masculine and feminine traits, or, what are you looking for in a man/woman, really?

[ianandris]

PC brigade: call of your dogs. Please abandon your attempts to crucify me for appearing to push a heteronormative agenda. I'm not doing that. I'm looking for opinions about what people consider masculine attributes to be and what people consider feminine attributes to be, is all. These attributes do NOT have to be mutually exclusive, but I like the idea of being realistic about the fact that our biological differences affect the way that we think/feel/are, so let's try to celebrate our differences a bit. I'm just interested in hearing what people on here have to say, is all.

 

Sooo, what makes a man a man?

 

What makes a woman a woman?

 

(no smart remarks about anatomy, please. Unless it ties into a point you're making.)

[Taramere]

Generalisations from my own experiences and impressions of friends, relatives and acquaintances

 

Men: Physically protective, good at creating a safe feeling environment, hilarious, cut to the chase, practically minded, direct, better equipped to handle conflict without taking it very personally (though often very poor at handling it once they do take it personally) Negative extremes -narcissistic tendencies, can be overly controlling/aggressive/bullying if presented with other people's weaknesses and vulnerabilities. More likely to be vengeful.

 

Women: Nurturing, patient, insightful, think laterally and creatively, good at creating a pleasant and relaxing environment, forgiving, tolerant, self contained, spontaneous, instinctive - I tend to rely more on women's character judgements (if I trust the woman in question) than men's. Negative extremes - neurotic tendencies, find it difficult to own and manage competitive tendencies, woolly-thinking, envious, conflict avoidant. More likely to be catty.

 

Just about everyone I know is capable of any of these traits (good and bad) but I think people will tend to focus on promoting/curbing their own traits where they see these as being stereotypically feminine or masculine.

[Mary3]

What makes a man a man : His strong chest that you can cuddle and bury your face into while he holds you with his strong arms and talks intimate love sweet love talk ...

[redfathom]

Body hair, more for men, less for woman.

[Trialbyfire]

I'm not going to crucify you but I'm uncertain why the need to define since everyone is a composition of all their attributes, therefore, also have individual preferences. But I'll play along and respond in a very brief way.

 

Man: In your face strength.

Woman: External softness, internal strength.

[purgatori]

What makes a man a man : His strong chest that you can cuddle and bury your face into while he holds you with his strong arms and talks intimate love sweet love talk ...

 

I guess I'm not a man then... well, I'm glad Does this mean I'll be welcomed by the lesbian community now, and I can have a gay girlfriend?

 

In any case, based on social surveys, the following psychological/behavioral traits are considered to be stereotypically masculine/feminine:

 

Masculine -- Active, acts as a leader, adventurous, aggressive, ambitious, competitive, doesn't give up easily, dominant, feels superior, holds up well under pressure, independent, makes decisions easily, not easily influenced, outspoken, rough, self-confident, takes a stand.

 

Feminine -- Aware of others' feelings, considerate, cries easily, devotes self to others, emotional, excitable in a major crisis, feelings hurt easily, gentle, home-oriented, kind, likes children, neat, needs approval, passive, tactful, understanding of others, warm in relations with others.

 

Now, in terms of actual differences based upon current evidence:-

 

Women (on average) have better verbal abilities, achieve higher grades in school, are more emotionally sensitive and prosocial, have a more developed capacity to inhibit impulsive behavior, are more compliant and dependent, are more prone to developing depression, are less aggressive, have fewer developmental problems/delays, tend not to be as competent in tasks requiring spatial abilities, are better at basic computation but are somewhat less able when it comes to abstract reasoning and geometry in mathematics, and are more fearful/timid/anxious.

 

Note that these differences tend to be fairly small (5-10%), and may be determined by cultural, as much as biological, influences. I'm a scientist, so I have to admit these things, even though I'd like to believe that girls are simply better people on average than their male counterparts.

[Isolde]

While women are often figured as being elusive, subtle and mysterious, this is how I think of MEN. Is that weird? Maybe it's just that I tend to be attracted to complex men, because most people say men are "simpler" than women.

[You'reasian]

What makes a man a man : His strong chest that you can cuddle and bury your face into while he holds you with his strong arms and talks intimate love sweet love talk ...

 

Can the intimate love sweet talk have a little dirty edge to it?

[OpenBook]

Masculine Attributes: Take charge, protect, lead.

Feminine Attributes: Receptivity, keeping a harmonious balance.

Desired Attributes in both: Appreciation for each other's strengths, and Tolerance for each other's weaknesses.

[Peter_pan]

women" sweet voice, soft bum boobs and nice eyes , figure

 

men: rough, funny, strong, caring

[carhill]

I'm not going to crucify you but I'm uncertain why the need to define since everyone is a composition of all their attributes, therefore, also have individual preferences. But I'll play along and respond in a very brief way.

 

Man: In your face strength.

Woman: External softness, internal strength.

Yeah, I saw the title and all I could think of was looking for a prettier version of myself with an innie to match my outie

 

Personally, I think a man's outer strength and inner softness counter and compliment a woman's outer softness and inner strength quite well.

[Trialbyfire]

Yeah, I saw the title and all I could think of was looking for a prettier version of myself with an innie to match my outie

 

Personally, I think a man's outer strength and inner softness counter and compliment a woman's outer softness and inner strength quite well.

If a man has a soft inside like a marshmallow, for his loved ones, THAT's a primo man!

[Mary3]

Can the intimate love sweet talk have a little dirty edge to it?

 

Oh I love the naughty talk

[You'reasian]

Oh I love the naughty talk

 

........

[purgatori]

And what about the people who don't fit the stereotypes you're all throwing around? Who don't have a place within this allegedly complimentary dyad? What becomes of them? They end up on the trash-heap, that's what.

[Trialbyfire]

And what about the people who don't fit the stereotypes you're all throwing around? Who don't have a place within this allegedly complimentary dyad? What becomes of them? They end up on the trash-heap, that's what.

I don't hit the stereotype you've laid out about women. And I'm not in the trash heap just yet. If anything, it's helped me to get what I want out of life.

 

So make your own way. No one's stopping you but you.

[purgatori]

I don't hit the stereotype you've laid out about women. And I'm not in the trash heap just yet. If anything, it's helped me to get what I want out of life.

 

So make your own way. No one's stopping you but you.

 

1. But you fit the stereotype you laid out though, right? (Namely: external softness, internal strength). Whereas I don't fit either the stereotype I outlined (which is merely a summary of the traits which are most commonly allocated to members of either sex when gender-typing), nor yours. Moreover, you've described this pairing as 'complimentary', so if I don't 'compliment' someone, where is my place?

 

2. If you are suggesting that some of your traits tend to be more masculine in nature, then I'm not surprised that they have contributed to you getting what you want out of life. Research clearly indicates that a certain amount of androgyny in women is actually more adaptive than strict femininity, partly because masculine traits are generally more highly valued in society (which I think is messed up, but anyway), and because otherwise "masculine" traits such as autonomy/independence are positively correlated with high achievement, which in turn is related to life satisfaction and psychological wellbeing. Importantly, women are also less rigidly gender-typed than males, and deviations from gender norms are shown a great degree of tolerance in general, and acceptance by potential mates in particular. Males who deviate from gender norms are judged more harshly by both sexes; although slightly less by women, it must be said. In fact, throughout most of childhood children often judge the deviation from male gender norms to be almost as bad as a moral transgression. Obviously, most people's judgments in this regard become markedly less extreme as they mature, but gender atypical behavior is still viewed as highly undesirable.

 

So please, do not give me this nonsense about noone stopping me, but me; it is simply not true.

[FleshNBones]

1. But you fit the stereotype you laid out though, right? (Namely: external softness, internal strength). Whereas I don't fit either the stereotype I outlined (which is merely a summary of the traits which are most commonly allocated to members of either sex when gender-typing), nor yours. Moreover, you've described this pairing as 'complimentary', so if I don't 'compliment' someone, where is my place?

Welcome to the collective.

Deviate and you face exile.

2. If you are suggesting that some of your traits tend to be more masculine in nature, then I'm not surprised that they have contributed to you getting what you want out of life. Research clearly indicates that a certain amount of androgyny in women is actually more adaptive than strict femininity, partly because masculine traits are generally more highly valued in society (which I think is messed up, but anyway), and because otherwise "masculine" traits such as autonomy/independence are positively correlated with high achievement, which in turn is related to life satisfaction and psychological wellbeing. Importantly, women are also less rigidly gender-typed than males, and deviations from gender norms are shown a great degree of tolerance in general, and acceptance by potential mates in particular. Males who deviate from gender norms are judged more harshly by both sexes; although slightly less by women, it must be said. In fact, throughout most of childhood children often judge the deviation from male gender norms to be almost as bad as a moral transgression. Obviously, most people's judgments in this regard become markedly less extreme as they mature, but gender atypical behavior is still viewed as highly undesirable.

 

So please, do not give me this nonsense about noone stopping me, but me; it is simply not true.

Women seem to value socialization over reason. The truth is not so much in the truth as it is in maintaining the social order. Sorry man, women like sharks not minnows.

[carhill]

Yes, even when the sharks are cannibals