mark982 Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 yep, should of known,first thing army taught me. Link to post Share on other sites
starrattraction Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 Oh, puleeeeeze! You are selfish and sneaky. Your being depressed is part of the package you bargained for. You bargained with the devil. The good news is you can turn your life around. There is no guarantee that your husband will not still divorce you, but who could blame him? Simply put you need to turn your life over to Christ. Salvation, redemption, forgiveness,...it is all free. Your sins can be removed as "far as the east is from the west". Stop lying to yourself. At this point in your life you ARE a lowlife. The only direction you have to go is up. Get into the New Testament and read all the books written by Paul. Seek hope and you will find it! Life is full of choices. It is time for you to make a wise one. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 I wish the OP would come back and do an update. Since her internet access has been disconnected, I doubt she is. Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 I wish the OP would come back and do an update. Since her internet access has been disconnected, I doubt she is. how do you know her internet has been cut off? Did I miss something? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 She said her husband cut off the internet from their house. Her last post was from a friends house.. Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 She said her husband cut off the internet from their house. Her last post was from a friends house.. ahhhhhhh so Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 I have to tell you that when I saw the New Post today was from YOU, I nervously scrolled down to see... if... just by any possible jab of a pointed stick... you might have written C.W.! Whew! You hadn't I don't think the H actually CUT off the Internet service, I think he just forbade her to use it... but I am wondering why she hasn't come back?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedmomnb Posted April 20, 2009 Author Share Posted April 20, 2009 Hi all. I've been reading the posts but didn't want to get too involved, but it's been a while since I updated everyone. I wanted to do MC with H but he refused because in his mind we are/were done. I went to IC to figure things out and have come to the conclusioin that my behavior was my crying out and trying to somehow get out of this marriage. While I've done some bad things, the reality is that I guess I wasn't happy and I acted on it. Having said that, I've taken a new look in things and decided that while I'll have to live with my choices, living with out my husband will be ok. I told my parents and they did what mom's and dad's do. The supported me. They were angry at first but said that they love me. Dad's sent me money to help me stay afloat while me and the H work this out. The kids don't know and we've decided to not tell them about the affair for now, but they know that we're not living together. Because I am the primary caretaker, I'm back in the house and my H is living in an apartment he rented nearby. We have done ok in working out time with the kids, but don't really talk to one another when we pass. My outlook is much brighter as I'm finding myself again and I'm doing the right things by getting lost in my children's lives. I will get through this. Now that I've been through some of this and I'm breathing again, let me say thank you to those who have been kind to me; and to those who have been harsh, I guess I will understand that we all see the world through different eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Hi Confusedmom, sounds like this issue was resolved, and I am glad for you to see that you are okay with it all (with your H's decision to leave). Of course your parents support you. Are your H's parents around too? No need to tell young children about their mother's affair. In the future, they might ask, and find out. I don't suggest telling them 'details'. It seems to me that you are saying you may have used the affair as an 'Exit Affair' to an unhappy marriage. Whilst this is probable, I am rather surprised that you got to the 'bottom' of it so quickly in counseling. Are you still going to continue going? Or was it a short-term thing? Counseling will probably do you good while you transition and adjust to your new life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedmomnb Posted April 20, 2009 Author Share Posted April 20, 2009 I'm totally staying in IC, and I wouldn't say this conclusion was just a result of those discussions with my dr. I think I understand now that I must have been very unhappy to have done this. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 I'm totally staying in IC, and I wouldn't say this conclusion was just a result of those discussions with my dr. I think I understand now that I must have been very unhappy to have done this. I don't buy this. When people do bad things they tend to rewrite the situation to make themselves feel better. Trying to convince yourself that you weren't happy and that is why you did this is a lie. You got caught up in the moment and you are the type of person capable of cheating. Everyone will go through tough times in there life and if we all cheated marriage would never stand a chance. Unfortunately people are getting more and more like this. Do not fool yourself into believing this, otherwise nothing will change. If a kid fails a class but convinces himself that the professor is at fault, he will not do anything different the next time he takes the class. do you really think cheating is the best way to deal with your problems. Do you really think that your kids are better off now? Are you really better off now? Is your husband better off now? Are you a better person now? This is going to sound cruel but you come off as very selfish person. You broke up your family and cheated while your children were in the next room. Your daughter caught you and you manipulated her so you could cover your tracks. Next you lied and lied. You thought things blew over and you were trying to keep your H. Now you are lying to yourself, trying to make it someone else s fault, or somethings fault. This did not happen because you must have been "unhappy", this happen because you let it. When you were in the trenches you chose not to fight. You chose to screw another man while your( and H's) children were in the next room. You haven't learned a thing but I hope you will 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lostsunsets Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Confusedmom, You say that you were unhappy, your posts do not indicate that you were unhappy whatsoever. You never planned to leave your husband or stop the affair. You have found a doctor that will give you the excuse you need to justify what you have done. You still fail to own what is yours. First off you, weren't unhappy, you were bored. Your whole post was about you and how you were angry with the betrayed wife. These were not the posts of an unhappy person. They were the posts of a selfish, spoiled child. Were you daddy's little girl? Did he write a fat check to bail you out? I wish you would share the e-mails you wrote. I will wager that the thing that hurt your husband most, was what you told the OM about him. And not even the affair or sex talk. You disrespected him and held him in contempt. You justified this by saying he was clueless. Now you blame it on the fact you were unhappy. That is so much BS. YOU WERE LIVING THE LIFE OF RILEY, AND LOVING IT. So now that you can justify it by, saying that you were unhappy, you have now set yourself up for the next relationship and the next time you cheat. And there will be a next time, because you have failed to own what is yours. I don't hate you. I hate what you did to your family, but I don't hate you. All I can say is stick with the doctor you have. He will not hold you accountable for the decisions you make, so you will be able to lie and fool around again and blame it on being unhappy, when in truth it is just being callous. I pray that you do not marry again, or have more children. At least while you have the inability to accept responsibility for your actions. Don't you understand when you fail to accept responsibility for what you have done and for your flaws, you are doomed to repeat them, over and over again until you learn. But its the wreckage in the the peoples lives that love you that I feel so sorry for. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lostsunsets Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Wow, the amazing thing is that I didn't even read ikjh's post. I am only responding to reading your posts and what they said. Link to post Share on other sites
Sparta8 Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 I agree 100% with IKJH and lostsunsets. Deciding now that you were just unhappy makes all of this much more palatable to you and eases whatever guilt you might have felt, if any. "Now that I've been through some of this and I'm breathing again, let me say thank you to those who have been kind to me; and to those who have been harsh, I guess I will understand that we all see the world through different eyes." Your eyes are and have been focused on your own survival and well being and not on those people who love and trusted you. Not being able to see beyond yourself, it must be very difficult or impossible for you to understand, let alone accept what many people here have said to you. Still no remorse over the incredible pain you have brought to your husband. I guess it is just tough luck for him.........he should have known better than to believe you meant the vows you made to him when you married. And the latest is that he should also have made sure you were happy enough. If my wife, who betrayed me twice, had showed me 1 % of the lack of character, remorse and fidelity that you have displayed on this board, I would have been gone in a flash and never looked back. Sorry for being harsh. It is probably useless anyway, as your focus will not allow you to see any truth in what I say. Link to post Share on other sites
lostsoulmate Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Confusedmomnd- Gather strength from the path that you now have to enjoy yourself. I am sorry that you have been through so much pain. I know how difficult it is to realize that you are unhappy. I know how difficult it is to try to figure out why. I send you positive energy and strength. Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 people, people, people...... lighten up a tad, will ya? you could all be right, and probably are.. HOPEFULLY she will continue to go to IC for a long while, and the "truth" will present itself through that venue. Heck, she hasnt posted in a long while, so when she finally comes back to "update" the situation, a situation that SHE is in the middle of, shen gets banged up pretty hard.. Anyway, keep posting if you can, KEEP GOING TO IC!! Keep reading these posts, even the ones that are hard to read, because there IS alot of truth in what these folks are saying to you and it would do you no good to ignore them. If I was you, I would print them out and take them to your IC and see what she/he has to say. Glad to hear you are wrapping alot of yourself around your children, and I hope your H is as well Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Confused... Have you been served papers? If not, why haven't YOU filed for D then? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 I think she meant SHE was unhappy before the A, in her marriage. Let's not jump and attack her, she's here for help. Fact is, she's seeking professional help, so that's a good start. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Tisk, tisk, never assume. Assuming make an ass out of u and me. Well in the post of mark's to which you were replying....he assumed correctly. Link to post Share on other sites
lostsoulmate Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 I don't understand how or why some posters will come here just to let the OP know that they really don't think to highly of her. Why... Why... If it where her H, I could understand the info you are trying to give. But it is not the H and the things that some are posting is just mean. She is trying to figure out HER life. There is nothing wrong with that. This is probably the first (no, the second the A was the first) time she has been selfish. I again say confusedmomnb, stay strong for yourself and your children. Link to post Share on other sites
stampdaddy Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Geeeeez 'O Pete! Does anyone on here REALLY think that she can just "get away with it"?? Look at what she has in front of her! The constant reminders of the train wreck that has been caused, YES, BY HER!!!!!! We get it.. She WILL get it. We have beaten her to death with this. Why can't we focus on what comes next? In my opinion, this OP has been VERY honest with us all along the way. We have been allowed to see into just about every thought she has had. And then we kick the crap out of her for doing so? I don't get it, I really don't Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 The sad thing here is that the BS, is the one who is going to pay. Confused, instead of trying to go to her BS, and work on the mge.'s problems she went out and cheated. Now the BS is going to see his kids, part time, cuz confused will get no worse than joint custody, the house will be sold, all the property split, so all he worked for thru the course of the mge., has been blown apart, she will get half of his retirement for the time she was married to him, she will probably get alimony, and child support, so no matter how you look at this BS gets nailed for being true and following his marital vows. I would say confused should probably be smiling from ear to ear, now she can sleep with any and everyone who she pleases with no recourse. She should be very happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 I don't understand how or why some posters will come here just to let the OP know that they really don't think to highly of her. Why... Why... If it where her H, I could understand the info you are trying to give. But it is not the H and the things that some are posting is just mean. She is trying to figure out HER life. There is nothing wrong with that. This is probably the first (no, the second the A was the first) time she has been selfish. I again say confusedmomnb, stay strong for yourself and your children. Because of what she has done. This is not something small, it will haunt her H and children forever. Don't you realize that when her daughter gets older she will realize what she really witnessed that night. We are being tough because holding her hand and telling her everything is going to be alright does not help. She refuses to change and only looks for the easy way out. This will hurt her in the long run. In life you don't get do overs but you do get the chance to react to a situation. The way she reacts is looking for the easy way out. Look where this has gotten her. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 I'd say from the sounds of it, Confusedmom is doing the best she can at the moment, given all that has led her up to this point. If her H is insistent that the marriage is over (and he's totally within his rights to do so)...there's nothing she can do to "fix" the situation. As far as the value of the IC's advice that "she must have been in a lot of pain to have done this"...well...that's really all IC's do. The IC isn't interested in addressing the marital issues, the communications between her H, etc... All an IC is going to do is to try to help Confusedmom "get over" what she's done. The IC doesn't care about anything other than that, and isn't likely to say anything about "blame" or whatsoever as far as these actions go. An IC doesn't care about a marriage, only about helping Confusedmom to heal from the past...that doesn't always include 'learning' from the past. At this point, Confusedmom needs to focus on her immediate future. She needs to get a lawyer, start working through seperation agreemants, divorce proceedings, visitation and custody processes. What else CAN she do at this point? Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 I'd say from the sounds of it, Confusedmom is doing the best she can at the moment, given all that has led her up to this point. If her H is insistent that the marriage is over (and he's totally within his rights to do so)...there's nothing she can do to "fix" the situation. As far as the value of the IC's advice that "she must have been in a lot of pain to have done this"...well...that's really all IC's do. The IC isn't interested in addressing the marital issues, the communications between her H, etc... All an IC is going to do is to try to help Confusedmom "get over" what she's done. The IC doesn't care about anything other than that, and isn't likely to say anything about "blame" or whatsoever as far as these actions go. An IC doesn't care about a marriage, only about helping Confusedmom to heal from the past...that doesn't always include 'learning' from the past. At this point, Confusedmom needs to focus on her immediate future. She needs to get a lawyer, start working through seperation agreemants, divorce proceedings, visitation and custody processes. What else CAN she do at this point? She can learn form her mistakes and realize she needs to sacrifice more in her life. She needs to stop putting herself before her family. Yes she is divorcing her H but not her children. She needs to maintain a decent relationship with her H. She needs to figure out a way to make this easy on her children. So far she has proven that she is not capable of doing this. People please don't claim she is a good mother.......a good mother does not bang another man in the next room and then manipulate her children into believing they are confused. She needs to take responsibility, children are not stupid and they will absorb everything around them. She needs to set the best example. Kids will see through the lying, maybe not today but one day they will 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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