Is "emotionally checked out" irreversable?

[DudeMan27]

I know the worst thing to do during a breakup is hope they come back. About a year ago, a few months after my ex and I started dating, I still was unsure about the relationship. I had sour feelings toward a previous gf and feel I took it out her (my current ex) I just wasnt as into the relationship as she was, and if she's get mad or upset about something I wouldnt try to comfort her because I felt I always let girls walk all over me and took it out on her. We split for a while and I tried to get her back. She put up walls for a few months and I got lucky enough to get her to come back.

 

Lately when she has been physically and emotionally distant, she would stilll do things that would make me think she wanted it to work. I'd spend the night and we wouldnt even touch, but when I'd go to leave in the morning she'd say stuff like "bye baby" and not want to stop kissing me. We had an emotional talk a few weekends ago where she talked and talked about how confused she was, and she didnt want to make the wrong decision. Later that night she texts me saying " i really wish you were here tonight" But then the next night she would be distant again.

 

2 weeks ago I finally couldnt take it anymore and told her how hard it was for me and I wanted things to get better between us more than anything. She started crying and saying that she knew that. And that she thinks about it all time and how hard it must be for me. Two days later she calls and says she was thinking that we should hung out and have a stress free night and that she thought it would be a good idea. The next night she didnt come to a friends party of mine. We talked and both agreed that since we'd be at a party, it wouldnt help our situation. Her words were to the effect of "if we go to the party, we wont get to spend any time together and we'll just go home and go to bed and it wont help anything" She said she thought it would just be a "step back"

 

Then of course the morning after we have our night of hanging out, She says she emotionally checked out. But I cant help but think, it was her idea to hang out and be stress free. She was the one that said it would be a good thing. She called me "babe" when we got off the phone once last week. She said she thought about this every which way possible. She said had been so confused. If she put this much thought into it, she had to want it to work right? Or is emotionally checked out, too strong of a phrase to overcome.

 

Its only been 3 days and it literally feels like 3 months. I keep thinking if she really missed me she would have called. I dunno. I just cant get by the text message from 2 weeks ago where she said She really wished I was there. I asked her about why she sent it and she said because she meant it. How can you send someone something liek that, and be emotionally checked out?

[playlislay]

Just out of interest, how did you get her back the last time? What made her break down her walls? Were you in contact during these months apart?

 

I think you should give her her space. If she misses you then she may come to her sense and come back, but then who is to say that she came to her senses when deciding to leave you?

[DudeMan27]

It was a year ago so I really cant remember it all. I asked her to come down, thinking we were still 'on' She came down and went out with my friends and I and spent the night. A few nights later I made a joke about staying at her place and she told me she was seeing someone and thought that we just hung out as friends. I spent the next month or so really upset. I would talk with her, and with our mutual friend who hooked us up. The friend would tell me she still thought about me and didnt really like the new guy. So that gave me the confidence to pursue her. We talked off and on and finally broke through.

 

I keep going back and forth in my head like a ping pong game. She started being distance I'd say about 6-8 weeks ago. But would be very open about it. Telling me how she felt and why she felt it, and that she hopes the good feelings come back.

 

So in turn I would be kind of distant because I felt she didnt want me. Bu then the next time we'd be together, shes lay her head on my lap and hold my hand. There would be times within the last month that I would show up to stay at her house and she wouldnt even try to kiss me. But in the morning when I leave for work shed say "bye baby" and kiss me. One night in the beginning of Fed we went out to dinner and jsut hung out. That night we were waiting in line kissing and holding hands etc, we also had ice cream in my car and also made out after. It was romantic. Then the morning after that she's crying telling me how numb she feels and is confused and hurting. We always felt better after we talked with each other. Then just within the past 3 weeks, shes telling me how shes trying to swing making it to the beach with my friends and also on a different vacation with her family this summer, all the while being very distant towards me and less physical.

 

Then it all comes to a head when she asked to talk one morning. Thats when she was crying and saying how a was a wonderful boyfriend and she was confused and didnt want to make the wrong decision. We kissed after that and then 3 hours later I got the text saying she wished I was with her that night. It all went downhill since then. More crying, her saying she thinks alot about how much it hurts me. Then on to her wanting to hang out and be ourselves, that she thinks it would be good.

 

Then the next morning we're broken up. She said she thought about it every which way. She asked what kept me here. I told her I was getting frustrated with being distant, but each time I thought about ending it and not being with her, I couldnt bring myself to do it. She said the same thing for her. We cried for a while and hugged while I inched closer to the door.

 

I just hate the way it ended. It was like a movie. Her bawling her eyes out. She walked me to the door. As I walked out she said "see ya" I could barely turn my head around and said 'bye' As I made my way to the car I turned and she was still standing in the doorway with her head partially down and a look on her face that broke my heart. I looked back again and she was still there. As I got to my car I heard her front door shut.

 

Now Im left analyzing everythings she done and said in the past month. Yeah she was distant, but she called me "baby." Yeah she said she was emotionally numb, but when I was gone she text me wishing I was there. Yeah we broke up, but she was always telling me how confused she was and how much she thought and thought about it. So some of her must have not wanted to break up right?

 

Its only been 4 days but all I can see is her not caring, and not thinking about me. I dont see anyway she calls which makes me feel like she cares even less. I feel trapped.

[Trialbyfire]

The emotionally distant game of self-protection always ends up the same way. The two part ways.

 

Once someone's broken the trust in a relationship by pulling away, not once but multiple times, it's almost impossible to renew the connection. If you consider that all she's got to gauge you by, are your historical interactions. With this in mind, is it fair to expect that she can ignore those interactions and throw open her heart to you again?

 

This type of rubberbanding can also become addicting, in that it has emotional highs and lows. You hold on to get your hit of emotional highs.