FairyTale73 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 The lights on our wedding switched off 10 years ago in spite of all preparations ,generators with newest candles (a technical part of a generator) in them.Was it the sign this marriage would not last forever as I had been thinking of it then as every bride would .. ? I cant say I never had blissfull and happy moments in my life with my husband ever . I cant say my marriage is an unhappy marriage or ever was such . No . I was doing all to make it happy . And here everything is seen ,I guess . Here everything is understandable . When I need to make it happy as it cant flow itself happy - here the answer is itself . Before meeting him*,with whom I am just my self without any acting happy emotions flow between us and we both are making each other laugh and hold each others` hands .. This never happened/happens with my hubby whom I did support,whom I always protected, but all I got was just else demands to support him and to protect him , while he himself may very easily just blame and accuse me if I have a little problem on some level,professional or emotional , all he does is blaming and accusing me making me feel so hurt and so angry at the same time, we start to fight which recently ends up in My demand to divorce . I prefer to stay single than in such a marriage in which we are a Couple just Outside ,others see us as a Couple ,successful on just a professional level, while at Home we are very very far from being a Couple at all ...as we are not successfull on an emotional level . I understand very well , that each coin has two sides . Its not just him ,its my fault too .. I am tired of acting the way he likes,I am sick and tired of all this .. This causes that I make him unhappy . Yes. I make him unhappy as I am tired of acting . I met a person* ,not now,no, years ago , and this person* is not the cause of my possible divorce,I do not like to call him* this way . But he is the cause of my Happiness which I do feel with him* , and I truly admit that Each While Spent with him* is More Worth than All Years of My "Respectful" Marriage . ...yes,all I have for my hubby is a Mental Respect . But its not emotional .. On the emotional level I have a Zero for him , he is not happy with me either ,as I do not want to act to match his needs .. I found him* with whom we need not to act to make each other happy , but happiness flows between us on the highest level of love and affection for each other with respect,emotional support and all .. I do not know how we shall be together even if I get divorced, though I wish this so much ,but ... (its another story) . I just wanna be single . Then half of the way to being together would be done .. I know all possible reactions to my post. I know all about the spent years,yes,we had spent years ,both easy and not easy with my hubby . We experienced many things . We have a kid.. He wants a second kid,he is trying his best to make all nice,yes,he is trying ,but he is not the emotional match to me .. I officially refused to make another kid with him .. it makes me rather frustrated ... as I have a very high maternal instinct and I want kids , but I do not want to connect with my hubby with one more kid .. God bless mine one baby I have with him ,I love him so much , but another kid in such a situation is not the fair thing .. Actually I do not have any sex with my hubby not because I do not love sex,no, I have very urgent desires for sex and sensual love , but I cant lay with him loving another person * .. I am Committed to him* ..........................Its rather frustrating .. ......................................................................Its realy very frustrating . Link to post Share on other sites
Benique Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 So, if you do not have sex with your husband,but you love sex, then you are satisfying your sexual needs with your OM ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author FairyTale73 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Share Posted March 18, 2009 So, if you do not have sex with your husband,but you love sex, then you are satisfying your sexual needs with your OM ? No,no and no ! I am honest and loyal by nature,and if I am committed with him* I love so dearly , then I am loyal to my duties as well, and I do not wish to be cheating on my husband, so, being married I do not have any sexual encounters with him* in spite of my truly deep love for him .. I will stop being my self if I break it . Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 I Couldn't Read you post was Just too Much Like* an Harlequin Romance novel. Like your Head* is permanently Filled With Fairies and Stardust. Ugh. Get real. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FairyTale73 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Share Posted March 18, 2009 I Couldn't Read you post was Just too Much Like* an Harlequin Romance novel. Like your Head* is permanently Filled With Fairies and Stardust. Ugh. Get real. I am very far from Fairies and Stardust . Had not loved to read fiction even when the age was so matching it .. Though I was expecting reactions like this . And thank you for if not reading,then at least replying my post ,Island Girl . I am just tired of acting to be happy instead of just being happy . Do you see the difference between acting and being naturally? Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 I am very far from Fairies and Stardust . Had not loved to read fiction even when the age was so matching it .. Though I was expecting reactions like this . And thank you for if not reading,then at least replying my post ,Island Girl . I am just tired of acting to be happy instead of just being happy . Do you see the difference between acting and being naturally? See now? Writing like this is much easier to read. None of the meaningless asterisks. None of the ongoing mysterious capitals mid sentence. Just very clear thoughts written out in complete sentences. If your post was like this it would have been readable. And yes, I do understand the difference between acting and being in both cases. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 I bet him* is satisfying his passion for love-making at home with his* wife .........alll with him* loving myself so dearly.....but the ways of the man are so difficult to understand........it is best to feel happiness in the soul and retain all of his assets in the long run of his* world........ Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 No,no and no ! I am honest and loyal by nature,and if I am committed with him* I love so dearly , then I am loyal to my duties as well, and I do not wish to be cheating on my husband, so, being married I do not have any sexual encounters with him* in spite of my truly deep love for him .. I will stop being my self if I break it . But...it sounds to me as tho you are ALREADY cheating. Cheating does NOT JUST = sleeping with someone else. Cheating = GIVING YOUR HEART TO SOMEONE ELSE just as much as the other. See where you're creating a distinction just to make yourself feel better about what you're doing? What's the status on your divorce? Given what you've described, you should have long since filed, yes? Link to post Share on other sites
65tr6 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 ...as we are not successfull on an emotional level . . Nice poem. Let's see ..the bottom line...you checked out of the marriage and you have no emotional connection with your husband. He has no clue (my guess anyway). You are in love with OM but not had sex with him. But you could. I have three words... Confess to your husband* Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 FaireyTail. I have to agree with 65. Don't you think part of being loyal and moral is being "honest"? I realize that honesty is a difficult concept when it hurts, however it is a supporting leg of all marriages. Why are you failing to tell your husband your situation ? Doesen't he deserve to know why you are cold and unemotional? Why you don't want more children? Why you won't "lay" with him? Is peer pressure (family and friends) keeping you from being honest? Are the financial realities of being a single parent, or single woman holding you back? Tell us.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author FairyTale73 Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 I bet him* is satisfying his passion for love-making at home with his* wife .........alll with him* loving myself so dearly.....but the ways of the man are so difficult to understand........it is best to feel happiness in the soul and retain all of his assets in the long run of his* world........ He may do all he wants,I do not judge him, and I shant ever interfere . Its my nature and my soul such that they do not let my body lay with one while in such a deep love with the other . Link to post Share on other sites
Adri Ana Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 This causes that I make him unhappy . Yes. I make him unhappy as I am tired of acting . On the emotional level I have a Zero for him , he is not happy with me either ,as I do not want to act to match his needs .. He wants a second kid,he is trying his best to make all nice,yes,he is trying ,but he is not the emotional match to me .. I officially refused to make another kid with him .. it makes me rather frustrated ... Actually I do not have any sex with my hubby ..........................Its rather frustrating .. ......................................................................Its realy very frustrating . Hello,FairyTale73, I marked all signs of your emotional state about your husband, your behaviour and your already loudly declared plans according your discolored future with him . How do you think is not it mutual ? Or he has an emotional "10" for you instead of your "0" for him ? And just a warning to you [!] : he may go to another woman seeking an emotional affair with her . So you with your child will be left without a husband and a daddy for your kid .Had not you thought of that ? Did not you think that it`s not that healthy to have such relations between a husband and a wife in a family with a kid ? Divorce and Breaking a Family is easier than ... Jusr best luck to you ! Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Why do I suddenly feel like I'm in the middle of a bad Shakespeare in the park... You sound unhappy with your marriage why not change that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author FairyTale73 Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 Hello,FairyTale73, I marked all signs of your emotional state about your husband, your behaviour and your already loudly declared plans according your discolored future with him . How do you think is not it mutual ? Or he has an emotional "10" for you instead of your "0" for him ? And just a warning to you [!] : he may go to another woman seeking an emotional affair with her . So you with your child will be left without a husband and a daddy for your kid .Had not you thought of that ? Did not you think that it`s not that healthy to have such relations between a husband and a wife in a family with a kid ? Divorce and Breaking a Family is easier than ... Jusr best luck to you ! I wish he would find a perfect match for himself who would make him happy and smile. He is not a bad husband,he is responsible,he is stable,he is very loyal,he is providing family really well, and though we match on some level (else how would we get married?), we do not match on many levels including emotional . Its the hardest . Not to match emotionally . And I am aware that at last in spite of his love to me ,yes,he loves me , and this is the reason why I do not want him to know about my emotional affair as it may break him totally , he does not deserve it , so I am aware that he may find someone who would match him emotionally ,and I wish him this ,as in the long run he is a great guy, but I know what Happiness* is ,and I am not feeling It* with my husband . Link to post Share on other sites
Author FairyTale73 Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 But...it sounds to me as tho you are ALREADY cheating. Cheating does NOT JUST = sleeping with someone else. Cheating = GIVING YOUR HEART TO SOMEONE ELSE just as much as the other. See where you're creating a distinction just to make yourself feel better about what you're doing? What's the status on your divorce? Given what you've described, you should have long since filed, yes? Cheating - giving your heart to someone else - YOU SAY . If you give your heart to someone else by your own wish - then its cheating , but when you feel deep love for someone, love , which you were resisting with all your powers,but did not succeed as it really entered your soul and captivated it , then its Not Cheating , Its Happenning unintentionally. I do not like cheating . Link to post Share on other sites
Author FairyTale73 Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 FaireyTail. I have to agree with 65. Don't you think part of being loyal and moral is being "honest"? I realize that honesty is a difficult concept when it hurts, however it is a supporting leg of all marriages. Why are you failing to tell your husband your situation ? Doesen't he deserve to know why you are cold and unemotional? Why you don't want more children? Why you won't "lay" with him? Is peer pressure (family and friends) keeping you from being honest? Are the financial realities of being a single parent, or single woman holding you back? Tell us.... I answered Adri Ana already , I do not wish to break him totally by letting him know the real truth . As he loves me . And he is very family orientated . Probably time will show what is there to happen . But he does not deserve being cheated on .. so I do not cheat on him as much as I can .. I love my someone* emotionally , this I cant help , but I do not make love with him* as am still married . .. . . . . . so u may say I am between being "honest" and "dishonest" I wish I would be 100% honest .. but I cant break him . He is loyal to me ..I cant be disloyal to him .. Probably with time some clearifying will come.I do hope . I wish him the best ,as he is not a bad guy at all .. But us together is not the great match . Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 but when you feel deep love for someone, love , which you were resisting with all your powers,but did not succeed as it really entered your soul and captivated it , then its Not Cheating , Its Happenning unintentionally. I do not like cheating . Yes it is...! I don't like it ether so least we can agree on something.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FairyTale73 Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 Why do I suddenly feel like I'm in the middle of a bad Shakespeare in the park... You sound unhappy with your marriage why not change that? If I did not meet him* who makes me totally happy ,with whom I experienced what real happiness and a perfect matching is then I would not ever say I am unhappy with my marriage,Spanks .. I am not unhappy myself ,u know I am always positive ,well, almost always ... and changing it .. .. well,u may read my responses .. Time and Destiny are there .. Link to post Share on other sites
Benique Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 If I did not meet him* who makes me totally happy ,with whom I experienced what real happiness and a perfect matching is then I would not ever say I am unhappy with my marriage,Spanks .. I feel like you would never think of a divorce and of changing anything in your life if you never met that someone special,is it ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author FairyTale73 Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 I feel like you would never think of a divorce and of changing anything in your life if you never met that someone special,is it ? Right,Benique. I am a happy-go-lucky person myself and some negative experiences in my family life could not make me think of a divorce , but I would not also know what a real happiness , a real heartfelt happiness is ... And now knowing it its hard to put up with the idea to live all my life in such a marriage . Link to post Share on other sites
Adri Ana Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 And now knowing it its hard to put up with the idea to live all my life in such a marriage . Ok. Now knowing what you want , are you sure you will live with that someone so special to you once you get divorced ? Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Cheating - giving your heart to someone else - YOU SAY . If you give your heart to someone else by your own wish - then its cheating , but when you feel deep love for someone, love , which you were resisting with all your powers,but did not succeed as it really entered your soul and captivated it , then its Not Cheating , Its Happenning unintentionally. I do not like cheating . Why haven't you told your H? If it isn't cheating there is nothing to hide right? And what are you looking for here? How can we help you? Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 Were suppose to say its OK I guess... Shes talking but so far all I'm hearing is excuses of why not to tell her H shes really in love with another man and seams most of all she doesn't want to hurt him how valiant on her end... Link to post Share on other sites
Author FairyTale73 Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 Ok. Now knowing what you want , are you sure you will live with that someone so special to you once you get divorced ? Adri Ana, no one can be 100% sure what happens in future . I believe in Destiny . And regarding him* I love , I just wish him* to make his decisions himself, I shant ever press (its very irregular for me) I shant ever stress him* (I love him dearly,I want him* be happy on all levels) I shant ask him* or make him* to do anything . He* is engaged as well , After my possible divorce I wont ask him* to move in with me , noway , as I wont stress him* ever , but at least I will know that I did an honest action towards both my husband and my him* , giving my husband a freedom to be happy his own way , and letting know my him* that I am there for him* .. but to stress him*- I wont do that ever . He* will make his own decisons himself . I am very independent ,and I may be single and feel very well . ..till he* decides .. if he* decides .. I wont ever press and stress .. that wont happen. Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 19, 2009 Share Posted March 19, 2009 He* is engaged as well , . Your kidding me right? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts