where the confusion comes in and make the "told my feelings" person even harder.