Yearning Posted May 5, 2000 Share Posted May 5, 2000 I find I have a terrible problem at this time for which I need advice. I am female heterosexual and live alone. I do get out on occasion, but no guy really interests me of all I have met. I watch a lot of television ... usually PBS, but sometimes network. Well, network TV has plenty of commercials and I have been paying particular attention to the Keebler product commercials ... the ones with the Keebler elves. I have come to feel a huge attraction to the main Keebler Elf ... the one with the white hair wearing a hat that does all the talking. He seems so dear and so funny and I think he is so very handsome. The problem is that he is a cartoon and I am not. I am an adult female with a career and never have fallen in love with a cartoon character since I was a small child and wanted to marry Clutch Cargo ... too many years ago to mention. I felt that my affections for the main Keebler Elf would get better as time went by ... but this has not happened. What is wrong with me? I want so much to meet the Keebler Elf, get to know him and possibly hook up. But, again, he is a cartoon character. My longing for him grows deeper and deeper. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 5, 2000 Share Posted May 5, 2000 It is not unusual to want cookies from the opposite sex. Many homosexuals fall for cereals such as fruit loops, lucky charms, etc. The mentally challenged seem to gravitate to Kellogg's Fruit & Nuts and Special K. The fact that you are attracted to the Keebler Elf may indicate that you have reservations about men with large penises, since the average Keebler Elf is not even anatomically correct in that area. However, you would most certainly know the answer to that question. You are obviously a control freak because you know that at anytime you can totally consume, destroy and ingest the Keebler Elf. Then again, that may be the ultimate intimacy...or oral sex, depending on the way you look at it. I can understand your interest in Clutch Cargo. Many women desire to clutch a man's cargo so you are not alone there. It is promising that you have been able to move forward. What should you do? Try to interest yourself in other cookies and crackers. Have some bi-sexual cookies...get some Oreos and lick the icing with your tongue and enjoy. Try some other brands with nuts, you may enjoy the sensation. I don't think you should worry about your situation just yet. However, I must warn you that Keebler Elfs have short lives and you will have to adjust to that. Also know that they replicate rapidly and most of them pay child support out the oven. If you keep on with your obsession with them, you should also be tested for diabetes. You sound like a happy cookie yourself!!! I hope Keebler's are a keeper for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Yearning Posted May 5, 2000 Share Posted May 5, 2000 Tony, Thank you so much for your advice. I shall certainly try to wean myself away from Keebler products. I have always loved Animal Cracker cookies, too. I wonder if that says anything? Ah, well. We may never know. As far as the "endowment" of my beloved Keebler Elf ... you can't judge a book by its cover and great things come in small packages. I never did consider how prolific the elves are nor did I consider the short life expectancy. Both would most defiinately cause a hardship in even a short term relationship. I believe your advice has set me back on the right path. By the way, what do you think of Inspector Gadget? No ... let me figure this one out for myself. Thank you once again. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 5, 2000 Share Posted May 5, 2000 Your preoccupation with the cookie family or prospects of flirtations with animal crackers indicates you are obviously attracted to pretty crumby lovers. Get a life and sit on a Ritz!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Nicky Posted May 5, 2000 Share Posted May 5, 2000 Your preoccupation with the cookie family or prospects of flirtations with animal crackers indicates you are obviously attracted to pretty crumby lovers. Get a life and sit on a Ritz!!! This all sounds a bit flakey to me..... BTW isn't Inspector Gadget married? Link to post Share on other sites
Jon Posted May 5, 2000 Share Posted May 5, 2000 I find I have a terrible problem at this time for which I need advice. I am female heterosexual and live alone. I do get out on occasion, but no guy really interests me of all I have met. I watch a lot of television ... usually PBS, but sometimes network. Well, network TV has plenty of commercials and I have been paying particular attention to the Keebler product commercials ... the ones with the Keebler elves. I have come to feel a huge attraction to the main Keebler Elf ... the one with the white hair wearing a hat that does all the talking. He seems so dear and so funny and I think he is so very handsome. The problem is that he is a cartoon and I am not. I am an adult female with a career and never have fallen in love with a cartoon character since I was a small child and wanted to marry Clutch Cargo ... too many years ago to mention. I felt that my affections for the main Keebler Elf would get better as time went by ... but this has not happened. What is wrong with me? I want so much to meet the Keebler Elf, get to know him and possibly hook up. But, again, he is a cartoon character. My longing for him grows deeper and deeper. What should I do? This is a joke right? How can you be serious?!? This forum is getting ridiculous. If you are on the level about this keebler Elf attraction, you don't need Tony, you need professional help, Quick! Link to post Share on other sites
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