2 years later and not over it

[hrtbroken99]

well its been 2 years now since he left me and I was really sad initially but thought with time I would be able to et over it..since then nothing positive has happened...I am still sad and most of the time think about him often. NC does help but in a way NC has made me realize how stronger my love is for him. I feel like such a loser and pathetic after so long to still be thinking about my ex.

 

Is there anyone else out there who still has not been able to get over someone past 2 years?? I dont know what to do, I know people say go out,surround yourself with friends, therapy, stay busy blah and yeah i try to do all of that but at the end of the day I still think abiut him. I still have not met anyone and have been single and from what I last heard, he has been in relationship since we broke up...while I am here stuck single and depressed....sigh...I wold do anything to have him back in my life....wishing he was still a part of my life...the pain has no end. I just dont understand why after 2 years I cannot forget him, I know deep down inside I truly love him and would do anything to have him back in my life... after so long he is still in my mind as if the breakup happened yesterday.....sometimes I think I am crazy or have some problem and that is why I cannot get over it...I don't know, it hurts so much....

[Not the love ace]

I feel terrible for you but at the same time I am just beginning to experience the pain.

 

My ex has a new BF and she says she loves him to death and its only been a few weeks since they met and been going out. It makes me feel like after 2 years of being with her that this guy did what I did in about 3 weeks that it took me 2 years to do.

 

Its the worst feeling. Knowing that they just don't care. I absolutely hate it. I feel like I might be in the same boat. Thinking about her for the next few years of my life.

 

However, as much as I can relate to you, I don't want to just add on. I hope you get over it soon even though its been 2 years. Just try to do more of what you're doing to get him off your mind. Think about other things to better yourself.

[gwynieatpain]

Hey Sweetie. HUG ...

 

I'm not sure what you have gone through during the break up and what damage has caused you. However, 2 years is a very long time you really have to do something about it. Things like staying busy or seeking help from therapists are rather tactical. I guess only you can help yourself by changing the way of thinking, not by changing the daily routine.

 

I have been helping myself by setting various goals. Like in the very beginning of the break up, I told myself stop crying in 4 weeks time, I had to get a new job in 2 months time (I quitted my job because of him), I had to gain 10lbs in the coming 3 months (I lost 15lb because I couldn't eat) ... etc. I'm a goal oriented person. Once I set a goal I stick with it and never feel confused. Meanwhile, my best friend was experiencing the same thing we became good break up buddies and support each other through the time. I'm so lucky to have her as she's way more important than my ex. My family did a lot of help too whenever I need them they are always by my side. I found a new hobby as well, I did photography since and learnt that from my father and that I could spend quality time with him. I'm grateful to have those wonderful persons in my life, I don't want to let them down so I stay strong and focus.

 

It's been only 5 months after the break up. My ex fiance of 5 years has obviously moved on. His Korean gf (now become his ex as well) has posted her self-portrait photos (titled "my darling") here and there on the Internet (what an evil technology) where those photos were taken in his bedroom. I found them accidentially and it hurt like hell, it was the bed we bought together and once I had been sleeping on for 3 years, she was there half naked laying on it. What did I feel? Well, I was like standing there in his bedroom watching the real show. It made me so sad that we were only one step before marriage, now I'm replacable by other girls. Yesterday this Korean chick took my place, tomorrow there will be a Sweden, a Thai, or a Lebanese or many others. I hate him to death, yet he doesn't know it and will not care. Why should I hurt myself in this way? I remember one LSer reminded me to discipline myself and to stop looking at these photos. So I did, and stayed focus on myself all the time.

 

I can tell I'm a very different person now. I love myself, my friends and family more than I did in the past. I hope you will be better one day. Your significiant one will come very soon, in an unexpected way. He will come only if you are ready for it, so now make yourself ready.

 

(and sorry about my language skill, Im not a native speaker of English)

[sedgwick]

I am in EXACTLY the same position. Could have written this myself.

[D-Lish]

while I am here stuck single and depressed....sigh...

 

Have you heard the expression "you are what you think about all day long?" If your thoughts are in a constant cycle of sadness and hopelessness... you will only attract more of the same.

 

You've got to teach your subconscious to let go- purge yourself of the negative thoughts and let them go. You're stuck because you choose to stay that way.... You're stuck because you keep reminding yourself everyday all day that you're stuck....

 

The only way to get out of this cycle of negativity is to make a choice to think differently. If you keep feeding your subconscious sadness and hopelessness, it will just reflect it back.

 

The way to break a cycle like this is to learn to value yourself more.

Start talking to your inner self more positively. Re-direct your focus when your mind wanders to sad memories.

[BackonTrack2]

man reading this thread makes me feel good, because i thought something was wrong with me for remembering a relationship that ended one year ago, well, it ended way before that, i was just to blind to see it....

 

in any event, wow 2 years is a long time and i don't know what to tell you. you already heard it all before, but i can tell you what worked for me...

 

the answer was pretty simple, ME, me being ME, me going out.

me having fun. me doing the things I did before the EX.

 

Me rebuilding myself, at first it was tuff, i was lost, hurt, confused and dazed, not sure what happen, felt like i was blind sided with a baseball bat for a long time, i just couldn't understand...... but as time passed and i've rebuilt my personal life, i started to emerge from the fog.....

 

wow, i just tried to think about it, i just tried to look back as i am writing this, nothing, blank, its gone, strange, i remember crying in the closet, for months, i don't even remember it, its like i was another person, strange....... i don't know who that guy was... it sure wasn't me.....

 

but yeah..... 2 years is a long time, you have to change up your cycle, take a different route to work, go to a different bar, do something new... thats the only way to fix your broken heart....

 

wow, i was someone else.... i don't know who that was crying in the closet, having panic attacks, sitting home alone in the dark for one year, waiting....., that was someone else so what i'm saying to you is, its up to you to stop feeling this way, only you can change you and change is hard, and 2 years is long enough to love someone that doesn't love you back....

 

i served my time, i won't go back to that place......

 

good luck

[dethfire]

it took me about 2 years to finally move on from my 5 year relationship where my girl cheated on my with my best friend and ended up marrying him.

[EllieBean]

It took me eleven years to get over being dumped by my ex. ELEVEN YEARS Of course I dated other people in the meantime, even lived with a couple of them for a while, but I was never in love with any of them and never stopped thinking about him.

 

In the end, I got over him by getting back together with him! Yep, eleven years later we got back together, and I was reminded of all the problems that we used to have because he was exactly the same - still just as self-absorbed and selfish and snobby as ever. It made me realise that I'd been viewing him through rose tinted glasses and he was never as perfect as I'd convinced myself he was. The final part of healing was when I met someone else and fell in love with him instead (this guy also dumped me, and I'm still sort of hung up on that... but that's another story, at least I got over the first guy!)

 

So my tips for moving on are as follows:

 

*Remind yourself of all his bad points and the reasons why you broke up - don't view him through rose tinted glasses

*Tell yourself that you deserve better than that, and mean it

*Meet someone else!

[Peter_pan]

It took me eleven years to get over being dumped by my ex. ELEVEN YEARS Of course I dated other people in the meantime, even lived with a couple of them for a while, but I was never in love with any of them and never stopped thinking about him.

 

In the end, I got over him by getting back together with him! Yep, eleven years later we got back together, and I was reminded of all the problems that we used to have because he was exactly the same - still just as self-absorbed and selfish and snobby as ever. It made me realise that I'd been viewing him through rose tinted glasses and he was never as perfect as I'd convinced myself he was. The final part of healing was when I met someone else and fell in love with him instead (this guy also dumped me, and I'm still sort of hung up on that... but that's another story, at least I got over the first guy!)

 

So my tips for moving on are as follows:

 

*Remind yourself of all his bad points and the reasons why you broke up - don't view him through rose tinted glasses

*Tell yourself that you deserve better than that, and mean it

*Meet someone else!

 

 

oh my word !! thats a really mad story. 11 years !! and then he was the exact same and you finally realized lol. this sounds like a lesson that needs to be sent out to more people hung up on one person

[Bleeve]

2.5 years and counting - you are not alone at least

[Peter_pan]

well i feel for you since its been over 2 years thats a long long time. and for you to feel like the break up was yesterday! i dont think i could cope!

 

i think you only truly get over the ex once you have met someone new who meets everything you desire and more. but until then i think everyone must think of there ex's

[pleasebelieveme]

I completely understand where you're coming from. In fact, today marks the two year anniversary of our breakup. NC has helped a lot. Unfortunately, it's been imposed on me rather than it being all my decision. She cut contact a couple of months after the breakup and we haven't had contact in any way, shape, or form ever since. To the best of my knowledge, she is seeing no one. She just pretends I don't exist, which must be some luxury because like you I sit here and still feel all the same feelings I felt when we were together.

 

Most of the time I'm fine, though I also haven't found anyone yet to date long term. I haven't found anyone interesting enough or close enough to her to even go on more than one date with.

 

I think you ultimately get over someone once you find someone new. It's not that you need someone new to "replace" your ex - that doesn't work well. What works is that we take the time to heal, to understand ourselves, our strengths, our weaknesses, and what went wrong in the relationship, and then move on to be with someone else as a better person. The love doesn't go away, but we heal the wounds.

 

That's just me. Maybe I'm wrong. But, know that you're not alone.

 

-pbm

[EmperorR]

I feel terrible for you but at the same time I am just beginning to experience the pain.

 

My ex has a new BF and she says she loves him to death and its only been a few weeks since they met and been going out. It makes me feel like after 2 years of being with her that this guy did what I did in about 3 weeks that it took me 2 years to do.

 

Its the worst feeling. Knowing that they just don't care. I absolutely hate it. I feel like I might be in the same boat. Thinking about her for the next few years of my life.

 

However, as much as I can relate to you, I don't want to just add on. I hope you get over it soon even though its been 2 years. Just try to do more of what you're doing to get him off your mind. Think about other things to better yourself.

 

 

Ah that feeling sucks I know it all to well

[knightzen]

Oh my god, Im in the same situation as you exactly!

[Nikki Sahagin]

Okay firstly I think we all love differently. So if I use myself as an example; I am very intense, very passionate, very devoted, very selfless and I see it as forever. It's kind of a dangerous approach when people seem to need so much space and freedom but it takes you ages to fall for someone and once I do, that's it - I love them. I know if me and my boyfriend break up, I will NEVER get over him. I will probably fall in love again, but the love for him will still be there. I know that because I know my own heart, i've given him all of it and to the nth degree, so he has it, irreguardless of whether we work out or not. I don't think love is easy nor common nor boring. I think real love is pretty damn crazy, at least in my experience. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and from my side, I am still crazy about him and so passionate for him. I can't even begin to describe how down i'd go if we ended. I know that's dangerous, but I accept it's how my love works. It's all or nothing. Romeo and Juliet kind of stuff lmao

 

Now if you love in a really devoted and intense way, if you kind of set it up that they are your destiny or your fate, if you don't really get interested in other guys, then it will be so much harder. That said I think 2 years is still perfectly reasonable and it shows how deep your capacity for love is. I would suggest putting your love into other reactive outlets i.e. helping injured animals, children, old people etc. This may be very rewarded for your big heart

[sedgwick]

irreguardless

 

ACK!!!!

 

It's "regardless." No "ir," no "u."

[sockpuppet]

Okay firstly I think we all love differently. So if I use myself as an example; I am very intense, very passionate, very devoted, very selfless and I see it as forever. It's kind of a dangerous approach when people seem to need so much space and freedom but it takes you ages to fall for someone and once I do, that's it - I love them. I know if me and my boyfriend break up, I will NEVER get over him. I will probably fall in love again, but the love for him will still be there. I know that because I know my own heart, i've given him all of it and to the nth degree, so he has it, irreguardless of whether we work out or not. I don't think love is easy nor common nor boring. I think real love is pretty damn crazy, at least in my experience. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and from my side, I am still crazy about him and so passionate for him. I can't even begin to describe how down i'd go if we ended. I know that's dangerous, but I accept it's how my love works. It's all or nothing. Romeo and Juliet kind of stuff lmao

 

Now if you love in a really devoted and intense way, if you kind of set it up that they are your destiny or your fate, if you don't really get interested in other guys, then it will be so much harder. That said I think 2 years is still perfectly reasonable and it shows how deep your capacity for love is. I would suggest putting your love into other reactive outlets i.e. helping injured animals, children, old people etc. This may be very rewarded for your big heart

 

 

Sure, but it makes it suck even more when you thought they felt the same way...then things end. I agree, holding onto that "they were the one" can be really intense but it'll be one of your biggest emotional barriers in getting over them eventually.

 

I'm with you hrtbroken. It's been about 2 years for me. I was NC for almost a year, started talking to my ex again a few months ago, after seeing her twice and having her reject me again (after some ugly mind games) I feel the same way I did 2 years ago.

[shayna]

hey hrtbroken

 

I too am just about at two years. We were together for 9 years and it wasn't even a great relationship though I still miss him every hour of every day. And dating, therapy, anti depressants, med school, friends, don't really help. In fact, I find my friends don't really understand anymore at all how I can be so stuck on him. As recently as December he came back for sex which I turned him down for (stupid me I let this happen up until June of last year though). Then a while later I finally gained the strength to tell him to stop contacting me a month or so ago because I couldn't bear the thought of seeing him with his new girlfriend. I thought this was the wise thing to do after a year of secretly sleeping together. Now its biting my in the a-s because we have a wedding we are both invited to in the summer, and the bride is angry with me that I am still unable to be around him. I even told her what had been happening since the breakup. And she was among the ones that advised me to stay away from him in the first place!! I don't get it!

 

Anyway, don't want to take over your thread but you are not alone. I was so happy to find your message and others here just to know that I wasn't insane. I am so incredibly hard on myself because I still love him when I feel I shouldn't be. I feel I wasted 9 years in a very tumultuous relationship where I should have had the strength to get out. I wish I could tell you it gets better as so many people on here say, but I'm still waiting for this to happen. Try to go easy on yourself and I'll try to do the same. Continue to live and smile and so will I.

[Sam Spade]

Well, I'm nowhere near 2 years, but it has been 10 months, and I'm still pretty sad...

[Ilovehim]

But Im sure the pain is not the same as it was at first right?

[ann1921]

i understand how you feel my ex of 3 yrs broke up with me a 2 months ago and i am still heartbroken. I know im not where your at but when you love someone so much and you know its ment to be you never stop loving that person. i know me and my ex had own probs but i feel like we can work them out and i truly believe he is the one for me. But all i can tell you is stick in there and don't feel bad and am right there with ya!

[Surfer Girl]

The attachment doesn't always go away.... Most likely you have memories that remind you of being in a relationship that involved day to day contact, doing things together etc.... What I feel is important is you have no control on how the other person feels and knowing that, as much as you want him back... he has to want you back... so in a since, if he doesn't want you back... you need to live life without him and life is to short to live in the past... You have survived 2 years without him and your life may in your opinion been better with him.... you can still find happiness living a good life and moving on... That life is yours to decide what you want to do with it!!!

[Justanotherschmuck]

well its been 2 years now since he left me and I was really sad initially but thought with time I would be able to et over it..since then nothing positive has happened...I am still sad and most of the time think about him often. NC does help but in a way NC has made me realize how stronger my love is for him. I feel like such a loser and pathetic after so long to still be thinking about my ex.

 

Is there anyone else out there who still has not been able to get over someone past 2 years?? I dont know what to do, I know people say go out,surround yourself with friends, therapy, stay busy blah and yeah i try to do all of that but at the end of the day I still think abiut him. I still have not met anyone and have been single and from what I last heard, he has been in relationship since we broke up...while I am here stuck single and depressed....sigh...I wold do anything to have him back in my life....wishing he was still a part of my life...the pain has no end. I just dont understand why after 2 years I cannot forget him, I know deep down inside I truly love him and would do anything to have him back in my life... after so long he is still in my mind as if the breakup happened yesterday.....sometimes I think I am crazy or have some problem and that is why I cannot get over it...I don't know, it hurts so much....

 

You feel this way because what you feel for your husband is TRUE LOVE. When you love someone in that fashion, a divorce is like a death. It takes way longer than a lousy two years to get over a deceased spouse, the same holds true for divorce.

 

You feel this way because you got a lot of your self esteem from the fact that someone you admired so much actually decided to take you as his or her "life" partner.

 

You feel this way because you thought your relationship was your "safe zone from all the horrendeous things life can bring. You thought that , FINALLY, someone excepting ME for ME.

 

I know you feel this way because thats the way I feel. But love as deep as what you and I feel is a very rare thing. ANd getting rarer by the day.

 

Marriage is SUPPOSED t be special. The love you have for your spouse is SUPPOSED to be special. The bond is SUPPOSED to be strong. People LOVE to give this lip service, but few really have what it takes to follow through with this.

 

You'll learn of put your feeling out of your mind, but NEVER out of your heart. A new career, a new hobby, a new love interest. These help, but betrayal, ESPECIALLY, when you have been betrayed by someone you admire and love can be devestating. It's why a number of people never, ever trust again. They are protecting themselves. And I understand totally.

 

Give yourself time, you will get better, time is a good thing.

[Montclair0011]

Oh, it takes me FOREVER to get over lost love. When I was young I was known to spend two years pinning away over guys that dumped me from the get go. After my husband left me (a 20 year relationship) it took me a few years to even think about dating another.

 

I just sat and waited and waited and waited for nothing. Despite his poor treatment of me, I did not think it was possible for me to feel anything for another guy. Like the pain was etched in stone. I got therapy and all the other classic recommended activities (exercise, new look, friends, activities, even anti-depressants for a year) but the longing never went away.

 

Then I did the online dating thing (just going through the motions and not caring if they liked me or not) and surprised myself by falling head over heels in love with a guy who was getting divorced. That lasted almost a year but then that guy left me to return to his family and dropped his divorce because of his kids. I was as devastated as when my husband left me and that's how I ended up on LS. Probably it will be another 2 years+ of misery (it's been a few months and I'm just crying all the time) as my history indicates. I'm trying to not to let that happen but so far it BAU.

 

The good new though is that I think I might finally be over my husband! :-)