biggamer35 Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 I've been battling bouts of depression for over a year and one thing that contributes to my depression is anxiety. I worry and stress a lot of the day and it is draining. Anyways my biggest reasons for my stress is worrying about regrets in my life. My number one regret in my life: When I was 14 years old (I am 22 now) I let a 7 year old girl fondle my genitals. I never touched her and it was a one time experience. I feel horrible about it now and I feel like I'm a very bad person. Everyday I worry about this. Anyways I want to bring it up to my therapist so I can discuss it with him but I'm afraid of the repercussions. Do you think I can talk about it with him? Am I a very bad person? Link to post Share on other sites
era Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Can I talk to my therapist about this? Yes! get it out... You can sit there forever, lamenting about how bad you've been, feeling guilty until you die, and not one tiny slice of that guilt will do anything to change anything in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 You can talk to your therapist about anything. Believe me, they've heard worse than this- way worse. You were a kid, one thing you are going to have to learn to do is forgive yourself. A therapist can help you release this pain and help you move forward. Please do bring this up with your therapist- that is what they are there for! You won't shock him/her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author biggamer35 Posted March 20, 2009 Author Share Posted March 20, 2009 Thank you for the responses. I guess what I am the most afraid of is him like calling the cops right there or something because under conditions everything you and your therapist talk about doesn't stay in that room. Link to post Share on other sites
Peter_pan Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 why do you feel so bad about the girl doing that? man up man! and yes you can talk to them about anything... youve already told us. chin up mate Link to post Share on other sites
Author biggamer35 Posted March 23, 2009 Author Share Posted March 23, 2009 I feel so bad because I feel like a child molester and that I am going to hell and stuff like that. But I need to know before I tell him. Is he liable to report it to the law if I tell him because if that is the case I will keep it in. Link to post Share on other sites
era Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I feel so bad because I feel like a child molester and that I am going to hell and stuff like that. But I need to know before I tell him. Is he liable to report it to the law if I tell him because if that is the case I will keep it in. Stop it. That's not how it works. Book an appointment ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Thank you for the responses. I guess what I am the most afraid of is him like calling the cops right there or something because under conditions everything you and your therapist talk about doesn't stay in that room. NO- everything you say stays within doctor/patient confidentiality. You were 14.... a child yourself. There is no obligation or reason to report anything. IF you are worried at ALL- about talking to your doc/therapist- ask them beforehand what they are obligated to disclose/not disclose. I already know there is nothing criminally liable here- but ask before if you are worried. BUT- do talk to someone about it. You're not weird- you're not alone- sexuality is a complex thing to discover- and people have participated in so many seemingly strange things during this confusing time. You are not a criminal. IF- you feel NOW, that you have feelings about children that are not okay- that's still something you need to address with a therapist. if it's just a matter of some sexual experimentation when you were 14- you're so not alone in your experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Peter_pan Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 ah i see. you were 14 mate i wouldnt feel bad. i bet we have all done stupid **** at that age. i know i did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author biggamer35 Posted April 4, 2009 Author Share Posted April 4, 2009 Thanks for the help! I have begun to forgive myself a little bit. Part of me inside thinks I'm a more horrible person than a murderer. I mean people kill people everyday but you never really hear anything similar to my situation. I see my therapist on Tuesday and I am still really worried he will report me. If he did I would seriously consider suicide because that is not who I am or want to be thought as. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 He CAN'T and WON'T report you. You seriously need to get this out. You were just a kid yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
burnwithme Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 Therapists are trained to be as unbiased and helpful in a situation as humanly possible! In order for them to help you the best they can, you need to tell them whats going on, anything that affecting you in a detrimental way. Also, they are legally bound by law to not share your information to anyone for any reason, without your explicit consent. Link to post Share on other sites
Author biggamer35 Posted April 7, 2009 Author Share Posted April 7, 2009 http://mentalhealth.about.com/library/weekly/aa040901a.htm Not everything is confidential. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted April 8, 2009 Share Posted April 8, 2009 Your therapist is NOT legally or ethically obligated to report a one-time, teenage thing that happened eight years ago, biggamer. To find out for sure, tell your therapist that a friend confided in you about this, and you said you'd ask your own therapist about potential ramifications. (Change the genders, if you want to and, if asked, say that you have no idea who the younger child is/was -- you just know a young boy touched your then 14-y/o friend's genitals, and want to know what could happen now that your friend is 24 -- don't say your own age, either.) Alternatively, call a crisis hotline from a payphone (are there still such things?), and get some totally anonymous support and guidance. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted April 8, 2009 Share Posted April 8, 2009 I'd hardly say he was a child himself, he was a teenager, he was becoming a young adult. As for whether your therapist can report you or not, I guess it depends on where you live, which I don't think the guys posting in this topic have taken into account. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted April 8, 2009 Share Posted April 8, 2009 I feel so bad because I feel like a child molester and that I am going to hell and stuff like that. But I need to know before I tell him. Is he liable to report it to the law if I tell him because if that is the case I will keep it in. The duty of confidentiality between therapist and patient is not absolute. If a patient discloses something to a therapist that suggests they're highly likely to harm another person seriously, the therapist fails to pass it on - and that patient then goes on to harm another person, the therapist can be held liable. A 14 year old boy allowing a 7 year old girl to fondle his bare genitalia is inappropriate, sexualised behaviour. It doesn't mean that you're some terrible paedophile who should be chased through the streets with pitchforks....but neither is it something to be completely dismissed. I think you could expect your therapist to want to explore your feelings about that incident in a fair amount of depth. Based on what you've said, and if there's nothing else in your past that might give the therapist concerns that you're likely to abuse children, it seems unlikely that this disclosure would be reported. That said, we're not your legal advisers. I don't see that anyone here is in a position to provide you with the firm assurances you're looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author biggamer35 Posted April 9, 2009 Author Share Posted April 9, 2009 I told my therapist. He is not reporting anything. He told me is would probably cause more harm than good to contact the individual and apologize. These are the two things he wanted me to do. First I will write a letter like a written apology. But I will never give her the letter. The letter will be between me and my therapist. The second thing I will do is to make an anonoymous donation of like $300 to "Rape and Prevention" charity or something along those lines. And eventually I will burn the letter and recepit as like releasing myself or freeing myself. Anyways I have a question for whoever wants to answer. Do I myself deserve to live a happy and fulfilling life. Currently I wallow in extreme guilt all day long and feeling horrible about myself. Or is suicide my only true option of freeing myself? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 Yes you can.. and I strongly suggest that you do. IF you've done that only once (take your word for it).. then you need to get it out of your system.. You were only a kid yourself.. and curiosity (or horniness) can bring strange pulsions out sometimes.. BUT.. make sure that you DON'T FEEL ANY SEXUAL PULSIONS FOR LITTLE GIRLS/BOYS ANYMORE... if you do.. be honest with yourself.. and seek psychiatric therapy.. if you don't want to end up in jail. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 I told my therapist. He is not reporting anything. He told me is would probably cause more harm than good to contact the individual and apologize. These are the two things he wanted me to do. First I will write a letter like a written apology. But I will never give her the letter. The letter will be between me and my therapist. The second thing I will do is to make an anonoymous donation of like $300 to "Rape and Prevention" charity or something along those lines. And eventually I will burn the letter and recepit as like releasing myself or freeing myself. Anyways I have a question for whoever wants to answer. Do I myself deserve to live a happy and fulfilling life. Currently I wallow in extreme guilt all day long and feeling horrible about myself. Or is suicide my only true option of freeing myself? You deserve to live a happy and fullfilling life if either, you genuinley didn't realise that what you did was wrong at the time. Or, if you did realise it was wrong at the time, you have genuinley changed as a person and would never do anything bad to anyone now, and you do something like sending that money to the rape and prvention charity to make up for what happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 Anyways I have a question for whoever wants to answer. Do I myself deserve to live a happy and fulfilling life. Currently I wallow in extreme guilt all day long and feeling horrible about myself. Or is suicide my only true option of freeing myself? I think if guilt serves any purpose, it's to let you know that you have a conscience. That you are, in fact, a human being with the ability to care about the impact your actions have on others and the desire to be the best person you can be. You clearly do have that ability and desire. It's surely time to let the guilt and self loathing go, and start living well so that you can feel happy and contribute to the world in a positive way. I hope the therapist helps you get there. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 biggamer, Congrats on being so courageous and talking with your therapist about it. Sounds as if he is really good too -- to me, those seem like excellent strategies that he suggested to you! Do I myself deserve to live a happy and fulfilling life. ... Or is suicide my only true option of freeing myself? Yes, you 100% deserve to live a long, healthy, happy and fulfilling life. No, suicide is never the "only true" option to liberate ourselves from our mind-induced anguish -- when it seems that suicide is such an answer, you can bet your life that we're just working from even MORE mental errors (than what caused our overriding guilt and self-hatred in the first place.) You totally deserve to live a happy and fulfilling life! Hugs, and best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author biggamer35 Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 Thank you everyone Link to post Share on other sites
Author biggamer35 Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 When I was a teenager and growing up I had an extremely high sex drive. I started masturbating when I was about 10-11 years old. Even now I look at porn almost daily. I used to go streaking in public places and never was caught. My ex-gf and I was caught doing it on a pool table in her college dorm rec room. My drive has slowed down a little but sometimes I would masturbate 6 times a day. I would sometimes masturbate in whirlpools at motels when no one was around. When I was 15-16 I masturbated in a whirlpool with two little kids in it. I wasn't focusing on the kids when I did it I promise you that I just felt like they were clueless and wouldn't know what i was doing in the corner. They never knew i did it and didn't see me naked or anything. I feel very guilty about that now even though it probably isnt a big deal because it never escalated. I didn't used to feel super guilty about this stuff before. I even used to masturbate to the event with the little girl. But it was not because of the child, I believe it was because of the feeling I got from it at the time. Then one day when I woke up when I was 20 years old I started feeling guilty for all these events. Like sick from guilt really bad and extremely embarrased of my past. I feel as if I would be doing the whole world a favor by killing myself. I feel like I don't deserve to be happy because of my past and that extreme guilt is the punishment God has put upon me and I deserve to be like this for the rest of my life. I'm not blaming my mistakes on my unusually high sex drive I take full responsibilty. But I just want to move on from this and enjoy life and learn from my mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author biggamer35 Posted April 13, 2009 Author Share Posted April 13, 2009 bump bump bump Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 when I was 20 years old I started feeling guilty for all these events. Like sick from guilt really bad and extremely embarrased of my past. biggamer, The VERY BEST, emotionally safest place to deal with your guilt and shame is with your therapist, in a confidential, professional setting. Your self-forgiveness, self-acceptance and "redemption/salvation" are within you, and your therapist can help you develop/access all of it so that you can give yourself what you need. Hugs, and very best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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