JLee26 Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 So this all started last night, i was giving my son a bath when all of the sudden i felt it. Right up under his ear and extending to his neck, a gigantic lump. when i mean gigantic it was the size of my thumb in lenght and and thick as marker and hard. i IMMEDIATELY FREAK OUT. ther is no reason a lump that large should appear on my sons neck. My Hubby is at work, so i call him in a panic, no answer, i call again and again and again. by this point i am crying, freaking out and now becoming aggitated. my husband is the manager of a large trucking company (80-90 trucks) and goes in on the weekends to "catch up " paper work. after 15 calls i give up and call my mommy because i NEEDED SOMEONE. i called the Dr (one of my close friends) and he assured me we'd be ok and to bring him in first thing. it is now 9 and my hubby finally calls (he left his phone in the car, BS), i fill him in on whats going on and tell him to come home NOW. with his job he can leave when he wants no time constraints. an hour and a half later he walks in, DRUNK. it appears as though my husband had a hard day at work so he dicided to stop off for a beer after work. i was livid. Our son could have been dying and he went for a BEER?????? WTF?? i blew my lid, i was so stressed and now this? he laughed at me, i then threw his precious beer all over him, he is lucky i didnt hit him with it. i then was told i am childish and to grow up. AM I BIT*H FOR BEING P*SSED?????????? i think not.... So this morning bright and early i head in to the Drs office, everything will be just fine, and infected gland, a little benadryl and we will be just fine. Testing everything to be safe but otherwise no problemo. NO CALL FROM MY HUSBAND. nothing, zip, zero, zilch. he got busy at work, forgot about our son, didnt think to call. What the heck is worng with him???????? i just dont get it, i am so tired of being second fiddle to his job. but i never thought he could make our kids 3rd, 4th and 5th strings. I HATE HIM. i need some explanation as to his attitude, i just dont get it, this is no little swolen glad like i said it is HUGE, just measured it 1.5 inches long by 3/4 inch wide. on a 14 month old thats HUGE. and my hubby thinks im funny for being concerned. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Don't you have a 'medical' line you can call anytime.. We do here.. I think that you panicked... and you went overboard.. I can understand your worries.. but to act like you did was a little excessive. IMO. Methink your husband might not be 'at work' when he's supposed to be... otherwise he would answer his calls.. strange. Men usually don't panick when it comes to sick children unless there is a big puddle of blood... Link to post Share on other sites
Shygirl15 Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 I think that you panicked... and you went overboard.. I can understand your worries.. but to act like you did was a little excessive. IMO. I think so, too. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Old married guy with lots of kids perspective: yeah, you probably over-reacted. My first reaction reading your post was: "infected lymph node, no big deal". But, I'd also try to comfort and reassure my wife if she was upset and I would try to take her concerns seriously. So in that respect your H fell down on the job. CALMLY tell him how you felt, that even if your son's condition wasn't serious, you were concerned (and it was something worth being at least somewhat concerned about) and you wanted him to be considerate of your feelings. Doesn't seem like that would be asking too much. But don't go off on him. If he's anything like me, he'll just get his back up and shut you off. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 K, you totally OVER REACTED. Sorry that your son may be sick, but let me ask.. Other than the bump you found on your child, was your child in pain? Was he crying, out of sorts, throwing up, fever etc? I'm sure if you called and said, our son has a huge lump and he's crying, has a fever and I'm scared, can you come home now? Your husband WOULD HAVE come home. You as a parent have to be in control, freaking out around your kid isn't making the situation easier on you or on him. Link to post Share on other sites
Trojan John Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 To be fair, she did call several times, but he didn't answer. I believe that you did overreact, but him showing up drunk hours after learning of the problem was very wrong and only served to worsen her mood. Pretty dumb move for any husband with a young child. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JLee26 Posted March 23, 2009 Author Share Posted March 23, 2009 so perhaps i should clerify, my husband and the bar are close friends, and when i did talk to him prior to his leaving work for home i DID inform him that i was scared and needed him. Not the first time the bar came first and me second, not even close to the first time. Secondly my father in law just had throat cancer, and went thru the kemo radiation ect. so i was on that line of thought, should have mentioned that earlier i suppose. I agree i over reacted (wink) but well im a mom and my kids come first and feel like that should be Hs thoughts as well, not the bar. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JLee26 Posted March 23, 2009 Author Share Posted March 23, 2009 Don't you have a 'medical' line you can call anytime.. We do here.. I think that you panicked... and you went overboard.. I can understand your worries.. but to act like you did was a little excessive. IMO. Methink your husband might not be 'at work' when he's supposed to be... otherwise he would answer his calls.. strange. Men usually don't panick when it comes to sick children unless there is a big puddle of blood... the laugh came as he stuck his toe in my butt and smirked at me, which he admitted he did simply to piss me off. Love him, but hate him. as FYI a toe in the ass while pissed off simply leads to *******. (lol) Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted March 23, 2009 Share Posted March 23, 2009 Sorry, while you may have overreacted due to ignorance regarding the possible cause of the lump...which of course could have been cancer in your mind.... you are NOT overreacting to his response as the father of that child. I did think infection first, but still...one never knows. Coming home drunk is unacceptable if a child is sick and possibly seriously so. I think the two of you have some talking to do as to your reaction and his reaction. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 I think you overreacted too. Toe in the butt. Tell us more. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 I don't think you over-reacted. Such a small child with a lump on his neck that doesn't look healthy would freak any mother out. I didn't understand if your husband came home drunk AFTER you told him it was just an infection and not a big deal or before. Because if he didn't know what was with the baby and went for a beer, that's outrageous. I mean, he should've been concerned and ready to go to the hospital, if necessary, staying in touch with you all the time. However, if you informed your husband that you visited the doctor and it wasn't a biggie, and THEN he came home 1.5 hrs later buzzed, then it's not that terrible. This episode is not important, my dear. If he is generally a good father, then forget this slip. But if he is always unresponsive to your needs, worries, and his children's needs, then he is an as*hole. We can't tell you from one post if you over-reacted or not. You are probably able by now to rate his fatherhood on a scale from 1-10. If he's an 8 or 9 Dad, then cut him some slack. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 This sounds like more of a symptom of your marital problems, rather than the problem itself. Take a serious look at how both of you view marriage. Is it a real partnership or does he bring home the bacon and nothing else? Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 It sounds like your H doesn't like you very much. Any idea why? Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 He stuck his toe in your butt? Actually in or did he just nudge you with it or something? I'm very curious. Anyway, you perhaps overreacted, but you're a mum. It's sort of allowed. He not caring to check on his child is wrong. I take it he has a drinking problem? I can't tell you what to do but you can't let things stay how they are. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 so perhaps i should clerify, my husband and the bar are close friends, and when i did talk to him prior to his leaving work for home i DID inform him that i was scared and needed him. Not the first time the bar came first and me second, not even close to the first time. Secondly my father in law just had throat cancer, and went thru the kemo radiation ect. so i was on that line of thought, should have mentioned that earlier i suppose. I agree i over reacted (wink) but well im a mom and my kids come first and feel like that should be Hs thoughts as well, not the bar. Well I don't think you overreacted, but I'm a mom of a young child as well. It really, really, really, really sucks when your child's own father seems to be more into his drink than his child. You'd think that even if he doesn't like the adult he is supposedly married to, he'd at least like the kid that he spawned. But you know, I'll give you the same advice that I've been given over and over again - al anon. It's a good thing. It helps. I don't go as often as I should, though. I won't go into why, this isn't about me... Anyways, if you need to talk you can PM me. I know what it's like to have a partner who cheats on you with alcohol. Link to post Share on other sites
skmonia Posted April 8, 2009 Share Posted April 8, 2009 My first reaction reading your post was: "infected lymph node, no big deal". But, I'd also try to comfort and reassure my wife if she was upset and I would try to take her concerns seriously. So in that respect your H fell down on the job. CALMLY tell him how you felt, that even if your son's condition wasn't serious, you were concerned (and it was something worth being at least somewhat concerned about) and you wanted him to be considerate of your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
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