trying to resolve porn issue

[soserious1]

Brulee, It's pretty clear at this point that he doesn't wish to discuss this issue. The only remaining question would seem to me to be this.. can you live with the fact that he probably does view porn provided that your sexual life remains satisfactory and that he keeps his collection out of your view?

 

Personally as popular as porn is I think that's probably the best compromise you''re likely to get.

[taylor]

And the vast majority of eligible males aren't Brad Pitt or George Clooney either. You can find an excellent partner if you want - but you have to think you're 'worth it.' And you say you are under no illusions... but I think you are maybe suffering from depression at the moment. Does that sound possible to you? You definitely display very low self-esteem, which you should work on for your own peace of mind, if not to attract a partner.

 

You took the words right out of my mouth, Collector.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if SoSerious had some depression. She's been put through alot by her ex-husband. He did everything humanly possible to make her feel horrible about herself as a woman. She has a tremendous amount of healing to do.

 

Jack suggests she possibly is putting up a brick wall to keep men at bay. I don't blame her. It's a protective mechanism for her right now.

 

SoSerious, gain strength and self-esteem from within and surrounded by those who love and care for you the most.

 

After such a bad experience with your ex-husband, I would shy away from men in general as well.

 

But you don't know what's up ahead for you. You may very well meet a new man and regain a whole new sense of self and sexuality.

 

But I know one thing you won't do again...and that's let a man define your worth.

[soserious1]

You took the words right out of my mouth, Collector.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if SoSerious had some depression. She's been put through alot by her ex-husband. He did everything humanly possible to make her feel horrible about herself as a woman. She has a tremendous amount of healing to do.

 

Jack suggests she possibly is putting up a brick wall to keep men at bay. I don't blame her. It's a protective mechanism for her right now.

 

SoSerious, gain strength and self-esteem from within and surrounded by those who love and care for you the most.

 

After such a bad experience with your ex-husband, I would shy away from men in general as well.

 

But you don't know what's up ahead for you. You may very well meet a new man and regain a whole new sense of self and sexuality.

 

But I know one thing you won't do again...and that's let a man define your worth.

 

 

I'm in my early 50's.. a time for serious self-reflection and life review totally aside from any marital/relationship concerns, a certain amount of depression is entirely normal in this process. I don't feel the need to medicate myself, either with drugs or with relationships in order to avoid this natural life process. We cannot figure out where we want to go next without first sorting out where we've been and why, who are we now.

 

Knowing that my dating options are quite limited due to my age, my inability to reproduce and my fiscal baggage due to court ordered alimony payments is dealing with things as they are in reality and not in seeing things as I'd like them to be. Fact is I cannot take on a partner who comes equipped with a lot of financial problems or ongoing support options due to pre-existing children, nor can I take on someone with serious ongoing health concerns both sets of issues are quite common in the age ranges I'd consider as potential partners. If thru the course of conducting my life I meet someone great! but I'm not interested in going out on some sort man hunt for anybody:)

[Mary3]

( At the risk of having rocks thrown at me let me tell you what my research found... )

 

The women that were the * most * disturbed about porn ( viewing or having their SO's viewing it on a reg basis. ) These women were mostly found to have had some abuse as a child. Mainly sexual abuse or abuse of some form .

 

Women who were bothered by porn but were not greatly upset about it and women who were not bothered by it at all were mostly found to have higher self esteem.

 

Women who were very upset at porn seemed to suffer from the lowest self esteem. As * if * they would let a porn movie dictate how their bodies should look and using the porn themselves as their * reason * why their cheating husbands cheated and strayed.

 

The more the women hated porn and protested were the ones that felt the most threatened by it.

[soserious1]

( At the risk of having rocks thrown at me let me tell you what my research found... )

 

The women that were the * most * disturbed about porn ( viewing or having their SO's viewing it on a reg basis. ) These women were mostly found to have had some abuse as a child. Mainly sexual abuse or abuse of some form .

 

Women who were bothered by porn but were not greatly upset about it and women who were not bothered by it at all were mostly found to have higher self esteem.

 

Women who were very upset at porn seemed to suffer from the lowest self esteem. As * if * they would let a porn movie dictate how their bodies should look and using the porn themselves as their * reason * why their cheating husbands cheated and strayed.

 

The more the women hated porn and protested were the ones that felt the most threatened by it.

 

 

I have no problem with men's precious porn Mary, I heartily support a man's right to drool over, lust over and jerk his gerkin over any image that turns him on. I just request,respectfully to not have his monkey spanking material left in my view, I also respectfully ask to not be included in viewing sessions or discussions of said material.

 

His porn habit is a boring to me as my shoe collection is to him.. I don't bore him with discussions about my shoe hunting, I'm really not interested in his porn collection.

[taylor]

Again, golfing and porn, not the same thing. This thread is about porn. Not golfing. There are post after post about issues with golfing for a reason. Comparing a non sexual activity to a sexual one makes no sense.

 

Secondly, it takes two for a relationship. If your partner is doing something that is distructive to the relationship, you need to address it. You can't tell me how they should feel anymore then I can tell a man how he shouldn't be turned on by porn. If he wasn't viewing porn to begin with, it wouldn't be a problem at all. The truth is, we all do things in a relationship that either help it or hurt it. And you can't qualify the reasons that another might be bothered by it. Would you tell someone who believed in a woman's right to choose that they were causing problems for their belief?

 

No, golfing and porn are not the same. But if they both become problems in a relationship, they can be handled the same. There are wives that say their husbands obsession with golf is hurting the relationship. There are other wives who say their husband's obsession with porn is hurting the relationship. A woman can be just as upset her husband plays golf all the time as a woman is upset because her husband views porn. And both a golf widow and a porn widow may internalize her husband's obsessions as a reflection of how much their husbands love them, care for them, or want to be with them.

 

My husband and I participated in a marriage recovery program last year. There was a couple there ready to divorce because of the husband's obsession with hunting. HUNTING!!! The wife said she felt so unloved and UGLY because he would rather be out in the woods shooting animals than making love to her.

 

This is the reason I compare porn to other male-dominated activities...they ALL can cause relationship problems and they can ALL make a wife feel unwanted or not good enough.

 

Porn is your enemy. But in other marriages, it is golf, hunting, fishing, video games. It doesn't have to be sexual to become an enemy to a marriage.

 

It's easy to say, well, if he wasn't looking at porn in the first place, there wouldn't be a problem. Well, to these other wives, if their husbands weren't golfing or hunting or playing video games, there wouldn't be a problem either.

 

The thing is these men are doing these activities because they want to do them and they enjoy doing them. They have a right to do these activities because they aren't illegal and they aren't hurting anyone by doing them.

 

I never said a woman doesn't have the right to feel however she wants to feel about her husband's activities. BUT, if she wants to resolve and compromise the issue, she needs to stop jumping up and down and screaming at him about it. That only makes the situation worse. Both partners get stubborn, resolve not to budge, and polarize with the big PORN issue sitting between them.

 

So, go ahead, get fired up about it and see where that gets you.

 

Would I tell someone who believed in a woman's right to choose that they were causing problems for their belief? I don't really know why you asked this question. I'm not seeing the point (I must be getting tired, sorry).

 

But, yes, a woman's belief that she has the right to keep or terminate a pregnancy DOES create problems in both society and within a relationship? Of course she has the right and as a woman I am glad she does, but as the same time, this belief has and will continue to have a whole host of problems attached to it.

 

For example, if a married woman gets pregnant and wants to abort but the husband doesn't, this will definitely cause problems in the relationship.

 

And of course the entire abortion issue, teen pregnancy, contraception, etc. are all issues that continue to be debated in a heated fashion all because of a woman's right to choose.

 

It's the taking it to the next level that is an issue. Thinking about banging her or what she looks like naked and acting on it with himself.

 

Then you better start scolding every male ages 12 and up because this is just what they do.

 

 

 

Shopping is not the same as porn either.

 

No, but it can cause problems..BIG ONES... Shopping does hurt a relationship..a wife's spending can hurt the marriage financially to the point where a couple goes bankrupt because of it. Many marriages end over just this kind of thing. So, I guess in some ways, shopping can be worse than porn.

 

 

 

I'm sorry but this is completely hypocritcal. Perhaps *MEN* should stop identifying themselves with porn movies and thinking their sexuality needs to be tied to it to it. I think men identify themselves to porn movies

 

Fine, let him. If he wants to identify to a porn star..if he wants to sink that low. Let him. Who cares. If he doesn't mind. why should you?

 

When yuor husband/boyfriend is asking you to act more pornish, that sends a big message about what he wants. And it's not you as yourself.

 

That would be the day my husband would ask me to act like a porn star. I would never let what my husband watches in a porn video translate or cross over into my real life, my bedroom, or my being. The fantasy stops when he shuts the TV off.

 

 

 

funny that you tell women need to Comparmentalize. That's a pretty male behavior. Maybe men need to uncomparmentalize instead.

 

Your husband isn't the one with the porn problem. You are. And compartmentalizing is a way to put it where it belongs...out of your real life. Women can compartmentalize, too.

 

 

 

 

there are pleny of women who don't watch it, and their husbands don't either and have great sex lives and happy relationships. They don't need porn to be their friend.

 

This is very true. I have a relationship like this with my husband. But you don't. You have a husband who happens to enjoy porn and sees some value in it. Porn is his friend...and he will never see it as an enemy...as you do.

[taylor]

( At the risk of having rocks thrown at me let me tell you what my research found... )

 

The women that were the * most * disturbed about porn ( viewing or having their SO's viewing it on a reg basis. ) These women were mostly found to have had some abuse as a child. Mainly sexual abuse or abuse of some form .

 

Women who were bothered by porn but were not greatly upset about it and women who were not bothered by it at all were mostly found to have higher self esteem.

 

Women who were very upset at porn seemed to suffer from the lowest self esteem. As * if * they would let a porn movie dictate how their bodies should look and using the porn themselves as their * reason * why their cheating husbands cheated and strayed.

 

The more the women hated porn and protested were the ones that felt the most threatened by it.

 

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for this post. You said in a few short sentences what I couldn't say in two days.

[taylor]

I have no problem with men's precious porn Mary, I heartily support a man's right to drool over, lust over and jerk his gerkin over any image that turns him on. I just request,respectfully to not have his monkey spanking material left in my view, I also respectfully ask to not be included in viewing sessions or discussions of said material.

 

His porn habit is a boring to me as my shoe collection is to him.. I don't bore him with discussions about my shoe hunting, I'm really not interested in his porn collection.

 

SoSerious,

 

I truly do like your attitude about things sometimes.

 

I totally agree with you here. If porn is his thing, let him do it and don't be bothered by it.

 

No need for you to get involved with it. Let him keep it in his own little fantasy world.

 

That way your respect his right to his fantasies and he respects your right to not be exposed to it.

[Mary3]

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for this post. You said in a few short sentences what I couldn't say in two days.

 

Your welcome. I have been shaking my head for the 5 years I have been coming here to LS and wondering myself why some women detested porn so much ?

[taylor]

Just a funny little story...

 

Yesterday, I brought that picture of Valerie Bertinelli up on my computer screen. I want to pin it up on my refrigerator as motivation to exercise (lol).

 

Anyways I told my husband and a couple of his friends to look at the picture.

 

They hesitated.

 

I said, "Go ahead and look. Look at those abs."

 

We all started laughing a little. And then I said, "Oh, you guys, I know you aren't looking at her abs are you?'

 

My husband's friend said, "There's a loaded question."

 

My husband said, "Do I dare look. I don't want to get slapped."

 

Of course he was joking. I said, "Go ahead and look. I could care less what you look at. She has a great body. All of it."

 

It's funny how my husband expressed the stereotypic male view..I want to look but not get into trouble"

 

I gave him the freedom to look by letting him know it didn't bother me in the least.

 

And we all had a great laugh. All was cool.

[Mary3]

Just a funny little story...

 

Yesterday, I brought that picture of Valerie Bertinelli up on my computer screen. I want to pin it up on my refrigerator as motivation to exercise (lol).

 

Anyways I told my husband and a couple of his friends to look at the picture.

 

They hesitated.

 

I said, "Go ahead and look. Look at those abs."

 

We all started laughing a little. And then I said, "Oh, you guys, I know you aren't looking at her abs are you?'

 

My husband's friend said, "There's a loaded question."

 

My husband said, "Do I dare look. I don't want to get slapped."

 

Of course he was joking. I said, "Go ahead and look. I could care less what you look at. She has a great body. All of it."

 

It's funny how my husband expressed the stereotypic male view..I want to look but not get into trouble"

 

I gave him the freedom to look by letting him know it didn't bother me in the least.

 

And we all had a great laugh. All was cool.

 

She has a gorgeous body ! I am proud to say I follow in her good genes

[soserious1]

SoSerious,

 

I truly do like your attitude about things sometimes.

 

I totally agree with you here. If porn is his thing, let him do it and don't be bothered by it.

 

No need for you to get involved with it. Let him keep it in his own little fantasy world.

 

That way your respect his right to his fantasies and he respects your right to not be exposed to it.

 

 

It's not so much an "attitude" as it is resigned acceptance of the inevitable.

It's also related to being old enough to have finally reached the point where you frankly don't give a damn anymore.

[Mr. Lucky]

Hey, If he wants to watch Jennifer Aniston and think she is cute, that's cool with me. It's the taking it to the next level that is an issue. Thinking about banging her or what she looks like naked and acting on it with himself.

How do you know what he's thinking while he's "acting on it with himself" ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[CaliforniaGirl]

But then one could argue he is too. Because he is choosing to make the porn of the same important or greater, then the way a real life partner feels. And I don't think porn is anywhere near the same thing as golf or football. That whole elemant of sexuality changes it for alot of women. Oh and by the way, I've had a good sex life at some points in my life, and didn't need porn or to accept it for that to be true.

 

Jersie Shortie (ha ha, is that a takeoff on "Jersey Shore"? Awesome), BEAUTIFULLY said. The whole post, but I clipped it here for brevity. I agree with every word in this post.

[CaliforniaGirl]

( At the risk of having rocks thrown at me let me tell you what my research found... )

 

The women that were the * most * disturbed about porn ( viewing or having their SO's viewing it on a reg basis. ) These women were mostly found to have had some abuse as a child. Mainly sexual abuse or abuse of some form .

 

Women who were bothered by porn but were not greatly upset about it and women who were not bothered by it at all were mostly found to have higher self esteem.

 

Women who were very upset at porn seemed to suffer from the lowest self esteem. As * if * they would let a porn movie dictate how their bodies should look and using the porn themselves as their * reason * why their cheating husbands cheated and strayed.

 

The more the women hated porn and protested were the ones that felt the most threatened by it.

 

I won't throw rocks, but can you post the study? And are the findings you list here actual findings of the study, or are you paraphrasing?

 

Also, consider the fact that one in four girls are sexually abused (this doesn't even include other forms of abuse) before the age of 18. I hope that when you paraphrased the numbers, you took into consideration that there may actually be as much chance of swinging a dead cat and hitting a sexually abused woman, as finding a formerly sexually abused woman among people who don't like porn. And as finding a formerly sexually abused woman among teachers. And bakers. And writers. And...you get the idea.

 

I'm interested in and not at all offended by the actual study, or don't think I am, not having seen it yet for myself. I am a little annoyed at your compartmentalization here of women not liking porn being low self esteem, comparative/competitive abuse victims. But seeing the actual study, methodology, etc., etc. should straighten this out, I'd think.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Just a funny little story...

 

Yesterday, I brought that picture of Valerie Bertinelli up on my computer screen. I want to pin it up on my refrigerator as motivation to exercise (lol).

 

Anyways I told my husband and a couple of his friends to look at the picture.

 

They hesitated.

 

I said, "Go ahead and look. Look at those abs."

 

We all started laughing a little. And then I said, "Oh, you guys, I know you aren't looking at her abs are you?'

 

My husband's friend said, "There's a loaded question."

 

My husband said, "Do I dare look. I don't want to get slapped."

 

Of course he was joking. I said, "Go ahead and look. I could care less what you look at. She has a great body. All of it."

 

It's funny how my husband expressed the stereotypic male view..I want to look but not get into trouble"

 

I gave him the freedom to look by letting him know it didn't bother me in the least.

 

And we all had a great laugh. All was cool.

 

This is on the one hand a kind of cute story, but on the other hand a little puzzling in light of the following: You present yourself as an evolved, open-minded person with high self esteem. However, your husband showed shame, furtiveness, etc. when you asked him to admit a woman looked sexy. I'm surprised that in a relationship where the woman was so uniformly accepting of this issue, the man would react this way.

 

The second half of my observation here is the irony that my husband knows I don't like porn but he doesn't show shame, fear, furtiveness or anything else when discussing it. Nor about discussing masturbation in general.

 

Well, anyway...just a couple of observations.

[Mr. Lucky]

The second half of my observation here is the irony that my husband knows I don't like porn but he doesn't show shame, fear, furtiveness or anything else when discussing it. Nor about discussing masturbation in general.

 

Well, anyway...just a couple of observations.

Do you think that your H should be ashamed of masturbating or be afraid to discuss it?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Jersey Shortie]

Jersie Shortie (ha ha, is that a takeoff on "Jersey Shore"? Awesome), BEAUTIFULLY said. The whole post, but I clipped it here for brevity. I agree with every word in this post.

 

Thanks Cali Girl. Actually it's because I am short and from Jersey hence Jersey Shortie.

 

 

 

The women that were the * most * disturbed about porn ( viewing or having their SO's viewing it on a reg basis. ) These women were mostly found to have had some abuse as a child. Mainly sexual abuse or abuse of some form

 

I have never been sexually abused or otherwise. And most women I talk who are affected by their partner's porn use haven't either. Oh and here is a shocker, I am 100% capable of having fantastic sex life without porn.

 

It's actually been proven in numerous studies that women who do porn have been sexually abused. What does it say about us, as people, to get off on something that is usually a last resort to make money for most people in the industry or are there because of emotional issues.

 

 

Women who were bothered by porn but were not greatly upset about it and women who were not bothered by it at all were mostly found to have higher self esteem.

 

I do struggle with my self esteem and never said otherwise. However, I don't think women who accept porn means they are more evolved or have a higher self esteem for it. I think there are other circumstances that lead them there, different from my own. I don't think acceptance of porn use or non acceptance can say anything about an individual's self esteem.

 

I will also add that we shoul also acknowledge men's level of self esteem and their porn use. Because it is said the more porn a man views, the more self esteem issue he possibly has with himself. Since porn is about catering to men's ideals about women and of themselves where they always please the owmen, don't have to put any effort in and are wonderful wonderful men with huge penises. Talk about women's self esteem to porn but we always seem to ignore men's level of self-esteem. Many studies say porn use reaffirms men. I can see the truth in that on a deeper level.

 

 

 

The more the women hated porn and protested were the ones that felt the most threatened by it.

 

I do feel threatned by porn and you know what, I don't think that's unnatural. Just as it's not unnatural for men to get turned on by the simulation of sex with women in a video. It's not unnatural for a woman to feel protective of her mate for his simulated interest in other women. It is in reality, a very basic simulated threat. Because it plays on the exact things that draw men and women together. Is the man going to meet the porn star? Nope. But what does that matter? It's a simulation for sex that turns him on and quite easily and nautrally is a simulation of his attraction to other women that he wants to live out in some shape.

 

I get why men like porn. But I also get why it potenially has the effect on some women that it does and I think both are pefectly natural. How you can justify one's behavior on it being normal and not the other is beyond logic if you ask me.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

There are other wives who say their husband's obsession with porn is hurting the relationship. A woman can be just as upset her husband plays golf all the time as a woman is upset because her husband views porn.

 

How many threads do you see around here with women posting about their hurt over his golfing compared to their hurt over his porn use? I'm sorry, you are trying to downplay the importance of this specific topic by bringing it other side step points that have nothing to do with specifically identifying the cause of why porn can be an issue. The subject is about porn. Not golf. Now I am sure some women can feel sidestepped with other activities but the number of posts talking about hurt over porn use compared to golf speaks for itself in it's importance.

 

 

And both a golf widow and a porn widow may internalize her husband's obsessions as a reflection of how much their husbands love them, care for them, or want to be with them.

 

The key elemant of sexuality and the nature of women and men is a big point you like to gloss over. And who are you to determine that porn use isn't a reflection of how a man feels about his wife.

 

 

My husband and I participated in a marriage recovery program last year. There was a couple there ready to divorce because of the husband's obsession with hunting. HUNTING!!!

 

Okay, I will offer you a deal here. Please start a thread about issues coulples have with hunting, golf or other activities taking place over the relationship and see if it esculates to the point where the topic of porn always seems to. I think we both know it won't. But please, start another thread addressing those issues and see what happens for yourself.

 

The thing is these men are doing these activities because they want to do them and they enjoy doing them. They have a right to do these activities because they aren't illegal and they aren't hurting anyone by doing them.

 

And I love when men buy me drinks. Doesn't mean I let them when I have a boyfriend out of respect for him. Buying drinks isn't illegal and it isn't hurting anyone but I know many men who don't like their women taking drinks from other men.

 

 

I never said a woman doesn't have the right to feel however she wants to feel about her husband's activities. BUT, if she wants to resolve and compromise the issue, she needs to stop jumping up and down and screaming at him about it.

 

Who is advocating jumping up and screaming? Or is the mere disagreement of the topic and his porn use equal to screaming? Compromising the issue can mean many different things depending on the couple. You seem to think the only one who needs to make the compromise is the woman.

 

No, but it can cause problems..BIG ONES... Shopping does hurt a relationship..a wife's spending can hurt the marriage financially to the point where a couple goes bankrupt because of it. Many marriages end over just this kind of thing. So, I guess in some ways, shopping can be worse than porn.

 

I welcome you to start another topic about issues of shopping in marriages. But this topic is about porn use.

 

Fine, let him. If he wants to identify to a porn star..if he wants to sink that low. Let him. Who cares. If he doesn't mind. why should you

?

 

I don't want to be with a person that "sink that low". Funny how you advocate letting him be but critizing women who look at porn stars and do some sort of measuring.

 

That would be the day my husband would ask me to act like a porn star. I would never let what my husband watches in a porn video translate or cross over into my real life, my bedroom, or my being. The fantasy stops when he shuts the TV off.

 

Your husband doesn't, that's great. But many men do. Many men like the idea of their women acting more porn starish then acting like herself. Many men want to do the things they seen in porn. That's not just fantasy anymore. It's not so cut and dry.

 

Your husband isn't the one with the porn problem. You are. And compartmentalizing is a way to put it where it belongs...out of your real life. Women can compartmentalize, too.

 

Who are you to say he isn't the one with the problem and that compartmenalizing is the way to handle it and that women should do this? That's what you do, that's fine. But I don't find your suggestions fair to the woman in the situation or a good resolve.

 

 

But you don't. You have a husband who happens to enjoy porn and sees some value in it. Porn is his friend...and he will never see it as an enemy...as you do.

 

I don't have a husband. But see that's the mistake so many men are making if that's true and men are viewing porn of all things as their "friend'. That's really quite sad.

[JackJack]

To the person who had said the women who were disturbed most by porn viewed reguarly by their partner, were found to have been sexually abused, here's a bit of info.....

 

ALOT of the women IN porn, were also found to have been sexually abused, and came from very crappy childhoods etc...NO not ALL, but right many, or at least alot of the ones I have read/heard about.

 

And while they may have been sexually abused or had bad childhoods, that was the road they chose to take, which they can also make the choice to leave that road at some point as well....We all have choices...

 

Anyway SOME of the women in porn who come across as confident with their bodies and feel the need to show off what they have by having sex with whoever, etc, are really not that confident. SOME are sure, SOME are not. It was their low self esteem, perhaps some sexually abuse, bad childhoods, and insecurity that probably led them to where they are in the porn industry...most felt the need to probably seek out that love/attention and affection they never received...and to them porn helped fill that void I suppose. I'm not saying some of the women in porn don't love sex or what they are doing...but bet ya anything its not like you think...hence the fantasy and illusion..it all looks good on camera I suppose. But behind the camera or when its off...its probably alot different than you think.

 

I'm just giving a flip side here of the coin, since some feel women are disturbed by porn because they were sexually abused, and while that could be the case for SOME, the same can be said for women who are IN porn as well...

 

So, as long as people can say, that women who don't care for porn, were sexually abused, have low self esteem, lack confidence, are insecure etc, etc, just remember, alot of these women IN the porn industry suffer from the same types of things...

[CaliforniaGirl]

Do you think that your H should be ashamed of masturbating or be afraid to discuss it?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

No, why would he? The point was that presumably, Taylor's husband, surrounded by Taylor's accepting attitude, should be unashamed...wouldn't you say?

 

I don't object to masturbation in general. The point was porn in particular, as these "studies" (I have to go back and re-read now to see if any were cited/linked) were about an "insecure" woman's aversion to porn specifically...not masturbation in general.

 

So I guess I don't understand how my comments brought your question about. Is there any other way I can explain it or am I explaining it incorrectly? Not sure if I'm wording all this correctly.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Okay, just read back and still don't see any of these actual studies. But maybe the poster just hasn't been on since she mentioned them. Again, I'd be curious to see them.

[CaliforniaGirl]

How do you know what he's thinking while he's "acting on it with himself" ???

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Oh my goodness. I think someone should do a study on the intimate childhood history of the type of porn viewer who feels overly threatened by people who don't like porn.

 

Mr. Lucky, I'm not the poster you're quoting...but I think it's safe to say that when a man mouse-clicks through a porn site until he finds a woman that looks sexy to him, then begins masturbating, he's not thinking about, say, where the Dow closed yesterday. He's probably thinking about sex with that person. No?

 

Seriously, now, get real. I think you may be going a little overboard attempting to deflect the course of this thread by continuously bringing up the minutiae and arguing it. Perhaps you'd be better off investigating your own internal conflicts/defensiveness that would lead you to do this rather than addressing the gist of any given post? Now THAT could be interesting. Just a suggestion.

[Mary3]

One in three porn viewers are women

E

 

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AdvertisementRECORD numbers of Australians are visiting pornographic websites, including sexually explicit dating sites - and one in three of them is a woman.

 

Surprising new figures show more than one-third of internet users visited an adult website at least once in the first three months of this year.

 

Almost one in five was under 18, and 5 per cent were 65 or over.

 

The data, provided to the Herald by Nielsen Net Ratings/NetView, a world leader in internet analysis, reveals 4.3 million Australians viewed pornography or visited a sex-oriented matchmaker site on the internet at least once in the quarter ending in March. This was 35 per cent of all those who used the internet in that period.

 

In March alone, 2.7 million Australians went to an online adult website, an increase of half a million in 18 months, or 23 per cent. The richer people were, the more likely they were to have viewed a pornographic site.

 

Australian psychologists and relationship counsellors say internet pornography is a new and growing cause of relationship strife and breakdown as increasing numbers of men become compulsive users.

 

Brett McCann, a senior lecturer in the sexual health program at the University of Sydney, said: "It's a growing problem with big implications for the public health dollar."

 

An investigation by the Herald has uncovered the destructive impact obsessive pornography use can have on couple's sex lives, women's self-esteem, and sense of trust.

 

At the same time, others are warning against a moral panic, citing research that shows pornography consumers overwhelmingly report positive benefits. Alan McKee, of the Queensland University of Technology, who with colleagues conducted a survey of more than 1000 self-selected pornography users, said 58.8 per cent said it had a positive effect on their attitudes to sex and only 6.8 per cent said it was negative.

 

"Australians who use pornography say it not only gives them pleasure but broadens their minds, and provides a valuable sex education," he said.

 

And while some women have suffered from their partner's internet porn obsession, women in general are considered the new consumer growth market, according to Fiona Patten, chief executive of the Eros Association, the adult retail industry's peak body.

 

Despite the internet having transformed the way pornography is consumed, the number of sex shops has also burgeoned, Ms Patten said.

 

There were 500 shops in 2003 and there are 900 today. Besides DVDs, they now carried a much bigger range of sex toys, erotic clothing and other paraphernalia, she said.

 

Big stores covering 1000 square metres had opened in some states over the past five years. The SexyLand chain in Victoria, for example, had taken advantage of changes in zoning laws to establish huge stores in commercial areas. "They are the Bunnings and Officeworks of the sex industry," Ms Patten said.

 

The X-rated video mail-order business had halved in size since its heydays in the 1990s because of the internet and the expansion of retail outlets. But Australia's lack of a fast broadband network, which made it difficult to download sexually explicit feature films, had helped maintain the popularity of DVDs. "We're still selling at least 10 million DVDs a year, mainly through retail outlets and by ordering through the internet," Ms Patten said.

 

The "pornification" of society, as described by US author Pamela Paul, has sparked a call for an investigation.

 

The former head of the Office of the Status of Women, Helen L'Orange, wants a royal commission or other form of national inquiry into the effects of the internet on society and relationships, with a focus on pornography.

 

"We've seen momentous changes in the way more people meet over the internet and the huge amount of pornography being viewed, and these changes merit investigation," she said. "It's worth taking stock and finding out what impact it is having on relationships."

 

She said the Whitlam government had established the Royal Commission into Human Relationships in 1974 at another time of social change to report on many aspects of male/female relationships as far as they were relevant to the federal government. The aim of the proposed inquiry would not be increased censorship but to inform, educate and raise awareness, she said.

[CaliforniaGirl]

"A valuable sex education?" LOL.

 

"What I Learned From Viewing Porn..."

 

1. All women are born with pubic hair that's shaped like a zipper.

 

2. If a man doesn't have 9", he's, well...a little less than average, to put it very nicely.

 

3. Most women scream loudly enough to burst the skylights every time men, any men at all, including strangers, touch them anywhere, with any appendage or tool.

 

4. 18-year-olds really ARE hot for balding, middle-aged, paunchy men old enough to be Daddy...which is why they push-e-mail YOU, you HOT STUD...they're just waiting for a good schtup from Grampa!

 

Thank goodness for porn...I wouldn't know a thing about sex. Okay, so, that was facetious...fine, then; those of us who aren't into the fake, ridiculous world of porn are freaks. It's all good. I'll stay a freak. Good enough, the pornvocates win! At long last we've settled this issue once and for all...and hopefully, this victory will calm the pornophiles down from digging through the darkest corners of Google to justify their cause. It's all good, you may resume yanking in T minus 5...4...3...........

 

p.s. I wonder how fully a third of individuals, or at least Australians, viewing porn are women and yet women NEVER get e-mails saying "hot studs waiting for your middle-aged bod!" (Or do they?) Seems suspicious that 50% of a prospective market (i.e., women in general) wouldn't be tapped...no pun intended. But, ah, well.

[Trialbyfire]

At the same time, others are warning against a moral panic, citing research that shows pornography consumers overwhelmingly report positive benefits. Alan McKee, of the Queensland University of Technology, who with colleagues conducted a survey of more than 1000 self-selected pornography users, said 58.8 per cent said it had a positive effect on their attitudes to sex and only 6.8 per cent said it was negative.

 

"Australians who use pornography say it not only gives them pleasure but broadens their minds, and provides a valuable sex education," he said.

 

I have to laugh at these comments!