lkjh Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 Owl, she is not doing the best she can. She has already blamed this entire thing on her not being happy. Basically she is trying to make it seem like it could not be stopped. 1
Athena Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 Let's not jump and attack her, she's here for help. Fact is, she's seeking professional help, so that's a good start. Make sure you don't give up on the professional help too soon... I don't know if your reaction to what you don't want to hear is just to withdraw -- like here on the boards -- or in your marriage -- is what you are going to repeat in counseling if/when you hear something you don't wish to hear. Are you going to stick with your counseling? There's no way you could have come to an 'understanding' with just a couple of counseling sessions... really... that sounds pretty superficial and too quick. What is your behavioral track record of handling problems? You don't deal with things you don't like?
Owl Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 Owl, she is not doing the best she can. She has already blamed this entire thing on her not being happy. Basically she is trying to make it seem like it could not be stopped. It doesn't matter if she blames it on the cat...if her H is checked out (and wisely so, from all appearances) there's no onus for her to accept responsibility for her actions. In other words...it's kind of foolish to expect her to see what you're talking about, since she's got no reason to WANT to see that. And an IC won't do anything to help her see that either. The odds of her actually agreeing with you (given all of this) are effectively nil. There's no value in contuing that fight, you know? Let them divorce, and hopefully once she gets through the withdrawl and everything else, she'll eventually be able to get to a point where she can see the real cause of this all.
Athena Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 Let them divorce, and hopefully once she gets through the withdrawl and everything else, she'll eventually be able to get to a point where she can see the real cause of this all. I HIGHLY doubt she will... she is more likely to just get on with finding a new partner, and repeating her mistakes... she's learned nothing here. Yes, it's obvious to us, not to her... it is her blind spot. Why on earth would she want to fix something she cannot see as needing to be fixed? Next!
stampdaddy Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 It doesn't matter if she blames it on the cat... where has 'ol TC been anyway?
stampdaddy Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 I HIGHLY doubt she will... she is more likely to just get on with finding a new partner, and repeating her mistakes... she's learned nothing here. Yes, it's obvious to us, not to her... it is her blind spot. Why on earth would she want to fix something she cannot see as needing to be fixed? Next! Athena, my pal, do you REALLY think this will be the case? Who can say what she will learn or think about.. We don't know what her "real" home life was like.. How is she going to feel when she is tucking in those sweet children when one of them starts crying and saying, "I miss daddy.. why did you have to divorce???" What will she be thinking then?? How she wasnt happy? OR maybe how she screwed it all up.. we don't know and neither does she
lkjh Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 It doesn't matter if she blames it on the cat...if her H is checked out (and wisely so, from all appearances) there's no onus for her to accept responsibility for her actions. In other words...it's kind of foolish to expect her to see what you're talking about, since she's got no reason to WANT to see that. And an IC won't do anything to help her see that either. The odds of her actually agreeing with you (given all of this) are effectively nil. There's no value in contuing that fight, you know? Let them divorce, and hopefully once she gets through the withdrawl and everything else, she'll eventually be able to get to a point where she can see the real cause of this all. I have to disagree with you. her children do not have time for her to grow up. They need a responsible mother during these hard times. They also need to understand that when life gets hard you just don't quit.
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