Tired of my man

[Stephanie]

I am presently married to a man, who bugs the hell out of me. Everything he does bothers me. I have reached a point where I enjoy our children and home with him not around. I have been raising our children all by myself it seems. My husband is out all the time at night. Three to four of weekdays, he comes home late in the evening. If was another woman, I wouldn't even care anymore. Although I truly believe there is no other woman. He likes staying out with the guys drinking and not carrying his load as a parent.

 

If it weren't for him earning the living, I would be living as a single parent. I would love to divorce him. I certainly wouldn't miss much (with him). The problem is, I don't want our children to suffer the results of a divorce (they don't suffer now, there is no fighting or anything). I keep these feeling inside for now, and keep raising my children the best I can.

 

Last night he came home late again. I locked the doors so he could not get in. I told him to go away, we are used to him not being here. I liked going to bed and waking up with him not around. There was an easyness inside me. The house was quiet without his presence. I liked it!

[Tony T]

This man couldn't possibly bug you, as you say, because he is never around and you like it that way.

 

He obviously is not a good father if he is out drinking. So what good is he to your children. You are unhappy as well.

 

First, you have to take a very good look at yourself and see if you are the kind of woman a husband would want to stay home and be with. Are you a good conversationalist? Do you like to do things with your husband? Or do you spend most of your time tending to your children? Ask yourself if your own behavior does not contribute to your husband's desire to be away.

 

It sounds like you are no longer in love with your husband...and you are much happier when he's not around. Look very hard within yourself to see just how hurt you might be if you let him go.

 

Since you don't have a marriage now, I would hope you would have a real good talk with him and see what the possibilities are of compromising and getting your relationship back on track. Get his take on why he enjoys being away so much. Is he trying to escape you, the kids, his problems, or what? You really must find out if there are things about you that have driven him away. If there are, that doesn't mean you are defective or at fault here. You just want to be able to evaluate what he has to say and decide for yourself if his reasons have any validiy at all.

 

Work on that if you can. I get the feeling your head is not into fixing this...but I hope you will try.

 

If that doesn't work, you only have one life to live. Move on, find a good father for your children (not an easy thing to do these days for a woman with children), a good husband for yourself, and be the kind of person a man would be very happy to be with and have no desire to go out with his buddies except a day every week or two.

 

Locking him out of the house is kids game you don't need to play. If you feel that strongly, get a divorce and do it by court order.

[billy the kid]

first off I'm not saying it's your fault, he prob. has some issues too. I have two good friends that go fishing every minute they are off just to get away from home. Of course they have other issues also... I'm just saying don't feel alone...hope things change for the better

This man couldn't possibly bug you, as you say, because he is never around and you like it that way. He obviously is not a good father if he is out drinking. So what good is he to your children. You are unhappy as well. First, you have to take a very good look at yourself and see if you are the kind of woman a husband would want to stay home and be with. Are you a good conversationalist? Do you like to do things with your husband? Or do you spend most of your time tending to your children? Ask yourself if your own behavior does not contribute to your husband's desire to be away. It sounds like you are no longer in love with your husband...and you are much happier when he's not around. Look very hard within yourself to see just how hurt you might be if you let him go. Since you don't have a marriage now, I would hope you would have a real good talk with him and see what the possibilities are of compromising and getting your relationship back on track. Get his take on why he enjoys being away so much. Is he trying to escape you, the kids, his problems, or what? You really must find out if there are things about you that have driven him away. If there are, that doesn't mean you are defective or at fault here. You just want to be able to evaluate what he has to say and decide for yourself if his reasons have any validiy at all. Work on that if you can. I get the feeling your head is not into fixing this...but I hope you will try. If that doesn't work, you only have one life to live. Move on, find a good father for your children (not an easy thing to do these days for a woman with children), a good husband for yourself, and be the kind of person a man would be very happy to be with and have no desire to go out with his buddies except a day every week or two.

 

Locking him out of the house is kids game you don't need to play. If you feel that strongly, get a divorce and do it by court order.