JackJack Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 Dang Jack, you caught me. Maybe I need a 12-step Jersey withdrawal program ... Mr. Lucky Nah..bet you can do it on your own without the 12 step program! Link to post Share on other sites
blair08 Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 I'm going to give the porn lovers a round of applause and the porn haters one as well....even the fence sitters too! "Trying to resolve the porn issue" is a hard task..and personally I don't think it can be done..but everyone gave it a good go! So to the OP, hope all works out for you..let us know how things are going. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 You don't think porn is 1% (or less!) of the overall media message? 1% of the media that 98% of the male population buys into from 12-90 and makes multi billions of dollars. I just think it's unfair to blame porn for all of it and to stereotype men who watch porn. But it's okay of men stereotype women in general in porn? The one thing most of us haven't been realistic about is the fact it isn't even just 30 years ago when it was just the occasional Playboy. Now men and young boys are bombarded with images, images they also seek out on their own, of this super idealized version of a woman. You don't think porn affects men? Come on, people are doing more stuff they see in porn today then they were 30 years ago. Porn has had a huge influence on people. It's not just "fantasy" on "occasion". It's a multi billion dollar business that unfortunetly, men are gorging themselves on and their son's are even more so doing the same. As a father, or a man that might be a father, would you want your daughter to be with a man that views porno regularly? Or views the kind of porno that honestly is out there today? It's not Playboy on occasion anymore folks. He respects me and loves me for me. He's never tried to act out what he sees. But some of the women on here would act like he's a womanizing jerk just because he watches porn when I'm not around. Alot of men do want to act out what they see and ask their partners if they can. Or ask their partners to be more like the girl in the porno, dress more like her, be more enthusastic as her. I don't think men are as excited by an individual woman's own sexuality as they are the balantent and over the top drama that a porn star female creates. Men don't like drama? yeah right. No one thinks your man is a womanizing jerk. But alot of us women do feel porn is desrespectful. Doesn't mean we think men are bad or evil. Why would anyone want a man that constantly complained about sagging boobs and stretch marks, etc. The ones with half a brain realize it happens with age/childbirth and don't expect their women to be "porn star perfect". I don't think men expect women to be porn star perfect on a completely logical level. But men still go back to that over idealized version of porn star perfect don't they? they still find it hot, interesting, wonderful and sexual. They tell their gf/wives they don't compare but come on..they compare enough to know that their gf/wives don't measure up to the idealized version of what they see in the movies. They don't compare? BS. They compare. They know who is more beautiful..the 18 year olds that never had kids and they like it. Would they ever tell that to their partner and risk not her not spreading her legs for him anymore? Probably not. It's unrealistic to think that men don't compare women on some level. What men say and what they actually do really matters. If they keep going back to a fantasy that protrays women in this idealized way, they aren't celebrating their own woman's beauty or doing the things to make her feel gorgeous and sexy. They are celebrating the other woman in the video and her beauty. And the real woman is suppose to swallow that big fat pill and still feel sexy? Whatever. It's obvious what men want and it's obvious that they aren't fantasizing about their normal gf/wives with their imperfect bodies. They want some super ideal image that no woman can live up to. It's all fine to blame women and say how "sad" women are for not liking their bodies but lets be honest about the message men are sending to women about their bodies..we aren't good enough. It's not hard to understand. I love how we expect women to overcome and be more evovled to overcome stereotypes but we allow men to buy into them and say that it's okay if men buy into them. Men don't have to be as evovled? And another thing, porn is a bigger example of male insecurities then it is female. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Link to post Share on other sites
sotired Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 Well again, I'm not a man....But as a female that regularly watches porn...No, I could care less if my daughter dated someone who watched porn or my son watched it at an appropriate age. I don't look at the "playboyish" porn as I find it extremely boring. I look at pretty extreme stuff....Much more than my man does. Part of it is just curiosity....We don't do those things, have no desire to, but it's just interesting to me. I can separate what I see from what I do and think. It is possible and I think most normal people are perfectly capable of that. This whole argument is so similar to the violence in video games argument. I was honestly shocked to see so many threads on here where women were so torn up about their man watching porn occasionally. I didn't think people really got that bent out of shape about it. The only way porn would be an issue for me is if took the place of our sex life or my man was addicted to it and spent hours upon hours a day looking at it...but I would feel that way if he was that addicted to anything. I could care less if he is aroused by a woman in a video. It's not some deep emotional connection...it's just a pair of boobs and a vagina...big deal. Bottom line though...If a woman is with a man who watches porn and doesn't want to stop, then she needs to move on. To be honest, if a man ever told me I couldn't watch porn or couldn't masturbate...he'd be kicked to the curb. I do think lying about it and trying to hide the porn stash is wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 More men are addicted to it then they care to admit to themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
clintsgirl Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 I totally understand what you are going through, and the feelins u are having. I dont want to freak you out, but in my situation its gotten worse. I was cool with the porn, when we first got together we would watch it together, i never ever had a problem with it.. 3 yrs later, the porn is still there, we no longer watch it together, and are sex life is beyond sad. I want it, and he has every excuse imaginable not to have it. But of course the porn is still going strong! if you ever need to talk I am here, i know i dont know you, but i can totally relate about the insecurity feelings etc. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 I totally understand what you are going through, and the feelins u are having. I dont want to freak you out, but in my situation its gotten worse. I was cool with the porn, when we first got together we would watch it together, i never ever had a problem with it.. 3 yrs later, the porn is still there, we no longer watch it together, and are sex life is beyond sad. I want it, and he has every excuse imaginable not to have it. But of course the porn is still going strong! if you ever need to talk I am here, i know i dont know you, but i can totally relate about the insecurity feelings etc. 3 years later and its still going on? What are you getting out of staying with someone then, who is doing something you don't care for? Why not make both of yourselves happy. If he wont quit like you would like, then you can always set him free, then you're able to find someone out there who might respect how you feel. And he can find someone who enjoys what he enjoys as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Remy Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 For me it has been more than three years. So should I move on as well? Well that would make me a dreaded 'walk away wife'. My poor husband would probably be surprised because I hadn't made it abundantly clear what the problems are in our relationship. He would be hurt and feel misunderstood. He is only doing "what all men do, it's normal, men are visual, men have needs, it's biological, innate, yadda, yadda etc. I listened to a very interesting discussion between some psychologists, psychiatrists, counsellors, teachers and professors who were discussing sexuality and sexual behaviours, particularly in younger people, teens and young adults. The general consensus of the professionals? - looking at porn was very common, many used it as an educative tool, many tried to emulate what they saw as it was perceived to be 'the norm' or normal sexual behaviour. The experts saw problems for both the men and the women. Because the majority of porn is based on male fantasy and is mostly aggressive towards women they found that it didn't help the males in learning what turns women on. The women felt obligated to show pleasure even when they weren't feeling it because that is what the porn stars did. The experts talked about the desensitising effect of the porn and its long term impact on expectations in relationships. These people weren't prudes, they weren't against porn per se, they didn't have religious reasons to be anti-porn. They all agreed that it was not generally a positive influence on human relationships. Having lived with a husband that uses porn excessively I would have to say that my tolerant 'live and let live' attitude has been sorely tested. When I was in my twenties I was also very tolerant and open minded. In my fifties I am finding it more difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
blair08 Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 "So should I move on as well?" IMO, people have to do what works best for them, so I'm not saying you should move on. However, I do think if its something that hurts you, has hurt you, and its something you can't seem to get past, or are able to really deal with, then yeah it would be time to start weighing one's options on the issue. If there was something my spouse was doing, over and over again that hurt me, and he knew it, wouldn't stop or get help for it (depending on what it was) I wouldn't continue to stay, no matter how much I loved them etc. I would think over time if someone continued to do something that I didn't care for or like, that love would eventually not be as strong as it once was anyway. That's just me though. If this is something you feel you can deal with, and it will eventually get better and you hold out hope for that, then you have to do what you feel works best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
burnsrunner Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 Don't get me started on mother-in-law stories. I have many that would scare small children and most grown men. On a more positive note, I don't tell those stories anymore. My mother-in-law and I are actually getting along. I blame Susan Lieberman and her book, "The Mother-in-Law Manual." It actually got us both the point where we understand eachother better and get along. It was a Twilight Zone moment when it happened, but we've gotten used to it now. My husband certainly loves it. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 The general consensus of the professionals? - looking at porn was very common, many used it as an educative tool, many tried to emulate what they saw as it was perceived to be 'the norm' or normal sexual behaviour. The experts saw problems for both the men and the women. Because the majority of porn is based on male fantasy and is mostly aggressive towards women they found that it didn't help the males in learning what turns women on. The women felt obligated to show pleasure even when they weren't feeling it because that is what the porn stars did. Funny that many are using something that is bascially at the heart of it, pretty misgonistic towards women, as an "educative tool". Yeah, lets teach men how to disregard women and their individuality even more then before. Women don't matter right? We are all pretty much interchangable to men based on our boobs, butt and face shape. Oh but there will be men that of course will say that Oh but no men are EVER affected by porn. Or *He* isn't affected by porn. ANd no man EVER wants what he sees in a porno or has ANY expectations of porno-like women. (((sarcasm))) What a joke. Women feel obligated to act more porno and men feel obligated to be more selfish in themselves. Because ultimately, women don't matter. That's the main message. We are all replacable and interchangable to men. But thats a man's nature right? To treat women like they are wortless I guess? Because making women interchangable like men do in porn, might as well be saying you think women are worthless. Lets be honest for a change. It's not about respecting women or repecting the women you choose to be with. Women don't matter. Period. A story to be repeated over and over and over again everytime a guy switches on another porno. Men are more slaves to the computer and tv then they are to their own selves. Link to post Share on other sites
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