How could he?

[merlin2]

To try and cut a long story short I was with someone for 15 months till recently.He had a lot of good qualities but I never trusted him from day one if I'm honest.We broke up a few times because of this(for a week at a time).Six months into our relationship I discovered he was in contact and had slept with 2 other women.I forgave him, beleived his line that it was because we were on rocky ground etc.Anyway problems aside I persevered, ignored my intuition and 3 weeks ago my mum passed away suddenly.I was devastated and glad he was there.I was always afraid of being 'on my own' when my mum passed away,despite having lots of family and friends.I also have a sister who is ill at the moment and we dont know how that will go .He was very supportive, took me away for an overnight as a surprise to take my mind off things. he was always making plans for the future etc.last week he left his email open by accident and I disovered he had been having online sex with other women.basically I read his email and this has been going on, his contact with women off the internet for most of this farce of a relationship.I kept it quiet for 2 days as I couldnt face it with everything else.I confronted him and he was basically very cold, blamed me actually-said he got bored when we werent together.He's 42.

I'm not someone whos completely naieve and on the surface he always treated me very well-or I wouldnt have stuck around so long.

I just cant beleive someone I trusted completely was such a stranger to me and hiding under a mask.Or how someone who professed to love and care about me could be doing these things behind my back at a time when I needed him most.

I'm no psychiatrist but ive been pondering for a while over whether he has narcissitic personality disorder-certain nuances he had.

Basically, the loss of my mum has sort of put things into perspective and I feel it was fate-I needed him those first 2 weeks and maybe during the worst sort of loss imaginable-losing someone who loved me unconditionally-I have found that its easy letting go of someone like him, who doesnt deserve me.Just wanted to vent...thanks for listening

[CaliforniaGirl]

rn

I just cant beleive someone I trusted completely was such a stranger to me and hiding under a mask.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you.

 

But you started off this post by saying a couple of times that you NEVER trusted him.

 

I've been here so I'll just take a deep breath, put on my flame-resistant suit and ask: Do you ever wonder whether a teensy, tiny little part of you wanted a relationship that couldn't ultimately work out? Have you asked yourself why you stayed with someone you did know you couldn't trust?

 

I feel for you, it's a horrible feeling to learn that someone has been cheating on you. BUT you had several warnings before this ever happened. You even had confirmation that he'd actually cheated on you. Instead of psychoanalyzing him, pegging him with NPD, etc., you should FORGET him and work on yourself so that you make better choices in the future.

 

Again, this COMPLETELY comes from the perspective of BTDT, so I'm not judging at all.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting.

[Beautiful Inside]

first off im sooooo sry about your mommy ive recently lost my grandmother and saw my mommy go through that and i know there isn't a day that goes by she doesn't think of her mommy so i couldn't even imagine what your going through. you defiantly need to be around supporting loving people right now who genuinely sincerely care for you. im soooo sry for you about everything thats going on with you just know that KARMA is a ****in bitch and will get him girl!!! i hope things get better from here....

[colosseum]

I have found that its easy letting go of someone like him, who doesnt deserve me.Just wanted to vent...thanks for listening

 

This might be a little late, but I'm so sorry you've gone through that whole ordeal--your mother, your sister, and that dick.

 

But I'm glad you have the right attitude; he doesn't deserve you. At all.

 

Persevere, merlin, because you will.

[samspade]

I have found that its easy letting go of someone like him, who doesnt deserve me.Just wanted to vent...thanks for listening

 

Good for you. And sorry about your mother and sister.

 

Always trust your gut. And don't ever tolerate anything less than the best for yourself. You've only one life to live, after all.

[merlin2]

Hi there,

 

thanks for all your kind words, it means a lot to me.

To the first poster, yes I'd tell anyone the same thing-warning signs etc.But I had a stressful time finishing my degree last year, I was weak I know.I'm 38 and have never put up with half of what he dished out to me.But everything happens for a reason, and I was always scared of being single when my mum passed away.It happened and you know what, I have realised nothing or no-one could ease the pain or could make me feel better, you have to go through the grief anyway.

I know I'm free of him now as this loss has put things into perspective for me.I think he thought it would do the opposite and make me cling onto him or something.The exact opposite has happened.My mum wanted me to be happy, he put on a good act for her, she would be pleased i'm getting out of it.I have a great new job, lots to look forward to, and beleive me I wont ever ignore those warning signs again.

At the moment I could say life seems incredibly cruel, but it happens to people every minute of every day and when its your turn, you have to ride the wave.

but hopefully it will ease and make me a stronger person all round.Having this forum to offload sometimes is wonderful, when you dont want to vocalise things to your family and friends.Thanks again for listening.