wiserbeyondyears Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 So I met this incredible woman last week and we really hit it off. We had a long conversation and we both seemed to enjoy it. It's been way too long since I've been in the dating game, and I'm a bit afraid I might risk ruining what we have, so I'm treading very carefully. My intentions for now are pretty simple: just get to know her better and convince her that she can take her guard down if it's up. When I fall for someone it's usually pretty intense, but I'll make sure it's not out of control with her as she's probably seen her share of drama already and is probably had enough excitement in her life. The other kicker is she just separated from a long marriage and is feeling a bit financially insecure as she's looking for a job. The only thing I can do is find things to do with her and hang out, and see where it takes us, and don't rush things. I'll follow some guidelines as we're still getting to know eachother, and keep it very simple... (1) don't be weird (2) don't debate (3) Don't spill my guts (4) Think about her before thinking about myself (5) Don't get too caught up on one topic, ie if I talked about work all the time it might give her the idea that's all I have going for me... There's a concert coming up next week and I'm going to ask her if she would join my friend and his girlfriend and myself to come with us. Any thoughts and advice would be appreciated... thanks.
Author wiserbeyondyears Posted March 20, 2009 Author Posted March 20, 2009 I should also mention that she is a major head turner, which is always a double edged sword...great, but at the same time always keeps everyone on their toes, including me and her, presumably...
bede86 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 40...wow milf hey ...my advice would be jus to roll with it and see what happens but convince urself it could be over any minute this'll take pressure of u....all relationships ive been in where ive felt i need to be on my toes to keep it going have ended badly so this way if its gonna be serious itl happen by itself.
Lizzie60 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 It's not that bad.. 12 years.. this is the age gap I had with my last ex.. he was 32 (almost 33), I was 45. We lived 5 years together. It was amazing. My advice... don't make a big deal out of it.. do as if you were the same age.. don't ever mention anything (unless, of course, she wants to talk about it).
Shygirl15 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Duh. Definitely a cougar. Very few of these work out long-term. Keep that in mind.
samspade Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Just enjoy it. If she is fresh out of a marriage she is probably looking for fun. A few months ago, I dated a 41 year old (I was 32) who was a knockout. She was a dancer and had a better body than most women my age. But after the initial fling novelty wore off, I realized I couldn't be serious with someone so much older. That's not a knock on her, just my personal preference. (4) Think about her before thinking about myself You have it backwards. Be respectful and a gentleman, but don't put her interests and needs before your own. Just show her a good time!
yongyong Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 you and her know there would be no future. if she was a successful career woman who can support herself well, that would be different. she is 40 and has financial problem??? well she can only have fun with young guys when she is independent. she can easily meet guys like 45 who has a lot more money than you (just because they are old lol) maybe she looks very young for her age but she know it won't last long. you can still meet girls early 20s, do you think she can compete with them?
sumdude Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 Everyone brought up good points. Just have fun right now. Expectations early on ruin most budding relationships.
Lizzie60 Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 you and her know there would be no future. if she was a successful career woman who can support herself well, that would be different. she is 40 and has financial problem??? well she can only have fun with young guys when she is independent. she can easily meet guys like 45 who has a lot more money than you (just because they are old lol) maybe she looks very young for her age but she know it won't last long. you can still meet girls early 20s, do you think she can compete with them? This is like saying to any man/woman.. 'you can still meet any other man/woman who are waaayyyy better looking.. she/he can't compete with them... Who cares! He wants HER.. not a 20 yr old.. There are lots of reasons why a younger man wants an older woman.. although I agree it can't be for a looooong term .. it can last just as long as any other same-age relationships.. we live in a world of 'disposable' and that goes for any age..
chrissreef Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 I don't get how in this thread everyone is saying "just have fun with it" (28 v 40) but in my thread when my girl left me for a guy 12 yrs older everyone is said "totally common and possible" (24 v 36) maybe it's a maturity thing grrr, i really hope mine is just a "fling"... i can't really tell and I don't know how long "flings" usually last. I'm almost at 3 months now =/
stepka Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 That's the same age difference as between my SIL and her husband and they've been married 5 years and are still going strong--they are very much in love and the rest of the family adores him too. Never say never. I think that 28 and 40 are how old they were when they met.
Cherished Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 Not really. It seems he is the one pursuing. Duh. Definitely a cougar. Very few of these work out long-term. Keep that in mind.
yongyong Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 yeah right now he wouldn't care because of those great feelings, couple years (or even months) down the road, those great chemistry might evaporate (like newly married couple), he will realize looks do matter. Plus she will get constantly jealous at younger girls or will show her insecurity which would be a big turn off BTW I dated a woman 9 years older than me, for a long time. It was because she looked like my age (wasn't embarassed to take her out and we didn't look weird at all) she didn't care about the money even though she could date a guy older than me who had lots more money. This is like saying to any man/woman.. 'you can still meet any other man/woman who are waaayyyy better looking.. she/he can't compete with them... Who cares! He wants HER.. not a 20 yr old.. There are lots of reasons why a younger man wants an older woman.. although I agree it can't be for a looooong term .. it can last just as long as any other same-age relationships.. we live in a world of 'disposable' and that goes for any age..
samspade Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 but in my thread when my girl left me for a guy 12 yrs older everyone is said "totally common and possible" (24 v 36) You are the guy she left, not the new guy she is dating. And we don't know that this woman left her husband for this dude, we just know that they are separated and she's dating someone younger now. Second, it's different when the guy is older. It's much rarer for a young man to date an older woman. Third, I hope you are not waiting around for her to come back.
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