What's going on with me? (Tony I hope you'll read this..)

[Somewhat Damaged]

Ok first of all, I'll have to tell my little story :

 

I am a 17 years old boy and I can say without a doubt that the last 9 months were the worst of my life. I fell in deep love (the real thing) with my best friend, let's call her Annie. Annie was/is a very fragile person, just as I were when I met her (I had to leave my first job because everyone was rejecting me and I wasn't fast enough). So she was my platonic friend (a classic), we were very close, one day she told me that she wanted to kill herself, I helped with all of my heart (even at 3:00am), she had a crush on my friend, I gave her advice, she needed money, I gave some, she left drugs in my house, I took the blame etc... The good guy ! One day, I realized that I loved her, after maybe 2 months. I knew she wouldn't want me (she only likes guys with a Silverster Stalone kind of shape) and she gave me all of thoses "don't say that you love me" signs. But i was so naive... With the time, I became really depressed, but I was still hanging out with her, In fact, became tollaly obsseded. I remember waking up in the middle of the night, all in sweats, because I had a nightmare of Annie getting hit by a bus, that's pretty thought to love that much when you're 17. I didn't knew how to deal with it, (now thank god I know!). So maybe after 6 months of total submission and screwed up life, friends, money (I ##### up my year at school). I decided that it was enough. I had to tell her. I did. The reaction? "#####! Why don't you kill yourself?". WHAT??? Yes the bitch said that! Seriously, she didn't said it with the intention to hurt me, at the time I knew Annie so much that I could almost read in her mind. Oh I forgot to mention what pushed me to tell her everything : she fell in love with my best friend, let's call him Jean. Jean couldn't care less about Annie, he didn't even wanted to ##### her. She was devasted, of course, I was there (and devasted too, the girl you love want your best friend). A couple of days later, she was anormally smilling, so I asked her why she was so happy and she told me (in details)that she loosed her virginity yesterday with a guy that she barely even knew, I FEELED THE DAMN KNIFE TEARING MY HEART APART! It's strange but I feeled cheated... That was the more I could take.

 

The first few days after telling everything, I spent 3 hours watching a knife, I nearly opened my veins for this girl. The good news is that i'm recovering from this, I really learned alot about relationships and love. I wouldn't let this thing happen to me again. Right now my self-esteem is higher than it never be in years, and i'm trying to save the rest of the year at school. I even started to look for a new job...

 

So what's the problem ?

 

Today one of my best friend told me that he may go with Annie to the prom because she asked him. As he was telling me this, my legs started to shake and I SERIOUSLY thought that I was going to fall on the floor. What is happening to me?? I'm not in love with Annie anymore and I haven't talked to her in months but I feel so scared, not jalous, scared, I don't know why... It was like a wave of every feelings ever felt... What's going on with me? Give advice please, I need it...

 

BTW I am sorry to have written such a big post, but I think that knowing my background is essential to answer this question.

[hassan]

Well you know what. you are just afraid . The fact is that you still care for annie and you dont want anything happening to her. I know how you feel abot falling in love it hurts so bad when you confront the person. You feel like you dont want to live anymore but it is good that you have recovered from that. I am still in teh process of getting better. Anyways i think you are scared is that you still like her. you might not be in love with her but you could still like her.

Ok first of all, I'll have to tell my little story : I am a 17 years old boy and I can say without a doubt that the last 9 months were the worst of my life. I fell in deep love (the real thing) with my best friend, let's call her Annie. Annie was/is a very fragile person, just as I were when I met her (I had to leave my first job because everyone was rejecting me and I wasn't fast enough). So she was my platonic friend (a classic), we were very close, one day she told me that she wanted to kill herself, I helped with all of my heart (even at 3:00am), she had a crush on my friend, I gave her advice, she needed money, I gave some, she left drugs in my house, I took the blame etc... The good guy ! One day, I realized that I loved her, after maybe 2 months. I knew she wouldn't want me (she only likes guys with a Silverster Stalone kind of shape) and she gave me all of thoses "don't say that you love me" signs. But i was so naive... With the time, I became really depressed, but I was still hanging out with her, In fact, became tollaly obsseded. I remember waking up in the middle of the night, all in sweats, because I had a nightmare of Annie getting hit by a bus, that's pretty thought to love that much when you're 17. I didn't knew how to deal with it, (now thank god I know!). So maybe after 6 months of total submission and screwed up life, friends, money (I ##### up my year at school). I decided that it was enough. I had to tell her. I did. The reaction? "#####! Why don't you kill yourself?". WHAT??? Yes the bitch said that! Seriously, she didn't said it with the intention to hurt me, at the time I knew Annie so much that I could almost read in her mind. Oh I forgot to mention what pushed me to tell her everything : she fell in love with my best friend, let's call him Jean. Jean couldn't care less about Annie, he didn't even wanted to ##### her. She was devasted, of course, I was there (and devasted too, the girl you love want your best friend). A couple of days later, she was anormally smilling, so I asked her why she was so happy and she told me (in details)that she loosed her virginity yesterday with a guy that she barely even knew, I FEELED THE DAMN KNIFE TEARING MY HEART APART! It's strange but I feeled cheated... That was the more I could take. The first few days after telling everything, I spent 3 hours watching a knife, I nearly opened my veins for this girl. The good news is that i'm recovering from this, I really learned alot about relationships and love. I wouldn't let this thing happen to me again. Right now my self-esteem is higher than it never be in years, and i'm trying to save the rest of the year at school. I even started to look for a new job... So what's the problem ? Today one of my best friend told me that he may go with Annie to the prom because she asked him. As he was telling me this, my legs started to shake and I SERIOUSLY thought that I was going to fall on the floor. What is happening to me?? I'm not in love with Annie anymore and I haven't talked to her in months but I feel so scared, not jalous, scared, I don't know why... It was like a wave of every feelings ever felt... What's going on with me? Give advice please, I need it...

 

BTW I am sorry to have written such a big post, but I think that knowing my background is essential to answer this question.

[Tony T]

You are still in love with Annie. Even though we can consciously go through all the motions of healing the wounds of a past love, subconsciously it doesn't die off that easily.

 

When we are young, we love so much more deeply than we do when we are older. That's because our defenses haven't been built up because of years of hurt and pain that most of us sustain in our initial years of experience with love. So you felt very, very deeply for this girl and got to know her as a friend. Because you deeply loved her, there were a lot of things about her you SHOULD have seen but didn't. But you didn't play by the rules...you didn't tell her early on so you could see just where her head was at...and your soul now must pay the consequences.

 

Being around a lady you are madly in love with without having some idea those feelings are being returned is borderline insanity and surely to lead to hurt. You have got to be up front and honest. If this girl thought all along you were her buddy but instead you were madly in love, you weren't being honest with her and you have to pay.

 

I will tell you that there are some ladies in the world who will take serious advantage of a guy who is in love with them but for whom they do not have those same feelings. You need to really watch out for that.

 

It will take some time but you will heal...and then you won't care who takes her to the prom or anywhere else. The best route is to find a love elsewhere that is likewise returned in an honest way. If you EVER find yourself falling in love with a girl who likes you only in a platonic way, fess up IMMEDIATELY and be prepared to take the consequences. If the girl really likes you as a friend and is mature about it, she'll help you work through your feelings for her and help get you into reality. Frankly, I think the one you are talking about here was very immature and not very considerate.

 

So to wrap it up, you had a very deeply emotional experience and you are not yet over it. But be patient with yourself and learn from it. Take control of your emotions and your situation. Don't give this girl any more power to make you feel bad. Allow her to live her life in any fashion she desires. Look out for yourself and do things that make you happy. She has no obligation to stop dating anyone until you get over her. She has moved on and so should you.

 

You said she was a very fragile person...but you were projecting yourself onto her. It is you who was the fragile person. The world doesn't much care about how we handle things so the sooner you get it together, the sooner you will be happy. When you think of Annie, think of the worst case of indigestion you have ever had...and you will soon get over her. And you may also go through a lot of Rolaids.