What should I do?

[Needs Light]

I have been married for 7 months now. I work 8 to 5 as a secretary for a construction company and my husband works the early shift at a restaurant and gets off usually around 3 in the afternoon. It is my habit to work until after 6 every night all the time. I came home early yesterday, about 4:30 and unlocked the door to our apartment and opened it. All I saw was a flash of my husband running around the corner into the bathroom. There on the livingroom floor was a coworker of his. A very pretty female. The room was dark cuz all the curtains were pulled shut and there was soft music playing and incence burning. I played dumb and introduced myself and made the room lighter. When my husband came back to the living room, I kissed him hello and acted like nothing happened. The three of us talked for a little bit before she said she had to go. I told her it was nice meeting her and not to be a stranger. I just acted like nothing had happened. Was I right to do this? Should I talk to my husband about what I feel I really saw and ask him for an explanation or just let it go? I don't want him to think I am jealous or suspicious but honestly there was no doubt of what was happening. And if he has something going with someone else I sure think I should know about it if for no other reason than because of desease. Is everything just in my head? That is one reason I havn't said anything yet. I am very upset about this and just don't know how to handle it. Can anyone offer any advice?

[hassan]

You should go up to him and tell him how you feel? you should never hide yoru feelings from your partner or else you will never find the answers to your question and you will always remain curous

I have been married for 7 months now. I work 8 to 5 as a secretary for a construction company and my husband works the early shift at a restaurant and gets off usually around 3 in the afternoon. It is my habit to work until after 6 every night all the time. I came home early yesterday, about 4:30 and unlocked the door to our apartment and opened it. All I saw was a flash of my husband running around the corner into the bathroom. There on the livingroom floor was a coworker of his. A very pretty female. The room was dark cuz all the curtains were pulled shut and there was soft music playing and incence burning. I played dumb and introduced myself and made the room lighter. When my husband came back to the living room, I kissed him hello and acted like nothing happened. The three of us talked for a little bit before she said she had to go. I told her it was nice meeting her and not to be a stranger. I just acted like nothing had happened. Was I right to do this? Should I talk to my husband about what I feel I really saw and ask him for an explanation or just let it go? I don't want him to think I am jealous or suspicious but honestly there was no doubt of what was happening. And if he has something going with someone else I sure think I should know about it if for no other reason than because of desease. Is everything just in my head? That is one reason I havn't said anything yet. I am very upset about this and just don't know how to handle it. Can anyone offer any advice?

[Tony T]

Wow, you are a rare find indeed. You come home from a hard days work a bit early and find your husband with another woman...and you wonder if you should spare his feelings and not say anything.

 

YOUR HUSBAND IS CHEATING ON YOU!!! C-H-E-A-T-I-N-G!!!!

 

You obviously come from a rather uncommunicative background where anger was forbidden to be expressed. You have an obligation to your marriage to find out why he was in the state of dress he was, why the lights were turned down, why incense was burning, etc. This was not a situation where a work acquaintance was over to discuss union problems. They were engaged in real life human drama (can you say S-E-X) that you were NOT supposed to see.

 

There is simply no way your husband is going to give you a straight explanation. You should calmly ask him how long he has been seeing this woman IN YOUR OWN HOME under these circumstances. There doesn't necessarily have to be anything wrong with your marriage, either. There are some men that just like to have more than one woman...and that's that. It is my own personal opinion that it takes a real scum of a man to cheat on his wife IN THE HOME THEY SHARE TOGETHER.

 

If he has something going with some other woman, of course you should worry about disease...and you should also be calling a moving van to pick up his stuff. Committing adultery is one thing...but doing it IN YOUR OWN HOME, THAT'S Y-O-U-R HOME, is a much different ball game. If you can't iron this out to your satisfaction, you have to dump the guy and I am so very sorry. I feel so badly for you. I was once a police reporter for a newspaper and I can't tell you how many times spouses were SHOT DEAD under these circumstances. Your husband is lucky you are being so civil about this.

 

THIS IS A SERIOUS MATTER AND TAKE IT VERY SERIOUSLY. Please discuss this with a counsellor as soon as possible.

 

If you think your husband can stop this immediately, that your trust can be restored, that your marriage can get on target once again, etc., it's your call if you want to give it another try.

 

But my money says he'll take things to the Holiday Inn. By not raising hell right then and there, you gave him a message that you are not so upset about this behavior, which could have gotten him shot had he not had the wonderful wife he has.

 

If you are nonchalant about your husband having affairs in your home and only concerned about disease, you should get help in restoring your self-worth and self-esteem. If this dude is the one that tore those down for you, I'd like to...nevermind. It sounds like your self-esteem is a ZERO because otherwise you wouldn't have reacted the way you did here. And to sit and chat with the lady after she made it with your husband before you showed her to the door and bid her a farewell and good day....I am getting sick!!!

 

PLEASE keep us informed.