dazed_and_confused Posted October 10, 2003 Share Posted October 10, 2003 I just stumbled into this forum by chance looking up info on relationships. Here is my predicament: I have been married 9 years, separated once already for 6 months. My wife treats me really $hity. Constantly yells and does not respect me or my feelings. That being said, I met someone in the building where I work, and we have connected like I have never connected with anyone in my life. I am intoxicated by this woman. She is constantly on my mind first thing in the morning and last thing on my mind at the end of the day. We have been seeing each other now for almost two weeks. Nothing sexual, only some kissing. She has been married twice. First husband beat her, so that almost doesn't count. Second realized they were more compatible as good friends, not as husband and wife. She has three children, 16, 10 & 7. I really want to be with this woman but I am confused as to what I should do? I know that what we are doing is wrong, but I cant ignore the feelings I have. How should I approach my wife in this circumstance without things going sour. I'm not looking for an easy way out, but I cant just come out and say, "I might be in love with another woman and I'm tired of your crap, I'm leaving!" The kicker is, this other woman grew up with my wife and the parents are pretty close even to this day. I only just found out she worked in my building 2 months ago. The other woman was even at my wedding reception 9 years ago, and I don't even remember her! Her father caught the garder and we talk to them at least once every few months. If my wife and I were to separate and the new woman and I were to pursue a relationship, it would rock the family's. What to do, what to do..... Link to post Share on other sites
novascade Posted October 10, 2003 Share Posted October 10, 2003 your name fits your situation Link to post Share on other sites
Author dazed_and_confused Posted October 10, 2003 Author Share Posted October 10, 2003 You are so correct! Link to post Share on other sites
HalinaGold Posted October 18, 2003 Share Posted October 18, 2003 Hi... I don't think anyone can really tell you what to do... But here's a suggestion regarding the way you make your choice: It looks like whatever you will choose will bring some suffering to someone... Things have gone sour already, no matter if you're open about it or not. Instead of trying to avoid trouble and suffering - which you can't - you might want to consider things from a different point of view: What do you REALLY want in the long run? What kind of life? With whom? Be true to yourself. Be true to your feelings. All your feelings. Take the time you need to find out. You might be confused now, but if you decide to be honest to yourself, there will come a day, where you will know what you want to do. Even if you fear doing it, you will know. Not knowing what to do is one thing. Knowing it and fearing it is something else. When you know for sure, it's time to take action - even if you fear it. Be honest to yourself and be honest with those you are involved with - including your wife and family. They deserve it just as much as you deserve the life you really want. Link to post Share on other sites
moonspinner Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 How should I approach my wife in this circumstance without things going sour. I'm not looking for an easy way out, but I cant just come out and say, "I might be in love with another woman and I'm tired of your crap, I'm leaving!" Yes you can. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 I'm with Moonspinner......get the HELL out of the marriage......THEN embark on a new relationship. Chnaces are though.....you have found someone you may want to be with.....and all the problems in your marriage make you feel justified to persue that relationship. The bottom line is though.....you owe it to yourself and the OTHER PERSON.....to make a clean break before you enter into a relationship with them. It will only cloud the issue. Link to post Share on other sites
yogi-mon Posted November 19, 2003 Share Posted November 19, 2003 Do the decent thing, and end it more formally, and let her know you'll be open to meeting other people. Stay friends, and get to know this new woman more. Learn ALL about her rather than just jumping from one ship to another. Dont make the same mistake again! But, if after some more time, you still feel she is right (10 mins isnt more time.. like a few months..) THEN you can be with this woman, and have a clean concience. Going directly to the new woman --- just imagine if she was to do that to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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