I apologized to her

[somedude81]

Just want to say thank you to the people who contributed to my various thread. The "I want to have sex with my best-friend" thread that I had deleted and the "apology letter" thread that's still here.

 

In the end I didn't give her the letter, you guys made me realize how ridiculous it is.

 

Today I did apologize to her in person. I could tell that she was still mad even a week later after the fight. Since I was extremely nervous and my feelings were going crazy I actually don't remember most of what she said.

 

Some key things I do remember that she said; doesn't hate me but she dislikes me, can't believe that the things said came from me, thinks I'm not a good person for her life, will never see me the same way again, and can't be friends anymore.

 

I don't know why I reacted like I did that night. I'm the only one to blame and I know I'm taking this far worse than she is. She was the one close friend I have in my life and I'm in love with her. With her out of my life I'm only left with tears.

 

I knew that the friendship was in serious trouble once I realized how much I liked her. I just wish the end didn't have to be so terrible.

 

Now I have the feeling of complete hopelessness and extreme frustration. I'd do just about anything to make her like me yet I know there is nothing I can do.

 

It sucks that I have nobody to talk to, because she's actually the person I'd turn to.

 

I really wish I could have prevented falling for her. At least that way I'd still have a friend. Times like this make me wish the past could be changed.

 

I know I'm going to get over her, as in stop feeling like crap over her but I know that she will always be in my heart as a sad memory. The one that was so close but in the end didn't work.

 

I'll never know what she truly thought of me.

[WTRanger]

I really wish I could have prevented falling for her

 

That's an impossible wish dude. When you meet someone and the two of you get along great, sometimes feelings develop. You can't stop it, you can only act on them or repress them. It's up to you to decide what to do.

 

Think of it this way, she may dislike you but she doesn't hate you enough not to at least answer your apology. So consider that she does at least respect your apology enough and maybe even still respect you as a human being. You did the right thing by being the bigger man and apologizing in person.

 

Also, if this girl makes you feel this bad for losing her she must have made you feel so good right? So how much better is the next girl going to make you feel? Get out there and find that next girl. Just take the lessons you've learned and apply them, that way this experience will not have been in vain.

 

Life is a garden, dig it!

[Trialbyfire]

Yes, you did the right thing apologizing in person, rather than some form of textual apology.

 

She's hurt and angry right now. Give her some space and time. She might come around to consider being friends again but even then, I'm not certain it's a wise idea if you still have romantic feelings towards her.

[BlueEyedGirl]

I hope that this doesn't sound mean but... consider that she might be using your argument/fight as an excuse to distance herself from you. Maybe she feels uncomfortable with how strong your feelings are when she doesn't feel the same and that's the real reason why she doesn't want to be friends anymore.

 

Don't beat yourself up, you really haven't lost anything. Being friends with someone you are in love with is hell. It is not very nice of her to leave you thinking that this is all your fault rather than her inability to deal with your feelings.

[somedude81]

That's an impossible wish dude. When you meet someone and the two of you get along great, sometimes feelings develop. You can't stop it, you can only act on them or repress them. It's up to you to decide what to do.

The fact that we got along great made this so difficult. It was a nasty combination of really connecting with her and wanting her physically.

I was repressing my feelings for a couple of months but they were getting stronger. When she slept with the other guy, I just couldn't keep my feelings in any more.

 

Think of it this way, she may dislike you but she doesn't hate you enough not to at least answer your apology. So consider that she does at least respect your apology enough and maybe even still respect you as a human being. You did the right thing by being the bigger man and apologizing in person.

Thank you.

 

Heh at first she didn't want to hear me out. I had to run after her then she acknowledged me. It took her about a minute to even look at me. But I'm happy she was honest with me.

 

Also, if this girl makes you feel this bad for losing her she must have made you feel so good right? So how much better is the next girl going to make you feel? Get out there and find that next girl. Just take the lessons you've learned and apply them, that way this experience will not have been in vain.

 

Life is a garden, dig it!

She made me feel good when I was around her but the feeling wasn't quite right.

 

The whole reason I had to stop being friends with her was that it was starting to get painful being around her. I was with her, but I wasn't. In the end result is the same as with all the girls I was interested in. They ended up being mad at me and we stopped talking.

 

With each girl I learned a new lesson, but how many times do I have to strike out before I can even get on base? For now my spirit is broken and I don't want to meet anybody new. In time this feeling will pass and I'll move on.

Yes, you did the right thing apologizing in person, rather than some form of textual apology.

 

She's hurt and angry right now. Give her some space and time. She might come around to consider being friends again but even then, I'm not certain it's a wise idea if you still have romantic feelings towards her.

Yeah some form of textual apology would simply not work. Heck the whole damn thing happened because of text. If we had the fight in person none of this crap would have even been said. Text is too easy, too anonymous even if you know the person. I'm so glad I got to apologize in person.

 

I'm going to give her a lot of space and time. I did my part, everything is up to her now. She may or may not want to be friends again. But I do agree that it's not a good idea because I still have romantic feelings for her and they will take several months to go away, they'd go away quicker if I could actually get a different girl, but I digress.

 

We already had the talk where I told her that I can't be her friend as long as I like her. She was fine with that. But I got angry a few days later and made sure she'd never want to be my friend again

 

If she ever wants to be my friend I'd have to refuse. The only way we can hang out again is if I stop liking her, or she starts liking me. The first option will take months and the second will probably never happen.

 

Also I'm pretty sure I'm not a good person to have in her life. If we ever hang out again, I know I"m going to be looking for an opportunity to make sure something happens with her. I still deeply regret not trying to kiss her that night. Since we were both drunk there is a chance she would have at least made out with me. If that would have happened, then our friendship would have changed. Into what I don't know. But things would be different.That will be one of my biggest regrets for many years to come.

 

I hope that this doesn't sound mean but... consider that she might be using your argument/fight as an excuse to distance herself from you. Maybe she feels uncomfortable with how strong your feelings are when she doesn't feel the same and that's the real reason why she doesn't want to be friends anymore.

 

Don't beat yourself up, you really haven't lost anything. Being friends with someone you are in love with is hell. It is not very nice of her to leave you thinking that this is all your fault rather than her inability to deal with your feelings.

No, what I said was the ticket. She was fine that I liked her and she still wanted to spend time with me knowing that.

 

I was angry and just really stupid that night. I kept going on how I wanted a shot from her and it sounded like I was begging her to have sex with me, even though I didn't directly ask her to, she understood what I was doing. When that failed like I knew it would, my next intent was to basicaly say that if she didn't have sex with me, I wouldn't be her friend anymore. Then I said that I'm not going to make this mistake again. She misunderstood and thought I said that being her friend was a mistake. I actually meant that the next time I like a girl I can't go down the same road of becoming her friend and getting close to her. But it was too late and the damage was done. If we hadn't been talking over text none of this would have happened.

 

So getting back to my point. She has every right to not want to be friends anymore. That's why I'm beating myself up. Yes being friends with somebody you love is hell but it's no excuse for doing what I did.

 

I think she did a pretty good job of handling me. She had every right to get nasty with me. And yet she never said anything to me in anger.

 

I never did tell her that I love her, but at this point it doesn't make a difference.

[carhill]

OP, kudos to you for looking her in the eye and apologizing. Going forward, that's what she's going to remember, regardless of what happens to your friendship. That's the good stuff. Don't forget it

 

OK, time for your paths to diverge for now. What's next?

[BlueEyedGirl]

I still think that you are better off with a clean slate and moving on from this friendship. You probably wouldn't have been strong enough to stop contact by yourself so now you are given no choice. Why would you want to be friends with her? To listen when she falls in love and has sex with other guys? Seriously, it would kill you.

[somedude81]

OP, kudos to you for looking her in the eye and apologizing. Going forward, that's what she's going to remember, regardless of what happens to your friendship. That's the good stuff. Don't forget it

Thank you. I'm never going to forget any of this.

 

OK, time for your paths to diverge for now. What's next?

What's next? I think it's too soon to think about that. There is so much I need to do to improve and change myself, so I can be the man I know I should be.

 

I need to find focus and motivation. Even though my life is simple, my thoughts are chaos. That's probably why I haven't had a solid night's sleep in two weeks. I have a tendency to over-think so much that I give myself headaches.

 

I actually don't know where or how to start. I foolishly(?) keep telling myself that women are the answer. That if I were to actually get a girl for once in my life, all my problems and insecurities would vanish. That's one reason why I'm so hung up on her. I believe that if I were able to actually get with her, my life and also myself would instantly change.

 

The problem is that no woman would want me as I am now. Even if getting a girl would fix my life, it's actually not possible to get a girl till I fix my life. Unless I can somehow run into a girl that is very liberated about sex and doesn't very high standards, I'm not talking about a one night stand. I want to make sure that my theory is invalid, that it takes more than just sex for me to be happy. For now, I'm struggling.

 

I still think that you are better off with a clean slate and moving on from this friendship. You probably wouldn't have been strong enough to stop contact by yourself so now you are given no choice. Why would you want to be friends with her? To listen when she falls in love and has sex with other guys? Seriously, it would kill you.

I agree with you 100%. I wouldn't want to here her talk about other guys.

 

I have never felt worse in my life then the day she told me she lost her virginity. I can never hear her talk about relationships again.

[Susie1]

dude

 

she may cool off eeventually

 

u never know what happens next in life

 

and in twenty years time. wouldn't you be think instead what if i did? if you didn't do all that

 

just be paitent if u still want friendship.

But don't want anymore than that. u gotta find some new people, and stay strong when u freak as yr moving on.

[somedude81]

Not in the mood to make a new thread but I need to vent.

 

Why can't I get her out of my head?!

 

For a couple hours each Tuesday our work schedules cross. Knowing this somehow made it impossible for me to sleep last night. Went to sleep at 11 woke up at 2. I think I fell asleep again at 5 only to be awoken by my alarm at 7:30.

 

The whole day I have no energy. 1pm work starts, 1 hour till she shows up. I run into a girl who is a mutual friend of ours and a coworker. She knows everything about my situation. When I saw her I gave her a hug and did some light flirting with her. She's a really sweet girl.

 

Around 1:50 I begin to get extremely nervous. I desperately want to see Chelz and talk to her. But I know doing so would hurt me and slow down my recovery. I also don't know what I would say to her anymore. We were so close, but things have changed. I don't see her come in, and I had no work related reason to go by her station that she shares with our mutual friend. I hear a loud laugh that sounds like it's from Chelz.

 

3pm my shift is over and I leave through the back door to make sure that I don't see Chelz. Normally I'd at least give the other girl a hug but since both girls share the same desk I couldn't do that. I didn't even say bye to my friend.

 

The whole way home and even now I feel like crap. I almost cried when I got to my room.

 

Why am I in love with Chelz? Why do I still constantly think about her non-stop? Ever since our fight two weeks ago, the only time I talked to or even looked at her was last week when I apologized. I don't even know if she was at the office today but I didn't want to find out.

 

I need to move on and get over her ASAP. I can't believe I was so stupid to actually fall in love with her. If I was able to keep my feelings in check I would have never lost a good friend. I freaken HATE love.

[carhill]

Come back in a month after staying NC. It's only been a week. De-tox takes time

[somedude81]

Ugh a month? Three more weeks of this crap?

 

Funny thing is that I haven't had a good night's sleep in about three weeks.

 

I wish I had somebody to blame. Somebody to get mad at. But it's all my fault. I can't get mad at her and God never responds when I curse at him. This is so screwed up.

 

It's great that I also caught a cold last Thursday. I just got over a coughing fit that lasted 10 minutes. Life is grand.