Me of All People

[Darth Vader]

As you show him the text, tell your hubby, "I had sex with OM in our house when the children were sleeping, and daughter saw OM in our house".

 

 

To add to this, you'll need to tell your hubby that you lied to your daughter to cover up the fact you were screwing another man in your husbands house, to deceive both your daughter and husband.

[samprez]

hey sam----and of course you would trust an affair partner, one who sneaks around with your spouse, one who sneaks into your house when you arn't there, one who has sex with your wife while her kids are in surrounding rooms. Yes that affair partner is to be trusted WRONG---AFFAIRS are built on deceit and mistrust by people who hide, sneak, and cheat, yes let us trust the affair partner

 

You know what's funny about your response? It supposes that because someone gets involved with an affair that they are liars and cheats about everything. Why don't we give the mm the benefit of the doubt. According to confused, he didn't ask her for anything else other than a notification that there might be a p.i. on looking into him. I've been reading through this thread and many posters have been adding their own twist to the words she posted. Is everyone that has had an affair that's posting out here no longer valid in their opinion? I mean if the a partner was giving her a heads up; what's wrong with that?

 

And Darth...man I get it that you're angry, but you need to step back and deal with what has you upset in your world. People make bad decisions and things that lead to mistakes. This woman, by the time your posted had already said she was going to speak with her H, last NIGHT and we've heard nothing from her. Chastizing her like that after all of the posts on this thread shows me more about your anger than it does about her. Right or wrong, that person who came here is an emotionally vunerable state. No need to pile on.

 

We are all here because we've either done the a thing or been betrayed, and trying to help one another. If beating someone up is the way through this, we are all in trouble. Not all of the advice is right, but it is all well intended. Let's remind ourselves of that before we beat up on an already down human being.

[bentnotbroken]

Youknow what's funny about your response? It supposes that because someone gets involved with an affair that they are liars and cheats about everything. Why don't we give the mm the benefit of the doubt. According to confused, he didn't ask her for anything else other than a notification that there might be a p.i. on looking into him. I've been reading through this thread and many posters have been adding their own twist to the words she posted. Is everyone that has had an affair that's posting out here no longer valid in their opinion? I mean if the a partner was giving her a heads up; what's wrong with that?

 

And Darth...man I get it that you're angry, but you need to step back and deal with what has you upset in your world. People make bad decisions and things that lead to mistakes. This woman, by the time your posted had already said she was going to speak with her H, last NIGHT and we've heard nothing from her. Chastizing her like that after all of the posts on this thread shows me more about your anger than it does about her. Right or wrong, that person who came here is an emotionally vunerable state. No need to pile on.

 

We are all here because we've either done the a thing or been betrayed, and trying to help one another. If beating someone up is the way through this, we are all in trouble. Not all of the advice is right, but it is all well intended. Let's remind ourselves of that before we beat up on an already down human being.

 

 

Not say everyone, but the studies show that most people when the boundaries are crossed in one area of our lives, it tends to weaken the boudaries in other areas of our lives. The longer the boundaries are surpressed, the easier to ignore them in all aspects of life.

[Darth Vader]

You know what's funny about your response? It supposes that because someone gets involved with an affair that they are liars and cheats about everything. Why don't we give the mm the benefit of the doubt. According to confused, he didn't ask her for anything else other than a notification that there might be a p.i. on looking into him. I've been reading through this thread and many posters have been adding their own twist to the words she posted. Is everyone that has had an affair that's posting out here no longer valid in their opinion? I mean if the a partner was giving her a heads up; what's wrong with that?

 

And Darth...man I get it that you're angry, but you need to step back and deal with what has you upset in your world. People make bad decisions and things that lead to mistakes. This woman, by the time your posted had already said she was going to speak with her H, last NIGHT and we've heard nothing from her. Chastizing her like that after all of the posts on this thread shows me more about your anger than it does about her. Right or wrong, that person who came here is an emotionally vunerable state. No need to pile on.

 

We are all here because we've either done the a thing or been betrayed, and trying to help one another. If beating someone up is the way through this, we are all in trouble. Not all of the advice is right, but it is all well intended. Let's remind ourselves of that before we beat up on an already down human being.

 

Who are you? My counselor? It doesn't matter when I posted, what's it to you.

[LovieDove24]

For what its worth Samprez I agree with you. We all need to sit back and wait, hoping that she did what she said she would and tell her hubby the full truth. No use beating her up more now, whats done is done. I sure do hope for her hubby's sake though that she follows through with what she says she will do.

[jnj express]

hey sam---i disagree wity you in this way as to slimeball POS continuing contact. Confused is not at present doing anything wrong, she has ended the A., she has not made contact, and is not attempting to make contact, she doesn't need to know about any PI. This is just slimeball POS way of attempting to keep the contact channel open. She has told him she will never leave her H. and there is to be no more contact, yet he is doing anything to keep contact open., and somehow draw her back into his web of deception If he loses it with his W. and that could defintely happen, he wants this channel open, he knows were it leads if he can break her down again.

[stampdaddy]

hey sam---i disagree wity you in this way as to slimeball POS continuing contact. Confused is not at present doing anything wrong, she has ended the A., she has not made contact, and is not attempting to make contact, she doesn't need to know about any PI. This is just slimeball POS way of attempting to keep the contact channel open. She has told him she will never leave her H. and there is to be no more contact, yet he is doing anything to keep contact open., and somehow draw her back into his web of deception If he loses it with his W. and that could defintely happen, he wants this channel open, he knows were it leads if he can break her down again.

 

what the hell is wrong with you??

[jnj express]

stomp---what is your problem, state what you have to say, just don't complain, everything i have said in all my posts, happens, and has happened many times before in other infidelities, what makes you the expert, that you are so holy here, and that what you ARE NOT SAYING is so right

[stampdaddy]

stomp---what is your problem, state what you have to say, just don't complain, everything i have said in all my posts, happens, and has happened many times before in other infidelities, what makes you the expert, that you are so holy here, and that what you ARE NOT SAYING is so right

 

of course it happens... and of course it DOESNT happen.. that is where I am the expert.. cause you dont know, nor do I.. so give this girl a break. she said she was going to confess, and IF she did, can you imagine what is going on as we speak (or as you yap)?

[CaliforniaGirl]

Not say everyone, but the studies show that most people when the boundaries are crossed in one area of our lives, it tends to weaken the boudaries in other areas of our lives. The longer the boundaries are surpressed, the easier to ignore them in all aspects of life.

 

I've heard/read the same thing, bentnotbroken.

[Stunned_To_Disbelief]

Boldjack...I never intended for this to happen, at all. I'm not hateful or mean to people. I've NEVER even considered anything even close to this before. I've been a good wife (til now) and a great mom. I love my kids and do anything and everything for them. I have a great mom and dad and terrific family around me. I do things in the community and all of the normal mom and dad things.

I don't think MM is a bad guy either, I think this just sort of happened and before I knew it I was in too deep. Yes, I have problems with my husband and I've tried to work on that, but this was not my ultimate solution to the problem. Can't good people do bad things?

 

Having been on your Husbands side of the coin, I'll try & Help with some questions for you to consider & You need to try and LISTEN to your answers.

 

1. You say you never intended for this to happen, so what exactly did you intend to happen when you agree'd to meet him (MM) in the 1st place? Then consdiering that, proceeded to continue to meet <then> neck, pet & then defile the home you share with your H & children ? Then before you answer.. remember after already sneaking around to meet MM you agree'd to leave kids alone ( Great mom huh? ) knowing your husband was traveling, meet again for dinner, considering past indiscretions, take him to your home, and consumate your affair in the Marital Home. Then say YOU NEVER intended for this to happen.......

2. Why are you continuing the Lie by Omission, by not being up front about the A with your H? Believe me your husband already knows, if he suspected something was afoot, all the MM wife's call did was confirm His suspicions. Cat's out of the bag, You are stewing about you, you, you and still have no regard for the damage YOU have done to them. (H & Kids)

3. How long before Husband finds out from your Daughter that someone has been in your home in his absence. You might have convinced her she didn't see what she thinks she did, but what happens when you H over breakfast asks the kids if they have ever seen another man in your home?

 

After you have answered these ??'s for YOU, since that seems to be your ONLY interest here, think about this. You started this A, nurtured it & led on your MM continually. His wife found out & confirmed, WHAT YOUR HUSBAND ALREADY SUSPECTED.Why didn't your MM keep this from happening, maybe he's upset with you ending the A. My WW other M called & told me all kinds of things to disrupt our lives because he was being cast off. (Men can be bitter when you cut of their piece of tail.) Why did MM's wife not mention the PA, Maybe she doesn't know. Which means she's being lied to still by her H. Which means, as flawed as it is he's trying to fix his Marriage. You need to stop worrying about the other M. Its time to worry about the kids (now), your husband (finally!)and Last of all your marriage (who cares, you didn't). That is the only chance YOU have to regain you own self respect. The Marriage at this point is out of YOUR hands. Though you can still have some input in its future.

 

After I found out my WW was involved with another M I made 3 decisions,

1st STD. check NOW. OM may have been your only A, but I doubt you are his. If I test positive for any STD's Marriage is Over period, end of discussion. (Deal Breaker)

2nd How to make sure that my children are affected as little as possibe by their mothers lack of regard for our family.

3rd Can this marraige be saved, what are going to be the terms, can I heal, will she change. Will I ever trust her again?

 

Hope this helps you make another, maybe better this time, life changing decision, Good Luck

[Darth Vader]

of course it happens... and of course it DOESNT happen.. that is where I am the expert.. cause you dont know, nor do I.. so give this girl a break. she said she was going to confess, and IF she did, can you imagine what is going on as we speak (or as you yap)?

 

 

I hope she doesn't get hurt, physically speaking I mean. But as we all know, this is the very reason you don't play with fire of this type, too much destruction for all parties involved.

[blueintheface]

jnj express

Confused is not at present doing anything wrong, she has ended the A., she has not made contact, and is not attempting to make contact, she doesn't need to know about any PI. This is just slimeball POS way of attempting to keep the contact channel open.

 

i agree with j on this part. was not going to reiterate it since j alreadysaid it but then .....

 

stampdaddy

what the hell is wrong with you??

 

i don't see what is so bad about what j said besides calling the OM slimeball. it's similar to what i was thinking. whether there is a PI or not is inconsequential. the A is over. she has asked for NC and he has broken it to tell her that H may or MAY NoT have hired a PI. to me, it seems like OM is trying to lure confused back in as his partner in crime.

 

are we all reading the same thread? i understand the "try not to bash the WS, confused" comments but can we refrain from bashing the posters giving advice as well? =P

[samprez]

Amazing. There are no rules to these things. If mm felt a warning was necessary give him some slack. Slime or not I'm not willing to uniformerly condem him. If he cares about her maybe he truly wanted to warn her.

 

We are all making huge assumptions here. Are all ws scum? None of us live 100% pure lives. This is serious stuff for them both. I didn't see one word from confused about mm wanting anything in return.

 

J and Darth are adults and can handle the heat if people are questioning them.

 

Everyone out here gives their best advice based on their unique perspectives. Much of it can be wrong. Only confused knows the entire truth. I remain hopeful she's ok.

[tami-chan]

Obviously, Confused is challenged in some areas---most disturbing, aside from the infidelity, is the fact that she made her daughter think she was seeing things! THAT was difficult to take. How does one go back and "fix" that? How does one undo the damage in the child's mind? and the damage was for what?

 

Anyway, did I get this right? She is NOW going to talk to her husband and come clean BECAUSE he hired a PI? I guess, she only really feels the need for "honesty" when there is a great possibility of being caught.

[Adri Ana]

Dear Confusedmomnb,

 

1- Do not break your heart reading some people`s angry posts .

They are looking at you as a potential OW trying to destroy their own families and steal their hubbies,u know .

They may feel some negative feelings to you as you do not seem good to them just because They themselves had never experienced any EA in their lives..

So , be patient reading all posts . There are many kinds of them . As there are many kinds of people and lives .

 

2- You entered a prohibited area . You knew it would not end possible good ever if you hold both men : your H and the OM .

You knew it from the very start,but you had no powers to resist .

I will not tell you that You Had To Think Before and Not Now ..Noway . But you knew it would end this alike way .

 

 

3- All I can tell you is

It `s good you decided to reconcile with your H and your OM is also doing great with his W .

If both of you are sincere in making things work with your spouses out and ending your A ,

then it may be just greeted,

and you have no reasons to fear Detectives which WoULD BE HIRED and you had to know that too . Many spouses having doubts are hiring detectives nowadays ,and when they did not do that ? tell me .. : )

 

 

 

All you decide MUST BE straight from your heart,

then your heart wont ever be broken .

You either stay with your H or destroy your marriage - do what your heart tells you,think of your kids as well , they may forgive you, but you wont forgive yourself if you hurt them ... you let them be born ,You have to care of them .

 

 

 

Good luck to you !

[stampdaddy]

Obviously, Confused is challenged in some areas---most disturbing, aside from the infidelity, is the fact that she made her daughter think she was seeing things! THAT was difficult to take. How does one go back and "fix" that? How does one undo the damage in the child's mind? and the damage was for what?

 

Anyway, did I get this right? She is NOW going to talk to her husband and come clean BECAUSE he hired a PI? I guess, she only really feels the need for "honesty" when there is a great possibility of being caught.

 

this isnt fair either.. She was "working on", with out help getting to that point.. She was getting there when this added development came into play. It gets old when people "assume" that the know EXACTLY what is going on, EXACTLY what the posters is thinking and going through.. This is a process that only started a few days ago, and now, she is dealing with this head-on (hopefully)..

[Darth Vader]

Obviously, Confused is challenged in some areas---most disturbing, aside from the infidelity, is the fact that she made her daughter think she was seeing things! THAT was difficult to take. How does one go back and "fix" that? How does one undo the damage in the child's mind? and the damage was for what?

 

Anyway, did I get this right? She is NOW going to talk to her husband and come clean BECAUSE he hired a PI? I guess, she only really feels the need for "honesty" when there is a great possibility of being caught.

 

 

You hit the nail right on the head! That's why so many people are pissed, including myself. The thing is she "can't fix" this, she's going to need IC. Her husband's going to have to spend so much money that he shouldn't have to, just to come to terms with the affair that his wife had, and he didn't even get to have any of the so called fun and excitement of the affair, he just gets to pay and pay and pay and pay............ There's a saying I've heard, "when Momma plays, Papa pays"!

 

I don't know about the PI thing, but I agree that she's only coming clean because she's going to be found out anyway, not from any "real" remorse, that's my take anyway.

[jwi71]

My sentiments exactly Stamp.

 

Confused is still in the fog. To expect perfect honesty now is simply unrealistic. It is a process and she was forced into this...please remember she did NOT confess...she got busted.

 

The PI could be a ploy or it could be her H is going after the OM with a fury. Doesn't matter from Confused's perspective. It is an outside force compelling action. It prolly does have more significance than that but Confused is unable to see it now so forget it for the time being.

 

All we can do is sit back and see if she returns and what she says if she does return.

[tami-chan]

this isnt fair either.. She was "working on", with out help getting to that point.. She was getting there when this added development came into play. It gets old when people "assume" that the know EXACTLY what is going on, EXACTLY what the posters is thinking and going through.. This is a process that only started a few days ago, and now, she is dealing with this head-on (hopefully)..

 

Stamp,I was not making assumptions. I followed her timeline. Confused said she and her husband had a "talk" (him doing most of the talking) but she did not tell him the whole truth. Granted, it might not have been a good time-but is there ever a good time for something like this? Then she said, the following morning I received a text from xOM informing me about some PI (or possible PI)--she is then more scared...then said.. "I will tell him".

 

Her posts before that were all how she was scared and worried and crying, and asking "why did this happen to me? I am a good person!"---Obviously, I can't read her mind, I can only work with what was presented here....All the pleading and good advises of "coming clean" from good-intentioned posters did not SEEM to hit home until the PI thing....I could be wrong, it has happened before...

[jnj express]

This has been a group that has taken a definite interest in this situation, we have come together, argued, thrown out our points, Confused has willingly submitted herself to all points of view. She was very regular in involving herself in the posts, and whether we liked what she did or not she is a decent human with her own wants and needs. I fear something has happened. She has not posted in 2 days, and she as i said before was always in the mix. She was going to out the PA to her H. friday night i believe, I do say this very sincerely, I do hope she is alright. D-Day #2 brought who knows what. Confused if you are still following this thread please let us know how you are, and no matter what happens take care of your self, if things have gone badly, remember you are still the children's mother and they DO NEED A MOTHER. You will survive whatever happens.

[Athena]

This has been a group that has taken a definite interest in this situation, we have come together, argued, thrown out our points, Confused has willingly submitted herself to all points of view. She was very regular in involving herself in the posts, and whether we liked what she did or not she is a decent human with her own wants and needs. I fear something has happened. She has not posted in 2 days, and she as i said before was always in the mix. She was going to out the PA to her H. friday night i believe, I do say this very sincerely, I do hope she is alright. D-Day #2 brought who knows what. Confused if you are still following this thread please let us know how you are, and no matter what happens take care of your self, if things have gone badly, remember you are still the children's mother and they DO NEED A MOTHER. You will survive whatever happens.

 

Oh dear, you mean her H might have physically hurt her?!

 

Confusedmomnb please post and let us know how you are.

[stampdaddy]

This has been a group that has taken a definite interest in this situation, we have come together, argued, thrown out our points, Confused has willingly submitted herself to all points of view. She was very regular in involving herself in the posts, and whether we liked what she did or not she is a decent human with her own wants and needs. I fear something has happened. She has not posted in 2 days, and she as i said before was always in the mix. She was going to out the PA to her H. friday night i believe, I do say this very sincerely, I do hope she is alright. D-Day #2 brought who knows what. Confused if you are still following this thread please let us know how you are, and no matter what happens take care of your self, if things have gone badly, remember you are still the children's mother and they DO NEED A MOTHER. You will survive whatever happens.

 

very well said... it is SO confusing and heartbreaking to be ANY of the 4 plus parties in this story.... and I realize that MANY emotions can be drawn out from all of us, no matter which side of the triangle we lie.....

 

nice post, and sorry about earlier

[Darth Vader]

Oh dear, you mean her H might have physically hurt her?!

 

Confusedmomnb please post and let us know how you are.

 

 

God forbid anything like that has happened. People on here are very harsh at times, of course with well meaning, but, at the end of the day no one on here would want anyone to be Physically hurt. At least no one that I've seen.

 

Words exchanged, you bet! Any day of the week, and rightly so. That's Loveshack for ya!

[soserious1]

Here's hoping that confused told her husband the truth, the full and total truth, including the fact that she had sex in his home,with his kids present and that his daughter saw this man.

 

I'm hoping that the reason we haven't heard back from confused yet is because she told her husband the full truth.. and that he threw a few of her clothes into a suitcase and dragged her to the car and dumped her off at the entrance ramp to the interstate.. so she can hitchhike home to her extended family in California.

 

Having a strange man in the house with the kids present is really bad but gaslighting the child? I totally wouldn't blame the husband for throwing her out on her ear and doing everything in his power to make sure she never saw those kids again outside of supervised visitation in a child welfare worker's office.