Author CM2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Author Share Posted March 27, 2009 I have a question, should I at least make an attempt to at least get in contact with her today, either by text or phone just to see how she's doing or should I just let her make the move since she's the one asking for space? Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 No! Too much space = divorce. Give her repeat messages like: "I'm thinking of you."," I miss you today", "Is there anything I can do" Send her flowers. Build up tension. Your wife should always be you best friend - remember this and care for her much, much more than kids. Care for your friend! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CM2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Author Share Posted March 27, 2009 I will do that in a few, just send her a small text saying I miss you Link to post Share on other sites
Author CM2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Author Share Posted March 27, 2009 heres some advice that was given to me by the great people here( it took me roughly 2 months to finally listen and do it). give her space and work on you! dont call text, or email. dont keep telling her how you have changed, actions speak louder than words tenfold. i kept telling my wife that i know what my issues are and i have changed, until i stopped trying to tell her this and show her, i got nowhere( it actually pushed her further away. things are slowly getting better, i mean slowly, and its driving me nuts, but they ARE improving. i dont know how it will end up, but i wish i listened to the advice from day 1. gl!!! My question is we're not living together right now how can I show I've changed if im not home to show her??? Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 Easy, do not show her anything. Real change has to be for yourself, not her. As far as space leading to divorce, that's wrong. I was separated for 6 months and it led to my reconciliation. You have no choice but to accept your situation and make the very best of it. Trying to work it out is going to do the opposite of what you desire. In a separation, you date others, you ignore your spouse, you smile and laugh when you interact, and you present an appearance or aura of understanding and contentness. imagine, is completely wrong. DO NOT BE A SAP. Flowers, words, messages and all that crap is worthless when your wife is checked out. Spineless losers chase. You want her back, you have to get her to chase you and that means, running from her. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 I will do that in a few, just send her a small text saying I miss you Weak, here's your wife's response. Why does he not understand? Why would I want to be married to someone who refuses to listen or understand what I want? Why would I want to be with someone that puts their happiness over mine? Your little messages and declarations of love betray you. Those messages are not for her, but for you. You are trying to control the situation. Let go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CM2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Author Share Posted March 27, 2009 Weak, here's your wife's response. Why does he not understand? Why would I want to be married to someone who refuses to listen or understand what I want? Why would I want to be with someone that puts their happiness over mine? Your little messages and declarations of love betray you. Those messages are not for her, but for you. You are trying to control the situation. Let go. I haven't sent those msgs I thought about it but I didn't. I just realized that I'm gonna have fun this weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 I haven't sent those msgs I thought about it but I didn't. I just realized that I'm gonna have fun this weekend. Read my posts man. The hardest part is finding the inner strength to give her space, not because you want to, but because that's what she asked for. You could lose her, but you are definitely going to lose her if you try and hold on. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CM2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Author Share Posted March 27, 2009 I appreciate it, like you said im giving her space, I deleted her number for the time being. She wont see nor hear from me. I'm single this weekend, matter of fact this week. We're supposed to meet up next weekend and there I'll know if its over or not!!! But anymore advice would be greatly appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 Whatever happens will happen naturally. My wife and I live in separate homes most of the time. If there's anything there, it will be there. Acceptance Link to post Share on other sites
Author CM2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Author Share Posted March 28, 2009 Well we're supposed to meet next Sunday so from now to then im cutting off all lines of communication between her and I, so she can have her "space" Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 There are a few plans. One is the 180 degree plan which can be useful in a divorce situation. The second is the Marriage Builder plan, plan A for rebuilding marriages. It is better that you do not lose contact. The goal is a better marriage. Separation is definitely NOT prescribed. I am recommending the latter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CM2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Author Share Posted March 28, 2009 There are a few plans. One is the 180 degree plan which can be useful in a divorce situation. The second is the Marriage Builder plan, plan A for rebuilding marriages. It is better that you do not lose contact. The goal is a better marriage. Separation is definitely NOT prescribed. I am recommending the latter. I thought about doing it, but I changed my mind. But if their's gonna be communication im gonna let her be the one to make that call, how is that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CM2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Author Share Posted March 28, 2009 What signs should I look for in regards to her changing of the heart??? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 Everyone's opinion likely will be different but, for me, a good start would consist of: 1. Proactive steps by her to work on the marriage. Starting a dialogue without complaining, but rather working on positive steps to rebuild intimacy, trust and love. 2. Contacting more often than just when she wants something. Women are clever at disguising their wants, so you have to pay attention Link to post Share on other sites
Author CM2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 Everyone's opinion likely will be different but, for me, a good start would consist of: 1. Proactive steps by her to work on the marriage. Starting a dialogue without complaining, but rather working on positive steps to rebuild intimacy, trust and love. 2. Contacting more often than just when she wants something. Women are clever at disguising their wants, so you have to pay attention Yeah I've noticed, well today we talked. She coaches bball and they had an all-star game today and I didn't go, could've but I wanted to put some OT in at work today. She called once to tell me the score, then text me twice for the 2 remaining games and had small talk but that was it. Oh our son was playing in the game. Link to post Share on other sites
Derek12b Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 CM2009, I feel for ya. Tonight I'll say a prayer for your family and I hope you will do the same for mine. When my wife moved out and back to her moms house, she moved back to her home town where she has TONS of support and its only 20 miles from here. I, on the other hand, am left in the house which is a log home in the middle of NOWHERE with out any friends or any one to talk to. I stay awake all night and pace the house. 2 weeks ago I was in a VERY dark place and the only thing that got me through was drinking JD and staring at a .45 on the table which told me I had options. I was hallucinating and having a nervous breakdown all at the same time. I'm in a better place now but its still awfull. Say a prayer my friend. I will! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CM2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 CM2009, I feel for ya. Tonight I'll say a prayer for your family and I hope you will do the same for mine. When my wife moved out and back to her moms house, she moved back to her home town where she has TONS of support and its only 20 miles from here. I, on the other hand, am left in the house which is a log home in the middle of NOWHERE with out any friends or any one to talk to. I stay awake all night and pace the house. 2 weeks ago I was in a VERY dark place and the only thing that got me through was drinking JD and staring at a .45 on the table which told me I had options. I was hallucinating and having a nervous breakdown all at the same time. I'm in a better place now but its still awfull. Say a prayer my friend. I will! It's done, I prayed for you and your wife. I pray that she comes home to you, I know you 2 love one another. Don't lose the faith, if you believe it then it'll happen. Stay positive Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 CM2009, I feel for ya. Tonight I'll say a prayer for your family and I hope you will do the same for mine. When my wife moved out and back to her moms house, she moved back to her home town where she has TONS of support and its only 20 miles from here. I, on the other hand, am left in the house which is a log home in the middle of NOWHERE with out any friends or any one to talk to. I stay awake all night and pace the house. 2 weeks ago I was in a VERY dark place and the only thing that got me through was drinking JD and staring at a .45 on the table which told me I had options. I was hallucinating and having a nervous breakdown all at the same time. I'm in a better place now but its still awful. Say a prayer my friend. I will! First off you only have one and only one option ~ Live! A woman and/or a job loss is no reason to go and suicide yourself! There's no shortage of women ~ the planet is only covered up with about 3 freaking BILLION of them! The majority of which would only be more than willing to get with an American holding a minimum wage job! Drinking? Solves nothing, un-does nothing, changes nothing, prevents nothing, does nothing except make you more depressed than you already are! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CM2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 First off you only have one and only one option ~ Live! A woman and/or a job loss is no reason to go and suicide yourself! There's no shortage of women ~ the planet is only covered up with about 3 freaking BILLION of them! The majority of which would only be more than willing to get with an American holding a minimum wage job! Drinking? Solves nothing, un-does nothing, changes nothing, prevents nothing, does nothing except make you more depressed than you already are! So true though bro im going through a similar situation but one thing you'll never see me do is destroy my body with alcohol. I love my wife and all but I can't kill my body over her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CM2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 Ok folks im just turning this into my blog...lol, but anyway seen my wife today. My son had a bball game and she is the assistant coach, we didn't say too much to each other, so as I was driving home she text me saying "it was a good game." So we just had small talk about basketball. And we had a little running about basketball and the sink, (I was getting someone to fix it before I left) So should I look at this as anything or not? Remember she text me first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CM2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 Question if I decide to go out of town, should I tell my wife or don't say anything and just go?? Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Honestly, if you want to save your marriage in a healthy way to make it stronger for you both, you really may want to check out MarriageBuilders.com. The posters there can give you specific ideas and guidance on how to work this out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CM2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Author Share Posted March 30, 2009 I'm gonna look into it today Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Read some books. There is plenty of information out there on how to be attractive, save your marriage, communicate, create passion. Link to post Share on other sites
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