trying to resolve porn issue

[taylor]

SoSerious,

 

I don't think mercy sex is a turn on. Never said that.

 

But there are many husbands and wives who do have obligatory sex with their mate, especially at times when they might not FEEL like it. They do it because their partner wants it and they give it to them because they love their spouse.

 

And you know as well as I do that women do this at least as much, if not more, than men do.

 

Do you really think all men whose wives give them sex even when they aren't "in the mood" should seek sex outside their marriage so that the sex isn't obligatory. And vice-versa?

 

Husbands and wives don't only have sex when both are so turned on they can't keep their hands off each other. Usually one is turned on and gets the other one going..at least that's what happens in my house.

[soserious1]

SoSerious,

 

I don't think mercy sex is a turn on. Never said that.

 

But there are many husbands and wives who do have obligatory sex with their mate, especially at times when they might not FEEL like it. They do it because their partner wants it and they give it to them because they love their spouse.

 

And you know as well as I do that women do this at least as much, if not more, than men do.

 

Do you really think all men whose wives give them sex even when they aren't "in the mood" should seek sex outside their marriage so that the sex isn't obligatory. And vice-versa?

 

Husbands and wives don't only have sex when both are so turned on they can't keep their hands off each other. Usually one is turned on and gets the other one going..at least that's what happens in my house.

 

 

What I'm saying is that I totally recoil from the idea of obligatory or mercy sex and yes I would prefer to go without such sex even if it means my partner relies extensively on porn or goes outside the marriage to other women.

 

And yes, I am aware of men in situations where all they get offered is obligatory sex and they find it as repugnant a prospect as I do. They have my total empathy.

[Mary3]

This is in regards to soserious's response saying that old time married couples and obligitory sex..

 

There is a girl at work . She married at age 14 ( mexico ) and she is now 49 years old. She takes pretty good care of herself , is attractive , dresses nice, keeps her weight in reasonable zone ( she had a severe thyroid problem ) so she has a tendancy to gain some weight. But I would guess 135 lb pounds on a 5'3 frame.

 

Anyways , she and her husband are VERY much in love still ! I mean romantic trips , daily fantastic sex ( she looks so up at work . lol ). Anyway I think its more about the love and romance and spark , keeping things alive with toys ( they do ) they go out to dinnners , trips , whatever it takes to keep it going great. But the most amazing thing is they are very much IN love !

 

So for those who think marriages will kill sex drives over time , I think its more about the ENERGY you give to the relationship. My guy and I have a million play ideas , he loves me in lingere , we see cool things and tell eachother. I read erotic literature from time to time and tell him what I read . HOT !

 

Your sexual attitudes are a mentality and an extension of you.

 

I was saddened to read your post. There IS more to life ! Find it !

 

And for all the women who believe that their boyfriends/husbands are checking out your cellulite and your wrinkles and your butt fat . Um NO ! He isnt , He is loving you and enjoying you and could Care LESS about your cheese thighs. Its YOU that are obsessed with fat around the waist. He isnt checking THAT honey

[LonelyTiger]

Wow! Some of you guys sound incredibly shallow........since when did the act of 'making love' within a committed and loving relationship have anything to do with how 'perfect' your partner's body is?

 

I have never physically wanted any man purely because of the way he looks - and that includes men like Brad Pitt (actually not my type).

 

If the only way you can 'get it up' is by being with, or thinking about, a beautiful specimen then that's very sad. Yes, nature dictates that youth is beautiful and attractive - but only on the physical level (which is where porn comes in for some people).

 

In a truly loving, long term relationship the shape of your partners body is irrelevant - sex gets better the longer you're together and as you become more emotionally connected - it's not an obligation you perform despite your partners physical imperfections.

 

Sex isn't just about physical release - it's about creating and enjoying a deep emotional (and physical) connection with the person you love.

 

I really feel sorry for anybody who thinks otherwise cos quite honestly you are missing the whole point of love, marriage and sex!

[pyroguy]

I was wondering what that dark mysterious shadow was behind me:p

 

 

 

 

 

Pyro, I've read a few articles on porn (not many) that say porn is intended to make the man feel like THE MAN...the one with the power..the control...and in that way, help the man feel secure in his manhood. IF that is true, maybe that is the same for these porn videos made for women. Maybe they are geared to make the woman feel powerful and in control. Both the videos for the men and the videos for the women portray the opposite sex as "worthless" in order to make the viewer appear "powerful."

 

I could be way off base here because I have never seen a porn video geared to women..in fact I really haven't seen any porn videos in the past 10 years so I might be going out on a limb here. But it's a thought..

 

****

 

You say couples seek sexual encounters looking for young men. That couples do this together. Then you say it's not fair because men can't just place an ad looking for a sexual encounter with a hot, sexy woman.

 

The thing is, WHO is really looking for the young man for the sexual encounter? Is it the husband who wants to see his wife have sex with another man or is it the wife who wants to have sex with two men? I would venture to guess its the husband placing these ads for his own sexual pleasure. Few women enjoy fantasizing about their husbands having sex with another woman but I can see many men fantasizing about their wives with other men. We even had a poster on here who got turned on watching his wife have sex with her affair partner!

 

 

 

 

I agree, Pyro. There will always be men and women who tend to their appearance and there will always be those who don't. The point I was trying to make to SoSerious is that men, as well as women, age, and both men and women feel the effects of it. If you're going to pity the aging woman, pity the aging man as well.

 

It is so true about clueless pot-bellied men who complain when their wives put on 5 pounds and cant get in that size 9 pair of jeans anymore. Very laughable. I say hand them a mirror and see who has the last laugh.

 

I appreciate a man who takes care of himself physically. Hitting the gym is tough sometimes but it will serve us all well the older we get.

 

 

Taylor, I'm not sure if those sites empowre women, but they are pretty degrading, even if the hubby participates. the point is, how porn can affect men as well as women.

 

Also, as far as those ads, yes, no doubt the men are into it, and I wasn't really lamenting unfairness. Just that men cannot accomplish the same, so it may be worse for them. In addition, I have a sneaking suspicion that SOME of those men have a sense of guilt that they cannot satisfy their wife, they are not young enough, hot enogh. So, they resign themselves to this fact and want her to feel pleasure, and keep her happy.

 

As for soserious, I think she is eluding to the fact of having a spouse not attracted any longer, having obligatory sex, and having them lose themselves in different people and porn-without giving them a chance any longer.

 

I think the obligatory sex due to not being in the mood my affect all married people. That's much different thanthe above scenario.

 

Either way you slice it, it's a difficult era, and I hope we can all figure it out.

[LonelyTiger]

Hey Mary3 - I must have been typing up my reply while you were posting yours - great minds......... I am totally with you on this one.

[CaliforniaGirl]

 

What woman wouldn't want to have sex with a man with a full head of thick dark hair, smooth skin, and a hard, toned body. Of course we would. What woman doesn't admire the body of a 25 year old guy all hot and sweaty. (OK, getting carried away here) Of course we do. What woman doesn't do a double take when a man in a suit passes by her on the street and leaves a faint scent of his cologne behind? Of course we do.

 

(/swaying helplessly toward computer screen) (/jerking out of reverie and pulling self back)

 

Ahem...okay, anyway...I agree that soserious's post was depressing. I kept waiting for the "...but that's okay..." part...unfortunately, I gave up halfway through, so I guess I'll never know if it came.

 

As far as needing to stay gorgeous or stay young-looking in order for an SO to keep wanting you, I disagree because I DO still look very young. I know because people pass out when I tell them how old I am. I got carded the last time I bought beer along with my groceries. I even had my children with me. I'm 41.

 

And today at the doctor's office, the doctor, who is new to the practice, launched into a whole explanation that I couldn't possibly have this or that because of how young and healthy I am. Eventually she read the chart (Why don't they ever do this until AFTER speaking with you?) and she went through the whole oh-my-God-oh-no-that's-impossible-you're-NOT-41-I-thought-that-was-a-misprint song and dance.

 

My husband doesn't want me.

 

He j * rks off to women who look so hard and used that THEY could probably pass for 41 if not for the magic of Photoshop. I've seen them. Some of them have had their boobs so badly done, or done so many times, or so overly huge, that the breasts have dents in them. Ugh!!! It seriously looks like cellulite of the breasts or something. It is DISGUSTING. Just horrifying...like a disease. Not beautiful. Not even close. Rather, sl * tty and "do me any way you want"...which apparently trumps natural beauty. Or love. Or that sort of thing.

 

So that kind of shoots the "if only we could look forever young and gorgeous' bit all to shreds, albeit in a not so uplifting way. Sorry!

 

ETA: And still no one is addressing the fact that the OP said she suspects ED with her mate. Why is that not relevant here? At all? It's STILL a huge defense about how "normal" it is to stare at a screen instead of touching a woman. Did anybody besides me notice that she said that? Does nobody have advise regarding it, or even insight as to how/why a man would be able to physically perform adequately with masturbation but lose his erection during contact with a woman?

[Mary3]

I laugh when I hear people say Porn degrades women . Degrades them to what ?? Those women ( okay lets say most of your more amatuer porn - home editions ) Are doing what your bf/ hus would LOVE you to do ! Can you get that ? They want you to cry out and with pleasure . They want you to push them on their back and ride them. They want you to push them against the wall and tell them what the next surprise is...

 

Where is the degradation ? Do you understand men on their best days would LOVE to have a tigress to climb on their laps.

 

These women choose to be the participants in film. It could be a pro porn star or it could be your neighbor. Or maybe it could be you ! If you have a cam corder and a few hours and maybe a mask to hide your identity. WHo is it for ? For you and your honey to watch later. Is the wife being degraded in a consenting home movie ?

 

Yes there are degrading * things * on porn like bathroom sex ( yuck ) you know like pee and poo stufff....Fisting , ( yuck ) Pregnant women ( I just think thats tasteless unless thats her husband ~ please protect the baby...Real rape scenes ( staged role play sex rape scenes are consentual and both want to do that kind of roleplay that night ) { go figure we all have different tastes I guess }

 

Open your selves up to the ideas. They wont see as foreign,...

[CaliforniaGirl]

I laugh when I hear people say Porn degrades women . Degrades them to what ?? Those women ( okay lets say most of your more amatuer porn - home editions ) Are doing what your bf/ hus would LOVE you to do !

 

And the women have to be paid in order to love doing it. Have you missed that part? It has somehow blown right past you that normal women in normal relationships, who aren't getting paid, don't routinely "love" having table leg size objects inserted into body parts that would cause permanent damage?

 

Don't tell me you too believe the fantasy that they love it soooooooooooooooooo much they'd do it for free and they just want you sooooooooooooo much...and ooooooooooh, squeal!--they just wish it were YOU--oh no wait, I mean your SO....

 

Good heavenly days.

 

When they're not paid, I'll bet they suddenly don't love doing it it. I saw a documentary on porn stars and they and their husbands (those that were married, I mean) uniformly seemed to say their sex life was "vanilla". I wonder why that is?

 

Do you also believe that hookers become hookers because they just love sex?

 

Men would "love" for women to act completely fake and to scream until the glass in the skylight blows out. To shave like a zipper and have size 48EE boobs. Uh-huh. News flash. Women would love their men to sweep through the door each night dressed to the nines and carrying flowers, sweep the wife up and say, "Darling. I know you wanted the theatre, but can't you indulge me with Madame Butterfly? Not that I feel opera will be a disappointing alternative for you!" and then wink before performing acts of love so sensuous and delicious AND SLOW (I repeat, and slow...did I mention "slow"?) that the wife's toes curl.

 

What we'd "love" in the most FALSE POSSIBLE world isn't what the SO would love doing. For either sex. In case you didn't get the memo.

 

Can you get that?

[Mary3]

Cali Girl. I am very sorry to hear about how your husband is jerking off to nasty look girls on the internet. I can see how you would be offended. You look good . You want him. He wants them . Those girls on the screen he cant feel their heart beating or feel any kind of love from them

 

I don't know what to say other than he's Crap for wanting to Jack O[/B]when he has YOU. If you were 300 lbs and he couldnt stomach doing the naughty ( no more than if your husband got up to 300 lbs and you could not stomach it either.

 

The porn should be an encompement to your sex life NOT the MAJOR rule. I can see why you would be upset. Have you thought of laying on your back with a HUGE toy when he walks in the door and tell you FINALLY found something better than him ?

[CaliforniaGirl]

Thanks, Mary. That compassion brought tears to my eyes...in the middle of all this...(It's not frequently I go from talking about j * cking off to crying...usually that should make a person happy! )

 

He'd love to see me with a huge toy. As our marriage has progressed, he has become less and less able to stay h a rd with me unless I'm COMPLETELY degrading myself. First I noticed that he simply couldn't watch my face (which isn't ugly, I promise!). Not to be graphic, but one day I asked him, "Do I have to b e nd over?" I'm crying again just thinking of this.

 

He wants me b e n t over, literally a h o le and nothing else, but even being that isn't rough enough or porno enough to get him off any more...I have to SCREAM...I have to be completely fake.

 

I just won't do it any more. No more. Nope, nope. (shaking head)

 

So to get back to the OP, this is what made me take notice of her mentioning how he's had ED with her. I personally feel it could be a similar thing: that he needs HER to be a porno in order to get off, and he must know deep down that she won't be. So he goes back to his increasing "hobby" more and more.

 

That's what I'm getting out of it, anyway, and again, I have no good answer. But I hope someone does.

 

I REALLY think we should investigate this ED thing and am hoping any guys who have experienced this will speak out on how she can possibly either bring this up or make it better...somehow...

 

As for me, I'm done. Our last sex was about a month ago. I don't plan on having it with my husband again.

 

I am hoping it NEVER gets to this point with the OP.

[Mr. Lucky]

My husband doesn't want me.

 

He j * rks off to women who look so hard and used that THEY could probably pass for 41 if not for the magic of Photoshop. I've seen them. Some of them have had their boobs so badly done, or done so many times, or so overly huge, that the breasts have dents in them. Ugh!!! It seriously looks like cellulite of the breasts or something. It is DISGUSTING. Just horrifying...like a disease. Not beautiful. Not even close. Rather, sl * tty and "do me any way you want"...which apparently trumps natural beauty. Or love. Or that sort of thing.

CaliGirl, do you think that if you could magically make all the porn go away that you H would go back to wanting you? If so, then the kind of emotional disconnect that you describe must not have existed before the Internet. Damn that Al Gore !!!

 

As easy a target as it is, porn isn't the issue in the types of relationships you describe. If your H really wants to hide from you, take away porn and he'll find some other way to do it...

 

Mr. Lucky

[CaliforniaGirl]

CaliGirl, do you think that if you could magically make all the porn go away that you H would go back to wanting you?

 

No. However, I do think the internet in general makes us all able to hardly focus at all on our relationships...all of them. I believe it enables people to create their own little world that does EXACTLY what they (well, we...I mean I'm on here right now too!) want it to be, so who cares about losing a relationship?

 

I think the internet, v. a magazine that is old the second time you look at it, or porn movies that are much more obvious than clicking on the net but saying one is "working"...two, five, ten times a day, IS vastly different than porn usage in days gone by.

 

I think this instant and continuous gratification with unbelievable variety literally at the touch of a button does make "emotional disconnects" easier, more frequent...and potentially more dramatic.

 

That's what I think.

 

Did emotional disconnects exist before the internet? Of course. Did this degree of them exist before the internet? Simple common sense, the most general knowledge of how the internet works and what can be accomplished on it, and changes in how people IRL relate now v. 20 years ago tell me, "no."

[Mary3]

And the women have to be paid in order to love doing it. Have you missed that part? It has somehow blown right past you that normal women in normal relationships, who aren't getting paid, don't routinely "love" having table leg size objects inserted into body parts that would cause permanent damage?

 

Don't tell me you too believe the fantasy that they love it soooooooooooooooooo much they'd do it for free and they just want you sooooooooooooo much...and ooooooooooh, squeal!--they just wish it were YOU--oh no wait, I mean your SO....

 

Good heavenly days.

 

When they're not paid, I'll bet they suddenly don't love doing it it. I saw a documentary on porn stars and they and their husbands (those that were married, I mean) uniformly seemed to say their sex life was "vanilla". I wonder why that is?

 

Do you also believe that hookers become hookers because they just love sex?

 

Men would "love" for women to act completely fake and to scream until the glass in the skylight blows out. To shave like a zipper and have size 48EE boobs. Uh-huh. News flash. Women would love their men to sweep through the door each night dressed to the nines and carrying flowers, sweep the wife up and say, "Darling. I know you wanted the theatre, but can't you indulge me with Madame Butterfly? Not that I feel opera will be a disappointing alternative for you!" and then wink before performing acts of love so sensuous and delicious AND SLOW (I repeat, and slow...did I mention "slow"?) that the wife's toes curl.

 

What we'd "love" in the most FALSE POSSIBLE world isn't what the SO would love doing. For either sex. In case you didn't get the memo.

 

Can you get that?

 

Well no , not all women who are making a porn film are being paid for it. Your neighbor 2 blocks down might likely make one with her husband tonight and they keep it to bring out on saturdays nights...

 

Porn is porn right ? Pornography. People naked in flim having sex. Not all Porn is compensated.

 

Table sized objects ? I have seen many films and the biggest thing they get is a 9 inch beautiful ______. I rarely if ever saw a table go up a vagina. I don't think men will get aroused at table sex ( no pun intended ) They will get aroused at a vagine getting a good work out...

 

Do all women ( professional porn stars ) love sex ? Not all but alot do. I also have watched many HBO films about porn . These women told the good bad and ugly. Most DID like sex. Amazing isnt it .? ITs easier to think she was [i]slaving a penis [/i]until her next crack pipe hit...

 

Real porn stars operate a little differently than most of us folks.

 

These men have to do things to keep and maintain an erection for long periods of time.

 

The women also have a mentality of " Well okay today I take in 2 black penises and 3 white ones..whew what a days work " Thats a little different then what you and I had today as defined as a * rough day *

 

I think hookers start out very naive . They are young. Maybe new in the big city ( This is based on documentaries I have watched about prostitution ) .

 

They get in the big city and are vulnerable. They are approached as a mark and as easy to sway. They see big money ( supposedly ) and then get entraped in this nightmare. Drugs usually follow. My answer to your question is : I Think strippers and prostitutes dont walk away from prostitution because they are usually addicted to drugs and combine the whole life together. It takes intervention to get them clean and safe again.

 

Actually men would LOVE some kind of response other than her counting ceiling tiles. Thats a big turn on for men . They want to hear you. I don't yell. Thats fake . But I let my bf know how great it feels...

 

Oh when you said sweep through the door with the Butterfly I thought you meant the Amazing Butterfly ( Look it up )

 

48 EE boobs ? Thats pretty big. I would say 80 % of porn stars have real breasts . Small ..no big deal breasts. The rest have had them enhanced.

 

False Possible ? I have lived MANY fantasies in my life. I intend to live plenty more with my fiance. I personally think that life should be diversified in the bedroom with your bf/ husb. How about you ?

[CaliforniaGirl]

Do all women ( professional porn stars ) love sex ? Not all but alot do. I also have watched many HBO films about porn . These women told the good bad and ugly. Most DID like sex. Amazing isnt it .? ITs easier to think she was [i]slaving a penis [/i]until her next crack pipe hit...

?

 

I shouldn't be surprised that you didn't actually read the content of my post and that you're deliberately making overblown/false statements about what I "said", since you completely blew past the OP's points too in your rush to defend your point.

 

I didn't say these women said they didn't like sex. Or even that they didn't love sex. They said that their married sex is vanilla and that they like it that way.

 

If you're curious, I'll try to search and find out which documentary it was. I believe (IIRC) it had Jenna Jamieson in it but I'm not 100% sure.

 

Anyway...rather than freaking out to make your point, try reading what people are really saying. It will save you a lot of typing. BTW, why are you so defensive of porn? Just curious. I've demonstrated why it's such a hot button for me. Why is it a hot button for you? If you "just" like it and it's this normal, natural, happy thing, I can't see the degree of anger I feel from your posts. There has to be more to this.

 

ETA: And I notice you still have nothing to say regarding the OP's actual concerns (like her wish for more sex than her SO seems to want--contact sex, that is--and how he doesn't perform consistently in real time). You're too busy showing how incredibly evolved and fab you are with posts that focus on the minutae, albeit warped slightly to fit your "I'm going to win this argument no matter what" agenda. Aren't you the least bit curious about the actual subject matter of this thread, and about when porn use isn't displayed in a natural, snappy-happy way?

[The Collector]

Anyway...rather than freaking out to make your point, try reading what people are really saying. It will save you a lot of typing. BTW, why are you so defensive of porn? Just curious. I've demonstrated why it's such a hot button for me. Why is it a hot button for you? If you "just" like it and it's this normal, natural, happy thing, I can't see the degree of anger I feel from your posts. There has to be more to this.

 

Not really getting any 'freaking out' or 'anger' coming from Mary3s posts. But I see what you're doing, especially with the last line. Character assassination with a smiling face. Good one.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Not really getting any 'freaking out' or 'anger' coming from Mary3s posts. But I see what you're doing, especially with the last line. Character assassination with a smiling face. Good one.

 

(ding ding ding) Yet another person who has absolute diddley to say about the OP's SO's porn use, his lack in the bedroom, his performance in front of a computer, his ED and whether these could somehow intertwine. I wonder how many this makes in this post? I've run out of digits to count them on. I need an extra pair of hands.

 

Interesting how the only defense of porn here involves exaggerations, false statements, or trying to wise-guy any posts that may have a point.

[Mary3]

Thanks, Mary. That compassion brought tears to my eyes...in the middle of all this...(It's not frequently I go from talking about j * cking off to crying...usually that should make a person happy! )

 

He'd love to see me with a huge toy. As our marriage has progressed, he has become less and less able to stay h a rd with me unless I'm COMPLETELY degrading myself. First I noticed that he simply couldn't watch my face (which isn't ugly, I promise!). Not to be graphic, but one day I asked him, "Do I have to b e nd over?" I'm crying again just thinking of this.

 

He wants me b e n t over, literally a h o le and nothing else, but even being that isn't rough enough or porno enough to get him off any more...I have to SCREAM...I have to be completely fake.

 

I just won't do it any more. No more. Nope, nope. (shaking head)

 

So to get back to the OP, this is what made me take notice of her mentioning how he's had ED with her. I personally feel it could be a similar thing: that he needs HER to be a porno in order to get off, and he must know deep down that she won't be. So he goes back to his increasing "hobby" more and more.

 

That's what I'm getting out of it, anyway, and again, I have no good answer. But I hope someone does.

 

I REALLY think we should investigate this ED thing and am hoping any guys who have experienced this will speak out on how she can possibly either bring this up or make it better...somehow...

 

As for me, I'm done. Our last sex was about a month ago. I don't plan on having it with my husband again.

 

I am hoping it NEVER gets to this point with the OP.

 

That is sick abhorant regarding your SO and how he wants you to degrade yourself,. I would tell him to FO if he told me I need to bend over and expose my hole because looking at my face would not be good enough. As a matter of fact I would throw his clothes out the window and show him a good treatment center, He does not deserve a woman for he knows NOT how to treat her right.

 

Do you understand something isnt right with him ? Not sure exactly what it IS but he is perverted in a sick way. Even if you had a gabillion dollars and he get 2 years of treatment I STILL would not want him back. Unless of course you really love him and outside of the bedroom hes a good dad and maybe some therapy would help him to treat you right.

 

I don't blame you for not wanting sex. I shudder to think with that guy . I'm sorry , Really .

[CaliforniaGirl]

Not really getting any 'freaking out' or 'anger' coming from Mary3s posts. But I see what you're doing, especially with the last line. Character assassination with a smiling face. Good one.

 

..OTOH...I see what you're doing: attempting (with the emotional--and wrong--label "character assassination") to lead the subject away from the actual post and any valid explanations of how, and when, porn could be unhealthy and a detriment to a relationship.

 

Good one. Well...actually, not very good. Kinda, well, transparent, if you want the truth.

 

Still have nothing to say about the actual subject matter, I see.

[Mary3]

I shouldn't be surprised that you didn't actually read the content of my post and that you're deliberately making overblown/false statements about what I "said", since you completely blew past the OP's points too in your rush to defend your point.

 

I didn't say these women said they didn't like sex. Or even that they didn't love sex. They said that their married sex is vanilla and that they like it that way.

 

If you're curious, I'll try to search and find out which documentary it was. I believe (IIRC) it had Jenna Jamieson in it but I'm not 100% sure.

 

Anyway...rather than freaking out to make your point, try reading what people are really saying. It will save you a lot of typing. BTW, why are you so defensive of porn? Just curious. I've demonstrated why it's such a hot button for me. Why is it a hot button for you? If you "just" like it and it's this normal, natural, happy thing, I can't see the degree of anger I feel from your posts. There has to be more to this.

 

ETA: And I notice you still have nothing to say regarding the OP's actual concerns (like her wish for more sex than her SO seems to want--contact sex, that is--and how he doesn't perform consistently in real time). You're too busy showing how incredibly evolved and fab you are with posts that focus on the minutae, albeit warped slightly to fit your "I'm going to win this argument no matter what" agenda. Aren't you the least bit curious about the actual subject matter of this thread, and about when porn use isn't displayed in a natural, snappy-happy way?

 

My apologies . I read alot of posts and sometimes I miss things. Sometimes people are kind enough to point them out ( or chew me out, er ) for what I miss. Because its tough to go back to the first post and read it . I will...lol..

 

Okay I take vanilla sex as plain sex. Mundane sex . Boring repititious sex. Am I close ? Sorry for saying they did not like sex.

 

Well I am passionate as you can see and not just in the bedroom. Sorry I was freaking out !

 

Defensive of Porn ? Well when I saw my first porn I was like Yuck ! Look it that ! ITs in it raw footage . Yikes ! Then it took many views to see it in a different way. In a way that maybe guys see it. In a way that you see 2 people doing doggy and you say WOW thats pretty HOT But since I read your other post I just dont feel like watching porn tonight...ugh...That will burn in my brain for a long time. Its like your hubs is screwed up and not in a good way. Does he really treat women well ?

 

A HOT button ? You mean like a turn on button ? I would say oral....or do you you a HOT button that pisses me off ? I would say the thing that pisses me off is being accused of something I am not doing.

[The Collector]

..OTOH...I see what you're doing: attempting (with the emotional--and wrong--label "character assassination") to lead the subject away from the actual post and any valid explanations of how, and when, porn could be unhealthy and a detriment to a relationship.

 

Good one. Well...actually, not very good. Kinda, well, transparent, if you want the truth.

 

Still have nothing to say about the actual subject matter, I see.

 

I've discussed the issue so much on this site I'm bored by it now. But in short, porn is good unless it becomes problematic.

[CaliforniaGirl]

I've discussed the issue so much on this site I'm bored by it now. But in short, porn is good unless it becomes problematic.

 

And according to the OP, it is problematic. Unless you don't consider erectile dysfunction when with a person rather than with porn A-OK.

 

I'm sorry you're bored. But if you're so bored that you'll make little hit-and-runs on the noob without reading the context, then you get what you get, I suppose. Which in this case is a correction: yes, this is problematic according to the OP.

[taylor]

As for soserious, I think she is eluding to the fact of having a spouse not attracted any longer, having obligatory sex, and having them lose themselves in different people and porn-without giving them a chance any longer.

 

Well, in this case, I would serve him obligatory divorce papers. Why stay married to someone who no longer wants you? There is no way in the world I would continue washing his clothes and cooking his meals while he sought sexual pleasure outside the marriage because I no longer turned him on. Done.

[The Collector]

And according to the OP, it is problematic. Unless you don't consider erectile dysfunction when with a person rather than with porn A-OK.

 

I'm sorry you're bored. But if you're so bored that you'll make little hit-and-runs on the noob without reading the context, then you get what you get, I suppose. Which in this case is a correction: yes, this is problematic according to the OP.

 

Can you find me the bits of Mary3s posts that were 'freaking out' or full of anger? That's all I'm interested in here. Other people can discuss the OP without my input.

[soserious1]

Well, in this case, I would serve him obligatory divorce papers. Why stay married to someone who no longer wants you? There is no way in the world I would continue washing his clothes and cooking his meals while he sought sexual pleasure outside the marriage because I no longer turned him on. Done.

 

I did serve him with divorce papers.. you know, I could have probably learned to live with his bedding other women and with his porn habit if only he hadn't been so blatantly in my face with it. I just don't understand why he had to justify his need for variety by demeaning me. Having the need for variety in order to become aroused enough to perform is, imho probably pretty normal for a lot of people, his need didn't equal me being bad or horrible though.