re: controlling, emotionally abusive mother.

[herbie324]

I've been recently coming to terms with substance(s) abuse in my own life and to make a very long story short, I'm a different person now and am thinking clearly for the first time in my life. Along with the counseling and groups I've been attending, comes the stirrings of things I've always known were there- intense resentment and anger towards mom.

 

Briefly, she is incredibly controlling. If anyone of her siblings does something she remotely disagrees with, she makes exagerrated gestures with her hands and body to say "how stupid are you?", and oh..I have to tell you I love it when she does that --She has a temper that will erupt from 0-60 in about....well you get the idea. She can be extremely harsh with my adult mentally-handicapped sister who still lives with her i.e. screaming, be-littling, humiliating, berating etc. etc. She was always this way with our family, but I don't allow it towards me now, and my older sibling is almost to that point as well although mom is still that way towards them to some extent

--She is never...and I mean never wrong about anything; there will never be a last word that she doesn't own. --Everything is about her; whatever we are talking about, I mean whatever SHE is talking about (no one usually talks WITH her) somehow ends up being about her and her life. I could be talking about a serious ilness that another sibling had, and she would actually reply.... "It was hard because they <the sibling> were not able to help me during that time"....unbelievable things like that.

 

I'm good with a tool belt and power tools so at this point I'm her 'savior' in that regard. The only time she ever calls me is when she wants something, usually for me to pack up all the tools and come up there to build, fix, repair etc. I'm rather tired of that at this point.

 

Here's my main question: I know that if I confront her, not matter how appropriately, she will blow and our relationship will probably be over or close to it ( I guess I need to prepare for that). What should i do? Also, she has no money at all- no retirement (due to her woefully inept financial moxy, and terrible decisions on her part), therefore when she becomes unable to be by herself (very soon) there is no way on earth she is coming to live in my house with my wife and family. I won't do that to them or me. Options anyone?

 

Lastly, anyone have similar experiences? I'm basically at the point that I want to think and talk about these feelings, so I hoped this would be a good place to do so. Thanks.