Just another vent

[Cora]

Today has just been one of those days. Some days I go without thinking about him at all and then others like today he is on my mind. Sigh....I know it takes time and I know I'm getting there.....slowly but I am getting there. I guess in a way I still can't quite comprehend why he would do such a thing to me. I had so much love for him and at one time he shared that love or at least he appeared to. Who knows? I feel like my mind is so screwed up I don't know what was real and what was a lie. Eight months of lies is so hard to comprehend??? Why did he say he loved me when he didn't? Why did he say I miss you when it wasn't true? Why did he go through the trouble of staying in touch for so long when he could have easily just said goodbye? I will never understand his motives. It's so easy just to say he never cared about me and everything was just one big lie. But that reason is also the one that hurts the most.

 

It's so hard to believe that it's been a month and 4 days since we last communicated. A whole month!!!! Wow where has the time gone? Where has he gone? Is it really that easy for him just to forget about me like this? I wonder if I ever even cross his mind...even for a second? I guess I'll never know and I know it doesn't matter. Today I'm just thinking.....thinking about all the good memories we shared and yes although hard to believe we did share some good ones. This hurts so much and I guess he will never fully understand how much he has hurt me by his actions. I don't know why all of this is coming up all of a sudden. There have been some family issues going on in my life right now. My grandmother was recently admitted to the hospital and isn't doing so well. Right now I'm just hoping that she makes it out. I suppose that is why I'm thinking of Eric again. When his grandmother had a stroke he called me and we talked for hours while we both cried. He was the first person I thought of when my grandmother fell ill. I said to myself I will just go to Eric because I know he will comfort me and make me feel better....but then I realized he isn't there anymore and never will be ever again. Sigh...I miss him. I miss my best friend.

 

So I am basically just writing to feel better. Just writing it out helps me sometimes. I know I have to let him go and I know that someday I will be able to completely. I am working on that now. Some days like today are just harder than others. The song lyrics I have posted below describe exactly how I feel right now. I'm just waiting for it to get easier. I know it will in time. Right now I'm just thinking.....

 

 

Summer. When the day is over

there's a heart a little colder;

someone said goodbye,

but you don't know why.

Somewhere there is someone keeping

all the tears they have been weeping,

someone said goodbye,

but you don't know why.

 

Is there a reason

why a broken heart begins to cry?

Is there a reason

you were lost although you don't know why?

Give me a reason

why you never want to say goodbye.

If there's a reason,

I don't know why.

 

Always looking for a meaning,

all the time you keep believing,

but I don't know why

you won't say goodbye.

Even when the sun is shining

you don't see the silver lining,

but I don't know why

you won't say goodbye.

 

Is there a reason

why a broken dream can never fly?

Is there a reason

you believe and then you close your eyes?

Give me a reason

why you hide away so much inside.

If there's a reason,

I don't know why.

 

Is there a reason

why a broken heart begins to cry?

Is there a reason

you were lost although you don't know why?

Give me a reason

why you never want to say goodbye.

If there's a reason

I don't know why.

I don't know why.

I don't know why.

I don't know why.

[EllieBean]

I'm so sorry about your grandmother Cora, I hope she's okay. I guess that's the last thing you need right now on top of everything else

 

Regarding Eric: I know how you're feeling because someone once did a similar thing to me; instead of breaking up with me he just spoke to me less and less, and then stopped speaking to me completely, and then stopped replying to emails... It hurt like hell because I really loved and trusted him, I thought we had a good thing going and I genuinely believed that he wanted to be with me. He was a very good liar, and as well as feeling rejected I also felt stupid for having been taken in by him, and pathetic for loving him so much when he didn't even want me. I guess I'm still in love with this idealised image of him in my mind, even though I know that wasn't the real him, and in reality he was a liar and a cheater and he used me. I still think about him, and I have to remind myself that I'm in love with the mirage of a man who never really existed.

 

You're right when you say that you will never understand his motives, but you don't need to, because you don't even care what his pathetic motives are. He was a liar and a cheater, and you're well rid of him, that's all you need to know. He was not your best friend, he was only pretending to be because having you hanging around gave him an ego boost, and he never had any intention of meeting you or having a real relationship. People do some cruel things Cora, like this guy has done to you, and you'll never understand him because you're not a bad person like he is, and you would never treat someone like he has treated you. He will come crawling back at some point; his type always do, and I hope you have the self respect to tell him where to stick it!

 

I have some song lyrics to share too; I listened to these songs repeatedly during my breakup and they really helped me. The first two are depressing songs to cry to, the third is my favorite breakup song, and the fourth is for when you finally get angry about how this b*stard has treated you! I don't want to take up forum space by posting a load of song lyrics, so I'll just put the song titles and YouTube links

 

What Hurts the Most

 

Almost Lover

 

Heart of the Matter

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLgUuHl2xJo

 

Fighter

[darkimmortal777]

Dear Cora, I am new here and your post was the first I've read.

 

I see this is in the long distance section and for 2 years i was in a long distant relationship. I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother as well, my prayers are with you and your family.

 

You've been with him for a long time and it's not easy getting over love, it takes time but throughout that time, it's really painful and I am with you on this one. When i read your story i was in awe, cause i felt like you took the words right out of my mouth. Its also been a month since i had any contact with my "ex".

 

Love is a confusing thing isn't it. According to Plato "Love is a serious mental disease" but we all need it don't we? I know what its like not having answers to something. I know what it's like living day to day as if you want it to be your last. but I for one think that everything happens for a reason. I know thats so cliche but i do believe it. I wish to know more about this relationship of yours, like what made this happen and what exactly did he say to you. Not having closure is the worst feeling.

 

i feel like you and i share something similar. I had my long distant bf of 2 years, i was in new york and he in texas. Everything was sooo amazing, mostly because I could talk to him like the best friend he was to me. But distance does take a toll. I started doubting his trust as to why he did not call me once on valentines day....Things suck long distant doesnt it. Then he just broke up with me; quiete easily too over the phone "im breaking up with u" *click*..

 

my mouth was open for hours... How can someone utter those words, How can someone so dear to you and you dear to them ever think of saying those words? and so calmly too? I dont understand ppl sometimes, thats why i have few friends, you yourself are your own best friend.

 

Don't you hate having someone on your mind somedays 24/7 yet you have a feeling theyre not thinking about you the same. =( It is hard to get over, but I wish you nothing but the best in life. You seem like an amazing, heartfelt girl and I hope you find an amazing person to spend the rest of your life with.

 

If he seems to be the only one left for you, I'd try contacting him one more time expressing how you feel. But I wouldnt wanna be too over clingy, u know wat i mean? If you have tried this, than =( idk wat else i would do. Over time, he'll realize what hes lost, and what love you had for him. No one can pursuade him to think, only he can, so he has to realize what he's lost and he he acted towards you... And i hope he does.

 

Other than that, time may seem limitless but it all goes by so fast. I want you to be happy in your life. You deserve it, grieving sucks but doing it over time should lessen your pain. idk if your the outgoing type or something but try going out some days or with friends or doing something you like to do, go shopping or something like that.

 

I like to be by myself some days to think but writing poetry seems to help a lil, do you have a hobby?

 

Also in astrology (i never used to believe it but ive been reading it for fun and now i realize its fairly accurate) I'm a leo and my ex was a gemini. anddd it states that leos look for attention and geminis arent the ones to give it to them. Which is true cause id always call him and hed be like "no im busy later, bye" or something and id get sad. BUT DUH IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP YOU NEED THAT!..ugh anyways, where am i getting at is if you beleive in that sorta stuff, id say try it out lol. wonder more about his sign and yours and see what you werent compatible in.

 

 

I hope this wasnt too long, but i wish you the best in life, and in everything you do. =) <3 <3 good luck and be happy.

[Cora]

Darkimmortal777....It's so funny you mention astrology and signs. Eric was a gemini as well so yeah I know all about them and how nonchalant they can be. Ughh...not a good combo with myself who is a scorpio...someone who is passionate, jealous and possesive in nature. Thank you so much for your sweet post. It brought tears to my eyes and I am so sorry for your loss as well! If you read back through my previous posts it will tell the whole story of our relationship. Yes, long distance relationships do suck but I would go through another in a heartbeat if it was with the right person! I believe if you love someone fully who loves you back then anything is worth it!! Thank you again for your kind words and you hang in there as well!

 

EllieBean...Thank you also for sharing a bit of your story. I know that next time around I'll be a bit wiser because of this experience...hopefully at least. Thank you so much for the song suggestions as well!! Those are some awesome songs!!!

[Nikki Sahagin]

Darkimmortal777....It's so funny you mention astrology and signs. Eric was a gemini as well so yeah I know all about them and how nonchalant they can be. Ughh...not a good combo with myself who is a scorpio...someone who is passionate, jealous and possesive in nature. Thank you so much for your sweet post. It brought tears to my eyes and I am so sorry for your loss as well! If you read back through my previous posts it will tell the whole story of our relationship. Yes, long distance relationships do suck but I would go through another in a heartbeat if it was with the right person! I believe if you love someone fully who loves you back then anything is worth it!! Thank you again for your kind words and you hang in there as well!

 

EllieBean...Thank you also for sharing a bit of your story. I know that next time around I'll be a bit wiser because of this experience...hopefully at least. Thank you so much for the song suggestions as well!! Those are some awesome songs!!!

 

With regard to star signs i'm a gemini with scorpio rising - I don't know WHAT the hell I want lol!