Li33 Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 How long after leaving my husband do I have to wait to date? I know the divorce is going to take a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
wuggle Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 At least 9 hours, anything less would be bad taste...go for it Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 How long after leaving my husband do I have to wait to date? I know the divorce is going to take a long time. Why wait? Wait for what? for who? No..no..no.. date as soon as you can.. don't waste your precious time.. life is too short. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 IMO, every situation is different. If this is fresh (e.g. big blowout....FU....I'm outta here...you're an a-hole) stuff, I think I'd wait awhile. At the other extreme, if you've been emotionally disconnected from him for some time now and your actions and the paperwork are just catching up with the feelings, then I'd be more confident about positive dating experiences. Be mindful of backslides. Divorce, even if emotionally disconnected, still is painful. Best wishes! Edited to add that I'd normally agree with Lizzie on the "life is too short" opinion, but I'm thinking of the dating partner here. If moving quickly, disclose your status up front so that person can make an informed decision. Link to post Share on other sites
wuggle Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 ..but I'm thinking of the dating partner here. If moving quickly, disclose your status up front so that person can make an informed decision. Agreed, excellent point. You should always be straight with the people you might date so they know where they stand. As long as you're straight with them then all's well. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 I remember this feeling! I didn't date for some time following my separation (I initiated it). But I did start dating before the papers were signed, certainly. (I'm remarried now.) I don't think there's anything wrong with rebuilding your life following a separation in any way you can, and if you're up for dating, then that's included. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Come on people.. girls just want to have fun! I agree with Car.. only YOU know how you feel.. if you think you're ready.. go for it.. and don't wait for the guys to make the first moves... go for the ones you'd like.. I've made the first moves many times.. and it worked each time.. trust me.. men looove assertive women.. Link to post Share on other sites
edgeof27 Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 How long after leaving my husband do I have to wait to date? I know the divorce is going to take a long time. if he backs the car out of the driveway, wait until he turns the corner, if the drives straight out of the drive way, you can start dialing as soon as the back wheels hit the road, g. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 I started dating my current husband 3 days after leaving my ex-H - during our legal separation. We got married three weeks after the divorce went through. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 if he backs the car out of the driveway, wait until he turns the corner, if the drives straight out of the drive way, you can start dialing as soon as the back wheels hit the road, g. OMG. Too, too funny. And BTW, I love your username! I love Fleetwood Mac too. (If that's what the reference is!) Link to post Share on other sites
edgeof27 Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 OMG. Too, too funny. And BTW, I love your username! I love Fleetwood Mac too. (If that's what the reference is!) Bingo, Ms Nicks Rocks, Mr Buckingham is a Guitar God, Mr McVie strums a mean Bass, &, Mr Fleetwood, well, ".....are you with me....." checkout; http://ledge.fleetwoodmac.net/ for the latest from the tour, g....:angel: Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 OMG. Too, too funny. And BTW, I love your username! I love Fleetwood Mac too. (If that's what the reference is!) I have to admit that made me laugh too! Very funny. Plus I love the attitude. Why wait? Link to post Share on other sites
edgeof27 Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Come on people.. girls just want to have fun! I agree with Car.. only YOU know how you feel.. if you think you're ready.. go for it.. and don't wait for the guys to make the first moves... go for the ones you'd like.. I've made the first moves many times.. and it worked each time.. trust me.. men looove assertive women.. Liz, you are correct, us nice guys are too busy being nice guys that we don't notice the "nice/assertive" girls.... (ps, nice guy, 6'2", eyes of blue, 210#, employed, car, no record, available for dating....), g.... Link to post Share on other sites
edgeof27 Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 I have to admit that made me laugh too! Very funny. Plus I love the attitude. Why wait? Why wait.... for some reason society has instilled this "waiting" requirement, in hindsight it is a complete waste of time, time that is not refundable, no returns, no refunds for time not used, everyone, please, waste no more time, move on, move ahead, use your life, "Carpe Diem", "Seize the Day", do not wait............. g. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Why wait.... for some reason society has instilled this "waiting" requirement, in hindsight it is a complete waste of time, time that is not refundable, no returns, no refunds for time not used, everyone, please, waste no more time, move on, move ahead, use your life, "Carpe Diem", "Seize the Day", do not wait............. g. Love it! You remind me of my H. And I couldn't agree more. Single girls THIS guy is a good one! Link to post Share on other sites
edgeof27 Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 Love it! You remind me of my H. And I couldn't agree more. Single girls THIS guy is a good one! O. M. G. thank you, this is the nicest thing anyone has said about me in a while, (other than co-workers, &, sibling sister.....), once again, thank you, g. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 O. M. G. thank you, this is the nicest thing anyone has said about me in a while, (other than co-workers, &, sibling sister.....), once again, thank you, g. Please, no need to thank me. I recognize the type of man you are. Too bad many women are too stupid to recognize a gem. Hold out for the best, ok? Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 O.K. here is something just to let everyone think about. In my divorce care class that I took they suggest waiting 1 year for every 4 years you were married. Now I know each situation is different & I also feel the older we get the less time we need to wait... They also say; you need to make sure & work thru all the grief & anger, etc. that you may have towards the other person and the divorce. They also say if you still think about your spouse it's to early..... For me, we separated 2-1/2 years ago for 7 months, then got back to gather then she moved out again in Aug. for good. I have done counseling since she left the last time, joined different groups & really worked on what I had to do in the marriage... Well their was a girl in DC class that used to set by me & after the classes I never heard form her until the end of Jan. then Valentines Day I asked her to go eat as friends & it has just snowballed from there. We have been having a great time together & my divorce I hope is final in 3 weeks (stbxw's choice). Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 The time to start dating again is when you comfortable in your own skin and own surroundings. When your sitting in your new apartment/house and are happy with such! Satisfied with such? Perfectly at peace with being alone? Lonely? Get a dog! Or a cat! Preferably a Dauschuand! They're the "clowns" of the dog family! And will entertain you for hours upon hours, love you to death, and will always be glad to see you come home! They're not cowards and are ferociously devoted! They were breed to go and hunt Badgers! People make fun of them as weiner dogs, but they can and are vicious "ONE ONER" dogs! Very devoted! Very loyal! Link to post Share on other sites
peteyj Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 I'd say as soon as the papers are filed and you both have moved on to bigger and better things so to speak, it's probably fine to date. I woudln't be lookng to start any serious relationships but why not date and have fun. If you are still living with your ex though...that makes for awkward situations and thats probably not a good time to date. It's just chaos waiting to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
joybean72 Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 In my case, my stbx moved right on in with his OW & her three kids. I'm just now (about a year and a half since separating) starting to date again...testing the waters so to speak and not exclusive to one person. I'm having a blast now! There's some really great men out there & life is too short, but I have to agree to get your emotions & yourself in check before venturing out. Everyone is different though! Good luck to ya! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 22, 2009 Share Posted March 22, 2009 How long after leaving my husband do I have to wait to date? I know the divorce is going to take a long time. I don't believe that most people are emotionally ready to date seriously, after separation. I do recommend that you get out there and start dating lightly. As long as the other person is aware of your legal status and knows you're not looking for anything serious, why not? Conceptually, you don't want to have a rebound relationship. It's no fun and unfair to the person on the receiving end of that. Oh and one other thing. You're the only person who can know where you stand on your previous marriage and the possibilities of getting back with your spouse. Link to post Share on other sites
peteyj Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I honestly don't know if being honest about getting divorced or being recently divorced is the best policy. Especially if you're just getting back into the field and only looking to date lightly. I've found that many women assume you're the reason for the divorce and you really don't want to start talking about your prior relationship at the start of any date. So in my recent experience, it means saying you're recently divorced or going through a divorce leads to a lot of dates having no interest in you because of this. No further conversation needs to be brought up. From that point on it gets awkward. So I don't bring it up anymore. Not worth it being honest especially when none of these girls were looking for anything serious nor was I. For whatever reason they had hang ups over the word 'divorce.' Maybe it was because I was dating girls in their mid to late twenties who were never married, I don't know. I've always been an honest person, which got me into trouble because of it. But I'm starting to learn most people don't want to know the cold hard truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I don't discuss past relationships ~ why? What was? Was! What is ~ IS! And what will be ~ will be! Anything said about past relationships can and will be used against you later in a disagreement should the current relationship become serious? For example, "Your so stubborn and hard headed that's the reason your wife/husband left you!" Keep it to a minimum, "Yes I was married for X amount of years, we had 2.5 children, we got divorced, and I have been divorced for Y years!" If it becomes prolonged such as in my case, just tell them that you were working on becoming the "best" you that you could be, mentally, emotionally, financially etc, and that you needed to take sometime out to get yourself straighten out from the previous marriage/relationship................ Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I've always been upfront about being divorced/separated due to infidelity on the part of my ex. It's a form of test, to an extent. If I reveal what can be construed as a vulnerability and it's used against me in a serious relationship, then Sayonara, arsehole! Link to post Share on other sites
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