i screwed up

[texas raised]

So, I've been going out with a girl in Los Angeles for a couple months now. We met through her cousin and I just felt comfortable talking to her for the first couple months and she felt the same way, so we decided to be a couple.

 

During my spring break, I drove out to California to visit my cousins and hoping for a chance to meet my SO (we've never met in person). Turns out that she wasn't ready to meet yet because of recent arguments that we had and she said that it would be hard on her to only be with me a couple days, knowing that i'll be leaving soon. I understood that so i agreed to meet during the summer, when i would be able to stay for 2 weeks or so.

 

Since I was in California, I decided to meet a friend in Sacramento, BIG MISTAKE. It was a six hour drive so I had planned on sleeping in my car before heading back to Los Angeles. I didn't get to her house until 3am and we decided to go to Jack in the Box for food because we were both starving. After I ate, i passed out on the floor. Next morning, I woke up and saw that she was showering, so I laid on her bed and started watching tv. She came in her room and laid on the bed next to me and we just started talking. Then a moment of silence fell, which was broken later when she said she wanted to cuddle with me. I told her no i couldn't because of my SO but she kept pushing it. Then she said "whats wrong with just cuddling? nothing bad can come from it" and at that point i was tired of saying no so i gave in.

 

Later on that night we went to denny's with her sister and while at denny's my SO texted me saying she wanted to talk, so i told her I was eating and that i'll call her afterwards (I'm not comfortable with talking on the phone in front of other people) and she replied saying "it's okay, i'm gonna go to sleep, good night". I told her good night and sweet dreams like I usually do, but then a couple minutes later, she texted me back saying she wanted to break up with me because of the constant arguing and she was depressed because of school so it was taking its toll on her. I really didn't know how to take it because it was so sudden, so throughout dinner I was silent and my friend could tell something was wrong. Later on after dinner, I told her what had happened and she preceded to cuddle with me again but this time i didn't fight it because I was being selfish and wanted the attention. This time though, she wanted more than cuddling, she wanted to kiss which i still said no at first but then after minutes of pestering, i gave in once i again. i know, i'm weak minded =\

 

After I had left Sacremento, my SO texted me saying she was sorry for her reaction the other night and explained to me that the constant stress of school got to her and she snapped. Everything was good, or so it seemed. The whole time, the guilt of knowing I cheated on my SO (even though we weren't together at the time, it wasn't technically cheating but i still consider it that) knawed away at my conscience and i knew i had to tell her, but i just didn't know how to bring it up. Well the girl from Sacremento called me wanting to talk about the situation and I explained to her that I wanted to be with my SO while I was out eating so i told her i'd talk to her once i got back to my cousins house. when i got back there, i decided to IM her instead of calling her back because my cousins were downstairs in the living room with me. we got into an argument about why i wanted to be with my SO, and not her, where she left mad and decided to tell my SO about the whole weekend. I was kind of relieved that she told her because i was planning on telling her anyways but i didn't know how to bring it up.

 

This was the first time I cheated on a SO and i feel HORRIBLE about it. i know it's not as bad as how she feels because i disrespected her and our relationship and im truely remorseful for my actions. I knew the first step of proving to her that i will never lie again was to tell her everything that happened (other things happened besides cuddling and kissing, but i refused to have sex with her because i wanted to share that with only my SO) during the trip to Sacramento.

 

Well thats the whole situation and at this point, she's willing to give me a second chance, but i don't know how to prove that i'm worthy of it. So my question is, what can I do to prove that i'm worthy of being in a relationship with her again because she means alot to me?

 

Thanks for any tips in advance, and please don't post criticize my situation, because I know what i did was wrong and will NEVER put anybody i care about in that situation again.

[Island Girl]

She is already willing to give you a second chance.

 

You do not need to do anything to prove you are worthy of it.

That is what you do in order to GET the second chance.

 

You already have your Golden Ticket.

 

So now you just go about understanding if she gets a bit more insecure because of it.

And you must commit to being an open book to each other for a couple of reasons:

1. You are long distance and that is the only way to keep things strong and keep the intimacy.

 

2. You had a betrayal of trust and the way you earn it back is being open about anything and everything.

 

You sound like a really good guy. Just young.

 

And believe me when I say that "friend" in Sacramento knew what she was doing the entire time.

 

How did she have your SO's contact info anyway?

 

And I would hope you aren't friends with her anymore.

A friend like that is actually an enemy.

[texas raised]

thanks for replying island girl.

 

i'm not positive if i have the 2nd chance yet because her exact words are "i'm here waiting to give you another chance" so i don't think i have it yet.

 

she got my SO's AIM SN awhile back. turns out her ex is my SO's cousin's current girlfriend. i had no idea until one day she asked what school my SO went to and i told her and she said that was where her ex-bf attended high school so i asked my SO if she knew him and she said "yeah, he's going out with my cousin". my friend was devasted about the break-up and had questions about it because they had a LDR also so she wanted to talk to my SO on aim about him so i gave her my SO's SN.

 

As for talking to her, i haven't spoken to her since she told my SO about the incident because i told my SO that i will cut off all ties with her because she's the girl I want to be with.

[lostsunsets]

Dude, you haven't even met the girl. She didn't want to meet you. There is no relationship.

[Els]

Dude, you haven't even met the girl. She didn't want to meet you. There is no relationship.

 

Please don't post if you don't know what you're talking about.

[Island Girl]

my friend was devasted about the break-up and had questions about it because they had a LDR also so she wanted to talk to my SO on aim about him so i gave her my SO's SN.

 

Please never do this again.

 

That was their relationship. And no one should be providing answers etc. except the two people in that relationship.

 

This move is very "high school" and while I realize that they are IN high school it doesn't mean you have to make that mistake and be so involved in DRAMA.

 

Do not get involved in your friends relationships, break ups, etc.

You can listen and be a friend that way but you provide no assistance with talking to someone for someone else or bridging connections or providing avenues of explanation. Just say NO.

 

Remember this and live by it from now on and you will have way less drama in your life forever.