Is it ok to date while waiting for the divorce...

[SoulSearch_CO]

They also say if you still think about your spouse it's to early.....

Huh? This is a little vague. Think about them...in what way? Just IN GENERAL? You've got to be kidding me. I have to have amnesia about having been married before I can move on?

 

Anyway - you move on to date when you're ready. Only YOU know when that is. Just be sure that you're being fair to the other person and can give yourself wholly and aren't using them as a stepping stone or a rebound, or whatever. We separated last April, filed in May, and it was finalized in August. I did some online dating at the very tail-end of October out of sheer curiosity. Found my current BF and we just got "serious" in January.

[She's_NotInLove_w/Me]

I think in this day and age, there are no boundaries as far as how long to wait before you date. Each individual should make their own decision as far as being ready. As others have mentioned, there many factors to consider in making the determination as to being ready to date others.

 

I honestly wouldn't hold it against anyone if they were dating just 30 days after the initial separation.

 

The one observation that I would make is that, in my experience, the vast majority of divorcees find the need to validate themselves by making sure they are (still) appealing to members of the opposite sex. I suppose that they have just suffered (for the most part) the most significant 'rejection' (or at least relationship failure) of their life, so it's only natural to find the need to make sure they are still desirable.

 

I can honestly say that if my wife were to leave me today, I would have a hard time not wanting to get out there and start dating fairly quickly. I just hope that my experience watching so make other couples divorce would help me to know that it's best to wait it out, and not make any quick decisions to date others...

[Art_Critic]

Depends... do you want to date so you can tell your husband you are already dating someone new and to go eff himself ?

If that is the case then I would say you need more time to heal..

 

I agree with those that have said that you date when you feel you are ready to date.. not any sooner or even any later...

 

You have to have your life in order.. you have to feel safe in your surroundings then by all means go out and start meeting new people..and if your divorce is a heated one then I would tell each person you are dating your status up front.. others can wait for a week or 2 before you figure out if they are worth continuing to date..

[Art_Critic]

I don't discuss past relationships ~ why? What was? Was! What is ~ IS! And what will be ~ will be!

 

Anything said about past relationships can and will be used against you later in a disagreement should the current relationship become serious?

 

For example, "Your so stubborn and hard headed that's the reason your wife/husband left you!"

 

Keep it to a minimum, "Yes I was married for X amount of years, we had 2.5 children, we got divorced, and I have been divorced for Y years!"

 

While it is true Gunny that harboring and then telling secrets of past relationships can be harmful to your current one there are certain issues that require full disclosure.

"If something has a chance of impacting your partner's future or his life with you, then he has a right to know about it..

 

So I would think her status are being "Married" but divorce in progress would be something that the other partner needs to know fairly shortly so she doesn't have to hear the "Why didn't you tell me" line and therefore haven broken some trust in the very beginning

[alphamale]

How long after leaving my husband do I have to wait to date? I know the divorce is going to take a long time.

i think you can start right away as long as you mention you've filed for divorce

[dgiirl]

you have to have your life in order.. You have to feel safe in your surroundings then by all means go out and start meeting new people..and if your divorce is a heated one then i would tell each person you are dating your status up front.. Others can wait for a week or 2 before you figure out if they are worth continuing to date..

 

^^ +1

 

 

so i would think her status are being "married" but divorce in progress would be something that the other partner needs to know fairly shortly so she doesn't have to hear the "why didn't you tell me" line and therefore haven broken some trust in the very beginning

 

+1

[NYCmitch25]

How long after leaving my husband do I have to wait to date? I know the divorce is going to take a long time.

 

 

Assuming that you left him for this guy you've already started... I would recommend that you slow things down a bit and make sure you are making sound rational choices ..

[TrustInYourself]

In response to the OP:

Wait until you're divorced.

[RecordProducer]

if he backs the car out of the driveway, wait until he turns the corner,

 

if the drives straight out of the drive way, you can start dialing as soon as the back wheels hit the road,

 

g.

Haha! That was really funny! And that's about the size of it. People do what they feel like doing, not what the books say.

 

In my divorce care class that I took they suggest waiting 1 year for every 4 years you were married.

Now THAT is total BS. To put people's feelings into mathematical equations

like 4 x Y = W is ridiculous. Not everyone gets out of a marriage broken-hearted. Plus, what if you were married for 30 years and you're now 58? Wait 6 years? Who is to tell you how you feel and what you should do? And what could possibly go wrong with dating a few months after the separation? If you're still into your ex, then be upfront about it and let the other person decide if you're worth the trouble. Not to mention that you can get over your ex much fatser if you meet someone special - just like it happened to Touche.

 

I honestly don't know if being honest about getting divorced or being recently divorced is the best policy.

So you suggest the man should say "None of your freaggin' business" or to lie that he's been divorced for 5 years? And the date asks how old is your child, he neds to say he's 6 - when he's in fact 2?

you really don't want to start talking about your prior relationship at the start of any date.

I don't want to talk about it, but they always ask me. And I understand they want to know, but I find it very uncomfortable to talk about it, so I stick to the innocent facts, which makes it partially dishonest. I mean, I can't tell someone I've just met that my husband didn't want to have sex with me because he was disgusted by my personality.

 

So in my recent experience, it means saying you're recently divorced or going through a divorce leads to a lot of dates having no interest in you because of this.

Hm... you're starting to convince me. Well, I am lucky, I have kids with my first husband whom I divorced six years ago, so I don't even have to mention my second husband until they ask me "How many husbands have you had?" In fact, my second husband told me 6 months into our relationship that he was married twice (before me). He said he forgot to tell me. I never believed him until I recently heard that he forgot to tell his mother that he bought a business a year ago. He told her "You didn't ask! No, but that I understand because she didn't ask and he doesn't discuss business with his Mom. But I don't believe he simply forgot to tell me, especialy since while we were dating, he was in contact with her and she even came to his house once and there was some incident with her involved (she is mentally ill). I think he was ashamed or something. He'd only been married to her for 14 months, but they are still very close.

 

But I'm starting to learn most people don't want to know the cold hard truth.

Darn it, if being divorced (once) is a tabboo nowadays, then you're better off staying away from that person.

i think you can start right away as long as you mention you've filed for divorce

Regardless of whether you did or you didn't!