HeidiCo Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 I went on a few dates with this go a few months ago, then he moved interstate for awhile and we lost contact. Well, when he got back he was all keen to meet up, so we got together and had - at least what I thought - was a really fun time. He even invited me back to his place, and I stayed until 4am before prizing myself away. I was kind of excited about the prospect of starting something with him again, but tried not to get my hopes up because I was crushed when he left last time. Well it's been a week now and he hasn't called. Although I am extremely busy with work and social activities, I can't help but wonder why he has made the decision not to contact me when I thought the date went really well. I don't even have time for a boyfriend at the moment, so why do I delve into a mini depression every time I check my phone?? It could be an ego thing, but I hate feeling so pathetically dependant on the actions of others for my happiness. (And please don't suggest I take the initiative - he has my number and I refuse to set a precedent as the chaser.) Link to post Share on other sites
rayray Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 Originally posted by HeidiCo (And please don't suggest I take the initiative - he has my number and I refuse to set a precedent as the chaser.) Sorry to say, you're up the creek.... and taking the initiative is your paddle. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 How, exactly, does making one phone call render one a 'chaser'? Link to post Share on other sites
Nostalghia Posted October 12, 2003 Share Posted October 12, 2003 take the initiative ... this is the 21st century last time I checked! Link to post Share on other sites
HeidiCo Posted October 12, 2003 Share Posted October 12, 2003 I have been on the dating scene awhile and I just know that if a guy isn't willing to put the effort in at the very start of a relationship, he never will. If he was at all bothered about seeing me again, surely he would at least text me. Why should I call, and try to "convince" him to see me again? It's not like he's Brad Pitt. I would really like Clia's opinion on this, because I've read a lot of her posts and think she might know where I'm coming from. Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted October 12, 2003 Moderators Share Posted October 12, 2003 ((( Meanwhile, Curt, in his best "knowing round abouts what she will say before she says it" voice, clears his throat and offers...))) Yeeees, I wonder what Clia's take will be on all this??? Curt Link to post Share on other sites
zman Posted October 12, 2003 Share Posted October 12, 2003 It sounds like that if you were this guy and he was the girl, you wouldn't be all that motivated to be the one to call either. After all, he's not Brad Pitt and you're probably not Jennifer Aniston. Maybe you just want him to call so that you can have the satisfaction of having someone think you are desirable, and then being able to be the one to say no, you're not really interested. A big ego boost for you but deflating for the other person. It's a shame that the person who cares least always has the most power in a relationship. So then people compete to see who is going to capitulate and be the one to call, and thereby ceed control of the relationship to the other person. Why can't we all just get along and agree to be equal partners in a relationship?? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 12, 2003 Share Posted October 12, 2003 oh, good heavens, zman! What are you suggesting? Surely it mightn't be possible that he's unsure about if he'd be welcome and so some effort on her part may clinch the deal? After all, every man is supposed to be completely self-assured and fully capable of managing all relationships perfectly. That's their job, isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted October 12, 2003 Share Posted October 12, 2003 i think her question has less to do with phoning the guy than with her feeling sad at him not calling. if you choose not to call him, that's cool. feeling sad is normal - you had hoped something would happen with him, your expectations were high, and its possible he did not feel the same way. what you are feeling is the depression of uncertainty. who knows what he is feeling? who could even guess? so, feel sad, but start dating others, even if casually. at least start meeting other guys - then, at least, you increase your probability of getting a phone call substantially. then, if does call, you will not be overinvested and he can come to you. don't call. go out and meet a guy who will call. many exist. Link to post Share on other sites
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