bones34 Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 I need some advice. I have been married for almost three years,I thought I was happy, until my husband got me a job working at an Auto plant and met this really hot and sweet guy whom I fell for the second I laid eyes on him!! Anyway usually me and him would talk at work casually and that was it. But this past week we were both laid off and I decided that I would give him a call and have lunch with him. We ended up spending the day together having a blast and making out(he is the best kisser I have ever had!!!). We ended up getting together the next day and doing the same thing,but he suggested that since his house was a mess we should get a hotel room, I wanted to SO bad but I knew what would happen so I declined. We ended up saying goodbye for the evening and when I got home I couldn't get him off my mind and just sat on the couch and cried,all I want to do is be with him,I can't sleep,I can't eat I just can't get him out off my mind. I'm afraid that I will not be as strong to say no to him sexually on future dates,luckilly he told me that he would wait until I was ready,and would never push me to do anything I didn't want to. I feel so bad doing this to my husband who is working all day and night trying to build a house for us,but I want to be with this other guy so bad that when my husband gets home I don't even want him near me and I'm mean to him. The other bad thing is that we all work together and although they don't talk I'm afraid my husband will find out. Should I just divorce my husband and be with this other guy who makes me happy? Or is this just infatuation? Please help!!! Link to post Share on other sites
VASH THE STAMPEDE Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 What I see here is a disaster on the verge of manifestation. My suggestion is to break it off with the guy and really give your marriage thought,and if you feel it wont work let your husband(which put his trust and life into you) that you want a divorce. What you have is a hard crush on this person,you need to stay away from him and no meet with him anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bones34 Posted October 11, 2003 Author Share Posted October 11, 2003 I wish I could keep away! If it were that easy I wouldn't need advice. My husband does not understand me like the other guy does-I can talk to him about things I can't talk to my husband about. Although your probably right about it just being a "Crush" but what if it is more than that? I just don't want to miss out on a possible "Love" opportunity! Link to post Share on other sites
VASH THE STAMPEDE Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 What was the reason for marring your husband??Did you not love him?? Did you not put your trust in him???Then there shouldn't be any thing you 2 can't talk about . You say LOVE opportunity,I say DISASTER ,thats what you'll be missing out. Link to post Share on other sites
bryanp Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 Hello, If you wish to end up destroying your marriage and destroying your husband then continue to do what you are doing. How would you feel if your husband was doing to you what you are doing to him? Clearly you have little respect for your marriage or your husband. If you do not have any children then you may wish to consider a divorce. My guess is that this OM is looking for a good time. Would you really wish to be with this OM who does not care about trying to sleep with a married woman? What does this say about him? Your husband is working to better his life and your life together. Unfortunately you are in a fog. I would suggest that you sit down tell your husband the truth, get into marriage counseling and work on your relationship. The chances are great that your husband will find out anyway. You will end up getting divorced and this other guy will get tired of you after a while and move on. You on the other hand will be divorced and left with nothing. You want to cheat on your husband with a man who works with your husband and knows you are married. He sounds like a real special person (sic). Open your eyes before it is too late. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyStar Posted October 11, 2003 Share Posted October 11, 2003 Sex, Love and Lies.... Seriously consider the consequence of being intimate with this OM. Usually when people first meet hook up, everything appears to feel good, but how long does it usually last. Probably not long. Read between the lines .... if two people were in heat and the man told the woman, I can't go to my house because it's a mess... duh ... did it ever dawn on you that he's probably involved with someone else .... instead of being intimate with this OM ... i suggest you go and screw your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Goatsbreath Posted October 12, 2003 Share Posted October 12, 2003 You are selfish- If your not going to give your marriage a chance then tell your husband before you go and cheat on him. I mean, if you decide to cheat you are already making a choice to destroy your marriage rather then openly admiting to some issues you might be able to work on with your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bones34 Posted October 12, 2003 Author Share Posted October 12, 2003 Originally posted by LuckyStar Sex, Love and Lies.... Seriously consider the consequence of being intimate with this OM. Usually when people first meet hook up, everything appears to feel good, but how long does it usually last. Probably not long. Read between the lines .... if two people were in heat and the man told the woman, I can't go to my house because it's a mess... duh ... did it ever dawn on you that he's probably involved with someone else .... instead of being intimate with this OM ... i suggest you go and screw your husband. He just got done remodeling his house (so it's a mess)--He is definetely NOT involved with someone else because he's invited me over numerous times before he started this project--I declined,I know better. I think all I want out if this is not sex, but merely someone to make me feel special the way he does by putting his fingers through my hair,kissing me on the cheek,and just holding me. With my husband gone all the time with building this house I no longer get the affection and attention I desire from him,all he wants to do when he gets home is play on his computer,watch TV, or have sex,then go to sleep!! I need more than that,and when I talk to him about this he gets mad and says"Nothing I do will ever make you happy!" I get so pissed at him for treating me that way, that I go running to this OM. Link to post Share on other sites
BlockHead Posted October 12, 2003 Share Posted October 12, 2003 bones34 I have been married for almost three years,I thought I was happy, until my husband got me a job working at an Auto plant and met this really hot and sweet guy whom I fell for the second I laid eyes on him!! With my husband gone all the time with building this house I no longer get the affection and attention I desire from him,all he wants to do when he gets home is play on his computer,watch TV, or have sex,then go to sleep!!Does he seem sweeter because he is hot? Was your husband hot? I think you are sucker for hot guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bones34 Posted October 13, 2003 Author Share Posted October 13, 2003 My husband is definitely hot! To be honest with you-the OM that I think is hot,everyone says I'm crazy and that he is gross(their opinion). The OM has kind of a punkish,badboy image that I like, whereas my husband is sort of a pretty boy!! What I need is the affection and attention that this guy gives that my huband does not. Link to post Share on other sites
BlockHead Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 Are you saying that you want to use the other man to satisfy your own emotional needs? Your husband is working very hard to make a life for the two of you by sacrificing a great deal of time and energy. If you have a problem with him being away so much, then tell him to quit his job. I think you are also being selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bones34 Posted October 13, 2003 Author Share Posted October 13, 2003 Well OK everyones' right about me being selfish,but who isn't one time in their life or another? I ended up calling the OM a little while ago and told him that I could no longer see him because I am gonna try to work things out with my husband. He seemed upset and told me that he would wait as long as it takes to be with me. All I do is feel sick to my stomach and worse now that I broke it off with him. I feel like I made a mistake and want to call him back to change my mind. I guess I WAS "Using" him in a way for attention and affection to make me feel "special", but now all I feel like is a "nobody" when my husband just passes out in front of the TV while I'm trying to talk to him about this--- OOH HE MAKES ME FURIOUS!!!! I feel like I can't win either way!!![color=black][/color] Link to post Share on other sites
BlockHead Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 He seemed upset and told me that he would wait as long as it takes to be with me.I wish I could knock some sense into this poor sap. “Don’t fool around with married women!!!” All I do is feel sick to my stomach and worse now that I broke it off with him. I feel like I made a mistake and want to call him back to change my mind.Tell me. Are you use to getting what you want? I guess I WAS "Using" him in a way for attention and affection to make me feel "special", but now all I feel like is a "nobody" when my husband just passes out in front of the TV while I'm trying to talk to him about this--- OOH HE MAKES ME FURIOUS!!!!Why would he pass out? Is he working day and night to build a house for the two of you? He is human, and he can only do so much. I have to give you credit for being honest. I think your anger is misplaced. Your husband did nothing wrong. In fact, I think he is doing what he thinks the two of you want. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 ... but what you can do for your husband. Obviously there's more to your relationship with your husband than what you've posted here, but let's look at the info you've provided: 1. Your husband works at an auto plant. 2. He got you a job at his place of employment -- your work was found at his initiative 3. In addition to working at the auto plant, your husband is building a house. 4. You are not working at the moment 5. You feel neglected by your husband, who seems to have very little energy left for you after laboring all day at the auto plant and house site. I find it interesting that you don't mention anything about your current employment status. Certainly not your fault for getting laid off, but are you looking for other work? Or is your husband supposed to find something for you? Perhaps you might want to spend some time looking for a job instead of mooning over the other man and feeling resentful about your husband's lack of attentiveness to you. That would be a productive way to spend your time. You might also want to give some thought to your husband: what would make him happy during the short waking hours that he spends at home with you? Maybe he'd like a massage while he watches television. Maybe he'd like a nicely cooked meal. Should his meager free time be spent attending to you? Of course you're not his houseslave, but on the other hand we know how most of his time and energy is spent, while your obligations are much lighter. I get the sense that you expect your husband to do for you: find you a job, build you a house, meet all of your physical and emotional needs. It might not be a conscious expectation, but from what you've posted it sure comes across that way. If that is the case to one degree or another, you might also be feeling a bit guilty about that, and/or resentful. You can change that by taking initiative yourself: get yourself a job, any job, so that you're productive and contributing to the household finances. And instead of thinking about how your husband doesn't have time for you, why not think of ways you can do things for him -- for HIM, not with any other goal for yourself. You might be surprised at his response. The other guy is a distraction. Melodrama that takes you away from the real obligations of life as a married woman who needs to get a job, and has a kind and hardworking husband that she seems to take for granted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bones34 Posted October 13, 2003 Author Share Posted October 13, 2003 First of all, BOTH of us got laid off for the week, we are going back to work tonight. Second of all, a couple of those days he didn't go work on the house and just sat around the house on his computer or in front of the TV(being a grouch). Third of all,I do housework,and cooking, etc. so I do my part. I felt that I could be honest with him about things,but he would rather shut me out and get mad rather than talk about it like a rational human being. Last of all, all he does is say "Nothing I do will ever make you happy" at this point I'm actually beginning to believe that nothing HE does WILL make me happy!!! Yes, I am used to getting what I want Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 Look, like I said we can only go on what you've said. If your husband is unsupportive, uncommunicative and basically unpleasant then why are you staying in the marriage? Earlier in this thread you were saying what a wonderful guy he is and how guilty you feel about this other guy. So which is it -- is your husband a basically good guy who has some flaws, or is he a self-involved jerk who doesn't really care about your feelings? Originally posted by bones34 First of all, BOTH of us got laid off for the week, we are going back to work tonight. Second of all, a couple of those days he didn't go work on the house and just sat around the house on his computer or in front of the TV(being a grouch). Third of all,I do housework,and cooking, etc. so I do my part. I felt that I could be honest with him about things,but he would rather shut me out and get mad rather than talk about it like a rational human being. Last of all, all he does is say "Nothing I do will ever make you happy" at this point I'm actually beginning to believe that nothing HE does WILL make me happy!!! Yes, I am used to getting what I want Link to post Share on other sites
BlockHead Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 Second of all, a couple of those days he didn't go work on the house and just sat around the house on his computer or in front of the TV(being a grouch).I (speaking for myself) hate having too much idle time because that usually makes me depressed. I felt that I could be honest with him about things,but he would rather shut me out and get mad rather than talk about it like a rational human being.That is insensitive. Maybe he is a little depressed about losing his job, and is venting on you. Last of all, all he does is say "Nothing I do will ever make you happy" at this point I'm actually beginning to believe that nothing HE does WILL make me happy!!!I don’t believe that anybody, other than yourself, can make you happy. I believe that love is not easy, and that it requires effort by both people. I was never in your situation so I can’t give you practical advice. I can only shed some light on the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
VASH THE STAMPEDE Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 bones, I think you are trying to satisfied your selfishness with sex from out side your marriage,(because you get what you want) or so it seems in the long run you'll get what you deserve which is nothing. You'll see your world crumbling in front of you and there'll be nothing you can do but sit back and watch. You'll be the one holding to something that not there,you're like a kid it thinks it'll get away with something but in the end get away with nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
VASH THE STAMPEDE Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 WHAT DOES "OM" mean??????????????? Link to post Share on other sites
Goatsbreath Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 I think OM means "other man" I think! Link to post Share on other sites
BlockHead Posted October 13, 2003 Share Posted October 13, 2003 VASH THE STAMPEDE WHOA!!! Relax. OM = Other Man Please keep that temper in under control. This is a delicate situation, and we don’t know the whole story. I think she is slowly peeling back layer after layer of self-deception, and she may not realize it. Give it time. Besides, she already pulled the plug on the other man. Link to post Share on other sites
elias kejjan Posted October 19, 2003 Share Posted October 19, 2003 To bones, I am in a similar situation, where my husband does not understand me, and the new guy likes me. I don't know what to do, I am beside myself. I am considering cheating, my husband is lazy and has put on one hundred pounds and plays pc games all day long, and still manages to save no time for me. He is too 'busy' for me. He does nothing all day, he doesn't even raise our two kids from my first marriage. This new guy gives me all the attention I need and I want to be with him so badly, but he is from Iraq and their ways are different than ours. Christa Link to post Share on other sites
biggirlboo Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 Honey, I wish I had your guts and OPPORTUNITY! My husband has become fat, lazy, sloppy, unappreciative and obsessive about his stupid computer games. We just had a baby and he does NOTHING around the house. We're in counseling (joke) but I don't think it will work. If I had a hot guy that wanted to be with me, I WOULD cheat! Would it destoy my husband? Yep. That's kinda the point. THEN I would get a divorce and soak him for everything I could. You have to make you happy. Do what feels good, babe. Link to post Share on other sites
TMCM Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 biggirlboo: Honey, I wish I had your guts and OPPORTUNITY! My husband has become fat, lazy, sloppy, unappreciative and obsessive about his stupid computer games. We just had a baby and he does NOTHING around the house. We're in counseling (joke) but I don't think it will work. If I had a hot guy that wanted to be with me, I WOULD cheat! Would it destoy my husband? Yep. That's kinda the point. THEN I would get a divorce and soak him for everything I could. You have to make you happy. Do what feels good, babe. ROTFLMAO Love among cheaters is like honor among thieves, an oxymoron between two morons. Link to post Share on other sites
Skittles Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 all he wants to do when he gets home is play on his computer,watch TV, or have sex,then go to sleep!! I need more than that.... Hi Bones, Can I ask how old you guys were when you got married and did you date alot of guys before that? No reason, just curious. Your husband sounds like a sweet, hardworking fella...hard to come by. Your crush sounds like a sweet, attentive, sexy fella...also hard to come by. The big difference being that your crush isn't building you a house, or worried about your bills or anything like that. He just wants to have sex with you...and it would probably rock your world for awhile, until your husband found out... Your husband used to be your crush, but became something closer and better....so what are ya thinkin'? If it's constant attention you want, buy a puppy. If it's constant attention and a rush you want, buy a puppy and eat chocolate while he licks your face. Bones, I'm not trying to sound like a wise ass. I feel for you because I really think you are in a dilemma...But the good news is that you can prevent what others call a disaster, for you, I think it would be an armageddon of sorts because you would be losing a really good guy to a really mixed up perception of what love is supposed to be... If he is relaxing after work, let him...then figure out a way to get the love and sex you want without switching partners because even if you married your new crush, he would end up being just like husband #1, only with the track -record of a cheater. You and your husband deserve better. Good Luck...and p.s at least you have someone around to have sex with!...... Link to post Share on other sites
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