LoveLace Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 I've have known this man for 4 years and fell in love with him sometime in the 3rd year...before that it was just fun to me and I never considered taking it more seriously. So it was no big deal if we didn't talk for weeks at a time...but after a couple years of that, course it started to bother me...he was enjoying life after 2 very long term relationships...and the more I questioned the friendship, the more distant he would get. But we were always like best buddies otherwise...the kind that are very attracted to each other. He was always nothing but a gentleman. However, he was living with parents to catch up on debt - at one point he said this was why getting serious could be difficult...I live with my parents too while in school so...anyway he said that after I finally confessed I was just in love with him. I was bad about blowing those things off and trying to pretend everything was fine...always had trouble expressing my feelings to him. A year ago, it ended badly. Won't get into details, but we made each other very angry and I moved on feeling satisfied with that. But after a few months, it just got harder to feel at peace with the ending...when it comes down to it, I was just very mad that we couldn't be together, or that he didn't want to be, whatever. My emotions got out of control at that time. So over the last year, I've sent a few emails expressing some regrets, but i don't know if he got them. It all ended so badly, that I thought for sure he would never get past it. Wasn't sure I could, either, I just didn't like the feeling of leaving something behind with such hostility...those kinds of things just eat at you after so long, especially when you know that it was your fault just as much as theirs. Suddenly the other night he started texting me...said he has a new place of his own and he was being his usual silly self...I just played along. Last night he invited me over, I was very nervous but I just had to feel the waters, see what was up here. We hung out for hours, as if we never stopped...and nothing about the past came up...no apologies or anything...perhaps that was evident without saying it. We talked a whole lot, though, and he kept saying how glad he was to see me. Eventually the evening turned quite romantic, and we can't keep our hands off of each other. When I left he said he'd call me (didn't say when)...he also made references to me going over there more in the future...when I left, we both said we wanted to keep hanging out but of course it has to end sometime...he had a sick friend to go help out, and he kept saying he wished he could hang more with me instead. I fell in love all over again, so is it ridiculous to tell him that after only seeing him once after a year? One thing for sure is it couldn't possibly surprise him, given our history. I'm not sure if he feels more ready for a relationship because he's at a better place in his life (financially, independently)...or if he just finally decided that our hostile past is not a grudge for him anymore...it feels like we've started over. So if I treat it that way, I shouldn't be gushing out to him, right? Or, should I just lay it all out on the table? My girl friend said I should call him tonight and say I want to talk about it...but isn't that too needy too soon? However, why waste any time wondering? I don't know what to do, he made me feel so happy inside, just like always. Our 1st date was really fun, and he has a habit of reminiscing about it...he did so again last night...even calls it our "first date"...as if we've been together ever since which is not the case...he contacted me knowing how I felt before, and had me as a guest at his new place, waiting on me hand and foot. But he always had a way of putting me on a pedastal that way. He's also very protective, patient, and compassionate. Since losing him, I've dated many guys but not one yet has made me feel the way he always did. Last night he kept saying that he likes to make me feel good.. I can hardly sleep or eat. I don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
not.who.you.think Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 Listen I wouldn't bring it up yet. I'm sure he already knows anyways, if he has a head on his shoulders. Those kinds of feelings don't jsut disappear. He's probably well aware of them. Take him to see "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" haha.. .well don't actually.... Anyways I wouldn't bring it up. when in doubt don't. Just wait youre both ready... you ready to tell him and him ready to hear it. Like I say he probably already knows.... Salut Tom Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 I agree with the above post. Let him take the lead and just see where it goes. If he wants something serious you will know by his behavior and vice versa. I wouldn't call him or anything. I would just keep living my life as if he wasn't in it. Stay focused on you and your happiness! Link to post Share on other sites
lammie Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 Wait to see but i don't think he already knows. I'm in a similar situation only i've liked the guy for 4 years, he was interested at first but because of the long distance he never pursued it. We stayed friends and went on "platonic" dates for a year whenever he's in town, i flew over to the UK and spend birthday with him, i told him my feelings. he had no clue, he was working out things with ex so he just wanted to be friends. There's no doubt that he keep leading me on. Moving forward 4 years, one drunken night, i recently told him i'm still in love with him. he had absolutely no clue and thought i've moved on already. Despite his "i'm too messy to be in a relationship now, just want to be friends" (recently broke up by that ongoing on-off ex) he initialled and ended up sleeping together. I asked him how could he not know, i couldn't hint any more other than telling him. He said he never got "the sign" he's just plain stupid. Anyway, I disagree that your guy would know already. Guys are oblivious about these things. But i do agree with the above, if HE's really interested he'll pursue but please please don't let him lead you on. Go enjoy your own life! Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 I can hardly sleep or eat. I don't know what to do. Yey!!! Congratulations!!! I suppose this is Dan the fwb guy. I remember you guys got along great and he didn't freak out with anything you did. I saw soulmate potential there, and I'm so glad he came through. See what happens now, at least you'll have a good time either way. (And good going with his new place!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted March 24, 2009 Author Share Posted March 24, 2009 Yey!!! Congratulations!!! I suppose this is Dan the fwb guy. I remember you guys got along great and he didn't freak out with anything you did. I saw soulmate potential there, and I'm so glad he came through. See what happens now, at least you'll have a good time either way. (And good going with his new place!) Ah, you remember...so long ago! Tells you how long I've been pouring my heart out to LS. hehe. Yes he was so proud of his new place. I told him I was very happy for him.... Anyway most of you all say is probably right...that I shouldn't bring it up until a moment feels right...the other night we were having so much fun just being together and reminiscing, that there was certainly never a minute that felt appropriate for bringing up negative things. Luckily I have enough other things to focus on that it shouldn't be hard to keep myself from looking too needy or whatever...but I'm really scared..I never stopped loving him, and I've failed at finding someone else to click with the way I do with him. I've dreamt of having him back for a long time; now that it's happened I'm an emotional roller coaster...soo happy that I've felt like a crying a couple of times. But I know I should hold back on that kind of intensity, for now, yet again. In the past I had trouble accepting that he has his own pace of doing things...I would get inpatient at times that he thought was irrational on my part...and he'd still make effort to try harder...but it still always seemed like my inpatience would resurface again...I think he just got sick of it. Now I feel more ready and able to accept him, and to try and see things from his side instead being all about ME ME ME...I know that's necessary to extent, but in general knowing him has taught me that I'm not attentive enough to other mens' feelings. The thing is, my fear this time isn't that I will mess up...it's that he will...but it used to be the other way around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted March 24, 2009 Author Share Posted March 24, 2009 Listen I wouldn't bring it up yet. I'm sure he already knows anyways, if he has a head on his shoulders. Those kinds of feelings don't jsut disappear. He's probably well aware of them. Take him to see "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" haha.. .well don't actually.... Anyways I wouldn't bring it up. when in doubt don't. Just wait youre both ready... you ready to tell him and him ready to hear it. Like I say he probably already knows.... Salut Tom So in other words, I should treat it like starting over, instead of a conclusion to a year ago...even though we both know feelings are in there somewhere...maybe this is his way of trying to start new and do it right...so I should let him do that. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 i wouldn't contact him. take it for what it is - he called you because you are his usual booty call when no one else is around for his interest. stay guarded even if he does call - and remember that you are his fwb gal. that's all. if that's what you want - then see him expecting nothing. it will only work if you keep the emotions out of it and expect nothing. this guy has proven that in the past - why expect anything different now? Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 I've dreamt of having him back for a long time; now that it's happened I'm an emotional roller coaster...soo happy that I've felt like a crying a couple of times. But I know I should hold back on that kind of intensity, for now, yet again. Awww.... You sure deserve it. You've been after that feeling for so long and have tried so hard. I really hope this turns to true love for you and Dan now that he has a new place and is back. Good luck!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted March 24, 2009 Author Share Posted March 24, 2009 i wouldn't contact him. take it for what it is - he called you because you are his usual booty call when no one else is around for his interest. stay guarded even if he does call - and remember that you are his fwb gal. that's all. if that's what you want - then see him expecting nothing. it will only work if you keep the emotions out of it and expect nothing. this guy has proven that in the past - why expect anything different now? Trust me this goes through my head. I can keep emotions out for so long, but he and I BOTH know that emotions are there eventually...he knows me very, very well...no one else has seen all the sides of me that he has. There's no way he's gone into this without remembering that my feelings might take over. I've let my emotional behavior go totally wacky because of him, and no matter how many times he witnessed it, he kept his cool somehow....until of course, he finally couldn't tolerate more one day. It was like we just didn't want to tolerate each other, actually. So do I think that this will all be different just because it's been a year? No, which is exactly why I'm scared to death. He used to say, "you always get scared that I'm going to leave"...so already, the situation is no different, just because of that...I can't pretend I'm not scared if I am... Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted March 25, 2009 Author Share Posted March 25, 2009 Thanks to all and thanks for reading my ridiculously long post. Link to post Share on other sites
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