vollie Posted October 10, 2003 Share Posted October 10, 2003 Hi All, I am in a Long Distance relationship with a Russian girl who is living in Denmark and I’m in the UK. We get on really well together, and I certainly love her to bits, she’s the joy of my life! I also feel that she cares about me a great deal. She’s 23 and a student and I’m 32 and working full time. I recently discovered that when she spent some time in Russia a few months ago… , she got way too close (physical/romantically) with a person whom her parents want her to marry, as he has been a long-term family friend. Her mum organised for her to go on “dates” with him, and she did tell me about it before she left for Russia but told me that she would only do this to keep her mum happy. It turns out that she ended up kissing him affectionately and being close to him, but I do not think there was anything more than this. I found out about this a month after she had returned from Russia, and after she had been with me for 3 weeks… not having mentioned it at all. Anyway, I asked her what it was all about, and I was naturally hurt, as we were "together" in a relationship when this happened and she apologised and admitted that she was going to tell me, but did not know when. We talked about it and I chose to forgive her because I love her very much and want things to work out, but I am battling to understand the whole thing, because I thought that what we had would not be affected by her feelings towards someone else. Well, yes, for all of you who will now mock me for possibly being naïve… I am not! I realise that we will have feelings for other people besides our partners, but it is up to us to control these so that we can remain faithful, and so that other people’s hopes are not built up on our irresponsible behavior. Anyway… this week I told her that I was still thinking way too much about it, but that I could not help it. I am not actively dwelling on it, but I do feel rather insecure about her view of commitment towards one person only. Yesterday she wrote to me to tell me that the way she was in Russia “is just the way she is, whether I like/want it or not!” This hurts. Am I being taken for a ride here? Comments on a postcard, and I’d appreciate no smart comments. Link to post Share on other sites
Dookie2004 Posted October 10, 2003 Share Posted October 10, 2003 Man Im sorry your going through that hardship, Ive had my share of difficulties as well. But the way it seems, I think you should move on my friend. Because if shes got her family pressing this guy on her that will be hard to escape. Shes now going through some difficulties her emotions for you vs her family and pressure eventually makes a person collapse. I recommend you firmly put a grip on the situation explain to her that you care this bothers you and that unless something changes you are gone. But to me, if you look at it, shes distant really far from you Im not saying that shes unfaithful, but I think her actions have purified who she truly is. If she really wants you, at the moment you take charge she will say it and then you will know shes a keeper. Now as for her last comment to you on that note, sounds like a power game to me. Take my advice lightly but think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author vollie Posted October 10, 2003 Author Share Posted October 10, 2003 Hey Dookie, Thank you for taking the time to give your view-point, I really appreciate it, and I think that your comments are reasonable. I guess I have been thinking for some time about all the things you mentioned, but for some reason, as a good and blatantly honest friend recently said to me...that I'm so desperate to make it all work out, that I'm ignoring the warning signs along the way! Family are a BIG influence, especially in Russia... and I have to think about this. Perhaps this is true that I'm desperate to want this to work out (sad as that may seem!) ... I'm just having a hard time thinking about me in all of this, as it's in my nature to always give myself second-best, if it's to mean another's happiness... but in the end, I guess this is a recipe for misery. I've got to change this way of thinking... but I do feel rather stuck!!! I'm beginning to think that I should forget about relationships for a good while, and get on with my life... join up with some social clubs and start having a bit of fun!!! Hey, thank you for the response!! Link to post Share on other sites
Dookie2004 Posted October 10, 2003 Share Posted October 10, 2003 Im glad I could be of some help, I dont know much about those cultures in Europe and Asia and such. But its really not that bad to put other infront of yourself in the right occasion, you do what you think is needed to be done. Love is a difficult thing and Im only of the age of 16 and its taking the toll hard on me at the moment, if your interested in a story of drama and jealousy hit the "second chances" forum and give me your advice on that, its a big forum but after hearing your response you sound like somebody who knows how to think along logical terms. (Not saying that those advising me arent logical its just more opinions the better). But go out have fun, enjoy life. Link to post Share on other sites
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