To Tony

[billy the kid]

Tony it's great to read your responses, as the girls said you seem informed.. I have a question for ya... after my second divorce I have dated some... some girls were great and also some not so great,, any way I have taken some time off to do some soul searching... I have come to realize that at this point in time, though I enjoy talking to women and looking at them even being great friends, I do not want a relationship, in fact when it comes to that I push away as far as possiable...I am not gay, and do not have a problem with people who are... at this point in time I have just been let down too often and am not looking to any more love pain...what do you think? in depth if possiable. thanks

[Tony T]

I think your head is in a great place.

 

When we've gotten it in the butt a number of times with love, it can be very refreshing to be foot loose and fancy free. It it a great feeling to know that whatever lady or situation comes along, we are not tied down and we can enjoy the experience.

 

There are schools of thought that say that if you aren't looking to have children, there's no real reason to be married or to be in a serious relationship. Right now, you are not ready for either and you realize hit. Kudos to you. It is especially emancipating when we realize we can do just fine and be very happy going out, having fun, not being emotionally tied down. And we don't need to feel guilty or feel like something is wrong with us because we are not in a steady or committed relationship...that's our own personal business.

 

After a few divorces, you realize some brutal truths that many others don't. Relationships can start out oh so wonderful, stay that way for a period, and crack up about as fast as they started, just like a giant smashup at the Indy 500. We learn that love is not always the bed of roses that we thought it once was. But we also get a much more realistic picture of it and develop skills to help us find the kind of love that really DOES last.

 

Better than half the people who get married end up getting divorced. Use this time now to look into yourself and see what it is about you that either made the choices that you did or what relationship skills you may have been lacking to sustain your marriages. Love does not fly on automatic pilot. You have to do some work to keep it going. Maybe you are not up to putting that kind of energy into it and are much more comfortable singe...and that's absolutely fine, especially if you realize it.

 

My best feelings are that you are right now in the finest position you have ever been in your life to find Ms. Right. You aren't out looking especially and you don't particularly care. Keep right on trucking, having fun, doing what you want to do, and not caring what other people think. Ultimately, you will find a lady who fits so naturally into the life you will have created for yourself that she will remain there forever.

 

I think next time, you will engage your brain a lot sooner than your heart. That's a lesson we all have to learn.

 

Again, your head is in a great place. Enjoy yourself and don't worry...be happy!!!

 

There's also nothing at all wrong with chosing the single life. Many people do and are very happy. I think society often drives us to coupling when we'd just as soon not do so and it has nothing to do with sexual preferences. It has to do with free will. Take control of the rest of your life and live it exactly as you want to, no the way others want or expect you to. You're a lot smarter now and a lot more capable of pulling that off now than you were when you were dating the lady who became your first wife.

 

To all the girls you loved before...they showed you to your own life's door!!! You're glad they came along...now please don't prove them wrong...to all the girls you loved before!!! (I think there was a Julio Iglesias/Wilie Nelson song with similar words, but I like mine better)

[Jon]

I think your head is in a great place. When we've gotten it in the butt a number of times with love, it can be very refreshing to be foot loose and fancy free. It it a great feeling to know that whatever lady or situation comes along, we are not tied down and we can enjoy the experience. There are schools of thought that say that if you aren't looking to have children, there's no real reason to be married or to be in a serious relationship. Right now, you are not ready for either and you realize hit. Kudos to you. It is especially emancipating when we realize we can do just fine and be very happy going out, having fun, not being emotionally tied down. And we don't need to feel guilty or feel like something is wrong with us because we are not in a steady or committed relationship...that's our own personal business. After a few divorces, you realize some brutal truths that many others don't. Relationships can start out oh so wonderful, stay that way for a period, and crack up about as fast as they started, just like a giant smashup at the Indy 500. We learn that love is not always the bed of roses that we thought it once was. But we also get a much more realistic picture of it and develop skills to help us find the kind of love that really DOES last. Better than half the people who get married end up getting divorced. Use this time now to look into yourself and see what it is about you that either made the choices that you did or what relationship skills you may have been lacking to sustain your marriages. Love does not fly on automatic pilot. You have to do some work to keep it going. Maybe you are not up to putting that kind of energy into it and are much more comfortable singe...and that's absolutely fine, especially if you realize it. My best feelings are that you are right now in the finest position you have ever been in your life to find Ms. Right. You aren't out looking especially and you don't particularly care. Keep right on trucking, having fun, doing what you want to do, and not caring what other people think. Ultimately, you will find a lady who fits so naturally into the life you will have created for yourself that she will remain there forever. I think next time, you will engage your brain a lot sooner than your heart. That's a lesson we all have to learn. Again, your head is in a great place. Enjoy yourself and don't worry...be happy!!! There's also nothing at all wrong with chosing the single life. Many people do and are very happy. I think society often drives us to coupling when we'd just as soon not do so and it has nothing to do with sexual preferences. It has to do with free will. Take control of the rest of your life and live it exactly as you want to, no the way others want or expect you to. You're a lot smarter now and a lot more capable of pulling that off now than you were when you were dating the lady who became your first wife. To all the girls you loved before...they showed you to your own life's door!!! You're glad they came along...now please don't prove them wrong...to all the girls you loved before!!! (I think there was a Julio Iglesias/Wilie Nelson song with similar words, but I like mine better)

 

This is the best and most sound advice I have read of yours. I commend you on your ability to help others with common sense and logic. What is up with giving the Keebler Elf freak merit with a response?

 

[Tony T]

I feel no person diminishes himself by posting and expecting responses on the most bizarre of concerns.