Me of All People

[bentnotbroken]

It is also amazing to me that Christians can say un-christian things and quote some passage in the Bible in one breath.

 

Nowhere in the Bible does it say that it is ok to kick the person who is already really down. The OP expressed regret many, many times and then this person says "hope it was worth it and mentions sins...."...sure feels like Christian love to me.

 

C'mon even you do not think that was right!

 

I guess I unclear on what you are calling the kick when one is down. Is the question about it being worth it? Because if that's it, how does getting someone to look at their actions and asking for a assessment of their thoughts now that the A has been outed? I am curious myself if it was worth the pain she and her family are in? Were the few moments of sex(or emotional attachment, whatever it was she was looking for) with someone worth her and her family's life together?

 

The mentioning of sin, from what I read said, "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW AND OUR SINS SHALL SURELY FIND US OUT." I took that to mean the OP wasn't alone, that we are all in the same boat. That "we all" reap what we sow, some sooner than others. But I do believe our sins will find us out. Mine, yours and the OP.

 

And as for the poster saying she getting what she deserves, that's a value judgement of that one poster, not all Christians. I don't know if she is getting what she deserves or not, since I don't have the expertize or the wisdom to know what she deserves. I only pray that God is lenient with me and doesn't give me what I truly deserve, because that would mean death for me, I am a sinner.

 

I don't' know if anyone wishes ill will on her, that's something each poster must ask themselves. I don't, there is no reason to. I think the hell she has created for herself is going to be a tough pill to swallow, but I do wonder if the poster wished ill will on herself and family(maybe subconsciously she was angry with her H and wished things to happen to him to teach him a lesson. I don't know, just a thought). The attention she so craved for herself, is now totally focused on her and she doesn't seem to want it so much now. We all should be careful what we ask for, we might just get it.

 

 

Hope it was all worth it. We reap what we sow and our sins shall surely find us out. I don't wish ill will upon you or anyone, but you're getting what you deserve.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Exactly...

 

Like i told tami-chan earlier, I do not take any pleasure in this disintergration of her marriage, wh would i revel in something i find so painfull. Again, I dont take any pleasure in this. Right now it's confusedmomb's time for refelction to figure out how she got to where she is.

[lostsoulmate]

confusedmomb-

 

I am very sorry you are in this situation. I truly am. As a WS I understand your pain, as a BS I understand why some posters are (to put it lightly, very rude).

 

But confusedmomb, remember you are the only one who can change what your situation is.

 

Because of the mistake you made (IMO I DO BELIEVE CHEATING IS A MISTAKE) you realized something you probably hadn't before. You are very unhappy were you are. Please know, it is ok! Being in the middle of a relationship that is not working is terribly difficult.

 

As a women I tried very hard to communicate what was wrong to my SO. Sometimes he would listen, sometimes he would just pretend to listen, sometimes he would pretend to try and make things work, other times he would just disrespect the hell of out of me. Sound familiar?

 

There are only two things is life that I believe are guaranteed they are change and death.

 

You have the option to decide when change will happen in your life.

[Chrome Barracuda]

confusedmomb-

 

I am very sorry you are in this situation. I truly am. As a WS I understand your pain, as a BS I understand why some posters are (to put it lightly, very rude).

 

But confusedmomb, remember you are the only one who can change what your situation is.

 

Because of the mistake you made (IMO I DO BELIEVE CHEATING IS A MISTAKE) you realized something you probably hadn't before. You are very unhappy were you are. Please know, it is ok! Being in the middle of a relationship that is not working is terribly difficult.

 

As a women I tried very hard to communicate what was wrong to my SO. Sometimes he would listen, sometimes he would just pretend to listen, sometimes he would pretend to try and make things work, other times he would just disrespect the hell of out of me. Sound familiar?

 

There are only two things is life that I believe are guaranteed they are change and death.

 

You have the option to decide when change will happen in your life.

 

CHEATING IS NOT A MISTAKE, IT IS A DAMN CHOICE!!!!

 

argggh iot infuriates me that cheaters always say it's a mistake in hindsight but no one put a gun to her head and made her put the jimmy inside of her!!!

 

...that was her choice.

 

just like it was a choice for you to cheat as well!!!!

 

god you need to wake up and smell the coffee!!!

[lostsoulmate]

god you need to wake up and smell the coffee!!!

 

 

Mmmm... hazelnut! My favorite.

[mockeryjones]

why would i revel in something i find so painfull. Again, I dont take any pleasure in this.

 

 

liar.

 

your actions (2700+ posts) show you very much take pleasure in this (if not the specific situation then just the whole gestalt of general disintegrating relationship voyuerism).

 

spin however you like. you have posted more that 2500 times. you obviously enjoy keeping the focus on the pain.

[Chrome Barracuda]

liar.

 

your actions (2700+ posts) show you very much take pleasure in this (if not the specific situation then just the whole gestalt of general disintegrating relationship voyuerism).

 

spin however you like. you have posted more that 2500 times. you obviously enjoy keeping the focus on the pain.

 

LOL I post everywhere!!!! I dont need to spin anything, yeah I spend my time here in this section because I am a betrayed person. So what!

 

I can feel a kin with other betrayed spouses. so that's what I'm doing here. I've been posting here at loveshack for a long time, ask gunny or wog or anyone else.

 

And I came from a family that was fractured and destroyed due to my parents drug use and my father acting like a rolling stone. But I blame him.

 

I place blame where blame is supposed to be placed on the offending spouse so say what you want about me. I'm cool with it. bottom line cheating was a choice for her just like it was for others, but when the shoe is on the other foor it wont be so funny then.

[lostsoulmate]

. I've been posting here at loveshack for a long time, ask gunny or wog or anyone else.

 

 

Doesn't mean what mockery said isn't true.

[stampdaddy]

when can we get back to the "regularly schedule program"?

[quankanne]

I think they took an extended coffee break ...

[stampdaddy]

I would like to say that I am having alot of "feelings" for Confusedmom... Whether a "choice" or "mistake" (we have argued this a billion times), she is in the middle of the biggest storm of her and her families life. (yes we know she caused it).

Our role should be to HELP her. We should LISTEN to what she is saying. She came here searching, for what, I am sure has changed many times over the last few weeks. All we can use as tools to help her are what she tells us. Everyday, EVERY SINGLE DAY has changed for her since the very first day she came here. TODAY, she has been told "it's OVER", and that a divorce is coming. We have to try harder to put ourselves in her shoes, her husbands shoes, her families shoes, and sometimes, yes, even the OM's shoes.

So, Confusedmom, I personally am sorry that you and your family are in this storm, a storm that will last for quite sometime. Take care of yourself and your children. If you need help, get it. If you need us, we will try our best to help keep your chin up.

[lostsoulmate]

I would like to say that I am having alot of "feelings" for Confusedmom... Whether a "choice" or "mistake" (we have argued this a billion times), she is in the middle of the biggest storm of her and her families life. (yes we know she caused it).

Our role should be to HELP her. We should LISTEN to what she is saying. She came here searching, for what, I am sure has changed many times over the last few weeks. All we can use as tools to help her are what she tells us. Everyday, EVERY SINGLE DAY has changed for her since the very first day she came here. TODAY, she has been told "it's OVER", and that a divorce is coming. We have to try harder to put ourselves in her shoes, her husbands shoes, her families shoes, and sometimes, yes, even the OM's shoes.

So, Confusedmom, I personally am sorry that you and your family are in this storm, a storm that will last for quite sometime. Take care of yourself and your children. If you need help, get it. If you need us, we will try our best to help keep your chin up.

 

Well said.

[tami-chan]

Thats because it was the ONLY way he was going to get the real truth.

 

I agree. So no matter how she tried, he was not interested anyway...and I do not blame him.

 

No, because she hid stuff from him by deleting the emails. He had to get a PI to find out what she was trying to keep from him. Sure anyone that thinks they covered their tracks is going to say, "here are my passwords, I have nothing to hide"

No, Dex, I think he ask that he delete the accounts. He really was not interested in anything from her. I do not think he ever asked what was on the emails nor gave her a chance to speak. I believe the husband decided early on, that there was nothing she could say that was worth anything. Again, with good reason.

 

And here you are turning it around on him?? uh...ok. The man is devestated, he needed the truth. Alot of people who were betrayed think they want the truth so they can move on....even if he said he could possibly reconcile if she gave him all the passwords, etc....so what? When I got the information he was looking for, it was too much. We don't know the content of the emails she tried to keep from him. Could be WAY too much for him to think he could ever trust her again.

 

So he changed his mind. Isn't that what we hear from women all the time, that it is there prerogative to change their mind?

I have said this before and I am saying it again, when it comes to emotion one must never promise anything in the future....such as "i love you forever"...one never knows how one would feel about things...or people...

 

Actually, the husband ( according to her) said " I will give you a second chance...if you give me your passwords to...etc.etc."....Maybe he did not say that...who knows? maybe be said " I will POSSIBLY give you another chance depending on what I will find out..." BUT, I can only work with what is presented on the board..and if he said what she said he said...then it was a lie....just like it is a lie to say..."I will remain faithful to you forever" and then cheat.....not the same category, of course...still, a lie.

 

You call it lying, I call it changing his mind because what he read was too much for him to take.

Dexter, you can call it however you want. It is STILL a free country. We can agree to disagree on the semantics.

 

 

And what in your mind is the lesson tami? Never trust the person you betrayed?

The lessons I learned are mine to keep...I am not the OP.

 

Yes, she has rights. Even as despicable as everything she has done, HE will not get custody if confused wants it. She is the mother, she will win unless she is some sort of drug addict or physical abuser. cheating, unfortunately, plays no part in custody or division of marital assets.

 

She will get her 1/2, and he will get the shaft to add insult to injury

Whatever the judge deems is just.

[tami-chan]

yes, he was willing to give her a CHANCE. not willing to completely forgive her no matter what he finds.

 

He gave her a chance. Obviously he felt she wasn't due the better side of any chance from the emails she tried to hide from him.

 

So no, he didn't lie. He gave her a chance. What he found negated that chance.

 

He lied. Not that, she did not deserve to be lied on...

 

 

No, wondering how the BS will react is NOT the problem with cheating. The problem with cheating is the betrayal itself. The hurt that it causes. Not how the betrayed will react.

 

I agree. The goes without saying.

 

yes tami, but in your post, you tried to turn this around like HE was some sort of scumbag. thats the problem CB and I have with your post. Even if he did lie to get to the truth, so what? Your tone was that he was some sort of d!ck for wanting to get to that truth.

 

Well, I apologize if my tone made it appear as though the BS is a scumbag and a d*ck ( gosh, what is with these descriptions? ). Anyway, my point is somebody here said that it turned out that way (her H getting a divorce now) because she should have come clean at D-day..as if she had a chance(of staying in the marriage) if she did....No, she did not have a chance--her husband was not one bit interested in what she had to say...never asked her anything, never engaged her...it was always him talking...like I said, I can't say I blame him...

 

 

If you read the post, he did listen to her "side"...but as he found out, he didn't get the complete truth from her.

 

I read the posts. Several MC's later with him knowing what his wife needs still no progress....does not that tell you anything? STILL, cheating is NEVER the answer. She was wrong and she is now paying for it...

[tami-chan]

I guess I unclear on what you are calling the kick when one is down. Is the question about it being worth it? Because if that's it, how does getting someone to look at their actions and asking for a assessment of their thoughts now that the A has been outed? I am curious myself if it was worth the pain she and her family are in? Were the few moments of sex(or emotional attachment, whatever it was she was looking for) with someone worth her and her family's life together?

 

Are you kidding me? You cannot tell from her posts how much she regretted her actions? how much she wants for these to all disappear? If this does not tell you if it was or was not worth it all....then, @#$$%^..wow...unbelievable...!

[tami-chan]

CHROME BARRACUDA, where is that post that says this was her SECOND affair?

[GorillaTheater]

Are you kidding me? You cannot tell from her posts how much she regretted her actions? how much she wants for these to all disappear? If this does not tell you if it was or was not worth it all....then, @#$$%^..wow...unbelievable...!

 

The thing that bothers me, that leads me to believe that the OP is something of a narcisist, is that yes, she has expressed regrets, but only insofar as the impact upon her. Not her husband, not the OM or his wife, not even her kids. I can't help but be unimpressed by her sole focus on her own skin.

[stampdaddy]

Are you kidding me? You cannot tell from her posts how much she regretted her actions? how much she wants for these to all disappear? If this does not tell you if it was or was not worth it all....then, @#$$%^..wow...unbelievable...!

 

Tami, first let me state that this is NOT an arguement. I am not a fighter, I am a lover... (Rodney Dangerfield)

 

Anyway, I will tell you based on MY situation and reading what Confusedmom has written, MORE of the "regret" is from "getting caught". Sure, she hates that this is happening to her family. Sure she hates that she hurt her husband. SURE she hates that now ths sh*t has hit the fan and her life will not go on as she knows it. We all know what she is about to lose. So sure, she really regrets her actions.

[bentnotbroken]

Are you kidding me? You cannot tell from her posts how much she regretted her actions? how much she wants for these to all disappear? If this does not tell you if it was or was not worth it all....then, @#$$%^..wow...unbelievable...!

 

 

No what I took from her posts was that she regretted the om's wife telling her husband about the affair. You still didn't answer the question about which statement the postermade that you claimed was kicking her when she was down. That's all I responded to.

[tami-chan]

No what I took from her posts was that she regretted the om's wife telling her husband about the affair. You still didn't answer the question about which statement the postermade that you claimed was kicking her when she was down. That's all I responded to.

 

BNB, I already stated that. It is redundant. If you cannot find where it is then I can't help you. Done.

[tami-chan]

The thing that bothers me, that leads me to believe that the OP is something of a narcisist, is that yes, she has expressed regrets, but only insofar as the impact upon her. Not her husband, not the OM or his wife, not even her kids. I can't help but be unimpressed by her sole focus on her own skin.

 

I "saw" both....thus my first comment on this thread. But I also saw how much she really regretted this. It IS possible, you know. The good thing about this GT, is we are free to take what we can from any poster.

[samprez]

My H and I have been to MC on multiple occassions in our life together, he's a great father and and good guy, but I feel like he doesn't listen to me or always meeting my emotional needs. My MM did. He really seemed to understand me.

 

Ok, my take..and I've been trying to avoid this site..damn it!!!

 

I think her affair was wrong and what she did unreal; however, I think this marriage had long been damaged. Seems like h's reaction to dday 2 was in line with his listening skills for years. I understand that he wasn't ready to believe her, but geez, he didn't even let her tell him what was on her mind. That leads me to believe that the PI was hired to build a divorce case and that he never intended to make this work. What none of us know is what was going on before the affair that contributed to their marital disconnect.

 

Chrome, I think you are very angry and you've been assigning non facts to this story. She cheated. Fact. She is or isn't remorseful. Hard to tell, she's using her own writing style. She seems legitimately scared to me and frankly, with good reason. I think the big thing here is that this marriage is over and my have been functionally over for some time. This isn't blaming him for her actions, but abuse comes in many forms and I was amazed that the h wouldn't listen to her when she was ready to tell him the details. The other thing is the PI may have already stumbled on to something.

 

Who knows, but Stamp is dead on with his assessment. We need to see what else she says, but kids are involved and they have to figure out how to handle this situation.

 

Confused, hang in there, tough road you are on; however, brighter days are ahead regardless.

[tami-chan]

Tami, first let me state that this is NOT an arguement. I am not a fighter, I am a lover... (Rodney Dangerfield)

 

Anyway, I will tell you based on MY situation and reading what Confusedmom has written, MORE of the "regret" is from "getting caught". Sure, she hates that this is happening to her family. Sure she hates that she hurt her husband. SURE she hates that now ths sh*t has hit the fan and her life will not go on as she knows it. We all know what she is about to lose. So sure, she really regrets her actions.

 

LOL!!!! who is fighting? Did you say that because I am Asian and you expect me to go "asian" on you? ----no, sir, I do not do kung-fu, karate or taekwando...Just kidding, SD!

 

OP is the only one who knows what is in her heart( or head, for that matter)...all I can gather from her posts for sure is that she is in pain, scared, and lost....and therefore, I want to tell her, "get up, don't mope around---you have things to do-children to take care, future to think about...etc...."

[Untouchable_Fire]

I would like to say that I am having alot of "feelings" for Confusedmom... Whether a "choice" or "mistake" (we have argued this a billion times), she is in the middle of the biggest storm of her and her families life. (yes we know she caused it).

Our role should be to HELP her. We should LISTEN to what she is saying. She came here searching, for what, I am sure has changed many times over the last few weeks. All we can use as tools to help her are what she tells us. Everyday, EVERY SINGLE DAY has changed for her since the very first day she came here. TODAY, she has been told "it's OVER", and that a divorce is coming. We have to try harder to put ourselves in her shoes, her husbands shoes, her families shoes, and sometimes, yes, even the OM's shoes.

So, Confusedmom, I personally am sorry that you and your family are in this storm, a storm that will last for quite sometime. Take care of yourself and your children. If you need help, get it. If you need us, we will try our best to help keep your chin up.

 

While I agree with you for the most part. I've stayed off this thread because I struggle to say something useful. Not because I can't.... it's just I don't feel she want's to listen to anything beyond action validation.

 

So... ConfusedMom. You had an affair, but that was not your fault. It was all your Husbands fault, you can't take any blame for it. Nothing you have done will hurt your family, or your children. In fact, it will make their lives better! Plus, this whole experience will make you better too, because your a great person... and we should all hope to be as good as you someday.

 

Is that what you wanted to hear?

[GorillaTheater]

LOL!!!! who is fighting? Did you say that because I am Asian and you expect me to go "asian" on you? ----

 

Hey, I love Lucy Liu. And you have to admit, it's a far more attractive stereotype than the submissive, bound-foot, not-much-more-than-chattel stereotype.

 

And no, I don't want you to Kung Fu my ass, either.