Bobster Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Hi all! :)I'm new here and would like some advice on this situation I'm in.. I'm getting quite friendly with a woman at work but I'm not sure if its harmless or not? I don't really have any female friends so I feel a bit weird with this.... I'm in the building trade and have been working at a museum the last few weeks. I have got talking to one of the female workers and I get on really well with her. She lives with her fiancé and I'm married. We can laugh and joke with each other easily. We got talking about food one day and what we cook for our SO's. I asked her to cook me my lunch one day (as a joke), and she did! She makes me cups of tea at work (no-one else offers) and always makes sure I have biscuits to eat! She is quite touchy-feely (not sexual) and I've noticed how very close she can get when she is talking to me. I've noticed though that she talks about her man very often, what he does etc. But she also asks me alot of questions about my life, my wife etc. She asked me for help in her house with some wiring so I gave her my number and I have since been at her place to see the job. With her fiancé there she was less forward (if you like) but she still managed to smile broadly and wink at me - and make me tea! She calls me a "little star" and one day she gave my workmate a little gold star to give to me as she looked on in the distance!! Hey I like the friendship and my work is quite boring so it makes the day go quicker and I guess she feels likewise. But I just can't help feel that this is wrong in every way?? I'm working elsewhere now so do you think I should keep in touch? - well I have to go back to her place to do that job for her, but apart from that? DO you think I should suggest the four of us do dinner one night? (I have told my wife about her but not about her friendly actions) Would that be weird? Help? Link to post Share on other sites
ianandris Posted March 20, 2009 Share Posted March 20, 2009 Trust your gut, bro. If it feels wrong, it's probably pushing some boundaries, somewhere. I suggest you do the job and leave it at that. She could be perfectly harmless, but it's a bad idea to set the precedent of ignoring your internal warning bells. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobster Posted March 23, 2009 Author Share Posted March 23, 2009 Hey thanks for your reply! Here's a thing, since I started this thread I text her to say I'd be in touch about doing her job for her. I'm always told by other people I make texts too abrupt so I put in a smilie:) for her. Then I got a text from her saying that she missed me not being around to have tea with her and that she ate all my biscuits that I left! with a smilie:) I was aware that she mirrored a lot of my sayings / actions - now texts too? I haven't been in touch since, but I'm not sure if I should phone or text her next? Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Hey thanks for your reply! Here's a thing, since I started this thread I text her to say I'd be in touch about doing her job for her. I'm always told by other people I make texts too abrupt so I put in a smilie:) for her. Then I got a text from her saying that she missed me not being around to have tea with her and that she ate all my biscuits that I left! with a smilie:) I was aware that she mirrored a lot of my sayings / actions - now texts too? I haven't been in touch since, but I'm not sure if I should phone or text her next? You really should not phone. Honestly, You should let this go. It's very easy to cross the line from a fiendship to an emotional affair if the conditions are right. And, it sounds to me as though she likes your attention. My emotional affair started with a friendship and just about wrecked me as a person. So, let it go. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobster Posted March 23, 2009 Author Share Posted March 23, 2009 Yeah, I hear what your saying and your probably right. It could I suppose turn into an emotional affair and that I can do without! Maybe I should just honour the job that I've to do for her and leave it at that. Then again and having said all that, my wife has male friends some of which she goes to the pub with. So on reflection, why shouldn't I have friendly contact with another woman? Link to post Share on other sites
Jada Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 I think it is quite harmless but your alarm bells may be ringing because you've never had this type of attention before. She's made it clear that she has a boyfriend and you've been around while he is there I just think because you've never been in this situation before it may seem a bit threatening, too your thinking what your wife may have to say. I've seen that the other members have warned you to stay away which is fine but you could just end up making a good friend. She just seems like one of those girls who goes out of their way to make a friendly conversation and to others it might seem as if there is something else to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobster Posted April 3, 2009 Author Share Posted April 3, 2009 Hey Jada! I think you have summed up the situation pretty well. I guess I thought a friendship with another woman was dodgy especially with someone as bubbly as her. I've been working at her house all week and we (all) seem to get on great. So, maybe I have just built the basis of good frendship, something I haven't dome in a long time! Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 I think it is quite harmless ....but you could just end up making a good friend. She just seems like one of those girls who goes out of their way to make a friendly conversation and to others it might seem as if there is something else to it. Are you kidding? He enjoys her company, he's POSTING about her- which indicates he's thinking about her when she's not around. Seriously dude- you are already developing a crush on this girl. You wouldn't have thought to post about this if you have not been thinking about it. You obviously did a google dearch or something to come up with LS.... so you're focused on this girl. NOT YOUR WIFE- this girl. It's not harmless. And I have male friends I hang with sometimes, and my ex's have had female friends they hang with. You're thinking enough about this situation to do research on the net and post.... what does that say to you? It tells me you are already interested in an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobster Posted April 3, 2009 Author Share Posted April 3, 2009 D-Lish, I do not find your comments helpful at all! My post is merely asking for help in making cross-sex friendship and how people feel about it, if it is at all possible. I'm certainly NOT looking for an affair! Hey, I can't help the way this girl acts around me. I'm a great looking (shy) guy:cool: Oh, and for the record: I've been a member here for years and didn't google LS. It was a friend who referred me in 2005 when I was looking to meet my now wife. I ask of this (and all) situation(s) on LS because I want advice from neutral parties, ie strangers. Good Day! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 3, 2009 Share Posted April 3, 2009 Sounds like the beginnings of a nice friendship. Invite she and her fiance over for dinner so they can meet your wife Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobster Posted April 4, 2009 Author Share Posted April 4, 2009 Sounds like the beginnings of a nice friendship. Invite she and her fiance over for dinner so they can meet your wife We have arranged just that! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 Keep us posted. Relationship support does work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobster Posted June 6, 2009 Author Share Posted June 6, 2009 Just thought I'd update: I kept in touch with this girl with the odd text and I even got some work from her Dad because of this. I text her a couple of weeks ago, I hadn't seen her in ages and I asked her to lunch. She didn't reply. So I began thinking all sorts of negative stuff and I just left it at that. But a few days later I met her by chance in the street and she came right up to me. We started talking and she said that lunch would be great! Weird eh? I had lunch with her on Tuesday and it was great. We talked about alot of things, mostly our lives, partners, work etc. She was so easy to talk to. I said the usual cliche at the end of the lunch "lets do this again" and she said "ok how about Thursday"! The second meeting went well too, more relaxed I think. Looks like I made a good friend in her after all! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Looks like I made a good friend in her after all! When she responds positively to a dinner invitation (as I outlined above), you'll know for sure Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bobster Posted June 6, 2009 Author Share Posted June 6, 2009 When she responds positively to a dinner invitation (as I outlined above), you'll know for sure Yes, I asked her over to mine for dinner, the four of us but she has insisted that we all go to her place first in July (when our holidays are over) so I can see her new kitchen that I worked on earlier in the year. She didn't flinch at the invitation at all which was good. Link to post Share on other sites
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