My wife and I are seperated

[CM2009]

Imma go though and plus my conscience wouldn't let me withhold money because of what her and I go through

[CM2009]

OK folks well today I'm going to my kids event, how should I go about this? Should I go in like nothing's wrong, should I talk to my wife and act like nothings wrong or should I go in a kind of be low key? Also anothing thing why does she keep asking me where am I staying, does she care or does she think I'm sleeping around? Help me out

[LovieDove24]

Here's what you need to do:

 

1) At your childs sporting event, be low key, don't sit next to her, and just give a friendly hello if she sees and says hello to you. Other than that, nothing. At the end of the game go give your children hugs and a chat.

 

2) Don't send your wife emails, texts or make any phone calls UNLESS it is a quick and strictly about the kids. To help with this, hide or get rid of your cell phone, stick to your landline and disable internet access at home for awhile. Some safeguards in place are helpful

 

3) MOVE BACK INTO YOUR HOUSE. She is the the one who wanted the seperation so she moves out. Period, end of story, fineeto.

[CM2009]

Here's what you need to do:

 

1) At your childs sporting event, be low key, don't sit next to her, and just give a friendly hello if she sees and says hello to you. Other than that, nothing. At the end of the game go give your children hugs and a chat.

 

2) Don't send your wife emails, texts or make any phone calls UNLESS it is a quick and strictly about the kids. To help with this, hide or get rid of your cell phone, stick to your landline and disable internet access at home for awhile. Some safeguards in place are helpful

 

3) MOVE BACK INTO YOUR HOUSE. She is the the one who wanted the seperation so she moves out. Period, end of story, fineeto.

 

1) Yeah that's how I was gonna play it, just be low key and talk to my kids. I'll probably say hello to her but other then that I will keep it pushing, I wasn't going to be there long maybe 20 minutes the max.

 

2) I haven't been sending her any emails nor text for a few days, she texts me in the morning when I'm at work saying "Have a nice day" and I just say "u2," and at night she texts me and says "goodnight" and I say the samething "u2." Also last night I just asked about the kids and that was it, I do have to call her today because she's going to the doctor's because she did have a stroke not to long ago. I just wanna see how it went, that's all.

 

3) Too be honest I don't know if I want her back after all of this

[CM2009]

Oh yeah she keeps asking where I'm staying, she did this twice since I started this post. Is it because she cares or thinks im sleeping around?

[LovieDove24]

Like I said, no texts even the "u2" kind. Seriously. She is doing all of these things: texting you good morning and goonight and asking where you're staying to see if she still has you under her spell. If you respond to her and give her information, she will know that she still has you. Do not even respond "u2" anymore.

 

And as for why she is asking where you're living, she wants to feel like she is still somewhat involved in your life to alleviate the guilt. Either that or she wants to know the home in which her kids are visiting (if in fact they are coming to your house) which is a perfectly reasonable request. So you tell me, which of these two is it?

[CM2009]

I doubt if it's the second cause im staying with one of my friends, but im not giving her much info. She asked me last night and I said why do you wanna know? My thing is that she wanted this so she has to live with any choices I made, I wanted to work this thing out.

[mom07]

It's hard to answer your question without knowing a little more info. If you had an affair it takes a strong woman to stay. Me personally I would leave because there is a reason why you did it and at that time you knew that it could end your marriage if she ever knew about it. About you giving her money that shows you are a good man. Knowing that you have kids together try to get along she may have not been a good wife or you a good husband but ya'll need to come together and be good parents. Try to respect eachothers wishes on how to raise the kids so that way your kids will respect you both equally. Don't let her struggle when it comes to money but also she needs to learn if she wanted out then she needs to get her act together and make her own money.

[CM2009]

It's hard to answer your question without knowing a little more info. If you had an affair it takes a strong woman to stay. Me personally I would leave because there is a reason why you did it and at that time you knew that it could end your marriage if she ever knew about it. About you giving her money that shows you are a good man. Knowing that you have kids together try to get along she may have not been a good wife or you a good husband but ya'll need to come together and be good parents. Try to respect eachothers wishes on how to raise the kids so that way your kids will respect you both equally. Don't let her struggle when it comes to money but also she needs to learn if she wanted out then she needs to get her act together and make her own money.

 

I never cheated on her, ever. I could've but I loved her too much for that. I may not have been the best husband but the effort was always there. What other info would you need, any advice to me is good advice at this time.

[imagine]

I never cheated on her, ever. I could've but I loved her too much for that. I may not have been the best husband but the effort was always there. What other info would you need, any advice to me is good advice at this time.

 

Why are you quitting without a fight?

[CM2009]

Oh trust me I'm not quitting, I've done the right things, said a lot of the right things. I even brought up seeing a MC but she wasn't interested. Oh im not quitting without a fight but if the other person doesn't feel the same it won't work, despite everything I loved her regardless of how she felt about me.

[SRV]

Why are you quitting without a fight?

 

There can only be a "fight" if both sides engage and are willful participants, it can never be one sided. In most of these scenarios, the outcome is usually the same, working on the problems apart or separated always leads to divorce.

 

OP, I do not envy your position. You do not have to be hasty about your decision, but it is one that you will have to make. Especially owing to the fact that she stated that she does not want MC.

 

You will need a timeline for yourself and act on that, based on whether its reconciliation or divorce. Either way, one of the two will be the outcome. The former does not look that promising from her actions or lack thereof.

[CM2009]

Exactly, she just called a few minutes ago talking about much of nothing. I wanted to talk about the kids she was over there thinking im out doing something, or trying to follow her. Please!! I don't have time for that

[SRV]

Exactly, she just called a few minutes ago talking about much of nothing. I wanted to talk about the kids she was over there thinking im out doing something, or trying to follow her. Please!! I don't have time for that

 

Just food for thought, you said the kids are from a previous relationship? What happened to the father(s) of these kids?

What kind of relationship did she have with him/them?

Did you observe the way she interracted/spoke to them? This will be a very telling sign.

 

If this leads to divorce, how long do you plan or will you be willing to support them just in case you get into another relationship? Or have kids from your next relationship? Just few of the things to ponder?

[CM2009]

The kids father comes around every blue moon and throws a little duckies every now and then but nothing major, her attitude towards them is cordial. I watched the interaction but it wasn't nothing serious. I personally don't wanna think about divorce but god forbidding it happends I really don't know how much I'll help out, I mean she's the one who wanted it so she must have a plan so therefore she can fend for herself.

[SRV]

You mentioned "them" so the two children are from two different relationships? When you started dating her, was she separated or single or still seeing one of the children's father? I ask this because there could be a possibility that she might have some outside interest with someone else?

 

To a certain extent, human behavior is predictable, the past can somewhat give you some enlightenment that you so seek by understanding from whence you both came.

[CM2009]

sorry I meant him, im typing fast cause im at work. We started dating dating in 2003. She wasn't with him at all, their might be outside intrest but my thing is if your feeling someone else be woman enough to tell me instead of me wondering, if it was me i'd just tell em its someone else. I also asked a few times, and she said nope.

[SRV]

sorry I meant him, im typing fast cause im at work. We started dating dating in 2003. She wasn't with him at all, their might be outside intrest but my thing is if your feeling someone else be woman enough to tell me instead of me wondering, if it was me i'd just tell em its someone else. I also asked a few times, and she said nope.

 

In the utopian world, maybe that's how it's meant to be, in the real world, its a totally different story. Good luck to you!

[CM2009]

Thanks imma gonna see her tonight, I'll be cordial with her, I probably won't say much to her but its gonna be very interesting, I'll go and for probably 20 min the max and then I'm out. She's been asking me the last couple days was I going to the event but I've been saying I don't know, I doubt it. But I'm going to go for the sake of my kids.

[imagine]

There can only be a "fight" if both sides engage and are willful participants, it can never be one sided. In most of these scenarios, the outcome is usually the same, working on the problems apart or separated always leads to divorce.

 

 

I would like you to examine the articles (all free) at the marriagebuilders.com site. They are quite successfull regarding ONE person regaining strength in their marriage relationship.

 

Please do yourself a favour at check this site out.

[CM2009]

I would like you to examine the articles (all free) at the marriagebuilders.com site. They are quite successfull regarding ONE person regaining strength in their marriage relationship.

 

Please do yourself a favour at check this site out.

 

I'm checking it out now

[CM2009]

I'm glad this night is over, well I went and had a nice time. My wife and I were cordial just small talk. Next door to the arcade where the even was an El Torrito so she asked me to walk with her while she goes pick up some to go. So I went we didn't talk about much but just the college bball games and the kids. I can sort of see a little hurt on her face, and I can tell she was bothered but oh well I came for my kids and not to see her. So I walked them to the car and had a lil small talk with my kids and then I left.

[CM2009]

Well to everyone who's posted on this topic thank you in advance. I really appreciate the advice

[TrustInYourself]

CM, what exactly are you trying to accomplish? If you want to reconcile, you're going to have to feed her positive impressions of your current situation as well keeping her in the dark about your true intentions. You have to have mystery, but you are hardly building a positive impression or improving yourself.

 

How is your current behavior a change from your behavior in the past? Other than being separated, is this just more of the same? Why do you think you are doing things this way? Is this easier? What does your wife expect and need from you? Do you know?

 

You do not need 2 people to fight for a marriage. If you did, every marriage would fail, because every now and then someone gives up. Marriages that last, last because someone didn't give up.

[CM2009]

CM, what exactly are you trying to accomplish? If you want to reconcile, you're going to have to feed her positive impressions of your current situation as well keeping her in the dark about your true intentions. You have to have mystery, but you are hardly building a positive impression or improving yourself.

 

How is your current behavior a change from your behavior in the past? Other than being separated, is this just more of the same? Why do you think you are doing things this way? Is this easier? What does your wife expect and need from you? Do you know?

 

You do not need 2 people to fight for a marriage. If you did, every marriage would fail, because every now and then someone gives up. Marriages that last, last because someone didn't give up.

 

My thing is that she said that "she wanted space." And I'm giving her space. It's hard to feed someone positive impressions when I'm not around, like I said earlier she texts "good morning, have a good day," and "goodnight." And asks me where I'm staying. It's also hard to build a positive expression about yourself a person doesn't communicate that much with you.