Jump to content

I am dying inside.


Recommended Posts

I am so very sorry!!! Ughhh I can only imagine the pain you must be feeling. Please, I know it's hard but try to hang in there buddy. It will get better someday. For now I have no words because nothing I can say will make the pain any easier. I hate that it turned out this way for you. It just sucks!!:(:(:(

Link to post
Share on other sites

Most posters tried to tell you to go NC, and you only heard what you wanted to hear. You will get over this, and maybe learn something from it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Island Girl

Hello Hunter

 

I read your last post and my heart just dropped into the pit of my stomach.

 

I am so sorry you are going through all of this.

You are a very sensitive man and I know this must be complete anguish.

 

Lean on your friends. Reach out to them and avoid being alone. You may feel like you do not want company and you want to be alone but it is the worst thing.

 

I am hoping your best friend will be there to support you now. Most of all just pour it all out either here, on paper (do not send an e-mail or letter to him), or to any friend willing to listen and be supportive.

 

The more you vent the better it will be and the quicker the healing can happen.

 

It sucks that he has made the decision he has. It sucks that it seems life and circumstances started this ball rolling.

It also sucks that while you were spinning out of control that you reached out to him. Would it have made any difference as to his choice? Who knows. Maybe not.

 

I wish there was some magical words I could give you right now to take the pain away. I wish I could just implant into your head that, if he is the kind of person that can suddenly switch off and back away, that you don't need someone like that because sooner or later difficult circumstances come up and you want to dedicate yourself to someone who will stand with you good times and bad.

But I believe you know all of this. You are just overwhelmed with pain right now and that is understandable.

 

There are posters here (and readers) who are caring about you even if it is an anonymous forum.

We are still here if you need to vent or if you need support.

 

It will get better. I promise it will. It just takes some time.

Link to post
Share on other sites

So sorry Hunter. Everything will be okay though. This part sucks, but you'll get through it.

 

We're all thinking of you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

To the posters who advised me to just quit talking to him completely, I appreciated your advice. But I digress. And still do. When you love someone, you don't push them away. You don't sit idle knowing they're laying on the kitchen floor with a phone in their hand just waiting for you to call them. No, my friends, if you love someone, you aren't cruel to them. You don't torture them and put them through hell by stringing them along, giving ultimatums to them in exchange for your affections.

 

This guy was cruel, malicious, and egotistical. He got off knowing I was going through hell. He manipulated me into sending him money, took advantage of me, and destroyed me on so many levels I can't even count. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, and mentally. He told me he loved me "more than words" and that I was his soul mate. He told me he would do anything to be with me. All of it was a lie. Every last word. He couldn't live up to his own expectations.

 

Hindsight is 20/20 my friends. If there is a lesson to be learned from this, it's not to give someone space when they ask for it. It's to treat the people you love with respect and kindness. Don't stand by knowing they're hurting. In the relationship world, don't rush into things. If someone comes at you with the same bull**** lines too quickly, be extremely cautious of them and try not to take them too seriously.

 

Me? I'll be okay. I've begun the process of regenerating my heart from the last piece that's left. One day it will be whole again. I will love again. I'm going to meet the person I'm supposed to be with someday. I'm confident of that. This guy was a liar and a thief masquerading as someone who cares. I will not fall for him or his type ever...ever again.

 

Thank you so much for all the love and support, you guys are awesome.

Link to post
Share on other sites

That is sooo true Hunter!! I can relate because I rushed into things much too quickly with the last guy! Here he was not too long after we met telling me he loved me, I was the only one for him, I was the one he wanted to marry and spend the rest of his life with etc.. I fell for every last bit of it and learned a HUGE lesson!! It goes to show me just how naive I can be. I didn't know such cruel people could exist in this world but I know now.

 

I believe you will be better because of this experience. No you didn't deserve to go through this.....nobody does but unfortunately crap happens to good people like yourself. I am so sorry you had to endure all of this. Yes, you are right.....you WILL meet the person you are meant to be with someday and that person will have just as much love to give to you as you have for them! You are a stronger person because of this! I know you are hurting.....I'm going through it myself right now and it's just torture!:( But you will make it through just like I will make it through somehow.....someday. A day at a time.....we'll get there!

Link to post
Share on other sites
Island Girl

Hi Hunter

 

I wanted to say everything you just did.

 

I had wanted to berate him from the very beginning but I feared it may upset you more and possibly drive you to contact him again.

 

Everything you have said is true.

I alluded to this in a previous post when I said you should be angry at him for the way he was behaving.

 

He should not have done this to you. He should not have said all of those things and then suddenly rip the floor out from under you and leave you tumbling into an abyss.

A person doesn't do that to someone they love.

 

You can't be blamed for your reactions. You were in shock, hurting, and desperate for some kind of answer or solution.

 

And HE did that.

 

You did not know him as a cold, thoughtless, and heartless person. He showed you what he wanted you to see. Unfortunately distance can assist people like this. It is easier to hide this twisted side from others.

 

Not everyone is like this. Most people, in fact, aren't.

 

You are such an eloquent writer. You express yourself so well and it is easy to see you are an intelligent and sensitive man.

There is someone out there who will cherish you. It may take some looking. But the best things in life are never easy to come by.

 

I know you aren't ready to even think about that now. But you will be.

Link to post
Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO

Well, regardless of what the outcome may be, there is no way you can push somebody into a relationship with you. So out of respect for him and for the time that you did share - you need to back off. If it's meant to be, he will come back. He just needs space. If you respect and love him, you will give it to him. Because I would guess that you would do anything for him - so how about this one small thing? You pushing him is only going to accomplish one thing - pushing him AWAY. It will not bring him closer. Quit trying to control it. Let go and let God.

 

ETA - ok, I read your update about the break-up. I'm sorry to hear that. I really and truly am - I can feel the pain in your words and I wish there was something I could do to help you feel better. All I can say is that time will heal your pain. It sounds cliche, but it's true. Time is the only true healer.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Well, regardless of what the outcome may be, there is no way you can push somebody into a relationship with you. So out of respect for him and for the time that you did share - you need to back off. If it's meant to be, he will come back. He just needs space. If you respect and love him, you will give it to him. Because I would guess that you would do anything for him - so how about this one small thing? You pushing him is only going to accomplish one thing - pushing him AWAY. It will not bring him closer. Quit trying to control it. Let go and let God.

 

ETA - ok, I read your update about the break-up. I'm sorry to hear that. I really and truly am - I can feel the pain in your words and I wish there was something I could do to help you feel better. All I can say is that time will heal your pain. It sounds cliche, but it's true. Time is the only true healer.

 

Let me just say that I totally respect your opinion on this, and in a different situation, you would be absolutely right. I still believe that space is an important thing. You can't be attached to the hip to someone, it's just not healthy. It's important to have time to yourself every now and then, but that is not what this guy was after. That is not what this situation was all about.

 

He never planned on moving here. If I looked like Danny DeVito and had a huge house with a swimming pool I can guarantee you he would still be calling me every morning. Everything he said to me was a lie. I would be surprised if the car he owns is actually his or if he's actually employed. The sad part is, I would have loved him anyway.

 

I woke up again today and I'm starting to feel the memories fade. The rotten corpse inside my head is almost buried. It's been stinking up the place. Time does heal all pains.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

You are absolutely right, Island Girl. This is how he scams people. He has to meet them on the internet because he can be whoever he wants to be on there. And I would hope there are not a lot of people out there like that. I honestly believe he strung me along so long because he grifted money out of me. And what he did was cruel. I am lobotomyze246 in this conversation. I can't be bothered to change the nickname. And I just don't care. He is "Him".

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...